In-laws family to keep asking for gifts when they never give any

Last activity 21 October 2024 by secedit

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ashtray9New member08 October 2024 17:46:21

I'm a foreigner son-in-law, my parent-in-laws are very wealthy, with a lot of properties, just in rents that bring them more than 4/5 times more than what I earn. Now every time I travel, I bring gifts for the entire family, fancy bags for mother-in-law, super expensive drinks for father-in-law; toys and sometimes jewellery for the nieces. Last time, they asked for what they wanted, they were quite expensive and I thought it was because these were not available everywhere, and it was a special occasion. Now they have started asking for more gifts for our next visit. They even asked me to pay for a family holiday and foods while they only want to cover for a dinner two at max.

Looking back, I don't recall them getting anything for me, not even at the our wedding, except for a tea box over 3 years ago that cost no more than $10. Only thing that they paid for is one small reception at their place, but I asked them keep the weeding gift to make up for it. Where I am from, people make efforts to show that they appreciate by giving gifts even if that less than 1% of the value of what they received, or making some food or sweets. I love my wife, she loves my family and cares for them, specially my mom, making time to call her regularly. I love being generous, but feels like they are now treating me like an ATM. Particularly surprising when they are wealthy. This cannot be common, is it?

VanericActive member08 October 2024 19:45:51

My wife is viet as well. We have stopped buying gifts for family members for quite some time now. We do how ever take everyone out for family meals and local trips.

Which is much better. No one gets left out unless they do not want to go. If family are already wealthy sounds like they are selfish. See what happens when you do not buy anything.

Aidan in HCMCVietnam Expert08 October 2024 23:12:30

3364

...This cannot be common, is it?
-@ashtray9

No, it isn't.

Now then, what should that tell you?

snake77Serial expat09 October 2024 12:17:56

288

What to say, hmmm

Maybe

1. Your fault to start off with setting the benchmarks (fancy, super expensive gifts).

2. Best to be honest and either tell them or if there's a language barrier, at least tell your wife that you cannot afford such expenses and/or clarify your financial situation.

3. Giving gifts is not just good but also a way to show respect and that you care. For me, that means nr1, smart/educational toys or things like books for the kids, showing that you care about them, then maybe local specialties like food, snacks, beverage, tea etc from your home country, this allows them to share and enjoy together, as well as try/taste something "exotic" or maybe even some sort of health care products, which also signals that you try to provide help or support and care about them.

If that is not enough, I'd cut all ties and tell em to get lost.

Contem talkSerial expat09 October 2024 12:19:14

487

@ashtray9

I glad your awareness that you are already an ATM for them. I recommend letting your wife handle her family, while you focus on discussing this matter with her.

seceditActive member21 October 2024 12:15:00

@ashtray9 You must be mad. Forget the comments about showing respect - all nonsense. Keep your cash safely in your home country.

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