Dating I HCMC

Walking around in Nha Trang, I see Vietnamese women looked at me and what do I see .... $$Ka-Ching!!$$ in their eyes. Truth be known, date a Vietnamese woman please prepare to cover all expenses and I am not just talking about dating restaurant/entertainment expense .... pay their rent, shopping, grocery, debts, etc. and it can be very expensive! But on the bright side, they'll do anything to make you happy and only you my friend.

NashCat wrote:

Walking around in Nha Trang, I see Vietnamese women looked at me and what do I see .... $$Ka-Ching!!$$ in their eyes. Truth be known, date a Vietnamese woman please prepare to cover all expenses and I am not just talking about dating restaurant/entertainment expense .... pay their rent, shopping, grocery, debts, etc. and it can be very expensive! But on the bright side, they'll do anything to make you happy and only you my friend.

I feel sad with all this generalization. It's not true at all. But hopefully you will have a better experience that will change your mind. If you want a serious thing, stop giving the girls the luxuries stuff and you will be able to scan out gold-diggers early.

The thing is this, you Vietnamese girls dont walk in our shoes, so really you are only going by what you hear, which most of the time is incorrect You really need to be a foreign man to see exactly how things work here, as a VN girl you wont be exposed to it.

The good girls are where the good boys are; and the good boys are what the good girls make them out to be.  Good boys don't go to bars looking for love; and good girls are independent, in bodies and in spirits.  The good boys and good girls love people for who they are, not what they are.  Good boys and good girls work for what they have and share what they have, in earnest.  Good boys and good girls exist in every country and culture, yet are hard to find, to a lot of folks.

colinoscapee wrote:

The thing is this, you Vietnamese girls dont walk in our shoes, so really you are only going by what you hear, which most of the time is incorrect You really need to be a foreign man to see exactly how things work here, as a VN girl you wont be exposed to it.

The user you are replying to may not walk in your shoes but she almost certainly knows more about Vietnamese girls - her own people and culture - than you do. She already acknowledged that the bad ones (gold diggers) probably gravitate towards westerners but was merely pointing out that they are not really representative of the whole and that you shouldn't generalize based only on your (apparently bad) experiences limited as they likely are. I agree with her statements wholeheartedly.

NashCat wrote:

...Truth be known, date a Vietnamese woman please prepare to cover all expenses....pay their rent, shopping, grocery, debts, etc...

I am not prepared to do that. Perhaps the reason you end up with women like that is because you are? Just a thought...

Yeah, because of that 'minority', others also need to suffer. That minority, who are greedy, lust for sex and over show up to society... they are the big problem and enemy of others. Good girls should abstain from that kind of people if you want a goodwill and of course a good life in future!Do not ever think man like 'that' girls - even he enjoy his time with her! He know what is good for his future! It doesn't mean he cheat her! If she cheated by someone, that means she will get this same experience from others for her nature. Yes, actually that's a punishment from nature.Once you are in that 'pit', it's difficult to come back. Because your greedy mind, lust for sex.. never allow to take a right decision. May be after years..!

Ken Charma

No problem Nam, I see you have been here only a short time. Give it a few years and your understanding of how things work will change. Also, the only people who use the word Nam, are Vietnam Veterans, are you a Vietnam Veteran.

colinoscapee wrote:

Also, the only people who use the word Nam, are Vietnam Veterans, are you a Vietnam Veteran.

Oh, no. So many youngsters has same name. Some of my students below 25 carry same name.
Anyway they need time to study more about Vietnam. Here I saw so many members(VN)claiming that they are the encyclopaedia of Vietnam and foreigners (tourists excluded) know nothing!

Yes, VN people have that name, I doubt looking at his pic that he is Vietnamese,maybe my eyes are failing me.

Jeremy
I am an expatriate.

I am American, and I am now living in Vietnam. I am currently in Saigon.

I can speak Spanglish

What is Spanglish in US?
Did it mean Spanish-English?

There was a movie by that same name Spanglish, maybe its an American term.

colinoscapee wrote:

There was a movie by that same name Spanglish, maybe its an American term.

Oh I am po tay with these ambiguous identities!

Neurotic and materialistic (NAM) was my nickname for my 1st wife and she was from America.

