Dating I HCMC

ngattt wrote:

If so, don't marry a woman who is unique child in the family, even she/her family is very rich. Sure she will take care her parents always, and you [must] too . If she has some siblings, maybe her responsibility will decrease.

Ngattt oi, why do you do this to me? huhu. As the only one child in the family, I need to get married 

Kidding. Actually I don't think so. Many Viet girls even have to take care of their siblings too. It depends on her personality (independence or not), her family style, not 100% depends on her responsibility.

Ok, sorry Khanh Van . When I wrote that post, I think someone will disagree with me .
You know about Vietnamese women, even there are some siblings,  some always want to take care their parents, they are afraid others can't do by heart. I saw some friends, when their parents became old, they always need to go to hospital, it's very hard for their only child. My ex and I sometimes took care some people like that, because their child can't cover all.

ngattt wrote:

My ex and I sometimes took care some people like that, because their child can't cover all.

Oh their child can't cover all??? That is they DON'T WANT to cover!!!

We go off road of the topic again. Sorry! sorry! 

VanKhanh Ho wrote:

Oh their child can't cover all??? That is they DON'T WANT to cover!!!

We go off road of the topic again. Sorry! sorry! 

No, no, Van Khanh. I have a friend. She is only child. Now she has 3 children. Sometimes her parents have some problems, her mother-in-law, and some friends must help her and her husband. Taking care 3 small kids (3 years old, 1.5 year old, some months) with 2 old people is not easy at all!

Ok, I stop here .

ngattt wrote:

VanKhanh Ho wrote:

Oh their child can't cover all??? That is they DON'T WANT to cover!!!

We go off road of the topic again. Sorry! sorry! 

No, no, Van Khanh. I have a friend. She is only child. Now she has 3 children. Sometimes her parents have some problems, her mother-in-law, and some friends must help her and her husband. Taking care 3 small kids (3 years old, 1.5 year old, some months) with 2 old people is not easy at all!

Ok, I stop here .

Ok so comeback to the topic. Yes that is right, get married with a Vietnamese girl then you will become a member in the family and have to take care of your "family" when necessary. But I think that it worth if you found your true love. Just make sure that you are not forced to play the role of her family's ATM. 

And overall, if you are a man, you are much more luckier than a women who get married with Viet man. Vietnamese has an idiom that "Dâu con, rể khách", means that a daughter-in-law is a real daughter, while son-in-law is just a kind of guest. You may think to be a guest is not so good, but actually it make a huge different in the way people treat you, much more nicer and respectful.

True. I only want a shelter, someone I depend on with all my trust and devotion instead of shattering the emotions from time to time with the bad choices.

Hi everyone,

Its getting so hot for this topic and I do not know where the topic owner now. He disappeared to give space to us (topic guests). I am not sure if he is still looking for the answer for his concerns.

For my opinion, I would like to share my thought on his question as below:

1/ Where are all the good girls in this town? ==> Good girls are everywhere. Its up to what kind of girl you are looking for. Especially in love, we cant definitely say if this one is good then we love and another one is bad so we dont love. Sometime our heart never listens to our brain ( its out of my control.... LOL- a very famous quote in a movie that I dont remember the name)

Vietnamese women are more modern now especially here in HCMC. And this busy life make people are more far away from each other. There are so many smart, active, well educated, having a good job women still are looking for their Mr. Right. You can sign in some dating sites, or going to the bars to find her. Not all the girls in bar are bad. There are a lot of girls who go to the bar once per week/month with her friends to refresh themselves from working stressure... You also can sign in some dating websites. For example, Vietnamcupid.com, Asiandating.com, friendfinders.com.... There are many kinds of girls and men there. But not all of them are bad. If you could understand Vietnamese you could have a look on "chongtayvoviet.com" website. There are so many people find their love by using these dating website. At the same time, there are some Vietnamese girls are cheated on men. IF WE ONLY LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE SAID, WE CANT DO ANYTHING, JUST UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND TRY YOUR BEST TO GET WHAT YOU REALLY WANT/ EXPECT

2/ I've dated a few girls but nothing pan-out a couple of them seem all fine and well in the beginning but it all went down hill after a few weeks ==> Maybe you did not find the right one yet. Or maybe there is something misunderstanding between both of you. You can re think to find out what problem it is and improve for the next time

