Mixed Marriages

Im in a mixed marraige 17 months now. We are apart still tho.
I think to make a marrage work you need love and trust. Not to let your family gang up on your partner and to stand up to them when they try. Also learn about the customs and culture of thier country.
I was a christin when i met him, he is a muslim.

Keep mother in laws well away.

fred
my mother in law is in pakistan.
its your own family that will stick thier oar in

In laws and parents can be a problem when they don't observe their limits.

its not the parent that caused my probs was brother and sister /bro in law

the keys to a mixed marriage success - trust, understanding and compromise.

to respect other one 's culture and to communicate with a common language for both :husband wand wife and of course KEEP AWAY both  families from your own problems!

Harira
They were 'looking out for me' did not want me to get hurt. I was 4* when we met not 16. me a big girl now {well most of the time]

How you doing now,

Sometimes mixed marriages work well as you are fulfilled with both sides of the cultures..

Another way to look at it is, best of both worlds!

Do not live near your family or in-laws! It is best to miss your family once in a while.

Couples need to be open-minded, trustworthy, caring, respectful and family-oriented.

For your mixed marriages to succeed adhere to the following and stop focusing on why they fail:-
Familiarize your self with the other's culture, customs, lifestyles, and traditions.Understanding these areas of their life will not come to you in one day, one week, or even in one year. However, working toward understanding them is an important part of making your relationship succeed.

Decide now not to listen to what others say. Some times it is the insensitive comments of others that lead to problems in interracial marriages. If you can decide now not to let such comments bother you, and if you learn to ignore them, they won't come between you and your spousr.Let your friends and family know you do not want to hear anything bad about your spouse, so if they have a negative comment they should keep it to themselves. Whether you are in an interracial marriage or not, when people you love and respect say something negative about your spouse, it is harder not to listen to them. However, if you tell people from day one that you won't listen, they are less likely to say things to you.
Do what you can to fit in, but learn to appreciate each other's differences. (Don't try too hard, or you look like you are mocking)
You want to make efforts to fit in with your spouse's family. So, if for dinner every Christmas eve they eat a really ethnic dish, and you don't really like it, eat it anyway. However, don't do things that are inappropriate in order to fit in. For example, if you are Indian, and you marry someone who is black, don't try and talk in ebonics, to fit in. Sometimes people offend races by doing typical stereotypes in order to fit in, when those stereotypes do not hold true for everyone. This can be offensive.

Besides doing things to help lessen your differences because of race, you will also want to do things that help any marriage succeed (regardless of the race of the partners.)
Communicate

Share your love with each other

Spend time together daily

Share common interests

Always remember why you married them in the first place

If you can learn to do these things, the differences your races bring into your marriage will be pleasant, will add variety, and interest rather than pull the two of you apart.

1 point that is most important

NEVER...NEVER go to bed angry

never argue with the wife in the night cause you will never win

all marriages are mixed. A mix of man & woman, a mix of personalities, a mix of life goals.

ECS wrote:

all marriages are mixed. A mix of man & woman, a mix of personalities, a mix of life goals.

maradona812010

Thanks
Also you could end up sleeping on the couch for a while

I don't see what the problem is.  Who just eats vanilla ice cream without adding some chocolate?

well said.

Chloe.Frost wrote:

the keys to a mixed marriage success - trust, understanding and compromise.

Nohakay wrote:

Communicate

Share your love with each other

Spend time together daily

Share common interests

Always remember why you married them in the first place

If you can learn to do these things, the differences your races bring into your marriage will be pleasant, will add variety, and interest rather than pull the two of you apart.

Agree

I keep a list of "why you're special" about my boyfriend - just in case one day i forgot why. :p

Any marriage, not just a mixed marriage, is based on three things - a triangle if you will - LOVE, RESPECT & TRUST. If any one of those factors are missing a couple simply does not exist.

To love your partner, first you must also love yourself - have a feeling of self worth. Unless you have that self love you can not really love anyone else. You must understand too that love is not passion or attraction. Love is that deep rooted desire to be with someone simply because you want to be with them, not because you NEED to be with them. Love is that strong bond of friendship that conquers all barriers.

