Ever feel like going back home and quit traveling even for vacation?

It's all relative my friend.   I, for one, am happy I moved abroad.  Have lived in many countries and made a lot of local friends despite language barriers.   So never felt like going back home.  Quitting traveling yeah as I used to travel a lot for work i.e. every week.

Happiness is not a type of expat.  I have met happy expats in all categories i.e. people who move (people like me) and people who stay put in their new country.   

Yes, it is tougher if you are on the low end of the totem pole as far as financials are concerned.  But it is natural as in your home country, you have more of a safety net if you make less money - not so much abroad.  That is one of the reasons why, I always tell people to not accept jobs or moves unless or until it is clear that is a jump up financially or career wise.  And under no circumstances, move if that comes with your having to downgrade your lifestyle.

01/17/22

bitex,

I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a hard time.  You've learned a lot from your travels, though, even if you've done it the hard way.

Next time, you'll know enough to research the country you think that you might like to visit, and I don't just mean on StreetView, although that's a good start.  By the latest count, there are 196 countries in the world, and few people want to visit them ALL, unless to say that they've done it.  Some geographies and some cultures will appeal to you, some others will not.  There's nothing wrong with that, so allow yourself to gravitate toward those countries and cultures that appeal to you.

Always try to learn at least basic communication in the language of the country where you are.  Don't just try to pick it up by osmosis -- that can be extremely frustrating.  Take some kind of course.  Talk, and don't be afraid or ashamed of making mistakes.  Listen and imitate.   Listen more than you talk.

For some people, there really IS "no place like home".  That's not necessarily xenophobia, it's just the way some people are built.  As J. R. R. Tolkien wrote, "the tree grows best in the land of its first planting".  If that's true of you, accept it, and don't assume that it means that there's something wrong with you.  Just go where you'll be happiest.  You will still have benefited from your travels.  At the very least, you'll have a better idea of why you love Bulgaria than most of your countrymen who have never traveled.

Best of luck to you.

bitex93 wrote:

Am I the only one who regrets going abroad?

No - It happens to quite a lot of people for a number of reasons. The main reason, in my experience, is they think the old country is better than the new one.
You'll notice I said "Think" rather than "is".

In other words, many expats fail as expats because of their faults, not those of their new country.

^Idk anymore, I went willing to embrace a new culture but I wasn't expecting remarks like "Your people will steal our jobs". Study abroad from hell indeed.
This requires lots of healing. Now I'm not one of those patriotic people. When my family came to see me things were a lot better. All I wanted was to have local friends, not just fellow expats.

Anyway, since there's no way to get a guarantee I'd like a specific place for now I'll stick to Street View "travels". They're free, safe and I can "visit" almost any place on earth, many times a day for months even.
I've seen more places there in Czechia than in the several months I lived in Prague for example. It's a great way to discover off the beaten path cities and towns like [link under review].

Yes, I did quit moving around the world, happily returned to my original country and might never move abroad again - but for entirely different reasons than you mention!
As a former serial expat (my profile lists only the places where I lived at least a year), I always enjoyed seeing new cultures, meeting people who were different from what I expected and having lots of adventures on the way.
At some point (at the age of fourty-something), I returned to my country of origin, switched to settling down, being a family father and renovated a nice home for the rest of my life (it's the one in my avatar). It is not better or worse, just a lifestyle choice more compatible with what I want now. My wanderlust is gone, but I am glad I saw the world as long as I was still able to do so. It made me the person I am now, because I was open for the experience and always worked hard to make the best out of it.
But I do agree, from my own observation, that many if not most expatriates fail in this - and like the OP have a miserable experience. I did a lot of reading into this (leading to me becoming a co-author of the Wikipedia entry about culture shock) and think I can give you some pointers on how to become a successful (meaning happy) expat, roughly aligned with the numbered topics in the original post:

1. Stay optimistic and focus on the positive aspects of your situation!
If you constantly think about how you miss faraway people (e.g. family and friends), you make yourself unhappy. But without them around, you are also much freer to meet new ones - make a step towards them, explore the new place and learn the language (at least a few words), you'll be surprised how fast and well it will be reciprocated!

2. Surprises (a pessimist might call them unfulfilled expectations) are part and parcel of being abroad. No amount of preparation can prevent that.
For purely practical purposes, learning as much as possible about the new location does help, but your mental wellbeing depends on other things.

3. Those who are unable to do the above (and are thus usually miserable) tend to stick to fellow expat circles and develop a hobby to complain about the host society there.
For that reason, I avoided my countrymen's clubs, restaurants and gatherings abroad as much as I could. I never had any inspiring encounters in such circles - the few fellow countrymen I built lasting friendships with were all chance meetings within the host society, where I spent the majority of my time (and consequently always had more local friends than foreigners and eventually married one of them).

