Navigating the emotional turmoil when moving abroad
Relocating abroad doesn't require crossing the globe or immersing yourself in a starkly different culture to trigger a profound internal turmoil. Even a meticulously planned move to a new country can stir a whirlwind of contradictory emotions and jumbled thoughts, a phenomenon often described as the "emotional rollercoaster." True to its name, this process involves a fluctuation of emotions—ranging from joy to sadness, serenity to discouragement—that surge and recede uncontrollably, making you feel them with intense vividness.
Each person's experience is unique; you may not undergo the same emotional journey as another expat. While some may adapt with surprising ease, others may find the stress nearly debilitating. Regardless of your emotional response, embracing these feelings—both the highs and the lows—is crucial for a deeper understanding of your own emotional landscape. Here are some of the emotions you might encounter during your journey abroad.
Euphoria
You're bursting with excitement, and for good reason. Whether it's fulfilling a lifelong dream, advancing your career, or moving for love, your decision to relocate abroad fills you with undeniable joy. Whatever motivates you, it's a profound cause for celebration.
Nervousness
Everything feels off-kilter. The initial joy has been buried under piles of paperwork. Your dream is now up against the relentless bureaucracy of the foreign country. The month-long wait for your visa seems interminable. You're fed up with the constant back-and-forth with immigration services and the incessant questions from relatives probing, "Still here?" and "When are you leaving?"
Pride
Despite the challenges, there's much to take pride in. Facing yet another administrative hurdle—this time, your income statement—reminds you of your diligent savings, enough to facilitate a smooth transition abroad. As calm washes over you, so does a sense of pride, humble yet profound. You reflect on the journey thus far, appreciating each step that has brought you here.
Sadness
But what will life be like so far from your loved ones? You've just received a promising update from the administration: your visa will soon be ready. Yet, instead of feeling elated, a wave of sadness crashes over you. Thoughts of all you'll miss back home flood your mind, stirring up anxiety. The nagging question arises: What if you delayed your departure?
Joy
The visa is almost here! After reviewing the letter from immigration services for the third time, it's clear: the bureaucratic hurdles are behind you, the waiting is over, and the barriers have fallen. You're fully prepared for your move abroad on a material level. Now, all that's left is the mental preparation. With renewed determination and a joy that radiates from your face, you've made your decision: you are moving abroad.
Doubt
Can you really manage living alone? Although you're not leaving the continent, moving to another country is a big step. Just yesterday, doubts about living far from your loved ones crept in. Plus, you're grappling with the language barrier—the lessons you took haven't stuck. And choosing to leave amidst an economic crisis adds another layer of complexity. This is undoubtedly your boldest move yet. Are you truly confident in your decision?
Curiosity
When it comes to choices, you're tempted to take it all. Curiosity clouds your thoughts, and a virtual tour introduces you to the top chefs specializing in your host country's cuisine. You indulge in their entire menu—a small extravagance every now and then is essential. The culinary delights of your destination stir your curiosity, prompting you to revisit your travel guides for further inspiration. With departure nearing, it's time to start packing.
Discouragement
Honestly, it feels overwhelming. Relocating abroad comes with a mountain of challenges—packing your bags is just the beginning. Everything seems to be going wrong. The apartment you need to vacate, the relentless emails from immigration requesting a document you've already submitted multiple times, the excessive visa fees, and the costly movers and plane tickets have all piled up. You're financially strained before even stepping foot in a new country. It's enough to make you reconsider your decision.
Hope
What if you took a chance on yourself? What's one more email in the grand scheme of your dreams? Yes, it's an inconvenience and adds a bit of digital clutter, but it's the last hurdle before your adventure begins. Once it's sent, you'll be on your way to a new country, ready to advance your career, change jobs, and reunite with your partner who's been waiting abroad. All your aspirations, hopes, and plans for moving overseas are about to become reality. And just in time—the plane leaves tomorrow.
How to manage your emotions
The common advice to "manage" or "overcome" emotions often simplifies a more complex reality: it's crucial to learn how to live with your emotions to build confidence. The first step is recognizing both positive and negative emotions to better understand how to respond to them. Contrary to popular belief, experiencing a negative emotion doesn't mean it must be immediately dismissed. Instead, it should be acknowledged and examined—ask yourself why you feel sad at that particular moment. Recognizing an emotion doesn't mean you must accept or be overwhelmed by it. By identifying emotions like sadness, you gain the power to decide whether and how it will influence your actions.
Embracing joy simply
Celebrating your victories is essential. Whether obtaining your visa and residence permit was a battle or a breeze, you deserve to revel in and express your joy openly. Joy shouldn't be hidden away, though it should be sensitive to the context. For instance, if a friend wasn't as fortunate with their visa application, temper your celebration out of consideration. However, you should never feel guilty for your own success.
Embrace frustrations
Indeed, you will always be "absent". You'll connect with your loved ones through screens, and despite your best efforts, you might miss important events—birthdays, weddings, christenings that you noted on your calendar but overlooked in the hustle of life.
Your journey abroad will be seasoned with frustrations too: grappling with a new language less fluently than you hoped, experiencing cultural shocks, and making mistakes, perhaps frequently, depending on your stress levels. Accepting these inevitable frustrations helps put things into perspective, allowing you to manage anxieties that may arise even before you depart. Keep in mind that not everything will unfold as planned. Instead of succumbing to pressure, take a moment to step back and adjust your expectations.
Reject guilt
Guilt may originate from within or be imposed by loved ones. It can make you question your right to leave, sowing seeds of self-doubt and undermining your confidence. Family and friends might seize every chance to label your decision selfish, exerting emotional blackmail. This guilt can distort your move into something akin to fleeing, casting you in an unfairly negative light. Remember, you are not required to accept this misleading portrayal of your actions.
Take the time to reflect
Don't wait until you've landed in your host country to appreciate the journey you've undertaken. Allow yourself moments of reflection whenever necessary. Being aware of your emotions is crucial, as moving to a foreign country demands a high level of self-control. We often tend to ignore our feelings and focus on the logistical aspects of moving.
However, acknowledging and listening to your emotions can enhance your focus and resilience. Be kind and understanding with yourself—this will help you handle the inevitable challenges that lie ahead. Taking a step back isn't about avoiding these challenges but about developing the strength to face them. Keep your long-term goals in mind, as they are significant enough to reinvigorate your purpose and enable you to approach the future serenely.
