Launched in October 2017, the #Metoo movement has empowered women to speak out. Globally, women from all walks of life, both well-known and private, have come forward to expose violence against women. Central to these discussions is the concept of consent, which at first glance appears straightforward—voluntarily agreeing to engage in an activity. Yet, its application, particularly regarding women, often faces scrutiny. Common misunderstandings persist, such as interpreting a "no" as a "yes," or considering a coerced "yes" as consent. This raises a critical question: How do you, as a woman, establish personal boundaries while living abroad?
Consent and women's protection: What is the global landscape like?
Expat women often face unique challenges, with their consent frequently overlooked. Misconceptions about their approachability can lead others to disrespect their boundaries. Many expatriate women may also hesitate to assert themselves for fear of negative repercussions in the workplace, such as losing important assignments or facing professional isolation. This pressure can originate from both fellow expatriates and local individuals. The situation is exacerbated by the fact that countries vary significantly in their protection and respect for women's rights, creating a complex and often harsh reality for these women.
Consent and respect for women's voices
Although the principle of gender equality is embedded in numerous laws worldwide, practical disparities continue to surface. Expatriate women frequently share their encounters with everyday sexism in various countries, including France, Malaysia, Vietnam, Cameroon, China, Japan, Mexico, South Korea, the United States, Saudi Arabia, and South Africa. These narratives highlight a spectrum of discrimination—from overt sexism that's publicly displayed to subtle forms where a facade of equality conceals the undermining of women's contributions. Often, these women are perceived as less competent than their male peers.
This marginalization extends beyond personal interactions into professional realms. At its core, respecting consent involves acknowledging and valuing another's viewpoints and treating them as equals. Dismissing a woman's consent—be it her "yes" or "no"—effectively renders her invisible and trivializes her opinions. This widespread disregard compels women, expatriate or not, to raise their voices against injustice.
Example from Japan: Room for improvement
In Japan, the enduring stereotype of the office lady (OL), expected to teeter on heels while serving coffee and organizing documents—even when such tasks fall outside their job description—persists in conservative companies. These expectations make it difficult for employees, particularly women, to establish boundaries or voice dissent. While expatriate female employees might face these practices less frequently, their challenges are nonetheless significant.
The #KuToo movement, inspired by #MeToo and launched in 2019, challenges these rigid norms of femininity, such as mandatory high heels, and has highlighted other discriminatory practices, like the prohibition of glasses for women in some workplaces—deemed unfeminine—while men face no such restrictions. The movement underscores the broader issue of women's consent, which is often disregarded. Progress toward gender equality in Japan remains slow, with persistent sexism and sexual harassment in a country that has yet to see a female Prime Minister and where female politicians are often treated as outliers.
Learning to set boundaries
More and more women are choosing to move abroad, including travelers, entrepreneurs, and corporate employees, each with their own compelling stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, these women often face challenges that their male counterparts do not, leading to the development of "safe city" rankings for women travelers. These rankings assess factors like gender equality advancements and the protection of women's rights, with cities such as Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo, Singapore, Vienna, Helsinki, Berlin, and Montreal frequently scoring high. Scandinavian and some European countries generally perform well, with Thailand and Costa Rica also notable.
Yet, according to expat women themselves, no destination is "100% ideal." Circumstances and interactions shape their experiences. They advise against avoiding travel to destinations labeled as "unsafe." Instead, they stress the importance of conducting thorough research and taking necessary precautions. The challenge often begins in ordinary public spaces like streets, where violence can unexpectedly occur. Additionally, cultural differences, including unfamiliar customs, can significantly impact the experience of expat women.
Navigating boundaries and social interactions in daily life
How should expatriate women set boundaries, respond to street approaches, or engage in flirting in the #MeToo era? Distinguishing between genuine interest and intrusive behavior—or worse, treating interactions as conquests—is crucial. It's a misconception that only men initiate romantic pursuits; mutual consent is essential in any encounter. While cultural attitudes towards these interactions vary, generalizing by country can be misleading.
In countries like France, debates about flirting and street harassment continue to evoke strong opinions. What constitutes persistence versus aggression? Some argue that pursuing someone despite their refusal is merely part of the courtship ritual. However, many oppose this view, advocating for respecting a woman's right to disengage. Recognizing non-consent and respecting it is vital. Women, whether expatriates or locals, are adept at identifying inappropriate behavior. The presence of discomfort signals a problem.
Although expat women are not inherently more vulnerable than others, their safety depends on being well-informed about their host region. For example, in some cities, it might be unsafe for a woman to venture out alone at night or visit certain bars. Seasoned travelers recommend caution, acknowledging the real risks without advocating unnecessary fear. Adaptation to the local context and prudent decision-making are key to navigating daily life abroad safely.
Women protection in the host country
Researching the prospective host country thoroughly is essential. Key factors to consider include its progress in women's rights, legal stances on violence against women, and definitions of consent. Amnesty International emphasizes the importance of combating the trivialization of violence against women and ensuring their consent is respected. The organization supports laws that define rape based on "the absence of consent," clearly distinguishing consensual sex from rape. Notable examples include Spain's "only yes means yes" law, enacted on October 7, 2022, and similar legislation in Belgium, Germany, and Slovenia. France continues to engage in vigorous debates on this topic.
Before committing to a long-term stay, making a preliminary visit can be invaluable, especially in countries known for prevalent machismo, to personally assess the living conditions. However, such pre-move visits may not always be possible. Once in the host country, it is vital for expat women to establish and assert their personal boundaries, which should reflect their own values, not those imposed by their employer, colleagues, or local culture.
Addressing inappropriate behaviors—such as unwelcome flirting or physical contact—is crucial. It is important to assertively communicate when a line has been crossed, labeling such actions for what they are: unacceptable and potentially criminal. This proactive stance helps safeguard one's personal dignity and legal rights in a foreign setting.
How to behave at work or in society?
In professional and social settings, asserting non-consent can be as simple as choosing not to laugh at a sexist joke from a colleague or even a CEO. Women often face pressure to conform to avoid being seen as a spoilsport, a scenario that, unfortunately, can portray the offender as the victim. Setting boundaries also involves saying no to unpaid overtime and activities beyond the scope of one's contract, as well as firmly rejecting any inappropriate physical contact. Protecting oneself includes documenting evidence and seeking support from women's advocacy groups.
Building a supportive network is crucial. Expat women frequently find themselves underrepresented in leadership roles and sectors like new technologies despite these fields employing many expatriates. In such male-dominated environments, the solidarity and feedback from fellow women are invaluable. They empower each other to regain confidence and enforce personal boundaries. It's essential to understand that the right to say "yes" or "no" is fundamentally about respect. According to women's rights organizations, it is not the aggressor's place to set boundaries; rather, he must respect those established by others. This principle is fundamental to upholding women's rights.
