Reverse Culture Shock

Picture it......Jan last year
Me at airport crying in hubby arms, about going home.He says stay then, but you cant as visa about to expire and you have job and house back home.
Plane takes off....too late to shout 'I changed my mind plz'.
Cry the whole 8 hour flight. get through customs after they do additional checks on you when your name flagged up
as you lost your passport the year before when you last visited.
Get to mcdonalds and have a meal as your starving, it does nothing for you.
16 months later you still know you should have stayed there.

At work my uniform has company name on the back in bold letters, because i ware a hijab i get asked ...do you work here, or they talk slowly.
One of these days im going to say 'No im just wareing the uniform for fun.

I feel exactly the same when I visit my home country. (Jakarta, Indonesia).

I have lived away for almost 11 years now. Whenever I visit, I feel like I am disconnected from everything. It stresses me out sometimes when I'm there, things are just way different. Of course I can speak the language, but I its a bit awkward interacting with my own 'kind' I constantly have to watch what I say and do, because I think and behave differently.

when i was in pakistan and met husbands sister and cousins [women]they could not beleive i shaved legs and plucked eye brows.
same when i i was introduced to the women of the village i was visiting,

I have been back to my home country earlier this year and after all, I still couldn't adjust myself to the lifestyle we have here. It's a shame really, considering I spent 15 years of my childhood here.

Probably it's because I spent those crucial years 17-23 in England, it became a real home to me. Kinda regret my decision to quit my job in England and return to Vietnam. People's perceptions are so different and somehow the freedom to do what you like doesn't really exist anymore.

It's not hard to make friends but hard to make real friends, who really understand what you're going through, emotionally of course. I tried to hang out with Expats but at first they all think I do that because I want to learn english or something, haha. Can't wait to leave the country and be a loner somewhere else where people are less nosy about your personal life. Probably Australia? x

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

I just came back to Hong Kong from a trip back home.  After over a year in Hong Kong I thought there might be some reverse culture shock when I went home, but it was all good.  Maybe because I wasn't really gone that long or maybe because home always feels like home while Hong Kong never has.

A year is not really that long.. Most people experience reverse culture shock after 5+ years of living away from home.

Went back home for 6 weeks last March. Most of the time all I thought about was being back in Asia. Kind of a strange feeling for not belonging in my own country. Is weird, hard to describe.

it happened to me few years ago..i am an Indonesian,but living abroad in several countries since i was 5 y.o (now i'm 29)..i don't feel like Indonesian when i get here..i even found it was hard for me to communicate in bahasa..

Wow, there are so many who feel the same way!

I've been struggling with this for a few years now.

I am daily singled out - "so where's your accent from?" - I don't mean to complain but after so long it's just a reminder that I don't fit in  here...always the outsider even though I'm rarely singled out in a negative way.

When I call friends and family back home - "Hahaha....you said mobile instead of cell phone!" - again, don't mean to complain but after so long it's again, just another reminder that I no longer fit in there either...they don't mean to make me feel this way of course, but it's an inevitable part of exchanging your culture for another.

It is a very odd feeling not feeling like you fit in anywhere and it's nice to know I am not alone in this.

Hi All,

The following is a posting of mine on the Brazil Forum about Reverse Culture Shock, you might find it quite helpful.

******************************************
So, you’ve been living and working here in Brazil and now it’s time to go back home.  Be prepared to experience Reverse Culture Shock and know how to deal with it. Maybe you’ve only been here for a few months or perhaps you’ve been here for years, chances are that you will experience Reverse Culture Shock to some degree. Obviously, that all depends on how long you have been here and your adaptation to the Brazilian culture.

To understand Reverse Culture Shock you must understand that it is very real and that in most ways exactly the same as the Culture Shock you experienced when you arrived here. Culture Shock has four phases and three possible outcomes, which I will briefly describe here.

Honeymoon phase – This sets in the moment you arrive, everything is new, different, exciting and beautiful. This phase lasts for the first few months, but like all honeymoons it will eventually come to an end.

Negotiation phase – Usually anywhere from third to sixth month following arrival. This phase is typified by trying to make the mental negotiation between aspects of your old home and culture to your new home and culture.

Adjustment phase – Usually anywhere from six months to one year, this is where you actually have accepted your new culture and start making the adaptations to harmonize it completely with your old culture, traditions and habits.

Mastery phase – This is the phase where you have successfully adapted to your new home and you are integrated into the culture and society, you see yourself and interact with those around you as though you were one of ‘them’.

