Another advice of love story but little different from others

Hi Paula,

Here's my little advise. You don't have to convert to Islam if you decide to get married. Secondly, since you both want to finish college first...WAIT...let him figure it out! If he comes from a well off family, student visa is not an issue. Since your here asking for advise, your gut is trying to slow you down and you obviously have doubts that only time can reveal. What's the rush?

@gigiramzi Converting is something I really want to do with or without him, marriage does not matter. I am also not rushing really into things, but after year together I would also like to introduce him to my family, to maybe visit him for the first time and at first there were no doubts at all, he is not giving me any....just reading those stories and in general talks about arabs, egyptians, africans are not good...

Meeting him and his family is a must step. You really don't know a person well until your around them for an extended period of time. How they behave around and with others; his body language. I understand how you feel about him but as you should do with anyone else, you need to get to know him more. I am Egyptian, and hold my culture very dearly but that has given me front row seat to witness many of these situations. My advise again is don't rush and get to really know him. People are able to put up a front in order to gain someone's full trust to marry. Again,  not a discouragement and advising to gain assurance on your decision. 

If you want to become Muslim regardless, put your focus and energy into that first. Living as a Muslim woman in a western country is going to be quite and adjustment for you. And then....learning how to live as a Muslim woman in Egypt is going to be another big adjustment, because it's not the same as living it in the west! And that is honestly where your bigger challenge is going to be, and how he supports or deals with you while you're on that journey will tell you a lot about who he is and whether the relationship is genuine or not. By the time you finish school, if you follow my advice, you should have all the clarity you need to make the choice about your next step. Also, visit Egypt as much as you can in the next couple years, get to know the culture and it's manners. Get to know how he, as an Egyptian Muslim man, expects you to live each day in that system, because not every man is even the same with their Egyptian wives! While all good (and bad) Egyptian men have some degree of protective or jealous nature toward their women, some will permit things that others won't. You may be able to tolerate his particular inclinations, or you may not. But you won't be able to know that without being immersed in Egypt and making as many observations as you can, as much as possible. Long story short, I can reassure you that there are many good Egyptian men, and many authentic love stories of marriages with foreigners, but I don't know any way to test which is which without time, exposure, and making your own ambitions clear and living by them.

@Paulína Palová while I don’t see any red flags in your story, one thing you must know is that, regardless of how “modern” or open-minded your friend might come across, in Egyptian culture family comes first. This means his parents will have a great impact on any decisions that he makes in life, including who he marries. And may I ask why you’d like to convert to another faith, when the Abrahamic religions already share many similarities? You don’t have to answer if you don’t wish

anyway I agree with the other replies.. you need to spend real time together. Online interaction is not the same at all and people talk a good talk

Thank you for your answers so far. I know about family thing and I can see it in his behaviour, they got many family gatherings and vacations together, that is why I made sure his parents know about me and agree with it, I should be talking with them soon myself.  Sadly spending time together is not that easy, as it is financial hard for me to come there and for him getting visa for EU is also hard, but for sure before any big decision I would ask him for some time in Egypt so I could see their culture and way of living better. Still, it would not be allowed for us to live in same house together, so it will be hard to get to know him in "western way".  About my religion, I said convert, yet I was  not believer, born in non-religious family and studying Islam and Christianity, Islam just got closer to my heart.

A a couple offering advice ... an Irish man married to an Egyptian woman for 8 years .... It is culture that will be at issue and not really religion ... It is a very very patriarchal culture ... and that is what it is and you won't change it ...  a woman is responsible to her father until she is married and then to her husband .. end of story ... She is expected to do as she is told ... anyone who tells you different is usually an Egyptian man defending how much freedom THEY GIVE women! If you are prepared to absorb it, live with it and be subservient to it then all will be great ... if not then it will end in difficulty.

Family is very much part of the culture and as a woman you not only marry the man but his family do not underestimate this, particularly his mother and sisters. This can be suffocating if you don't understand and embrace it. I have never seen a man go against his mother in matters of his wife.

I could write a lot more but my best advice is you would need to live in Egypt for an extended time and just try and absorb and observe the culture. If he is going to live with you in Europe this will compound culture difficulties as he will be as unprepared for Europe and you would be for Egypt.

Best of luck ..

Ray and Asmaa Lawlor

@Guest5932 My advice to you is, never assume that you fully know the culture of a foreign country. How can you trust someone so much that you convert to a new religion, i am sure you know nothing about, and leave everything to follow him? sorry but this is not something grown ups would do.

And I don't think he is running after getting a visa because as long as he has money, he can easily get one.

Hello everyone,

Thank you for sharing your views on this topic, however Guest*** is no longer on the website.

Regards,

Bhavna

@Guest5932

Hello

I dont really understand what is he asking you? A visa? What kind of visa? Marriage? Or what? A student visa can he get easily if he applys to universities there and get acceptance without marriage or anything. Then i wonder, have you met him personally? So if u never met him. First thing i advice you is to meet him and meet his family. Then you will know where you stand and how you feel. If he is wealthy he would invite you to meet him and meet his family and stay as guest in their house. And dont let him fool u thats his culture doesnt allow. This is nonsenss. Im arab and i know the culture. And telling u that the man must pay everything it shows that he is not educated enough to know that women and men are equal. Khadija the wife of prophit Mohammas used to pay cause she was wealthy and Mohammas was poor. Dont let those narrow minded fool you. And if u need to know more. Just ask me. And good luck

Here is my short advice

Study his society before you study him, you should understand how he lives in his natural life because that is how he will live with you.

Take care and all the best for you.