Why do foreigners avoid eye contact with other foreigners?

They might be afraid in a strange country, i will do if people keep staring at me when i visit abroad.
I also assume they will be friendly chatting once have a close contact.

maybe i'm not right because i'm not a foreigner.

BR,

Why would they? There are so many foreigners in District 1.

Most of my friends are VN, the main reason being that a lot of expats are just downright unfriendly. I have helped some people here on Expat.com when they first arrived in Vung Tau, we met and they said we will meet again soon, that was the last time I heard from them.I also met a guy who posts on here who lives not too far from me, we met once and I have never heard from him again. I sent him some emails to meet again but heard nothing, strange,very strange indeed.So I basically dont go out of my way for expats, the locals are far more friendlier.

It's all based our mind. I cannot agree with fully but surely many of them just want to ignore. We don't lose anything when we look at others' face and wish with a smile. Whenever I face someone whether it is local Vietnamese or foreigner, I greet with a smile. I got many good response and also ignorance. I think many of them may scared of a new country. So they compelled to act like that.

I've noticed this a little bit. I think I will go out of my way to get in their faces from now on. I don't know about other foreigners, but I've noticed that Americans can be really uptight. Not the kind of people I want to know anyway.  I was really happy that a guy I met here in d7 started a conversation with me in the super market. First person in my 10 days here, I think.

I noted this long before I moved here.  So did friends of mine who were only here a few weeks.  Two part answer.

(1) eye contact: just plain squirrelly (aka "shy" but this is something more contemptible than shyness)

(2) approaching and introducing oneself to other westerners: I do it sometimes.  Not when people are studiously pretending not to see me.  But not often and here's why.

An hour in the tourist areas of Saigon and I am desperate nay frantic to differentiate myself from them.   The last thing I want anyone to think is that I am just another westerner here to act like a big shot, power-guzzle cheap toxins, and screw prostitutes.  No, I live here, I speak the language, I eat Vietnamese food.  The tourists are heavily weighted with human trash and I'm ashamed that a lot of them are my fellow citizens. 

Then there are the expats.  Back in America we had somehow auto-segregated into the like-minded.  Everyone I knew had attitudes resembling mine.  We didn't know any stupid people after high school and we didn't know people with lousy attitudes outside work, and at work the bigots had to keep their mouths shut.

Come over here and we're all thrown together.  If I run into a random American he's likelier to be a sports fan or a libertarian or a degenerate alcoholic as someone I have any chance of being friends with.  And he is very likely to be a boorish rude jerk bragging about how much more money he has then the Vietnamese.  Or how great it is to live somewhere he doesn't have to take any guff about being considerate of other people (the first expat I met here said exactly this). 

And then there's what colinoscapee said.  You meet someone, and if you want to develop any social relationship, you have to do all the work.

Wow, the fellow-expat bashing train is taking off in earnest, I see. I'll poke the beehive.

Here's a point to think about: if most of the expats you meet don't want anything to do with you, does the problem lie with them or with you?

Similarly, if you look down on most foreigners you meet, what does that say about yourself?

I must be fortunate because I have never experienced any of that. Most foreigners I have run into have been quite nice. But then again, I have never been to Can Tho where rumor has it some grmpy old foreigner lives in a golden palace high up on the hill to look down upon the lil people.

Iv`e seen the same attitude and in Australia it`s particulary noticeable, our indigenous friend don`t tollerate prolonged eye contact, its seen ( he he ) as an invasion of personal space, a wise man said to me that, when people travell to ( exotic) place people, subconciously want to be having the experience exclusively, and so choose to ignore others who look similar, to TRY and be friendly, is only going to wear you out, be natuaral and don`t be offended, each to thier own. The best thing for me when I 1ST arrived in that lovely country was getting lost 5-6 times a day,then finding help from another humanE being, enjoy the knowledge and friends you have but dont force it on others. I`ts like the sign at the service station about credit  The comment about xpats was unrequired and off topic, the subject is foriegners!!!!

ssuprnova wrote:

if most of the expats you meet don't want anything to do with you, does the problem lie with them or with you?