3/ Are all the girls looking for marriage only??? ==> Is it what a serious relationship is leading to? That must take time to understand a person, your girl will need time too, to see if you are the one who she is looking for. Any serious relationship will expect to have a good ending and make them live reponsibly, care more about each other, set up a future together. Will you go on with a relationship that you know that it will lead to nowhere. It will just bring both of you hurt. I am not saying that you have to marry her, just be serious when you start a relationship and see how it works, then decide to go on or not, do not be a man who just wanna flirt arround... I know some couple of Vietnamese and foreigners they love each other very much and the girl never expect to get married with that man and it may be a reason for that man to love her. They are living happily together and I am sure that when their love is strong enough and the man is old enough to think about the future together they will end up with a happy marriage. (JUST ABOUT TIME, RIGHT PEOPLE COME AT THE RIGHT MOMENT)

4/ Is it a cultural thing??? ==> More or less as people also discussed above that parents always make stressure on their daughters (its less in HCMC but out of HCMC its the truth. And also as I explained above that its what people expect in a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

These are what I think, I hope i do not against other's thought or something. Just to reply topic owner's concern.

Thanks everyone for reading and have a nice day to ya

Best regards,

Sarah

I read through this topic and it is no different than other commentary from other websites on this subject matter.  Based on my experiences, which has been stated before, there are good and bad people everywhere.  I think the reason that so many comments are different or express differing opinions is because all of us are different and we have different life experiences.  Both the writer and the reader need to understand that what may be normal for one, may not be normal for the other.  Thus, we get the back and forth discussing how someone may be wrong, sometimes adamantly.  It is not about right and wrong, it is about your experiences related to this subject matter.  What really drives these misunderstandings are generalizations applied across the board, which should not be done. 

Dating in Vietnam is not much different than other countries that i have participated in the dating scene.  From North America, South America and SEA.  Yes, there are language differences and some cultural differences.  However, when you get to know the other person and/or their family, I do not see many differences.  Based on my experiences, The man, the woman and the families have similar interest when it comes to a relationship that is on the road to marriage.  Gold diggers, good girls, in law issues etc, they are not limited to Vietnam or Asia.  I have seen it everywhere I have dated a local girl.  For example, I have 2 sisters (yes i am from the USA) and all the issues raised here are the same with my sisters and my parents.  Although people assume the USA does not have discrimination, I am sorry to disappoint you, but it does, just not publicly.  Every guy my sisters dated was put through the ring of fire of my parents all for the same reasons parents in Vietnam do it for their daughters.  Gold diggers in the USA?  Of course and there are plenty. 

Just my 2 cents, but what I have learned from having relationships with women from another country is this, I treat them no different than how I would treat a woman from my country.  I am not putting on a show because eventually you will stop your acting and the real you will eventually be seen.  Also, I do not go to bars to meet a potential mate, just my preference because the odds of finding what you are looking for are against you.  I always take it slow, no matter how wonderful i may feel about the girl.  It takes time, a long time to get to know someone.  What works well, be respectful, kind, understanding, ROMANTIC, communicate and make her laugh.  What i have found out is that if you treat people well, no matter where you are in the world, even bad people will eventually be good to you or give you an indication that they are not good people and that you should look elsewhere.  Maybe i am lucky, but yes, I have met some bad women, but in the end, they always come out and tell part of their story or give you hints that she is not the one.

As some of the women here have commented, it works both ways as well.  There are plenty of foreign men with bad intentions so if you are a local girl, how would you feel?  I am sure many here have heard the horror stories so I do not need to explain further, just think about the girl your dating and why she may behave a certain way.  What i find interesting about Vietnamese women, the ones i know, they may not always tell you directly what they want, but talk around it and hope you understand.  It took me forever to understand this with my girlfriend. 

Until next time, enjoy life everyday because you do not know what tomorrow brings.

Hi VNdreamer,

I absolutely agree with you. Love is no different everywhere. When you really care about a person and wanna get into a relationship with her.

BTW, I would like to share you you men or women a book named "ACT LIKE A LADY-THINK LIKE A MAN"-Steve Harvey. This one is a MUST READ book about what man acts, thinks about relationships, business and how man loves too.. :-)

He said, men who wanna date girls are the same as a fisher, when a fish is hooked, the fisher will decide to keep it or throw it back the water. There are two kinds of men fishers are sport fishing (throwback) and keeper

" A man fishes for 2 reasons: he's either sport fishing or finishing to eat, which means he's either going to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he's going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This I think , is a great analogy for how men seek out women"

"A sport fish has no rules, requirements, he just want to "date and see how it goes, he has no plan for any ongoing relationships, is not expecting anything in particular"

" A keeper is the men who is capable of being loyal to a woman and taking good care of her, appreciative of what she is bringing into the relationship and ready for love-true, long-lasting love"

" Some men really are just sport fishing and have no intention of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed. If this is the case with this man then let him walk- what do you care? He's not the guy you are looking for."==> THIS IS THE REASON WHY WOMEN DECIDE TO GO ON WITH YOU MAN AFTER THE FIRST DATE

Maybe a country is poorer than the others. But you can not say that the people in that country are poorer than you. What clue to consider a person is poor? There are only 2 kinds of people GOOD and BAD. If you have more money than others but you have noone really love you means you are a poor one. And if you act badly to people, you are never higher than them.