Nam_ wrote:

NashCat wrote:

...Truth be known, date a Vietnamese woman please prepare to cover all expenses....pay their rent, shopping, grocery, debts, etc...

I am not prepared to do that. Perhaps the reason you end up with women like that is because you are? Just a thought...

Step out in the real world, it's culture and economic different than the West. And it's not about Gold Diggers, they're in every countries. Vast majority of Vietnamese women are raised in traditional family household to think if u love them you da man and should be able to provide for them. Vietnam is still a developing nation with deep traditional cultural male dominated beliefs, not rocket science that women here are less financially independent and still dependent on the man to provide. Marriage is still highly dependent on the man's economic status, that why women here ask "What's your job?" as their first question ... Hell, I get ask that question ten times a day.

NashCat wrote:

Walking around in Nha Trang, I see Vietnamese women looked at me and what do I see .... $$Ka-Ching!!$$ in their eyes. Truth be known, date a Vietnamese woman please prepare to cover all expenses and I am not just talking about dating restaurant/entertainment expense .... pay their rent, shopping, grocery, debts, etc. and it can be very expensive! But on the bright side, they'll do anything to make you happy and only you my friend.

There are still a lots of independent girls in Viet Nam, the problem is that you don't find the right person. I have many friends, although they date Vietnamese or foreign, they still pay every expenses for themselves: rent fee, food, motorbike...Please don't say as if all of Vietnamese girl just want money from foreign man. And besides that, if you choose sexy, hot, tall girls, that is the price you often have to trade off in this country. Nothing's free in this world.

Back to the topic of dating,  I believe that if you are a good person in your own country and have good morals and are willing to adapt and change to other cultures dating in Vietnam will be fun and acceptable to both parties.  If we are stuck in our beliefs from our previous existance we wil be unhappy here.  It is all about learning and accepting change.  As for the gold diggers, when we act stupid we get treated as such.

Back to the topic of dating,  I believe that if you are a good person in your own country and have good morals and are willing to adapt and change to other cultures dating in Vietnam will be fun and acceptable to both parties.  If we are stuck in our beliefs from our previous existance we wil be unhappy here.  It is all about learning and accepting change.  As for the gold diggers, when we act stupid we get treated as such.

- I couldn't agree more with this and i feel it applies in other countries too, not just Vietnam.

Yes very true, but in all the years I dated in Australia I was never asked for money as much as I was here.Even on first dates, I was asked for money, that becomes annoying after awhile. The other point here is when you take a lady out, she could drag along a couple of friends who are looking for a feed and a drink. All in all, VN ladies in general are nice, they have a nice manner and really care about their partner. But dont forget, family will always be in front of you.Luckily I have had the same girlfriend for two years now, so dont have to go through the dating scene, I met some absolute shockers and at the same time met some of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet.

Most girls will bring a friend (or 2) on the first couple dates. This is very normal, and yes you be asked to pay for their food and drink just like you would if you were dating them also.
The problem is when they try to keep adding more and more people to the dinner party or after dinner they want to go shopping and they ask you to by clothes for them also...this is a warning sign.

My wife brought along 1 best friend on our first 2 dates, after that it stopped.

Yes I knows its normal, and as you say, the first time is ok. But what irks me is they dont just order one dish of food, they get a bucket load of it.

I think at the end of the day it comes down to each persons own experience, nobody is right and nobody is wrong. Opinions are like asses, everyone has one.

I don't know how they do it but Vietnamese women can eat a lot of food. I don't understand how they can stay so skinny.

Its in the genes Don, my girlfriend eats alot and is only 43 kg, but I think the stress of work keeps her weight down.

One of the biggest problems I see here, is old guys with really young girls.Ok sometimes it does work. But really, what does a 22 year old have in common with a 50 year old man. I think the guys ego gets a bit inflated when they are with a young lady, but it general it doesnt last long. I also know that you generally cant take the bar girl out of someone who has been working the bar scene for years and has been with many guys. I have read stories about ex sex workers marrying and settling down, but I think its a very rare thing.

