distant relationship with a Jordanian

Follow your Heart,But take your Brain with you

(A Bautiful saying that i keep in mind whenever i went somewhere to meet new peoples or went to Country i never been)

Hi,
i am Jordanian and i live in Jordan.... about the political situation in Jordan is still calm and nothing needed to be worry...

I agree with Kate29 said, you may follow your heart and take your Brain with you....
You may come to his Familys home, and i am sure they will be very hospitable to you... About the the Islam and Muslims, i advice you not to hear what the Media say... yes Jordanians or better to say Muslims have many failures, which i hope must be corrected in the future....

we have an expression in Arabic which says: No one is complete....

i wish you all the best...

filastin000 wrote:

Hi everyone! I'm new here :-)
I'm from Italy and I'm writing here because I need an advice from you. This summer in Egypt I met a Jordanian guy and we fell in love. When I came back home, we decided to start a relationship even if he lives in Amman and I live in Italy. For now it seems working out very well. Anyway, I've decided to book a flight to go to Amman and he seemed happy of that. He told me that he will host me at his home and I'm really excited of this new experience. The "problem" is that he is Muslim and my father still doesen't accept this relationship because of the prejudices about muslim and islam. I must confess that I'm a little worried too because I'm going to "live" for 17 days in a house and with people of which I don't know anything. But at the same time I'm confident because I trust him and I know he is open minded and won't hurt me neither emotionally nor phisically.
Should I trust him? Can some Jordanian broke the stereotypes about Arabs? Do they really exist? What can I say to my father to convince him? Is the political situation calm there in Amman?
My decision is going for it anyway and take that "risk" but I'm curious to know your opinion about it. Thank you in advance :-)

Why you keep asking those questions when you made your decision already ?

It will not matter what others think or advice....just think if it is worth to trouble with your father and other family members

Jordan is safe and you should be ok, my guess that since he offered you to stay in his house, that his family is secular Muslims, it seems that your father is the one with the issue(s). stay positive  and take a chance. Oh and do not sing Abba's song!

I agree with the failures and why keep asking such questions! What can others know about people they don't know!!

You will be safe... But one has to wonder what he told the family members to allow you to stay in the home. LOL. Go for the experience,  just be smart. Educate your self on the culture.

Well, I'm sure you're aware that if the relationship continues and at some point you begin thinking in terms of marriage that means you MUST convert to Islam, otherwise the relationship is already going down a dead end street.

If your father disapproves of the relationship now because of his prejudice against Muslims, what's that going to be like if it gets more serious? Young people today think that love is everything, yet most really don't have a clue as to exactly what it is, let alone who to attain it. Love, real love is being content with being cast out by your entire family simply because you're with someone you truly love. Could you handle that? Would you still be happy if your family shunned you? If the answer is no, then maybe you'd better re-examine your relationship completely.

Cheers,
James     Expat-blog Experts Team

Well, I'm sure you're aware that if the relationship continues and at some point you begin thinking in terms of marriage that means you MUST convert to Islam, otherwise the relationship is already going down a dead end street.

i don't agree with what James wrote, if you marry him, you MUST NOT convert to Islam, so you can stay as a christ or a Jew....

urs...

I'm married with my husband for almost eighteen years and I am not convert to the Islam. So it is possible to have a long lasting relationship. One of the keys is to respect each others traditions, culture and religion.

You have to keep in mind if you decide to marry and when children are on their way, they will be Muslims. The father can insist on a Muslim nurture and you have to follow these rules. In that case it can be handy to convert.
But only if you wanted too.

In traditional Muslim families, it is my understanding that they will not tolerate their children marrying non-Muslims. Perhaps I misspoke by saying MUST, but in most cases if the non-Muslim is not willing to convert the relationship usually grinds to a halt. Or has Islam changed somehow?

At any rate, if the OP's father is against the relationship now, that is not going to change whether she converts or not.

It is not perhaps,  u surely made a mistake. ..
Who told you that tradition muslim families will not tolerate their children?  Could you please tell us an example?
I have a friend, who has a gernan wife, his father was in mekka more than your resedent in Jordan.... he told me that his father respects his wife more than him....
so your theory, its also wrong....
Cheers

I agree with James, Amman is full of Russian women who were gently forced to wear hijab.  in my opinion no one changes their religion by choice...there are too many ways to force someone to change their religion. For example using the kids as part of these pressure tactics to coerce the women to change their religion. sorry the wine is not helping me write proper English..Happy Thanksgiving to all the intelligent  Americans in Jordan

I think, you have to stop drinking wine, and then you may write in good english.
anyway, maybe the Russian ladies,  which you have mentioned, come to work as babysitter,  or for house cleaning.... but we talk about married women, if they were obliged to wear hijab.

We wite here in expat forum, which is full with polite and honest married ladies with jordanian men, so I invite all married women to write here, if they were obliged to wear hijab or not? I hope that all of them participate us this discussion. ...

Thanx in advance

it is futile to have this discussion with you sir...you are not making any sense!

