Laugh With Me.......

two guys discussing :
- I bought a BMW to my wife, she goes from 0 to 120 km/h in 12 seconds
- I bought a scale for my wife, she goes from 0 to 130 in 1 second...

A kid wrote in his maths answer sheet.

Dear algebra

I am sick & tired of finding your X.
... Just accept the fact that she's gone.
Move on dude, find someone else.

Don't even ask Y!!!

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite

VidoDido wrote:

A kid wrote in his maths answer sheet.

Dear algebra

I am sick & tired of finding your X.
... Just accept the fact that she's gone.
Move on dude, find someone else.

Don't even ask Y!!!

cool bro

vfrghana wrote:

two guys discussing :
- I bought a BMW to my wife, she goes from 0 to 120 km/h in 12 seconds
- I bought a scale for my wife, she goes from 0 to 130 in 1 second...

pounds or kilo's?

Still funny hahaahaha

Man: When i should think that i am getting aged?
Friend: When your beloved says, 'can we go upstairs and make some romantic talks?' and you reply, 'Sorry dear but i can't afford to do both things at a time.'

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!

We love jokes in our family.

SarahMS wrote:

We love jokes in our family.

omg your from addams family......

Two neighbors are talking to each other.

First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart,he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

want to smile right now hmmmp.....

Go ahead and keep smiling man and enjoy your evening!

thanks bro, in your reply you already make me smile......

Knock knock.

Who's their....?

Hi, quite buisy now a days.How is every one....having fun I hope so?

love reading jokes......

Boy: My father is 85 years old, millionaire and he will die very soon..
I'll be rich.. Will u marry me?
Girl: NO
A week later, She married his father!!

Knock knock.

they said laughter is the best medicine, come on guys give me your best shots......

A rather religious, but lonely, old woman bought a talking parrot to keep her company.

Much to her dismay she found out that the sassy bird only screamed profanities.

In desparation she grabbed the parrot by the throat and began to shake him violently. "You vile little creature you! The next foul word out of your little beak and I'll throw you in the deep freeze and let you freeze to death," she shouted.

True to her word, the very next time the bird swore she grabbed him from his perch, fired him into the freezer chest and slammed down the lid. The poor bird thought this was the end.

The old woman's heart softened and after fifteen minutes she decided to take the bird out and give him a second chance. She opened the lid of the freezer to find the bird shivering uncontrolably, but he was singing hymns and not swearing.

A week passed, the parrot never swore once and only sang hymns. The old woman stroked him gently and said, "I'm so glad you learned your lesson, you sweet little bird."

With that the parrot looked into her sparkling blue eyes and asked, "M'am, would you mind telling me what the turkey did to deserve such a horrible death?"

(This one's for you Emman!)

hmmmp.....hahaha.....

There was once a truck driver whose favorite pastime was running down lawyers.

Every time he'd see a lawyer walking down the street he'd swerve the truck and POW!

One day while driving down the road he came across a priest who was hitch-hiking so he stopped and gave the Padre a ride.

A short distance down the road he spotted a lawyer walking down the road and his instincts took over completely. He started to veer off in the lawyer's direction and at the very last moment remembered the priest sitting beside him.

He yanked the steering wheel in the opposite direction just in time to miss hitting the poor man. "Geez Father, I mustn't have been paying attention... I just missed hitting that lawyer," he said.

"Don't worry my son, it's quite alright... I got him with the door!"

Him: (Sitting in front of computer) Honey! Did you change the password?

Her:  Yes sweety, I did.

Him:  What's the new password?

Her:  It's our wedding date!

Him: (2 hours later, still sitting in front of the computer)  DAMN #+%@&#!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

One hot Saturday afternoon a woman returned home from shopping to find her husband running around the kitchen like a madman fanning the air with a dishtowel.

Woman: What the heck are you doing?

Husband:  Killing flies, the house is full of the little beggars and I can't stand it anymore. I've already killed 5. Two males and three females!

Woman:  Hold on! How can you tell which are male and which are female, they're so small?

Husband: Oh that's simple. The males were on a beer bottle. The females were on the telephone!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

James

wjwoodward wrote:

One hot Saturday afternoon a woman returned home from shopping to find her husband running around the kitchen like a madman fanning the air with a dishtowel.

Woman: What the heck are you doing?

Husband:  Killing flies, the house is full of the little beggars and I can't stand it anymore. I've already killed 5. Two males and three females!

Woman:  Hold on! How can you tell which are male and which are female, they're so small?

Husband: Oh that's simple. The males were on a beer bottle. The females were on the telephone!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

hahaha joker......

A Pygmy warrior took up his bow and arrow and headed off into the dense African jungle to hunt for his family's dinner.

Ahead in the trees he heard a rustling noise. He quickly took an arrow out of his quiver draws back and lets fly in the direction of the tree. Whomp! Down falls a small chimpanzee which he stuffs in his game bag.

He carries on further and again more movement in the canopy of trees. Ffffffft he lets fly another arrow. Plonk! Another small chimpanzee in his game bag.

Thinking this still is not quite enough for the family he decides to continue on a little while longer.

Suddenly a fluttering sound above him and off goes another arrow. Once again it finds its mark, but this time only a small bird falls to the ground. Well he says to himself, that should be enough for today and he heads back to his family hut.

Upon arrival he tosses the game bag to his wife who has been waiting patiently for his return in order to prepare the family meal. She opens the game bag and lets out a deep sigh.

Oh no, not Finch and Chimps again!!!

Cheers,
James

Terrible!

And our non-English speaking friends might not get it.

JasfurJQ wrote:

Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?

A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low!!!!

it was a midget pick pocket mr policeman

Hi Hailey,

Kind of think they'd have stopped reading after about the second joke. They're all in English.

Sorry forgot the legal disclaimer.....


No chimpanzees or birds of any kind were injured or mistreated during the creation of this joke.

Cheers,
James

Professor: What should be the plus point of a book to make it best seller?

Student: A girl on the cover and no cover on girl..

Anybody else here experiencing strange text that you haven't typed mysteriously appearing in your posting?

Cheers,
James

Indicator of the global economic downturn...

Economic problems have even hit Santa Claus. This year he's been forced to downsize, selling off his sleigh and the herd of reindeer which he has replaced with a donkey.

Sad to say, this year Santa will be out on his ass in the snow.

wjwoodward wrote:

Indicator of the global economic downturn...

Economic problems have even hit Santa Claus. This year he's been forced to downsize, selling off his sleigh and the herd of reindeer which he has replaced with a donkey.

Sad to say, this year Santa will be out on his ass in the snow.

hAhA...
there goes your Xmas present

The Zen master went to the pizza place to get one with everything.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

The Zen master went to the pizza place to get one with everything.

wOw.. and i thought they were vegetarians

Mom to her Kid: Do not suck your thumb, your belly will come out. ok.
Next day kid was going to school, he saw a pregnant lady.
Kid asked: I know what you sucked so your belly came out !!!

hooooo hoooo hoooo.......

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don't really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it's definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn't step in it!"

Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Oh Shit.

hahaha caught.....