Laugh With Me.......

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves. Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon? ""The older boy replied, ""As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon. ""At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper. In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, ""Have you two learned your lesson? ""
""Sure, Dad! "" said the big brother, ""But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth. ""
""Ah yes!' said the farmer, ""BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down!!! """

like it....

never play the "watif" game with the wife...

now laugh at this thread......

JasfurJQ wrote:

now laugh at this thread......

ok.
tell us a funny first!
otherwise those guys in white coats will take me away:|

bro just revisit the previous post or start from the beginning.....

A magician was driving down the street when he turned into a driveway.

what? no flying carpet?

What do you call someone who is born in Cleveland, grows up in Cincinnati, and dies in Columbus?

why do you want to call him if he is dead?

hmmmp not obvious hellnoi but heres another one....


"what is the difference between a panty and bird cage?"

JasfurJQ wrote:

hmmmp not obvious hellnoi but heres another one....
"what is the difference between a panty and bird cage?"

Sorry I was off.
I don't know the difference between a panty and a bird cage. I would guess it has something to keep the birdie out or in.
I have never worn a panty, nor have I been in a birdie cage.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

JasfurJQ wrote:

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Why would you repeat yourself?
hEE2 but we keep doing the same thing everyday.

2 boys fighting over 1 girl......Pretty girl dialing 911

911 : what is your emergency?
Pretty : please help me, 2 guys are fighting over me....
911 : so whats the problem?
Pretty : the ugly one is winning...

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?



so they can hide up a cherry tree. Ever seen an elephant on a cherry tree?


SEE it works!!

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?  Anyone can roast beef.

A travelling salesman is driving down a country road at 40 mph when a chicken with three legs runs past his car like he's standing still.

A bit further down the road he spots another three legged chicken running along the side of the road and decides he'll speed up to see just how fast it's going, 40 - 50 - 60 mph and he's starting to gain on the bird.

Suddenly, a burst of speed and the chicken leaves the car behind in the dust and the salesman can only shake his head.

A bit farther down the road he spots a farmer out in his yard tossing chicken feed into the wind. He stops his car and calls the farmer over.

"Don't think of me as some kind of crazy lunatic, but have you ever heard of a three legged chicken?" he asks.

The farmer responds, "Funny you should ask that, see I was the one who developed them through selective breeding."

"Heck, why would you breed a three legged chicken?" he asked.

"Well, you see here there's me, my wife and our boy and we're all partial to drumsticks!" the farmer replied.

The salesman then responded, "Wow that's so cool. Do they taste any good?"

"Darned if I know," responded the farmer, "we've never been able to catch one!"

Then there's the one about the farmer's wife who ran off with a tractor salesman.

She left her husband a John Deere letter.

And another parrot joke!

A burglar breaks into a house he thought was empty and was creeping around in the dark, but freezes in his tracks when a voice booms out, "Jesus is watching you!"

Looking around he sees nothing and silence returns, so he starts creeping forward once again. Once again the voice booms out, "Jesus is watching you!"

With that the burglar turns on his flashlight and shines it around the room, there in the corner he spots the caged parrot.
He asked if it was the parrot that had said "Jesus is watching you" to which the bird responded that he had.

The burglar looked at the parrot and asked, "What's your name then bird?" The parrot replied, "It's Clarence!"

The burglar almost fell on the floor laughing and asked, "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"

"The same idiot who named the Pit Bull JESUS, of course!"

Employer: Well, young man.. Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Candidate: I ought to be able to. I have had 10 different jobs in 3 months..

JasfurJQ wrote:

Employer: Well, young man.. Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Candidate: I ought to be able to. I have had 10 different jobs in 3 months..

so did he get the job?

Employer : we need a full timer not a part timer.

JasfurJQ wrote:

Employer : we need a full timer not a part timer.

get two...then

Owner to Gardner: Go and water the plants.
Gardner: Sir, it is raining..


Owner: No excuses, you can use umbrella..

JasfurJQ wrote:

Owner to Gardner: Go and water the plants.
Gardner: Sir, it is raining..


Owner: No excuses, you can use umbrella..

now i like to see how you water the plants with an umbrella?

How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?



Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant.

JasfurJQ wrote:

Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant.

that is why i got a hotdog!

Boy: Mother, my school mates tease me and call me a girl..

Mother: Don't take any tension, Now when somebody calls you girl, slap them with your bag and scratch the face!!

What do you do when chemists die?

Barium.

Hi Hailey,

Happy New Year. Well I guess that really would be a necessary ELEMENT of death. LOL

Happy New Year.

A student riding on a train looks up to see Albert Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks, "Excuse me, Mr. Einstein. Does Boston stop at this train?"

That was relativity funny

A white horse walked into a bar.
Barman says, "Why the long face?"

A white horse walked into a bar.
Barman says, "We have a drink named after you"
Horse says, "What, you have a drink named Eric?"

Mary had a little lamb.
She got five years and a heavy fine.

Mary had a little lamb.
The midwife fainted.

An Australian bloke is walking down the road with a sheep under each arm.
His mate says, Are you shearing?"

"No, find your own"

Blimey, you are a talking sheep and you can tell jokes too..

What did the sheep say to his sheep friend?
I love ewe

Sheep drink in baaaaaarrs

Q:what has 8 legs, 4 ears, and twice as much wool as a sheep?
A: 2 sheep

Mary had a little sheep With the sheep she went to sleep The sheep turned out to be a ram........ Mary Had A Little Lamb.

hELLnoi wrote:

Blimey, you are a talking sheep and you can tell jokes too..

I don't believe I can tell my best ones on here with a long ban.

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar"