Reverse Culture Shock

Can someone please tell me what on earth has happened to the u.k in the last year or so????   I have been here for a month ( longest stay for some years) and I am appalled at the lack of manners, poor service, and general ''don't care'' attitude.  From railway staff to shop assistants to waitresses, to national service companies including telephone suppliers, to natioal health organization. A senior member of my family was extremely ill and left on soiled bed until family arrived to clean him up and change bed. When staff were approached, we were told THEY DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAN HIM UP.    Many other insulting and degrading comments because we are Egyptian Muslims, and I thought the country of my birth had a no tolerance statement about racism.    May Allah help us all if this is the attitude.

fatma0206  I am sorry to hear of your experience.  One can only take comfort in knowing that not everybody you meet will be as callous as this.  Best wishes for a better outcome for all of your family.

I forgot to say in my earlier post (last year) that we spent a year in Perth, Western Australia, in 1971, having lived out of Oz for eight years in total - in England, Canada and Bahamas - from the ages of 23 to 31, and childless. My wife and I are from Queensland and Victoria, respectively, but technically Perth was "back home" in that it was the same nation.

We enjoyed our time there - but mixed mainly with expatriate Brits because we found we had more in common with them than with Aussies who had never lived outside their home nation. We had experienced the same sort of thing on earlier short-visits. Mention of adventures in foreign places were just plain unwelcome, being regarded as showing-off. Much safer to talk about last night's telly or last weekend's football.

The year in Perth pretty much cemented our decision not to settle back in Australia. Our next home was New Hebrides (now Vanuatu) in the South Pacific, which I have written about in my blog in October 2012 (When the clock struck four) and November the same year (Aiding and abetting adultery). Those posts are not strictly on-topic, but they do clearly illustrate how alienated we had become from the idea of settling back in our homeland.

I moved to NZ from SA 10 years ago and longed for SA tastes and flavours. Fortunately where I stay has a lot of SA products but when I went back I found that my tastes had changed a bit and some of the things I longed for were not as satisfying. Even the biltong is better in NZ!

Totally...
I´m brazilian. I lived one year in London. I came back to Brazil but I can´t stand living here anymore... I don´t feel mysef " at home"  here...

[Moderated: no free ads pls]

oh. but  why

I digress. On the topic of reverse culture shock, it exists. I think it reflects the amount a personal change a person has underwent abroad. When the traveler returns, they have changed, but their surroundings much less so. The feeling of "shock" means things suddenly feel out of control.

I'm offering a free psychological intervention to treat culture shock in business sojourners in the Bay Area, the first of its kind, as part of my dissertation research. This is an understudied population in need that typically doesn't get heard! Expats are often "Godfathered" or talked into taking international assignments that they really can't turn down. If anyone wants more information about my study, send a personal email to s.root@sofia.edu!

I have been travelling as a youth. I completely agree. Although, in some circumstances it is good I feel. I used to live in America when I was younger and spent a portion of my life there. Now I am back and it is depressing. At least in other countries they have arts, culture, people are more genuine with their word. Here everything is superficial, flaky, and people only talk to you if they feel they can gain something. I never wanted to step foot back on this soil. Life has made it otherwise at the moment.  I hope that changes soon. I would rather live in Japan for example, and know I am a foreigner and know what to expect then live in a place where everything is backwards and hypocritical.

Every place is what you make of it.  If you have nothing but contempt and hatred for the people of your host country, you're never going to be happy.

I don't hate the people or country I hate living here. There is more to life and it is not here, especially in the South.

Most countries don't care about the country and people here. It is having to deal with it that is the issue.

Feel free to look at global surveys about the opinion of America and the people, especially amongst European countries. There has been a dramatic drop since the 2000's. The truth is hard to swallow but it it better than a lie.

Carl Jung said:

All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble. . . . They can never be solved, but only outgrown. This “outgrowing” proved on further investigation to require a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on the patient’s horizon. (Jung in Jacoby, 1959, p. 302)

Jacoby, J. (1959). Complex/archetype/symbol in the psychology of C. G. Jung. New York: Pantheon.