The three possible outcomes of the adaptation we know as Culture Shock are as follows:

Rejection – This happens when one is completely incapable of accepting and rejects the culture, traditions, ideas, etc., of the host country. These are the ones for whom going back home is the only answer and they usually do so quite quickly. Oddly enough, these ‘Rejectors’ are the very same individuals who tend to experience Reverse Culture Shock to a greater degree following repatriation. Nobody can really determine why this is the case.

Adoption – This happens when one adopts all or most of the aspects of their host country’s culture and incorporates them into his/her daily life, almost losing all trace of their ‘former’ self. These ‘Adopters’ generally end up staying in the host country for the rest of their lives.

Blending – This occurs when one accepts most of the aspects of their host country’s culture and blends them with aspects of their ‘home’ country culture. They become truly cosmopolitan.


Repatriation and Reverse Culture Shock

You will experience all or most of the same phases with Reverse Culture Shock that you went through with Culture Shock upon arrival. It may set in the moment you set foot on home soil or it may strike shortly afterward. You will feel like a ‘foreigner’ in your own country – a fish out of water. In order to successfully repatriate and re-integrate into your ‘home’ culture you need to understand six things.

You’re Different – You are NOT the same person you were before you left home. Your experience has changed you and for that reason you may not be able to simply accept certain aspects of your home culture anymore. Your friends may not be able to accept the changes in you or they’ve changed in different directions too, so don’t just assume you will go right back to the way things were before.

Your ‘Home’ Country has Changed - Time moves on and everything changes. No matter how short a period of time you have been away it will never be exactly the same as when you left. Don’t expect that or you will be in for a very big letdown. People you know have married, moved away, businesses have changed hands or ceased to exist, familiar locations have been changed to a point where you hardly recognize them anymore. That is usual.

Most People Don’t Care About Your Experiences – That’s very true in most cases, so save your story telling for your closest friends and don’t make every conversation about your travels. Otherwise, your family and friends will become bored quite quickly and begin to avoid you. Don’t ‘turn off’ your conversations about your experiences completely, just find a suitable balance.

Re-Connect With People and Make New Friends – While it is very important to re-connect with family and old friends, it is equally important to establish new friendships upon repatriation. This keeps the experience ‘new’ it helps you not to fall into a boring routine. You will find out shortly after your return home that some old friends have fallen by the wayside, so you need to replace them with new friendships.

Sensory Overload – Be prepared for the barrage of ads, commercials, sounds and sights once you get home. Perhaps you were living in a small town where it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and you are returning to the hustle and bustle of a big city, or vice versa.

It’s Okay to be Confused – You don’t have to feel bad about nor do you need to hide your confused feelings for being back home. They are completely natural. You may find that you even dislike certain aspects of your home culture that you were completely comfortable with before or never noticed before. You do not need to feel like a ‘traitor’ because you no longer see home as being PERFECT.

Cheers,
William James Woodward – Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

totally...........

Some time during my 49 years away from Australia I morphed from an Australian expat into an English expat - because most of the friends I made overseas were and are English. Also because we have lived in England and visited there so often. I was last in Oz in 1995, and don't feel a need to go any more. Just the other week I put a post on my personal blog mentioning a few incidents from my childhood on a sheep-farm in Queensland; I felt no sense of identification with the life I was writing about.

My son, who was brought up here in the Caribbean and went to boarding school in England, now lives in Norway. He comes home to Cayman as a filial duty, but the culture-shock is too strong for him to stay. I would be very surprised if his children were to be Norwegians all their lives. It's easier to move about the world than it's ever been. Parents, be warned!

Sion2001 wrote:

It's really a good topic. I'm a Chinese living in US. I feel I don't belong to either place. Chinese think you are not Chinese any more. American think you are not American. I think this group of mixed culture background is increasing and I'm proud of it because we are unique.

Do you still feel like a Chinese ?

Tôm Càng wrote:

Same here. It take at least 1 week to re-adapt myself and when I feel fully fonctional, it's time to take the plane back.
The first year I had a thermic shock too by the way. I made the mistake to be back for Season Holidays (you know, pressure from the parents "oh, X-mas gonna be so sad without you..." sigh, sigh). So you fall for it and buy your ticket. From Saigon (35°) to Paris (-5°) with your short-leaves shirt, freezing yourself out while waiting for the bus at 5am. No, thank you, not again. Summer's better...
Then comes the moisture shock : it drop from 85% to something around 40% in Marseilles. My skin starts drying almost immediately. With a good day of Mistral, I'm sure to start peeling too.
All of that to finish in front of the TV, watching stupid programs on X-mas Eve with your glass of champagne.
Definitively not a good idea...