Yeah, my wife had a baby 3 months ago and now is only 54kg.
Actual age is never and has never been an issue in any relationship as far as the 2 involved are concerned (there are certainly more outside forces like friends and family that see the age as a problem) The real issues involved are what are the plans/goals of the people involved in the relationship. If the goal of the early 20's girl is to find a older guy with money and the goal of the 50's guy is to find a young sexy girl to spend his money on then they be a perfect match. Age in this situation plays no part in it.

If you put 2 people together, regardless of age, who have matching goals or share the same ideas about how to pursue their happiness then no matter what their age they can be happy together.
On the other hand if they don't match up they will never last, even if they are the same age.

Ok, cant agree with you, but thats your opinion and how you see things. I still believe age is an issue especially as the man gets older and the woman is still young.I think the point  was more about the girl being a trophy for the older man.

Oh, i agree with you for the most part, but in reality the man is also a type of trophy for the girl.

Yes, monetary, not in looks. People wont be going,wow, looking at that sexy old man,lol.

The young women with the old men.  It happens everywhere. CNN Larry King, Fred Thompson from Law & Order tv in the USA.  In Pattaya in Febuary I saw some really old men with young women, not sure if they were married but it gives me hope for twenty years done the road when I hit 70.  I did meet a young 74 year old pushing a stroller with a newborn and a14 month old..  He was happy to be a father again, he married a 27 year old when he was 71.  He appeared very happy and his wife was very attentive to him and the children.  Is she there for his money or love?  I think having children together is love. I know just my opinion.

I have a friend from Norway, he is early 70's and his wife is 29 and they are very happy together, they act like teenagers and they have been together 8 years now

ancientpathos wrote:

The young women with the old men.  It happens everywhere. CNN Larry King, Fred Thompson from Law & Order tv in the USA.  In Pattaya in Febuary I saw some really old men with young women, not sure if they were married but it gives me hope for twenty years done the road when I hit 70.  I did meet a young 74 year old pushing a stroller with a newborn and a14 month old..  He was happy to be a father again, he married a 27 year old when he was 71.  He appeared very happy and his wife was very attentive to him and the children.  Is she there for his money or love?  I think having children together is love. I know just my opinion.

Well maybe in the USA, but its very uncommon where I come from. Most of the women are looking for young guys, have a look on dating sites.

Tong Tran wrote:

There are still a lots of independent girls in Viet Nam, the problem is that you don't find the right person. I have many friends, although they date Vietnamese or foreign, they still pay every expenses for themselves: rent fee, food, motorbike...Please don't say as if all of Vietnamese girl just want money from foreign man. And besides that, if you choose sexy, hot, tall girls, that is the price you often have to trade off in this country. Nothing's free in this world.

There you wise dear! Yes, nothing is free!
I remember now one story (may be true) created by me for my colleague. He wished to marry a beautiful, taller and modern well educated Vietnamese girl. I suggest him then, if you want to see that kind of pretty girls you should go Ben Thanh area after 6pm. He amazed and asked me why should I go night time? Why I cannot go day time to see them. I commented: If you want to go day time, may be they are sleeping!
In short, if you want to marry a good girl and live with her long time, don't just fall for pretty girls with wide bosom. Especially in bars and cafe!That's their profession. They are busy with their life to achieve their goal. If you blind with them and live with them, may be soon or later they do not have much time to take care you well as they should take care many!
Ken Charma

ancientpathos wrote:

The young women with the old men.  It happens everywhere. CNN Larry King, Fred Thompson from Law & Order tv in the USA.  In Pattaya in Febuary I saw some really old men with young women, not sure if they were married but it gives me hope for twenty years done the road when I hit 70.  I did meet a young 74 year old pushing a stroller with a newborn and a14 month old..  He was happy to be a father again, he married a 27 year old when he was 71.  He appeared very happy and his wife was very attentive to him and the children.  Is she there for his money or love?  I think having children together is love. I know just my opinion.

Good time of veterans!
When will I get that time?

Sometimes, bring a friend along when girl goes out with a man (even local man or foreign man) due to safety reasons or to feel more comfortable (girls often feel shy and they may feel more confident with her best friend beside in front of a strange man). It doesnt mean they think bad about men but because most of girls cannot easily trust any man who they dont know much at the first time. This will be stopped after 2-3 dates when they get to know each other better (I used to do that whenever I met a stranger until I had my first love ).