Traveling de-ruts me, but then again, I've never not traveled. I'm a Third Culture Kid...and my last name is "Root," no less; what a joke. I love being able to dip in and out of cultures; I think loneliness (non-pathological) is close to Godliness.

My "heimat" is Germany; Heidelberg's as close as it gets, yet my German-speaking is at an elementary level. Born in Bonn I grew up in America with a German mother with an Australian accent and an American father who grew up in Germany. Every year we traveled to Germany and Switzerland to be with my Dad's parents for 1.5 months at a time. I started each school year studying on my own, only to join my American classes around Halloween time. I really did myself in then when I outpaced my classmates and was skipped ahead a grade.

But the thought-feeling is: I'm not giving up this search for home!

My wife and I just moved to Glasgow. I had to come back to the Bay Area to collect my dissertation data for my PhD. Home now feels like Scotland. Meanwhile, I'm living smack-dab in Silicon Valley, trying to recruit culture-shocked business sojourners, expats, and foreign workers to experience an ancient mirror-meditation procedure originally designed for bereavement but through my efforts adapted to treat acculturative distress. Just for fun, check the study out at: (any comments on the study??)

www.mirror-meditation-study.webs.com

Sam Root in Santa Clara

That's weird. I thought my last message was being posted in another forum. I didn't mean to "plug" my study on culture shock in expats a second time on this forum.

I want to open the discussion up on the topic of loneliness. Being a habitual cultural outsider allows me time to really learn about myself. I try not to socialize out of a need to quell loneliness. I like to bring something new to the table, not just act out of some cultural script. I don't know how to respond when people in California continually ask me: "How are you doing?" It's such B.S. What do I say?

Don't usually bother with these forums but as its holiday time here in Saudi, (Eid al Adha) I have some time on my hands.

I scrolled back on this link and found that this topic has been going since 2006. So obviously it strikes a chord with many of us Expats.

For me I have been a foreigner, if not an Expat, all my life. Born and brought up in Malawi, I was a "white man" i.e. never really accepted. I went to school in Zimbabwe where the kids from Zambia and Malawi were considered somewhat inferior, a bit like country bumpkins.

School in UK in 79. This was at the height of anti-apartheid so being white and from Africa meant being immediately branded as some kind of racist bigot. Never mind what my opinions where there was no room for debate. There rarely is with radicals.

Even without this problem I seriously struggled to adapt to the British culture, which I found to be incredibly materialistic and shallow. (Teenagers are notoriously judgemental).

University in UK was less of an issue as we all were focused primarily on working hard. Unusual I know, but our course makeup was different, having people who were there to actually learn stuff  rather than just to pass time between hangovers.

Next stop Scotland for 4 years where I was of course, an ENGLISHMAN. Actually felt more at home there than England.

Then Cyprus for 9 years where I saw first hand the archetypical "whingeing Pom", as the aussies would say. Many people were there for the sun but had nothing but contempt for the culture of the Island that they chose to live. Depressing.

Greece for 12 years was easiest to adapt to. maybe because there were not that many expats there. The attitude to life was very healthy, a mixture of anarchy and a determination to enjoy life. Contrary to popular opinion I found the greeks some of the hardest working people I have come across and it was easy making friends, despite the language barrier.

Back to the UK for one year (North wales). Considering my antipathy to Uk as a teenager, I found this much easier than I expected. I was shocked though at the attitude of the younger people. For the majority, life seemed to revolve around excessive alcohol consumption and well...? nothing much else.

Now I am in Saudi. Very definitely a foreigner but then most of the working population here are.

The base reality of living abroad for expats is that we are here by choice and for every homesick moaner there are always those who choose to make the lost of there lives, enjoying what they can in their host countries while they are there. But no matter how long you stay in a country you can never be truly integrated as culture is absorbed from birth not learnt as an adult.

At the end of the day, though,  every culture rubs off on you and once you are taken away from your roots and exposed to new cultures then you will never be able to really go back to your home country without viewing it with a new eye.

My advice: Just treat the homeland as a foreign country and get on and enjoy.