Ahh, but at least you got to see your family! Still, I understand where you're coming from. There's a point for any expat when you realize that what they always said is true: "You can't go home again".

when i am home i wannabe here..when i am here i wannabe be home...cant win

exactly what i felt,everyone wearing sports foota shirts,kids shouting,mums shouting at kids,shops boarded up or too many pound shops,charity shops,its really bad,where will it end,i feel sorry fo my nephews,they are the same,very materialistic,electronic games etc
shame,does kids climb trees or knock on mates doors to come out and play anymore?
I think i,ll stay in languedoc this xmas!!

This forum is "home"!.

Being away for more than 5 years and visit the family every 2 years makes me feel a total stranger. Although we chat everyday, being with them is completely different feeling. I feel sorry for them that they have to adjust (according to them) but so do I. The worst part is, it always end up in argument. I always spend 2 months during holidays and thinking of cutting it to a month. hopefully, it will be better.

Morose.

Hi Senith,

Can I ask you a question are you expat working on a company assignment or was this a personal choice?

Hi WJ Woodward,

I'm currently working on a thesis for Grad school about Expatriates working overseas and their challenges that they faced. I dedicated a whole chapter to culture shock and repatriation as well because I personally feel some companies
do not take challenges that expats faced seriously. I never been worked overses before but I do know through research their are some serious issues that should be addressed. And I agree coping with culture shock is definitely one of them.

I feel the same when I came back to Jakarta. I felt that people have changed.
Though it gets better after a while.

bb05 wrote:

Hi Senith,

Can I ask you a question are you expat working on a company assignment or was this a personal choice?

Hello bb05!

To answer your question, it is my personal choice.

Senith

I do agree with you. I just come back to Panama in August of 2012 after being studying there. now Ive come back all is stranger to me. people seem to be less friendly to me. I miss all I lived in Florida, my friends, the food there and the time I shared with my professors. now I think as you do. I feel I dont belong to my country anymore. I am wanting to either go to Canada or back to US. I am still in that reverse cultural shock. another fact is that when you see how life is in your country. you immediately thing  on those good time you have when abroad.  plus I havent found a job yet, so that complicates things even more.

I think thats what happened when we feel at home to the place we  live at the moment,imagine we have work and made friends and meeting new people along the way .

Now that you bring the subject up, I'm about to leave and go back to the States, and I am wondering how different things are goiong to be after living here in Jordan, Amman. being a woman and married to a middle eastern man living in a culture that is so different from what I'm use to. I'm wondering after having to program myself to do and say things acordingly to the culture here.  what is it going to be like after I return back to the states? I guess time will tell.

absolutely true. 
I heard this from many friends who went back to their countries, mostly USA and said the same thing about reverse cultural shock. 
The best we do is to prepare ourselves from the start of traveling abroad to absorb the 2 different cultural values, our own and the foreign culture.

Mohsen

When I last returned to England, all the cider was frozen, everyone smoked outside, there was a KFC in town and some nonsense called Stella 4 was being made and sold.
That was in 2010.

After 2 days in the freezing cold listening to everyone moan and  explain Eastenders to me, I wanted to return back to Indonesia.

I do miss home but perhaps the thought of being home sometimes outweighs the reality?

I like it here in scotland, now my husband is here. I can make my house a home for us.
If he was to ask me to move back to pakistan or other country i would without a dought.

I wish you the best in ur school work. yes I have been abroad. when you arrive in that new country, in my case USA you wow yourself by all the nice things you see, the people you know and all that, but once you realize that you seem not to fit in that new environment you kind of feel rejected and to some extend confused and frustrated. I call this the parachute syndrome, since you drop in an unknown place for you, with new people, demeanors and deferences in language you get to think "what the hell am I doing here?" the problem with me was that I was refusing to accept change around me and that same change was choking me. what I did was to accept that change, but to accept it you have to focus yourself on doing that. nowadays I say that I am glad I did so. some of my fellows couldn't cope with that and came back to their countries. but i think the reverse shock is even worse.

hope you can do a great job in that thesis. looking forward to reading that chapter about cultural shock.
kind regards,

wow, this thread has been here for quite a while, fast forward to 2013, there still is the reverse culture shock despite the technology in communication.

My wife and I have been in Jeddah for 2 years, and when we go back to Manila, we just dont feel that we would be happy to stay there longer than 2 months.

And yet here, we learned to adjust to the culture, we still cant speak Arabic, but we are fine with it.

Maybe its not reverse culture shock anymore, maybe its Growth, or Moving on or something....