I'll cop to being picky on who I want to get to know.  Absolutely.  Aren't you?  I've met more expats here I didn't want to get to know than ones I did.  Just like back home.  Is this supposed to be astonishing?  I have weird tastes in many things so, yeah, most people I meet aren't going to be people I end up wanting to be friends with.  It'd be odd were it otherwise.

Is it different for you?  Are you so gregarious that everyone you run into in the grocery store ends up invited to Xmas dinner, a friend for life?

But what I got in what colinoscapee said wasn't about the incompatibles, it was about people who meet and seem to hit it off but then the other just vanishes.  I haven't had that happen to me here. 

And I didn't see anyone looking down on most foreigners.  I certainly don't.  I have a lot of Vietnamese friends and not a single one of my expat friends is an American.

I have to admit that I have the same experience with other foreigners not making eye contact. I was greatly saddened by this aloofness when I got here. Not sure why it has to be this way.

Parmyd wrote:

I must be fortunate because I have never experienced any of that. Most foreigners I have run into have been quite nice. But then again, I have never been to Can Tho where rumor has it some grmpy old foreigner lives in a golden palace high up on the hill to look down upon the lil people.

Hmmm, are you talking about CF? He is back on the forum. 

Not sure about other places but in densley populated California, people do not make eye contact with each other unless
they're interested in you for one reason or another, be it romantically, aggressively or maybe you just look weird (but that one is a frowned upon reason  )

I do not stare at expats here unless I'm interested to get to know them, why must we gawk at each other every time we cross paths? I use to "make eye contact" for the acceptable amount of half a second and that ended with guys taking it the wrong way. So no, no more staring for this lady unless I'm wearing shades.

It's different for me because I'm Asian, and so most people assume I'm a Vietnamese local unless they overhear me speaking English. (Many Chinese tourists have actually approached me asking for directions -- they must have some sixth sense when it comes to detecting fellow Chinese people. Now that I live in District 5, I just assume that if a shop I'm entering has a sign in Chinese characters as well as Vietnamese, then the staff there will speak a little Chinese.)

I don't avoid eye contact with people, but I also don't go out of my way to say hi, even if I overhear a group of Americans talking about something I have in common with them (like being from Philly). I just assume that they wouldn't appreciate being bothered, and have their own itinerary. It's different if I'm at an event with them -- like, we're in the same yoga workshop or expat meetup. Then, I find it socially acceptable and comfortable to go around talking to strangers.

The few times when men have approached me when I was sitting alone in a cafe or walking around the backpacker area in broad daylight have been pretty creepy. I remember one guy asking me if I was Japanese, and then immediately launching into a monologue about his sexual preferences when it comes to Asian women, and then another guy telling me that it didn't matter that I have a boyfriend that I'm in a long-distance relationship with because fidelity is a social construct or something and then holding my arms down by my sides and trying to kiss me. I've learned to really appreciate people minding their own business and not bothering me!

Well Pham Ngu Lao does seem to attract some really seedy guys. I remember one guy there, he was an Australian of Indian heritage, he would go after the ladies who walk around  selling stuff. He said they are cheaper to buy for sex then going to a hooker. He was there for quite a few years always walking around looking for cheap sex. Total scumbag.

milkybunnyHCM wrote:

Not sure about other places but in densley populated California, people do not make eye contact with each other unless
they're interested in you for one reason or another, be it romantically, aggressively or maybe you just look weird (but that one is a frowned upon reason  )

I do not stare at expats here unless I'm interested to get to know them, why must we gawk at each other every time we cross paths? I use to "make eye contact" for the acceptable amount of half a second and that ended with guys taking it the wrong way. So no, no more staring for this lady unless I'm wearing shades.

