A cautionary tale

        Some of the details a little different than most cautionary tales, but the goals and results are the same.  Not that different from other tales which have been told in the end the expat finally gets the cat out of the bag.

@Brojeslov

I am very sorry to hear about this and wish you well. I would not blame yourself too much - these women can be very cunning. I have been burnt badly in the past but just moved on. One of my ex's got her sister to message me a few years ago and told her to tell me that my g/f had committed suicide. I found out after a few days that this was just an elaborate try at a scam or those were my thoughts. I guess the idea was for me to send money for all funeral costs but I saw through the scam. I even found out that my ex was married, had more children than she had told me about and I actually chatted with the husband on messenger and he seemed like a decent bloke. He also told me that she had a gambling problem (online bingo) and that she had borrowed and stole large amounts of money and done a runner from Mindanao because of the shame. My ex even replied to an email I sent her accusing her sister of making up the story but the sister told me that she was sick and tired of lying for my ex and the truth did come out. There was also I chid involved who I believe is mine but I learned that there is nothing I can do about that since she was married.

There are specialist insurers who will cover travel to areas like Mindanao even though travel is advised against by some governments. I found and used one and it worked out cheaper than a normal insurance company. I would always advise for people in an LDR to visit their girlfriends home and meet the parents and relatives but I like you did not. I have never been to Butuan but the vlogger (The Regular Guy) seems to like that area and in particular a place called Malaybalay. I am not sure it would have changed the outcome though if you had gone to her home - some of these women seem really good at hiding things.

I will say this though about Red Flags, Green Flags and signs that something could be off - You should always check and verify to the best of your ability but I do think some men can become paranoid and start looking for things that are not there. There are so many you tube videos about this subject and it may not always be good to watch too many of them.

Good luck to you moving forward and thank you for sharing your story.

@Cherryann01

My god! You've certainly been through the wringer. Your experiences make mine look tame. I am just sad about it mainly. A lot of time and energy was wasted. Money too, of course, but, hey, I'm sure I would have spent that anyway. Thanks for your thoughts.

My only rule for dating is never date a woman whose best friend is a fatty that never had a boyfriend but thinks she's an expert on men.

The problem with cautionary warning, no one believes it will happen to them. Naive people get snookered most all the time.

A second thought on that,  there some level of disbelief that it is happening to them, so they want to believe and are holding out hope.

The Philippines is a hotbed of deception, why? because it works. It's a fail proof business plan.

    The problem with cautionary warning, no one believes it will happen to them. Naive people get snookered most all the time.
A second thought on that,  there some level of disbelief that it is happening to them, so they want to believe and are holding out hope.

The Philippines is a hotbed of deception, why? because it works. It's a fail proof business plan.
   

    -@Enzyte Bob

Talking of snooker - a famous and silly quote from Ted Lowe, a snooker commentator way back in the day. (for those of you watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green ball).

    @Cherryann01My god! You've certainly been through the wringer. Your experiences make mine look tame. I am just sad about it mainly. A lot of time and energy was wasted. Money too, of course, but, hey, I'm sure I would have spent that anyway. Thanks for your thoughts.        -@Brojeslov

I would describe her as sick - I remember the first time I saw our child and staying in a 2 bed condo with my girlfriend at the time. I had booked a 2 bed so we could invite a friend of my ex to sleep with our child so we could have some privacy.  (she was like an auntie to her so knew her well). She pulled out at the last minute so my ex's sister stepped in. The really sick thing was that my ex was saying things like - give daddy a kiss, give daddy a hug, knowing full well the poor girl had never met me and had been playing happy families at home with my ex's husband.  No wonder she threw things at me when me and my ex got touchy feely.

She still wanted to carry on with the relationship after the truth had come out also, even after having her sister tell me she had topped herself.

@Cherryann01

No wonder she threw things at me when me and my ex got touchy feely.

Was that figuratively or literally Cherryann?

Your experience is one of deception with a capital D.