Thanks everyone

Sarah

Sarah Ly wrote:

BTW, I would like to share you you men or women a book named "ACT LIKE A LADY-THINK LIKE A MAN"-Steve Harvey.

Hey, Sarah, you remind me about this:
Với phụ nữ, cần yêu họ nhiều hơn và hiểu họ ít thôi.
Với đàn ông, cần hiểu họ nhiều hơn và yêu họ ít thôi.
I don't know English version (tried to find, but not found yet!). Do you know this in English?
BTW, I like your post. Maybe we will talk about dating in next gathering  . Sure I will learn much from you, em gái!

Morning Ngattt,

Where did you read that quote? It is " For women, you need to love them more and understand them less, but for men, you need to understand them more and love them less instead"

Hey sister, I am not sure if I completely agree with you on that. LOL. Anyways, to understand about men more please check for the book I mentioned above. You will find all the answers about how men love, think, act, etc... I just read about 82 pages within 3 days and I absolutely in love with this book. Its definitely right about men. We women will know how to deal with them after reading this book...

If you do not want to buy a book, you can check for the PDF file :-D on google.

BTWs, I wanna share with you one thing is: " MEN ALWAYS HAVE PLANS. When it comes to relationship, you're either being kicked or you're potential long-terms material. Its can't be both"-STEVE HARVEY

Have a nice day to ya, sister

Sarah

@Sarah: I read the quote in Internet, and I want to find original English version. I don't know why, but I like it, haha .
I had pdf file of that book last night. Did you still remember my job ? When somebody talks about any interesting books, I always try to find, but often, I don't have enough time and be patient to read everything in English version . These days I am preparing many slides for a special class in next 2 months, I must read many English books/slides everyday (IT books always in English, you know). I am going to die because of English

About men: I tried to understand them in many years, I read many news/books about men to understand, to be sympathetic more, and more importantly, I want my life is happier. But now, I really don't want to understand them anymore! The more I know, the more I am disappointed, haha. The eyes don't see, the heart doesn't hurt ! But still, you are young, you should understand them more . When you are old enough like me, you just want to love yourselft, do everything you like, don't care about men much ...

Anyway, thanks for your introducing the book, I will try to read it, because I want to improve my English, not because of understanding men . I saw it is quite easy to read.

.

@ Ngattt,,

Your welcome. Yeah, this book is easy to read and you will find it interesting as its really true.

As a half of the world is men so its useful to deal with men in general ( male co-worker, bosses, friends).

Let me know ur feedback about that book later

Thanks

Sarah

Funny how this thread has so many replies to a simple issue. According to the Vietnam national census ~1M girls in Vietnam become 18 years old each year and ~30% of that are attractive and about ~50% do prostitution work (bars, clubs, massage, brothel, hostess etc). So you still have ~150K attractive good ones to choose from so what's the issue people? 

Players will hate and haters will hate. Don't hate the player hate the game.

HOIHEO wrote:

Funny how this thread has so many replies to a simple issue. According to the Vietnam national census ~1M girls in Vietnam become 18 years old each year and ~30% of that are attractive and about ~50% do prostitution work (bars, clubs, massage, brothel, hostess etc). So you still have ~150K attractive good ones to choose from so what's the issue people? 

did you just make up those stats?

Sarah Ly wrote:

Hi VNdreamer,

I absolutely agree with you. Love is no different everywhere. When you really care about a person and wanna get into a relationship with her.