I guess we have to define what is eye contact and what sex you are. If you are a female; do not make eye contact unlesss you want to meet that person. Eye contact needs to be fleeting and not more than a millisecond followed with a slight nod of the head. Of course we don't have any of that here, so the definition is of no use.
I spent almost 2 years in the outback of Australia and would always wave at other vehicles as we passed, It was a kind of recognition of each of us being in an unforgiving landscape. If I pulled over for a break, no vehicle would pass unless I acknowledged there wasn't a problem. When in Rhodesia Caucasians would acknowledge others because it was a rarity to see one. Of course here there are so many of those pesky tourists it would be silly to acknowledge the other, I guess.

I have had some bad experience but not about eye contact. Some foreigners messaged me to ask about life in Vietnam, where to live, ....in long emails with many questions before they wanted to settle down in Vietnam. I even helped out to find them nice place to stay. When they finally in Vietnam and stay at where I helped them find, said would invite me a beer for my help. Never heard from them again, even when I messaged them to ask if they were doing fine in Vietnam. Not that I wanted a beer coz I earn more than enough money to pay for my beer. Just so weird some foreigners!

Ngan Khanh wrote:

I have had some bad experience but not about eye contact. Some foreigners messaged me to ask about life in Vietnam, where to live, ....in long emails with many questions before they wanted to settle down in Vietnam. I even helped out to find them nice place to stay. When they finally in Vietnam and stay at where I helped them find, said would invite me a beer for my help. Never heard from them again, even when I messaged them to ask if they were doing fine in Vietnam. Not that I wanted a beer coz I earn more than enough money to pay for my beer. Just so weird some foreigners!

Name and shame.
Nationality?
First name?

No truth in stories without factual evidence.
Save other EB members from similar problems.

Go and ask them. The op doesn't know or he probably wouldn't write this post.

I agree. Perhaps it's because  too many Americans abroad are riddled with insecurity, guilt, fear, doubt, and suspicion - not precisely components of a long-lasting relationship of honor and trust.

A lot of the ways foreigners act here is because they are 'ego-feeders' !

Its more important to be nice, than to be impotent / important

Maybe the foreigner simply does not want to talk (or have the time to talk). If they are walking past the café you are at, perhaps it is at a very busy section of the city street.

I speak English and Spanish, and very little Vietnamese and honestly, I find some comfort in that.  I do not have to engage in chit chat but can go about on whatever it is I am doing.

It can be strange though when people avoid eye contact, and I guess there can be a few reasons for this. But if you notice, Asians do the same with each other. I have seen many times where they just walk past one another and do the same thing. Generally, Westerners ( and this includes those of the Latin countries of Central & South America ) as well as Arabic peoples, are more outgoing, open,  and expressive.

I've seen enough "foreigners" where I live already, don't need to see more of them in Vietnam.

To Contributor.
I have notice many many Western products in Viet Nam, or copycats of Western products & images. Wonder why that is.

Also, the World Bank has been putting millions upon millions of dollars into developing Viet Nam. This has been going on for some years now. Also, American Exxon Mobil Oil & Gas has been working with Viet Nam to develop the oil and gas, mostly in the China Sea. (probably has a lot to do with what China has chosen to do in the China Sea).

My point is though, since the World Bank is pumping so much money into Viet Nam, there will be more people here from other parts of the World. There will be more construction projects, infrastructure upgrades and improvements. More career paths and of course more jobs in many areas.

In America they are more accustomed to foreigners coming to live and work there in America. People from all over the World have been moving to America for hundreds of years; its what we are born into. Of course there are always going to be the red neck types that make it difficult for foreigners of different religions, customs, races, and ethnicities.

Also, I have noticed that people that live in big cities are different than those that live in the country. My Vietnamese wife also says that people in the country are kinder and more honest than city folks. I agree.

Honestly, I think people in Hanoi are the least friendly.  My wife wanted to order a bowl of pho, but the guy wanted to charge her double because she's from Saigon, then he asks "So are you going to order it or not?" haha.  I guess they're still bitter about the whole Vietnam war thing 40 years ago.