I recall an excellent movie from 1974 : The Internecine Project with James Coburn. One of those 1970's  mid atlantic US/British co-productions. An elaborate plot on a par with your ex's devious machinations but ultimately backfired.

I'm convinced there is an opportunity for some enterprising expat based in the Philippines to launch an investigation service vetting potential or existing spouses for the expat market.

Sub out the gruntwork of stakeouts to capable Filipinos and have an adept IT person to trawl the web and social media. You would not believe the digital footprint people leave behind.

Apparently many expats are using a premium priced dating site which I won't mention to this very end.

Thank you all for your comments and stories.  I am in the midst of my own story and only God knows how it will turn out in the end.  I remind myself to balance the cautionary tales with the happily ever after stories that I hear.  I try to keep my wits about me.  As one vlogger said so well, and I am paraphrasing here, older Western men meet a young Filipina and she showers them with attention and affection and it is powerful, healing stuff.  Here is to hoping that the good ones find and enjoy each other, if only for a time.

          The pen pal service I used back in 1993 to meet my wife was called Pearls of the Orient.  It was based in Colorado, USA, run by an American who was married to a Filipina from Cebu.  He offered all kinds of extra services for extra fees.  I took him up on buying 50 Philippines airmail stamps so I could include one in each of my letters so the girls could afford to write back.  He also offered detective work on Cebu only, your basic background check and every day observations of life style.  I did not take him up on it as I was headed to Luzon.  He told everyone they should hook up with girls from Cebu, avoid those passport hunters from Manila.  He ended the business some years ago.

When I first met her she was so beautiful that I couldn't believe my luck that she was interested in an older guy like me. For 4.5 years we communicated daily, said ‘good morning' and ‘good night', always ‘I love you'. We discussed marriage and purchasing a house for her in Butuan.

Not only did I fund her monthly allowance, education at ACLC and FSUU, and travel but I made payments for her family for emergency expenses, including motorcycle accidents, and provided cash rewards for her siblings on university and high school graduation.

The deceit in claiming her partner was her best friend relied on them using the identity and photos of innocent family members. They seemed completely oblivious to the fact that it looked like the family members were participants in the scam. These family members are horrified that they were used in this way and are victims too.

The Facebook page I was shown was locked, not in my girlfriend's name, and not the Facebook page she had shown me. She and her lesbian partner's relationship was clearly documented in detail going back years. As were their investments, including the Butuan vape shop.

I was only saved from being extorted in the sickest way, through the birth of a child as a means of money, because I had the vasectomy (which she was unaware of). If a child had been born, as father I would have been left for years in the emotional clutches of two unscrupulous people.

These people are scoundrels who will say and do anything for your money and, in this horrible case, try and produce a child as the ultimate form of extortion.

Yes indeed but i would like to pay tribute to the contributors of this thread and indeed past topics like this revealing the intricate scams some filipinas are capable of.

It beggars belief how many Forum readers are too embarrassed, understandably, to reveal similar experiences.

Why air dirty laundry? I had a couple of misnomers early days and I have stated before many times, learn to say NO at all levels, worked for me and got rid of the opportunists, new partner 13 years on and knows the word NO. Seems to work.

What many forget is that before you the foreigner came along the hungry partner survived very well until the ATM comes along. Not all but many and sometimes you need to change the password. Control? Seems sensible to me.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

    Yes indeed but i would like to pay tribute to the contributors of this thread and indeed past topics like this revealing the intricate scams some filipinas are capable of.
It beggars belief how many Forum readers are too embarrassed, understandably, to reveal similar experiences.
   

    -@Lotus Eater

Thank you for that Lotus, I fully agree with you. It would seem that all the money I sent to my ex for child support went on her online bingo addiction. Sometimes these women they are just so devious and deceitful. She used to send me pictures of everything. For example - all the stuff she bought with the money I sent her for baby essentials before the birth like push chair, high chair, etc. No doubt her husband bought these because she could hardly explain a delivery of stuff like this to him without raising suspicion. Thing that surprised me was that anything I found looking on Lazada and Shoppe, she would say it does not cost that much.

