Living abroad offers a distinct and enriching experience, but it often comes with the challenge of maintaining relationships with loved ones, including our closest friends. This includes friends from our hometown as well as those we meet during our travels and previous stints abroad. The question arises: how can we keep these long-distance friendships alive and prevent them from diminishing over time? Is it feasible to sustain genuine friendships when face-to-face interactions are rare? In this article, expats share their insights on navigating these challenges.
Staying connected across distances
The challenge of maintaining friendships while living abroad varies greatly depending on the duration of one's stay, whether it is a few months or a lifetime. Additionally, the strength of these friendships plays a crucial role.
Sebastian, an expatriate in Cork, Ireland, reflects on his experiences since moving abroad at age 20, now aged 45. "Living abroad has shown me the true strength of my friendships back home in my small town, where bonds are typically very strong. Over the years, I've seen many people come and go, which helped me distinguish between true friends and mere acquaintances. The true friends are the ones who stayed in my life, attended my wedding, and stood by me during significant events."
Fanny, currently in Amsterdam, shares a different perspective. She left her village at 23 due to boredom and a desire for new experiences. "In my twenties, I felt too young to settle down as others in my village were doing. After moving abroad, it became clear who my real friends were. I maintain regular contact with a close friend, and we make the most of our time together whenever I visit home. The others, however, have drifted into simple acquaintanceship, engaging only in superficial small talk."
Fanny adds that true friendships can also be formed abroad. "I've made wonderful friends in the countries I've lived in. Though many were fellow expatriates who eventually moved on, the bonds we formed have lasted. We keep in touch through technology, arranging visits and communicating regularly, which keeps our friendship alive despite the physical distance."
Sebastian contrasts current communication methods with those from the early 2000s, a time when keeping in touch was more challenging. "Back then, you either made the effort to call, despite the cost, or you lost touch. The internet was just beginning to change things. Nowadays, with social media and instant messaging, staying connected is much simpler. We have family chat groups for sharing news and coordinating visits, which has made maintaining relationships across distances much easier."
Both narratives underscore that while technology has simplified communication, the essence of friendship—effort and mutual understanding—remains unchanged, regardless of physical proximity.
How to maintain friendships across distances
In today's world, technology makes it easy to stay connected with friends and family globally, yet it's surprisingly easy to drift apart without noticing. Being an expat, a significant life change, often means keeping up with relationships from afar.
Maïté, an expat in Mexico, emphasizes the importance of actively maintaining significant relationships: "It's crucial to nurture key friendships by sharing updates, sending messages about your experiences, and using social media. However, personalizing your communication is vital. Public posts do not have the same impact as private messages that make friends feel valued. Engage in their lives, too, even if their experiences seem less eventful than yours. At the beginning of my expatriation six years ago, I focused too much on sharing my own stories and neglected to engage with my friends' lives, which led to losing some close friends. It was tough, but I learned from it and even managed to reconcile with a friend eventually."
She continues, "When you visit home, make your presence known. Plan get-togethers or set aside time for one-on-one meetings, depending on how many friends you have and the time available. Remember, maintaining friendships shouldn't be one-sided. The effort should be mutual, and those who truly matter will make an effort to stay in your life."
Maïté's advice highlights that while technology facilitates communication, the essence of maintaining long-distance friendships lies in mutual effort and personalized interactions.
Tips for maintaining your long-distance friendships
Maintaining regular communication
Video and phone calls: Utilize applications such as FaceTime, Zoom, WhatsApp, or Skype to schedule regular video calls. These platforms allow you to see and hear your friends, making it feel almost like you're together in person. However, don't overlook traditional phone calls—ensure you have an appropriate international calling plan if needed.
Instant messaging: Apps like WhatsApp, Messenger, or Telegram are ideal for quick, daily communication. For more in-depth updates, consider using email to send longer messages, which can include photos and videos to share a richer glimpse of your life.
Social media: Keep your friends updated by sharing photos, videos, and news on your social media profiles. This helps friends feel connected to your daily life and adventures abroad, providing a continuous link despite the physical distance.
Shared activities to enjoy with friends
Online games: Engage in online video games together. This digital venue can replicate spending time together in person, allowing for fun and interactive experiences despite being miles apart.
Streaming series and movies: Coordinate movie nights where you stream films or series simultaneously and share your reactions in real-time through messaging apps. This can create a sense of togetherness and is an enjoyable way to experience media together.
Virtual book clubs: Start a book club where you and your friends pick books to read and then discuss them in virtual meetings. This keeps the connection alive and enriches your discussions and shared interests.
Online social gatherings: Continue the tradition of online aperitifs or tea parties that many adopted during lockdowns. These virtual get-togethers can remain a staple in your friendship rituals, offering a cozy and intimate setting to catch up and share life's moments.
Planning reunions and meetings to strengthen long-distance friendships
Make an effort to visit each other whenever possible. When you're back in your home country, promptly inform your friends and extend invitations for them to visit you. Similarly, try to make trips to see them when you can.
Organize holidays or weekend getaways to spend quality time together. These can be great opportunities to reconnect deeply and create new memories with your best friends.
Even if you're far apart, find ways to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other significant milestones together. Use video calls or synchronized activities to feel closer despite the distance.
Learn effective communication techniques and give your full attention during your interactions, remembering that healthy relationships are reciprocal. If you're in different time zones, be patient and coordinate times that work for both parties.
Regularly acknowledge and express appreciation for your friends. Let them know how much you value their friendship and the efforts they make to stay connected. This can strengthen your bond and reaffirm the importance of your relationship.