I'm going to take some time to digest this narrative. Wow. Thanks.........

yup. Long winded I know. But bottom line is that once you leave a country to live elsewhere then it will always seem foreign when you return.

bodaqua wrote:

yup. Long winded I know. But bottom line is that once you leave a country to live elsewhere then it will always seem foreign when you return.

Is that always true for everyone?  I would think different people have different experiences.

I am sure you are right. Everyone has their own experience. Most of my friends (expats) have the same feeling of dissatisfaction (or more like disorientation) when they return home.

Reverse Culture Shock...just want to make the story short: at first I was very genuinely shocked, had a hard time dealing with it, then after trying to cope with the whole thing again made me realized that am not the same person anymore, so I guess living your new life by doing your best is the only way to get through it.

-Dewi-

Living the in Gun crime capital of Europe and seeing a marked increase in gangland killings, honour killings and now even more eastern european crimes becoming an increasing part of lives here in the UK not to mention the petty crime that is spiralling out of control with the huge gypsy populations flooding in the UK my russian wife and i bought around 17 acres of vineyard just outside Lom in the north overlooking the Danube river ....its beautiful and isolated ideal to escape from the cesspit that has become Britain.....or you would have thought....i have recently had news that the houses on my property have been broken into and pulled down for the building material, one of them a 3 storey house, even the posts supporting the rows of vine have been dug up and taken what an absolute disgrace, no advert to move to bulgaria is it.....along with the houses our dreams have also been ripped down, i am really angry at the moment and wish i could get my hands of this wortless scum and introduce them to MY JUSTICE.....
is there any advise that anyone can offer as my wife is so upset by what has happened that she is refusing to entertain the idea of even visiting the property now....

Tay. Surely always and everywhere it's risky to own an unguarded property a long way from where one lives. My advice (well, you know what they say about free advice...) is to try not to blame the entire Bulgarian nation for the crime - and to either hire guards for your property there or to sell up and buy somewhere a bit closer to home. Hey, my wife recently bought a fixer-upper house ten miles from our home, and I live in fear of the materials being stolen by vandals. I'm too cheap to hire a full-time guard!

It sounds as though the local Police were uncooperative. If so, that would be a genuine argument in favour of selling up.

Good luck to you. (It's not really "reverse culture shock", though, is it?)

This is an interesting topic. It is interesting to find that expats from other countries feel that too. My Chinese friends and fellows always feel that whenever we go back to China. All of a sudden, we all notice things that are not that good. This is weird.

Its so normal when you have been living abroad. When you first arrive in the new country there are all these differences, but over time you adjust and it becomes normal. Immerse yourself in that long enough and any changes will feel strange. When I went back to Australia for a trip it felt surreal, my ears were hurting for a week because it was so quiet (no traffic), the sun was too bright (no pollution)I was actually getting dizzy from the fresh air - no word of a lie! They say home is where the heart is...

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

Its so normal when you have been living abroad. When you first arrive in the new country there are all these differences, but over time you adjust and it becomes normal. Immerse yourself in that long enough and any changes will feel strange. When I went back to Australia for a trip it felt surreal, my ears were hurting for a week because it was so quiet (no traffic), the sun was too bright (no pollution)I was actually getting dizzy from the fresh air - no word of a lie! They say home is where the heart is...

true..it's about a place that makes you happy no matter where you live.

hmmm

Interesting how my life mirrors so much of what's being discussed on "Reverse Culture Shock". I have spent my elementary school days, high school, university, working life in many countries and continents.

When I sit back and reflect on my life, I feel blessed by the diversity of perspectives and what I have seen and felt in this short life. However, my mind often wonders around and rests on what I would call "sadness". By sadness, I mean I am pulled apart my many cultures and places and there is no rabid obsession with any one place/location/country. I am not nationalistic in any way or form, but just feel I should have some passion for a particular country/place. Am I the new "Internationalist"? I wouldn't say that. Therefore, my Reverse Culture Shock has been kind of sad...my perspective only. However, my experiences has been god-sent, as few will live the lives that most in this forum are talking about.

Respect, absorb and enjoy the culture wherever you are, as one does not know what changes are around the corner.

Permit me to conclude by saying, "Hmmm"...as others above have ably concluded their messages.