To respect someone again you must also have self-respect. Respect is not always easy because sometimes it also involves sacrifice. Sometimes we must make compromises out of respect for our partner. It is also a two way street, the respect must be mutual.

Trust is the most difficult of all to achieve since it grows over time, it's fragile and can easily be destroyed. Again it also depends on a certain level of self-trust. You must be confident in order to really trust.

If you have all three of these things then a marriage (mixed or otherwise) stands a decent chance of success. If not, it's doomed to failure. Just remember love is a seed that we plant. We nurture it and watch it grow. Once the flower blooms we must redouble our efforts in order to keep it alive and vibrant. That rose will wilt and die unless we constantly tend to the garden.

I am in a mixed marriage, it is mixed in every sence of the word - there is not only a cultural difference (I'm Canadian and she's Brazilian), but there is also a racial difference (I'm white, she's negro) and a vast difference in ages (I just turned 63, she will soon be 27). Luckily, we both have the same sentiments about love and marriage. We both are "good gardeners" and constantly work on building a strong relationship. Despite the fact that we face many prejudices and others who are simply thoughtless, we are strong. I have never been so happy in all my life, neither has she... the real beneficiary of all of this is our wonderful five year old son who is very happy, very much loved and has both a mother and father who are constantly present in his life. Before you go thinking that our relationship is based on money, wrong! I'm not wealthy, I work hard to earn a living and we just make it by. My wealth, the greates riches in this world can't buy. My wealth is my wife and son.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

I have been married to my Lao wife for 13 yrs now.

Marriage is based on love, understanding, mutual trust and above all the ability to communicate.

At our marriage ceremony, her aunts took us both aside and told us what I have stated above.

Marriage has it's ups and downs.

We are still happily married

A lack of 'in laws' and complete acceptence for who someone is rather than their race/colour/age etc.

wjwoodward wrote:

Any marriage, not just a mixed marriage, is based on three things - a triangle if you will - LOVE, RESPECT & TRUST. If any one of those factors are missing a couple simply does not exist.

To love your partner, first you must also love yourself - have a feeling of self worth. Unless you have that self love you can not really love anyone else. You must understand too that love is not passion or attraction. Love is that deep rooted desire to be with someone simply because you want to be with them, not because you NEED to be with them. Love is that strong bond of friendship that conquers all barriers.

To respect someone again you must also have self-respect. Respect is not always easy because sometimes it also involves sacrifice. Sometimes we must make compromises out of respect for our partner. It is also a two way street, the respect must be mutual.

Trust is the most difficult of all to achieve since it grows over time, it's fragile and can easily be destroyed. Again it also depends on a certain level of self-trust. You must be confident in order to really trust.

If you have all three of these things then a marriage (mixed or otherwise) stands a decent chance of success. If not, it's doomed to failure. Just remember love is a seed that we plant. We nurture it and watch it grow. Once the flower blooms we must redouble our efforts in order to keep it alive and vibrant. That rose will wilt and die unless we constantly tend to the garden.

I am in a mixed marriage, it is mixed in every sence of the word - there is not only a cultural difference (I'm Canadian and she's Brazilian), but there is also a racial difference (I'm white, she's negro) and a vast difference in ages (I just turned 63, she will soon be 27). Luckily, we both have the same sentiments about love and marriage. We both are "good gardeners" and constantly work on building a strong relationship. Despite the fact that we face many prejudices and others who are simply thoughtless, we are strong. I have never been so happy in all my life, neither has she... the real beneficiary of all of this is our wonderful five year old son who is very happy, very much loved and has both a mother and father who are constantly present in his life. Before you go thinking that our relationship is based on money, wrong! I'm not wealthy, I work hard to earn a living and we just make it by. My wealth, the greates riches in this world can't buy. My wealth is my wife and son.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

WOW, nice said!!!

Greetings from Amman.

ECS wrote:

all marriages are mixed. A mix of man & woman, a mix of personalities, a mix of life goals.