I believe not many girl consider men as an ATM for drink, food or clothes(except gold diggers). Lot of modern and independent girls are out there. They are aware of Western lifestyle and Western people’s  spending behavior. If the man feel uncomfortable to pay the bill, ask your girl share with you, if she is willing to share, she's the girl understand Western culture and she's suitable for you, if she dont, you found wrong candidate. In fact, I always believe to a well educated girl, she may know how to deal with a foreign man or local man or any different kind of men since she's aware of the cultural different.

FYR, in our culture, man often takes care the bill, thus he is thought as "gallant", "gentlemanly" man. This is listed as one of standards for a perfect man. Girls like that and it doesnt mean they are material girls. Nowadays, I think this life style has been changed somewhat. Both man and woman, whoever can take the bill. To me, I hang out with my friends (boys/girls) or even my boyfriend, if he/she pay the bill this time, I will take it for the next time. I believe many other Vietnamese girls are now acting like that cus we have our own pride.

colinoscapee wrote:

Yes very true, but in all the years I dated in Australia I was never asked for money as much as I was here.Even on first dates, I was asked for money, that becomes annoying after awhile. The other point here is when you take a lady out, she could drag along a couple of friends who are looking for a feed and a drink. All in all, VN ladies in general are nice, they have a nice manner and really care about their partner. But dont forget, family will always be in front of you.Luckily I have had the same girlfriend for two years now, so dont have to go through the dating scene, I met some absolute shockers and at the same time met some of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet.

@VungTauDon: Oh come one, your friend's case doesn't represent all. Agree love can be developed gradually after two persons have dated together for a while but it's obvious your friend's relationship was a pure money-for-sex exchange at first(as you said in another post). Love between an old man and a young girl doesn't matter (if they accept differences between them) but I will see myself very cheap if I go with a man (no matter how old or young he is) just for his money. Emotions or feelings are very important to me and they should be satisfied and respected. And I strongly believe sharing intimate moments with a person you have true emotions for is more wonderful and desirable than with one you don't.

It's completely true!

kiku_hana wrote:

@VungTauDon: Oh come one, your friend's case doesn't represent all. Agree love can be developed gradually after two persons have dated together for a while but it's obvious your friend's relationship was a pure money-for-sex exchange at first(as you said in another post). Love between an old man and a young girl doesn't matter (if they accept differences between them) but I will see myself very cheap if I go with a man (no matter how old or young he is) just for his money. Emotions or feelings are very important to me and they should be satisfied and respected. And I strongly believe sharing intimate moments with a person you have true emotions for is more wonderful and desirable than with one you don't.

It is true and yes I 100% agree that not all situations are the same.
My point is they both got what they wanted initially and their relationship has grown to where they are today.

colinoscapee wrote:

Yes very true, but in all the years I dated in Australia I was never asked for money as much as I was here.Even on first dates, I was asked for money, that becomes annoying after awhile. The other point here is when you take a lady out, she could drag along a couple of friends who are looking for a feed and a drink. All in all, VN ladies in general are nice, they have a nice manner and really care about their partner. But dont forget, family will always be in front of you.Luckily I have had the same girlfriend for two years now, so dont have to go through the dating scene, I met some absolute shockers and at the same time met some of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet.

In Australia a girl will only go for you if your rich and have a nice car at least in Vietnam if you don't have a car you still have half a chance !! lol

Well yes thats true, because if you dont have a decent car you cant go anywhere, everything is so far.

tien.tran wrote:

I see in many cases that they use "black magic" to seduce foreign man to love them and give them ALL of their money.

Wow, i want to know what that "black magic" is...

Now you guys are making all the Viet girls look bad, not all of us want to get married, not all foreigners are rich. Most of those dodgy couples you see on the road are likely to be a poor girl the countryside and a wrinkly white man.. other than that, don't assume they are in it for the material love.

Not all good girls are virgin till marriage, we like good things in life too...

If you haven't met the right girl, you havent met the right girl, stop asking stupid questions lol.

Now you guys are making all the Viet girls look bad, not all of us want to get married, not all foreigners are rich. Most of those dodgy couples you see on the road are likely to be a poor girl the countryside and a wrinkly white man.. other than that, don't assume they are in it for the material love.

You seem to generalise a lot, wrinkly white man,oh please.