BTW, I would like to share you you men or women a book named "ACT LIKE A LADY-THINK LIKE A MAN"-Steve Harvey. This one is a MUST READ book about what man acts, thinks about relationships, business and how man loves too.. :-)

He said, men who wanna date girls are the same as a fisher, when a fish is hooked, the fisher will decide to keep it or throw it back the water. There are two kinds of men fishers are sport fishing (throwback) and keeper

" A man fishes for 2 reasons: he's either sport fishing or finishing to eat, which means he's either going to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he's going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This I think , is a great analogy for how men seek out women"

"A sport fish has no rules, requirements, he just want to "date and see how it goes, he has no plan for any ongoing relationships, is not expecting anything in particular"

" A keeper is the men who is capable of being loyal to a woman and taking good care of her, appreciative of what she is bringing into the relationship and ready for love-true, long-lasting love"

" Some men really are just sport fishing and have no intention of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed. If this is the case with this man then let him walk- what do you care? He's not the guy you are looking for."==> THIS IS THE REASON WHY WOMEN DECIDE TO GO ON WITH YOU MAN AFTER THE FIRST DATE

Maybe a country is poorer than the others. But you can not say that the people in that country are poorer than you. What clue to consider a person is poor? There are only 2 kinds of people GOOD and BAD. If you have more money than others but you have noone really love you means you are a poor one. And if you act badly to people, you are never higher than them.

Thanks everyone

Sarah

READ MY LIPS...STEVE HARVEY IS A FRAUD LIKE AL SHARPTON AND JESSIE JACKSON.

Cloud9 wrote:

HOIHEO wrote:

Funny how this thread has so many replies to a simple issue. According to the Vietnam national census ~1M girls in Vietnam become 18 years old each year and ~30% of that are attractive and about ~50% do prostitution work (bars, clubs, massage, brothel, hostess etc). So you still have ~150K attractive good ones to choose from so what's the issue people? 

did you just make up those stats?

87.2 percent of stats are made up on the spot.

bryanmills wrote:

Cloud9 wrote:

HOIHEO wrote:

Funny how this thread has so many replies to a simple issue. According to the Vietnam national census ~1M girls in Vietnam become 18 years old each year and ~30% of that are attractive and about ~50% do prostitution work (bars, clubs, massage, brothel, hostess etc). So you still have ~150K attractive good ones to choose from so what's the issue people? 

did you just make up those stats?

87.2 percent of stats are made up on the spot.

and you're one of those 87.2 percent

it's not about culture. it's about your communication. be honest and straight forward to the girl. what you want in the relationship should be acknowledged by the girl too.
good luck

jen

I kinda given up on dating here in VN. My only mode of transportation is a Ducati motorcycle. The ladies here seem to don't like it and complain that it's a little loud and they sit too high in the back...

So now I mostly go cruising around this beautiful country and explore the beautiful scenery and meet wonderful people ....

HOIHEO wrote:

Funny how this thread has so many replies to a simple issue. According to the Vietnam national census ~1M girls in Vietnam become 18 years old each year and ~30% of that are attractive and about ~50% do prostitution work (bars, clubs, massage, brothel, hostess etc). So you still have ~150K attractive good ones to choose from so what's the issue people? 

If I were a Vietnamese girl, I'd be slapping your face at this point.

Frankly, your numbers appear to be total crap.
Care to provide links to prove them?

I know there are so many bad things about Vietnam girls in foreigners mind but whole the world, always have good people and bad people. And in Viet Nam as well, there are so many nice girls with high knowledge and good souls. Just take easy, when the right time come, you can meet the right girl. Maybe when you meet the right Vietnam girl and you want  to purpose her, she will refuse you. Who knows? Dont think all Vietnam girls want to marry, I'm sure it's totally not truth. We live in poor country but we good enough to get the best life by ourselves ^.^.

Good luck!

saigonmonkey wrote:

Charlie,
Forget everything you've ever learned in the US about starting relationships with women. It's just not the same here. NashCat has made some good comments and I agree with most of them. I also agree that there appear to be some good girls here on Expat.com. That's about as close as you're going to get as far as situations simialar to American dating. Now, after you're in a relationship, I will say that women are women, whether they're American, Vietnamese, Chinese, whatever - all have basically the same overall expectations for happiness and you have to respect that. It's my experience though, that the Asian women are easier to live with. (Apologies to all you western women out there...)

Somedays ago when i felt problem with my boyfriend, i feel like he compared me with a gf of his Hungarian roommate (this guy lives in vn and has many girl friend, he changes it almost every day).

Since i have my bf i stop caring about my beauty, (i cut hair, do bracing, no make up, nice clothes.. ) bc i think he is a well-educated man (docter), he loves me bc of my characters or personality somethings bla bla... When my big tits gf came to see me, and i heard that they was talking about her tits. crazy.. after all MAN ARE MAN 
And from ur comment today i saw WOMEN ARE WOMEN 
It's true, yes. we are both human.

Ha ha ha...  so funny,  today most of young people live together without getting married affected from western society. I really don't know it is really good or bad.  But i have no idea about  it. As they are adults,  can do anything they want guys.