    Why air dirty laundry? I had a couple of misnomers early days and I have stated before many times, learn to say NO at all levels, worked for me and got rid of the opportunists, new partner 13 years on and knows the word NO. Seems to work.
What many forget is that before you the foreigner came along the hungry partner survived very well until the ATM comes along. Not all but many and sometimes you need to change the password. Control? Seems sensible to me.
OMO.

Cheers, Steve.
   

    -@bigpearl

I have learnt Steve, boy have a learnt but it was never really the money side of it that bothered me, just the lies and deceit.

Money aside I learnt very quickly the users and those taking the piss, I am not silly and found a better half that was working and self funded, even Australia worked and contributed, probably why we are still together? A worker and doer and while slapping me from time to time looks after me like a bad stepmother, I am happy 13/14 years on, he is also.

The old saying? "fools rush in" and the proverbial "once bitten twice shy".

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

@Cherryann01

I agree. I spent nearly 2,000,000 pesos on the girl but I don't actually regret that. For starters, I had some really amazing sex. It was 4.5 years of wasted emotional intensity and commitment that I'm bitter about. She made me believe we were building a future together whereas we were just having sex and spending money. 4.5 years is a long time to be living a lie. And, yes, maybe I was a fool but maybe I wasn't. This was a sophisticated scam. As I said they even exploited their own innocent family members to create the picture they wanted in my mind. Maybe someone brighter than me would have seen through it but maybe not

4.5 years to see you were being used/scammed? Different planet I see but hey OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

Brojeslov said. . . . I spent nearly 2,000,000 pesos on the girl but I don't actually regret that. For starters, I had some really amazing sex.

**************************

P 2,000,000 ain't "chump" change ($35,000 USD) or is it?

Let me do my fuzzy math, if you stayed home you could have a $100 dollar hooker every week for 4 1/2 years and still have 10 grand leftover.

I'm positive you could have had amazing sex amongst the possible 234 meetings.

@Enzyte Bob

I'm positive you could have had amazing sex amongst the possible 234 meetings

The OP could also have ended up with some amazing STD's. Given that his ex turned out to be a Dyke the risk would have been minimal. With the amount lost I suspect she was happy with the one ATM.

    @Cherryann01
No wonder she threw things at me when me and my ex got touchy feely.


Was that figuratively or literally Cherryann?

Your experience is one of deception with a capital D.
I recall an excellent movie from 1974 : The Internecine Project with James Coburn. One of those 1970's  mid atlantic US/British co-productions. An elaborate plot on a par with your ex's devious machinations but ultimately backfired.
I'm convinced there is an opportunity for some enterprising expat based in the Philippines to launch an investigation service vetting potential or existing spouses for the expat market.
Sub out the gruntwork of stakeouts to capable Filipinos and have an adept IT person to trawl the web and social media. You would not believe the digital footprint people leave behind.
Apparently many expats are using a premium priced dating site which I won't mention to this very end.
   

    -@Lotus Eater

If you look at the other side of that, a savvy Filipina with experience of scamming foreigners could make some easy money teaching others the art of scamming.

@bigpearl

I know what you're saying. It must be my fault. I must be stupid. And hey maybe you're right. But this was a sophisticated scam. And it lasted years. The crook's family members are devastated they were used to perpetuate it. They didn't know either. Hey, there were signs don't get me wrong. I do blame myself but maybe these guys could have fooled you

    @bigpearl
I know what you're saying. It must be my fault. I must be stupid. And hey maybe you're right. But this was a sophisticated scam. And it lasted years. The crook's family members are devastated they were used to perpetuate it. They didn't know either. Hey, there were signs don't get me wrong. I do blame myself but maybe these guys could have fooled you
   

    -@Brojeslov

You are not stupid, sending large amounts of money was a big mistake though but like you said - you can live with that. If your in a Long Distance Relationship it is impossible to know everything that is going on and sometimes you can check and go through social media accounts with a fine tooth comb and find nothing. I knew a Filipina once who changed her Facebook name using the Japanese or Chinese alphabet and I lost contact with her. You have no way of knowing what name they are using on other Facebook Accounts and all you can do is check and cross check with the account you know. Look for regular comments, likes (hearts) and cross check people's accounts that do this. You would not have been looking for a woman though, you probably never thought to do so and why would you.