4. It helps if your motivation is moving towards a desirable goal. Those who instead move to escape an existing unhappiness will often find that their problems are coming along. Many people do not realise that the reason for unhappiness is usually within us - thus a change of the world around us cannot make much of a difference!

5. Although I don't know many of them, I very much doubt (for the reasons mentioned in 4. above) that the independently wealthy are any happier than the rest of us. In fact, statistics seem to suggest otherwise.
But of course having a job you love (and the lack of financial difficulties) does help, both at home and abroad.

One thought that helped me a lot in difficult times (which of course I also had abroad) is the realization that the majority of people around me (i.e. the locals) feels o.k. and often happy with the circumstances - so if I (as foreigner) am not, it does NOT mean the circumstances are wrong, but just how I deal with them. If I change my ways (and thinking) and join them in their happiness, I will be fine.
It has worked more than once - and would possibly work for you, too!

Maybe I should just stick to short tourist visits in Europe. Most Europeans are not exactly friendly or welcoming. It's the most xenophobic continent.

1. "Your people will take our jobs" - my London host family to teenage me.
2. I also had lots of bullying due to my origin in the Netherlands. I still have PTSD when I hear Dutch. The hospital overcharged me 2000 Euros just for a single night stay and regular blood exams. Study abroad from hell.
3. Slovakia was the best but that ain't saying much. Most girls there were either crazy or gold diggers.
4. Prague people were really reserved.
That's 4 meh to bad experiences.
That's a sign y'all!

As an expat I'd prefer a welcoming place like Asia, Latin America and Africa where people are friendlier.

You are free to choose what you hate - one expat's hell is another's paradise.
I for myself love the fact that our world offers so much variety!

I certainly could not imagine going back to the UK to live. Even when I do visit I can not wait to leave. OK, Wales in the countryside isn't too bad but that's about it.

Where I am in central Europe is brilliant, I have no trouble visiting other countries for the weekend trips away on the train which is quite affordable.

I guess travelling is in my blood, from a young age every summer holiday we travelled to the Europe mainland and loved it.

SimCityAT wrote:

I certainly could not imagine going back to the UK to live. Even when I do visit I can not wait to leave. OK, Wales in the countryside isn't too bad but that's about it.

Same here but my things to miss are the tops and the amazing Indian food

I left home (London) at 15, since then I've lived and worked in many countries, I think it was 15 when I did one of the Facebook quiz thingies - I've been to more than that.  I speak 3 languages (4 if you count Latin I learnt at school but have only used in translating British Army Regimental garter bands), but I wouldn't have classed myself as an Expat, except when we moved to the Netherlands in 1994, the rest were where my job took me.  I'm surprised at how well my wife and kids adapted to living out of suitcases, they have all thrived, done Uni/College and are now settled with their own families.

Today, I'm retired and living in North Yorkshire which had you asked me a couple of years ago would not have been the case.  Anyway, Covid and having to make pension investment and tax decisions more or less left me with no option, I am where I am and I love living in the Vale of York.  Our other choices were the Netherlands or the USA where we have extended families,

Of the future, who knows.  Any trips will be of the vacation kind; having moved home so many times, neither my wife nor I have any yearning to be packing up (again).

Cynic wrote:

Of the future, who knows.  Any trips will be of the vacation kind; having moved home so many times, neither my wife nor I have any yearning to be packing up (again).

I am not sure I would even want to move in the same country, it was fine when I was younger and single with living in staff accommodation but not now especially with a house load

SimCityAT wrote:

Cynic wrote:

Of the future, who knows.  Any trips will be of the vacation kind; having moved home so many times, neither my wife nor I have any yearning to be packing up (again).

I am not sure I would even want to move in the same country, it was fine when I was younger and single with living in staff accommodation but not now especially with a house load

We've already decided that; we've just replaced all the double glazing with the new stuff A stuff (I didn't know this stuff existed); the difference it's made is impressive.  So, that's the front done, now we have the garden upgrade next to finish, then we're done.

Or maybe I've went to the wrong direction (Noth-west)?
I mean Athens seems alluring to me... there's something about it... yet I've never been to any country in Southern Europe aside from Bulgaria. Yes, I haven't been to Greece or Turkey yet, despite living next door. The closest I've been to both are Petrich and Sinemorests, both in Bulgaria. Nor have I been in Spain, Portugal, Italy...
The southernmost places I've been to outside of my country are Paris in Western Europe and Siófok on Lake Balaton, Hungary in Central Europe.
I don't know if one can judge for the expat communities in places by their Fb groups by the Athens one tells me expats in Athens are quite nice.