I agree with Claireengtalk1 that if couples want to live together without getting married then so be it. They are both adults.

With other comments posted on here, it's not just VN girls or boys that are good or bad. It all over the world and I personally think it depends on the person you meet. 

Somedays ago when i felt problem with my boyfriend, i feel like he compared me with a gf of his Hungarian roommate (this guy lives in vn and has many girl friend, he changes it almost every day).

If he changes it everyday, then you can question whether this guy will be loyal ..     Better get him changed and let him lead his 'changing it everyday life' because i doubt it the good women out there will want someone like this   

Hi hi hi...  it is a casual dating...   he is not my type.

"Hi hi hi...  it is a casual dating...   he is not my type."   

Ya if he changes clothes everyday then good but changing gf everyday ... Not good lah. ... Hihih

 

jazzy851 wrote:

Ya if he changes clothes everyday then good but changing gf everyday ... Not good lah. ... Hihih

 

I think he just wants to have more sex partner, not gf, until he can find someone who makes him happy always. Almost Vietnamese women are not open-minded with sex, maybe it makes foreigners feel bored.

I think he just wants to have more sex partner, not gf, until he can find someone who makes him happy always. Almost Vietnamese women are not open-minded with sex, maybe it makes foreigners feel bored.

He seems like the naughty type 

Claireengtalk1 wrote:

Ha ha ha...  so funny,  today most of young people live together without getting married affected from western society. I really don't know it is really good or bad.  But i have no idea about  it. As they are adults,  can do anything they want guys.

well, we has been together for 1,5 years. we has been engaged. we had meet our parents both in VN and Europe.
And i was living abroad with a foreigner Family for some years, i was affected maybe from them and the country, so maybe i'm not a good girl like you.

well, we has been together for 1,5 years. we has been engaged.

Good luck and hope all goes well 

jazzy851 wrote:

Somedays ago when i felt problem with my boyfriend, i feel like he compared me with a gf of his Hungarian roommate (this guy lives in vn and has many girl friend, he changes it almost every day).

If he changes it everyday, then you can question whether this guy will be loyal ..     Better get him changed and let him lead his 'changing it everyday life' because i doubt it the good women out there will want someone like this   

i think u didnt read my reply really. the Bungarian is not my boy friend.
It is: we rent a big apartment together, the Bungarian takes one room, i and my bf take one.

I understood the topic - I know it's the Hungarian who is changing everyday 

No worries ...

Ngocanhkdqt wrote:

. after all MAN ARE MAN 
And from ur comment today i saw WOMEN ARE WOMEN 
It's true, yes. we are both human.

If MEN are NOT MEN then they are GAY and sure they don't love you hehe.
In my opinion, I always take care of myself, never stop that, not just because of men but I want myself to be confident always with my appearance, even all men said to me: I love women by her personality, I never really believe hehe.
I don't say you love someone because of money, but now if your man couldn't earn any money, and what will you think? Do you feel happy with him always?

You were pretty and then you stop caring yourself, maybe it makes your partner think you are changing, and you are  bored. So how does he feel happy?

]
I agree totally agree with u but:

If it is so, i would be really dissapoited.  People have their time, their period. i'm in my hard time. I'm sure in ur life u muss have a time like this before  My hair will be long again, my bracing will be finished and some stuffs of my life will be solved that i have time for myself again, it is sure,  and i will be pretty again. Yes i'm girl, but i will be a women, a wife, a mother.. i can not sure i can always care for my beauty, i will have many other things that are more importance.
For example: my husband get sick and can not work anymore,he is in a difficult time and my children are beated at their school, would i care for my beauty?

Sorry girl, no excuse. I am having a really terrible time in about 3 years, when I had to make many important decisions, got divorced with my good husband, moved out of my first own house,  many people called me to complain why I was so stupid...  but I never forget to care about myself. I am wearing brace too, I just had some days I cried in long time, my eyes looked so big, but whenever I am out of my room, I make up for my face, my eyes to make me much better. I don't want to talk about what happened and what I am really thinking about in these terrible days, but people around me still see my smiles every day. I never want my colleagues/students see my terrible face, because I don't want they start a new day with terrible things.

If MEN are NOT MEN then they are GAY and sure they don't love you hehe

Sounds about right.
Most men will do what's on offer.
I was very naughty before I got married.

the girls wear high heels when go out in daytime, even if they gonna do groceries.. they don't like the ducati style i guess.. how are they supposed to sit on this with a long dress? i mean.. most of the girls dress up like this and those are the beautiful ones.. i been in HCMC a few times..