I understand that there are searches you can do online to find out if people have other social media accounts linked to say an email address or telephone number. I think some basic information on some of these is free but for an in depth check - you need to pay.

it is not easy to know someone well, we must accept. When we have 'long distance' and 'money requests', though, it is a red flag, for sure. Even if she did not have a lover, I would hesitant to continuously give someone money without actually seeing where the money goes, or set a charity limit.

    Brojeslov said. . . . I spent nearly 2,000,000 pesos on the girl but I don't actually regret that. For starters, I had some really amazing sex. **************************P 2,000,000 ain't "chump" change ($35,000 USD) or is it?Let me do my fuzzy math, if you stayed home you could have a $100 dollar hooker every week for 4 1/2 years and still have 10 grand leftover.I'm positive you could have had amazing sex amongst the possible 234 meetings.        -@Enzyte Bob

I don't know where you come from, but $100 hookers would be an invitation to STDs or much worse. The decent ones were $300 and up 25 years ago (my last data point).

@Brojeslov

Pay no attention to the Pearls of wisdom being strewn before the wrong people from someone who is self-satisfied and criticizes us who make mistakes. You were scammed by experts, and it's no reflection on your judgment.

BTW, after breaking up with my mentally ill gf, I got word (I thought from her father) that she had killed herself. My friends told me not to believe it, that it was not uncommon for such false claims to be made. I demanded proof, and was given a hospital bill and a notarized document to SSS attesting to her death. Two weeks later, she confessed and seemed very upset with what she had done, even offering to turn herself in to the police. So I was only partially scammed 😜. But my friends' wisdom was well-taken: don't believe everything (this applies to EVERYTHING) a Filipina says. Most are wonderful, loving women--but some are sharks. It's too bad, I had a hard-to-find keeper except for the mental illness.

@bizwizard

don't believe everything (this applies to EVERYTHING) a Filipina says.

I am on record, having stated in previous posts sometime ago, that from the moment you step off the plane at Ninoy Aquino you 'assume' that EVERYTHING you are told is to be treated with a large dollop of salt. Whether that be trusting someone to give you directions or any Filipina who you become attracted to. It is SO easy to be taken in by those dreamy, intoxicating, bedroom eyes which will weave you into a false sense of security. In most cases there is and always will be a hidden agenda.

Wow. Deceptive little devils, but cute as hell. Caveat Emptor!

I have been living in the Philippines for more than 32 years and have seen it all. Nothing surprises me anymore.

My best advice to newcomers is:

"Enjoy the Philippines! It's a fantastic country to live in if you have the ability to adapt to the culture. If not, leave the sooner the better!  And always remember: Nothing in the Philippines is what it appears to be!"  :-)

My advice after being happily married to a Pinay for 19 years is to find someone close to your age, meet her and her family/friends in person and ask around to make sure things are on the up and up. Most of the scams happen to older guys trying to meet younger women online.   I understand the many guys say age is only a number but realistically what does the 67 year-old guy have in common with a 20 or 30 year old woman?  Let's be realistic. 

31 years between me and the better half and 14 years on as we learn each other it only improves, find the right partner, due diligence etc. 

Oh and learn the "no word".

Cheers, Steve.

@Morgacj200424 I would think (without any direct experience) that before getting into a long-term committed relationship, one would discover whether it is possible to have reasonable, intellectual conversations on shared topics of interest. That's the main issue that I see with "May - December" relationships. Does she appreciate The Beatles and Rolling Stones? Do you appreciate Taylor Swift and BKS?