That's funny and also true

Mixed marriages are hard work but LOVE and TRUST must prevail, both need to consider and be compassionate and understanding to the other .

TRUST be UNITED do not allow anyone to get in between arguments... keep arguments between eachother insetad of telling others

i know im in a mixed marriage

I'm feeling kinda scared for when hubby finally comes home.
We been apart 27 months, married 16 months. I have not had a chance to be his wife yet, and we going to have to 'court' all over again.

haggishunter wrote:

I'm feeling kinda scared for when hubby finally comes home.
We been apart 27 months, married 16 months. I have not had a chance to be his wife yet, and we going to have to 'court' all over again.

Wow, that must be hard for you two.
But you can see it also from the bright side: you can start dating again!

True.
He ows me a honeymoon and a first anniversary meal....and it better not be mc donalds.

Go to the Subway!
Never spend a dime there.

Oh no....I want a proper meal in a posh resturant

You go girl!!!

LOL @ subway...definitely a nice fine dining resto!

the key is simple enough love each other enough to know the only family der is starts with each other and no one else.dont force each other to change just let love change how a couple see life.

o yes and fight as much as u guys can making up after makes everyone closer.

love conquers all.

Any marriage, not just a mixed marriage, is based on three things - a triangle if you will - LOVE, RESPECT & TRUST. If any one of those factors are missing a couple simply does not exist.

To love your partner, first you must also love yourself - have a feeling of self worth. Unless you have that self love you can not really love anyone else. You must understand too that love is not passion or attraction. Love is that deep rooted desire to be with someone simply because you want to be with them, not because you NEED to be with them. Love is that strong bond of friendship that conquers all barriers.

To respect someone again you must also have self-respect. Respect is not always easy because sometimes it also involves sacrifice. Sometimes we must make compromises out of respect for our partner. It is also a two way street, the respect must be mutual.

Trust is the most difficult of all to achieve since it grows over time, it's fragile and can easily be destroyed. Again it also depends on a certain level of self-trust. You must be confident in order to really trust.

If you have all three of these things then a marriage (mixed or otherwise) stands a decent chance of success. If not, it's doomed to failure. Just remember love is a seed that we plant. We nurture it and watch it grow. Once the flower blooms we must redouble our efforts in order to keep it alive and vibrant. That rose will wilt and die unless we constantly tend to the garden.

I am in a mixed marriage, it is mixed in every sence of the word - there is not only a cultural difference (I'm Canadian and she's Brazilian), but there is also a racial difference (I'm white, she's negro) and a vast difference in ages (I just turned 63, she will soon be 27). Luckily, we both have the same sentiments about love and marriage. We both are "good gardeners" and constantly work on building a strong relationship. Despite the fact that we face many prejudices and others who are simply thoughtless, we are strong. I have never been so happy in all my life, neither has she... the real beneficiary of all of this is our wonderful five year old son who is very happy, very much loved and has both a mother and father who are constantly present in his life. Before you go thinking that our relationship is based on money, wrong! I'm not wealthy, I work hard to earn a living and we just make it by. My wealth, the greates riches in this world can't buy. My wealth is my wife and son.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

@William - Very well said - I hope others will take note of this !
well done William

True.
He ows me a honeymoon and a first anniversary meal....and it better not be mc donalds.

The other choice could be KFC which i'm sure you dont deserve! enjoy your honeymoon and a first anniversary meal

Hi Jazzy,

I hope so too, but for me what really matters is that my wife takes notice of it in a very big way... and I'm very happy for that.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Jazzy851
I have been married 18 months.
He finally came home on friday night.
KFC is not halal

hi sanay,

i would say they can work as long as there are shared values and compatibility. although love is the mortar, its conditioning and culture that are the bricks.

often the differences appear at significant life events such as marriage ceremonies, births and which faith to raise your child under.

also each culture has its own elements in relation to family involvement in your marriage. cultures can influence the choice of mate thereby causing friction if the couple doesn’t accommodate these expectations.

ideally no outside influence would be felt but realistically, we are conditioned to seek approval and fit in.