I have to agree though, I love countryside people, they're very nice.

mikeymyke wrote:

Honestly, I think people in Hanoi are the least friendly.  My wife wanted to order a bowl of pho, but the guy wanted to charge her double because she's from Saigon, then he asks "So are you going to order it or not?" haha.  I guess they're still bitter about the whole Vietnam war thing 40 years ago.

I have to agree though, I love countryside people, they're very nice.

No I'm not. Just ask any froggy on here, ( and some wannabe EX Pats ).

Yes. Generally speaking, people of the country are less up-tight, more casual and easy going. That goes for all over the World generally. In New York city people are hustling and bustling with their busy lives. Same for Tokyo, Beijing, Mexico City, etc.  Of course there are those even in the country that can have their own 'ways' about them no matter where one goes on this planet.

The World is changing, has been, and will continue to change. Many people just don't seem to care anymore.  The internet and cell phones have replaced many face to face conversations. Many people just seem to think that al the resources we consume and use everyday for personal pleasures, are just going to last for infinity. Responsibility, ethics, and morality seem to be going by the wayside as more people chase after short term personal pleasures..always seeking to satisfy only the 'self'. 

Maybe some of those that avoid eye contact just don't want to get involved much with strangers in societies today...until they come to know another person.  Maybe its safer that way in some ways. I think women have it the worst always having to deal with men on the streets or wherever they go.

I dont avoid eye contact, but i dont make a point of looking in the eyes of all foreigners. What for? I wouldent do it back home, it could get me in trouble. Im very approchable, very friendly, if anyone wanted to speak to me, i would be more than happy. I do see alot of misrable faces who i wouldent want to talk to, and they seem to be stuck on a Russian body. Dont ask me whats up with these people, you would have thought that they have been sent to Siberia, rather than having a holliday in Vietnam.

Jeff Brewster wrote:

I dont avoid eye contact, but i dont make a point of looking in the eyes of all foreigners. What for? I wouldent do it back home, it could get me in trouble. Im very approchable, very friendly, if anyone wanted to speak to me, i would be more than happy.

This is pretty much me. I don't stare at expats but plenty come up to me and start convos and I'm more than willing to chat and make friends. I've only approached two foreigners myself but I'm just a bit shy with starting convos. lol

milkybunnyHCM wrote:

Jeff Brewster wrote:

I dont avoid eye contact, but i dont make a point of looking in the eyes of all foreigners. What for? I wouldent do it back home, it could get me in trouble. Im very approchable, very friendly, if anyone wanted to speak to me, i would be more than happy.

This is pretty much me. I don't stare at expats but plenty come up to me and start convos and I'm more than willing to chat and make friends. I've only approached two foreigners myself but I'm just a bit shy with starting convos. lol

I always say hello when I can, but as soon as I pick a " foreigner  ' accent, I don't try and converse with them, I have enough dealings with unintelligible VN's trying to learn/speak English, without trying to decipher Foreigners as well.

Especially frog foreigners

Happy8888 wrote:

Especially frog foreigners

Yes,  him as well, and now he is " teaching  " little kiddies English, ( joke ), at least he can get closer to them this way?

Ouch

ewwwww. 

First rule of a tourist when you are on the streets of a big city, keep moving and don't talk to anyone. May be that is part of it. I live in Vung Tau and when I run into foreigners on the street I say good morning and such. About 70% reply.

In the US, in big cities, it is dangerous to look at and talk to people you don't know on the streets.

Well I come from Perth in Western Australia and I say hello to many people in the city and I have never had a problem. Maybe people are friendlier there because no one has guns and everyone feels safe

Happy8888 wrote:

Well I come from Perth in Western Australia and I say hello to many people in the city and I have never had a problem. Maybe people are friendlier there because no one has guns and everyone feels safe

NZ used to be like like as well, now if you are the wrong colour, and they have had a few beers, you are likely to get a smack in the head, ( in the cities , the country isn't that bad yet ).

Colour differences changed the safety of the Western Worlds big cities. I think all the cities of Canada, Australia and New Zealand were safe 24/7 until about the late 80's. The funny thing is I feel safer at midnight in Saigon than I do in Vancouver, Sydney etc.