Okay-66 wrote:

Interesting how my life mirrors so much of what's being discussed on "Reverse Culture Shock". I have spent my elementary school days, high school, university, working life in many countries and continents.

When I sit back and reflect on my life, I feel blessed by the diversity of perspectives and what I have seen and felt in this short life. However, my mind often wonders around and rests on what I would call "sadness". By sadness, I mean I am pulled apart my many cultures and places and there is no rabid obsession with any one place/location/country. I am not nationalistic in any way or form, but just feel I should have some passion for a particular country/place. Am I the new "Internationalist"? I wouldn't say that. Therefore, my Reverse Culture Shock has been kind of sad...my perspective only. However, my experiences has been god-sent, as few will live the lives that most in this forum are talking about.

Respect, absorb and enjoy the culture wherever you are, as one does not know what changes are around the corner.

Permit me to conclude by saying, "Hmmm"...as others above have ably concluded their messages.

Yes, I agree we should respect and enjoy the culture around us. But for me its been hard as I never offically planned to live o'seas, the adjustments I think take a bit longer. I first went from fasination to cynisim and then somewhere back again. But then when I returned "home" it felt weird. I realised the Philippines is now my home and now Australia feels weird to return to. These opportunities are god-sent, I think sometimes we get caught up in comparing and forget to just enjoy it. I am guilty.

but with time you can adapt to the system... it is just a kinda busy city

but the situation is always the same when you leave the shore of your country. You should always expect a different world entirely different from where you are coming from. I travel a lot and i have got a huge sense of adaptation to different environments.

lol but the people are still the dame and the cultures at home never seem to change that often

I feel exactly that, my first trip back in Feb 13 I felt like I had come home , other tour member felt the same, now I have a driving urge to get back ASAP  and I'm doing my dardest

Sometimes I can forget how to speak my own language... The thing is that humans have the ability to adapt new environments... Useful when we will move to Mars!

You sound like my third culture kids - hard to fit in anywhere so they have to just ride the wave where ever they are.  I think it's a better way to go and there's always a new place to go when it all gets a bit too much.

Hang in there!

I have to say that, it doesn't really matter what country you end up living in that is different from the one you were brought up in, you will always find some sort of culture shock that is different from what you expect or remember.

I like visiting the UK, where I was brought up, but I always wish to come back to Australia, despite some of its faults and downsides. It is the same with going to Europe or South East Asia, the experiences you undergo are part of life's learning experiences and, sometimes, those experiences are not always what you expect or even enjoy.

It is worthwhile trying to accept the reality of any situation you find yourself in, which then becomes less stressful and becomes a more fulfilling experience, even rudeness and greasy food!

Hope your experiences do not sour your urge to continue your travels. Enjoy.

adaptability to your surroundings would play a role as well, every place has its good and bad,

After sharing and reading experiences all over the world, I am proud to say that "For the first time" I had a pleasant holiday with my family. What I did was, I spoke to them as soon as I arrived and explain that I want to cherish each minute we are together. I told them that I've changed and so as them and jokingly said "let us do it MY WAY!" What a fun trip this time! I might sound selfish but at least NO ARGUMENT and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And they reckon, that was the best get together we ever had.

Yes, even after being in another city for an extended period of time. You see your own country from another angle, more like a foreigner.. I think.

Hello Gavin, I know exactly how you fell. I am from Cyprus, I don't know if you know the country, it's a very small island in the Mediterranean, and I lived 6 years abroad for my studies, so when I came back there were many things I felt I couldn't relate to at all

It is very normal that you feel that way. I have just been back to Vietnam after 5 years abroad. All I realized that there is no paradise. Though I missed home the last 5 years, returning here poses many challenges. I went to the local police office to get some paper done, just to realize that it is STILL a pain with the administration. There is no space to move. Being surrounded by my family is nice, but I feel like "a fish out of water".

After growing up traveling, so to speak, nearly every day I wonder "Where is home? Where WILL home be? and WILL there be home?" The questions keep me hungry for new experiences and knowledge, though; I don't think I'd have it any other way. But I don't know . . . (I do know I'm happy this discussion board exits!)