Hope everyone's doing well!

the all things up to you''''''''

how you think about all of them;;;;;;;;;;;;;

whenever you go outside take is easy....enjoy the culture, people behaviour, and trying to learnt different things..........

you just gone outside for your work or for little bit time and not for permanently............

so accept different things, learnt and enjoy.....

it means you are learning a lot of things.....

and you can face for challenges in life that other how generally get irate from different culture.......

Hi!

Yes, it happen to me when I went back to Mexico after living 5 years in Germany. But a little bite worse, because I tried to speak Spanish and I mixed German words, and my accent was like a German, who speaks Spanish

Everybody complained that I became more direct to say things, a kind of rude fr "our " way to express ourselves...

I read something smilar about a German who went to live to Mexico, he missed Germany, went back, and after he missed Mexico. A strange, but normal phenomena!

Besos

j.echo wrote:

wow, this thread has been here for quite a while, fast forward to 2013, there still is the reverse culture shock despite the technology in communication.

And it will still exist in 2020.

I've recently been discussing this topic with some expats over here in Poland. I think that it is inevitable that you absorb the culture of the place where you are living and when you go to Britain you tend to see Britain (or any other home country) through the lens, or through the partial lens, of that country. I sometimes think that the only place that I truly feel at home is on a flight from Poland to Britain somewhere over a "neutral country"   

I was born and raised in NZ but only go there now to visit my elderly dad. If it was not for him I would not go there at all.

I am now based in Laos but work away overseas in various countries, going there to spend time with my family when I have  my leave breaks. Laos is now home for me.

Though I am not yet an Expat, I can relate to this thread. I grew up an hour outside of NYC in a very nice part of Suffolk County on Long Island. Almost eleven years ago I moved with an ex to Florida.  I have never "fit" here, but when I travel north to visit folks who are still there, I find that not only do I not "fit" up there either, I have begun to think I never did. I have always been interested in foreign languages and especially cultures,  though most around me never were. I am starting to think that there are a group of us humans who are literally global citizens.  There is a possibility that, though we are taught to value the concept of "home" for us it never truly exists in the same form as it does for some other people.

alady wrote:

Though I am not yet an Expat, I can relate to this thread. I grew up an hour outside of NYC in a very nice part of Suffolk County on Long Island. Almost eleven years ago I moved with an ex to Florida.  I have never "fit" here, but when I travel north to visit folks who are still there, I find that not only do I not "fit" up there either, I have begun to think I never did. I have always been interested in foreign languages and especially cultures,  though most around me never were. I am starting to think that there are a group of us humans who are literally global citizens.  There is a possibility that, though we are taught to value the concept of "home" for us it never truly exists in the same form as it does for some other people.

amen to that....

OOOOOh  yes.!!!!!   I travel from Egypt to U.K. twice a year and it is worse every time. Totally agree about rudeness of shop assistants AND train staff, especially when I am veiled.    I find people to be so small minded now....perhaps due to lack of knowledge...or simple jealousy.
U.K. has changed for the worse, and I can,t imagine living there again.  Services are hopeless, health care dreadful, education is now of very poor standard for most children and back up services for those in need are almost non-existent.
Youths swearing on every street corner in many cities and towns and general mallaise all over the country....and I visit many places when I am there to see family.
Makes one wonder what is becoming of the country.???
There is not even the bonus of friendship and welcome which the Brits were famous for.   My husband was appalled by the lack of community spirit where we visited.....he witnessed a lady being knocked off her feet by thugs and nobody helped her and he was sworn at and threatened when he tried to help. Police did NOTHING......didn,t even take his name for report on thugs.....they said it would be waste of time, as nobody recognised them......in a town of 3 Thousand people????/    What can I say.
Fatma.

Ahhhh yes!  I am a first time expat and have completed my first year.  I just returned home a few days ago to the US.  Upon returning, I stopped at our local grocery store.  I was STUNNED at the amount of processed foods (many that we've purchased out of convenience) when we lived here.  I saw all the fast food restaurants with drive thrus making it all convenient.  Finally, I stood in the store looking at all the obese Americans, soooo many.  I"m not judging, just sharing an observation.  Any upon arriving in the airport, I too thought, wow my fellow Americans look so unhappy and seem so cranky....Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Safe travels!

Hahaha! This is my first time home as an expat.  It's been a year.  As I walked through the grocery store I was amazes at all the processed foods (many of which I use to buy). Kind of sad

I can relate to what you are saying about the internet being a window on how much your country has changed while you were gone.  I wonder where our humanity and care for our fellow American has gone in the over a decade we have lived overseas.  My husband I long for home, but I'm afraid what we are longing for is a memory rather than reality.