So let the other married women make the sense which u need and eager to hear 

one important fact needs to be added to this discussion.  the most important reason to why women who marry Muslim men in Jordan convert to Islam is financial. A Christian cannot inherit a Muslim, therefore these women convert to Islam to be able to inherit their husbands..hopefully this is informative

My husbands family are very traditional Muslims. We have been married almost 20 years and I have two children from this marriage. I am not Muslim, neither are my two children. I respect their religion as they respect my beliefs. So I disagree with "you or your children must be Muslim for this relationship to work"
Granted, we do not live in Amman, but the kids and I visit all summer long. My kids,  do not fast during Ramadan, nor do I, but that doesn't mean we walk around all day eating in front of others.
My point is... With mutual respects, it can work.
Acceptance from individuals will vary and you will experience many obstacle's along the way. Good luck in your endeavors.

Yes, I agree with you )AngelHeart666) in this point. But we talk about obligation wearing the Hijab...

anyway, Jordan considered as poor land, and I think its men are also poor.... like me 

thanks for every one who accepts or understand the another openion......

Thanks elaine123 to your participation. ....

agree with you Elaine,  because you live in America. .thank God!!

I know so many rich Jordanian men..almost all of them are married to foreign women..the women do not wear hijab but they superficially converted to Islam.

nice, could you please ask these women, if their men obliged them to wear Hijab....

dont forget, that the Hijab is not Islam Idea, Jews and christians wearing it too....

ok ...please read and understand my posting before you give your 5 cents.
where do you come up with these ideas about Christians and Jews wearing hijab?
this is funny! how old are you dude?

it seems that i write uneducated woman, you should go and read the Bible: Genesis 24:65...

please dont be angry, we just discuss, and welcom to you in Jordan, and have a nice residance in my homeland...

it can be found also in: 1 Corinthians 11:3–7

well ..use a translator, think, eat a falafel, understand my posting, and  then respond...good bye and good luck!

Mohdq, I think we are off topic, but I will respond anyway. To be honest with you, I have covered my head two times with a scarf. It wasn't tied and somewhat see-through. Both times were out of respect. The first time was when I visited my mother in laws grave site.The second was entering the building of a distant relatives wedding party. I would highly disagree this constitutes any form of conversion. It was my decision out of respect for the people I was with.
I highly doubt that filistn000 will be forced to cover up on a visit to Amman. Nor can anyone be forced to follow or take on the title of any religion. For crying out loud this girl lives in Italy, she just wants to visit, and we already have her converted to Islam, married, and surrounded by disrespectful family members.

could you please explain, why the none wearing Hijab in the church?
i was in Vatican whith my girlfriend before 4 years, she was secular german, the door keeper didn’t accept let her to enter the Vatican church, because she had not a scarf....

Thanks, i am not hungry to eat Falafel!

Better to you to go and read the verses that I gave you.... educate yourself...

elaine123, yes it was your decision to wear it, no one has obliged you to wear it, I think also in Ohio, where do you live, they wear the Hijab in funeral ceremony and churches, I am not or with Hijab, i just try to explain to AngelHeart666, that Hijab in most cases not an obligation, surely there are traditional family obliged their women or daughter to wear it. Jews (Haridim) obliged their women to wear it, it is the same thing, and Christians also obliged women to wear it in the church.

I try to explain that Hijab is not Islamic symbole, as already taken in Media....

Yes, you have right, but maybe scarf or Hijab discussion can be hilpfull for filistn000....

ok little man...a head scarf is not a hijab, niqab, or a bourqa.  catholic nuns do not wear hijab. why can't you give us some valuable information..improve your spelling!

ok, you don’t know what is the different between the Arabic words, and I apologize you because Arabic is not your mother tongue.

When a woman put a scarf over her head covering her hair, this mean Hijab, in Arabic can be said: Imraa Muhajaba, which means the woman, has a scarf over her head.

Niqab is, when the woman covers her hair and faces even the eyes.

I hope it clear now, and this will make you calm

again you are not very accurate in your descrioption.. a women can wear a scarf and it does not have to be a hijab giving the fact that a scarf does not necessarily hide the hair 100%....ok?!!
by the way, I am sure my Arabic is 10 times better than yours...I am calm and you need to go back to your books and read carefully what you have read before since you don't seem to understand what you read first time. now go and eat your humos and pita. also drink your tea and go to bed..it is pass your bedtime sweetheart!

Yes, like the Persian woman, they don’t cover their hair 100%, but believe me it is called Hijab.

I am very happy to hear that your Arabic is better than my Arabic (my mother tongue), I am proud... but there are in any spoken language expressions, it hard to be understand, or the deference in the meaning between them, is really narrow.

I told you before I am not hungry; just let me know, what do you mean about pita?

It seems that all of you are right according to different situations what makes the confusion. The point however in my opinion is, no matter how many rules there are, a marriage is private and everybody handles it their own way. Therefore it is right to say u must do so since the religion demands it, on the other either people do it or they dont. Having said so, please take into consideration there are countries where one MUST do so, while there are countries allowing personal choice and freedom... There are also differences between the middle eastern and western way how to wear anything...

yes I agree marriage is private until there are problems..then all hell breaks loose and the lawyers take over..in Islamic law the lawyers are used so the disputed couple do not have to show up in court. if you have been to one of these courts you would understand why!

You made a point there! Wouldn't it be more helpful discussing facts such as marriage and divorce procedures instead of unrealistic questions like " I have met someone should I marry him " to make this blog more interesting and useful?

Were getting a bit off topic now, so it would be appreciated if we're going on track again 

The OP asked some questions and I will try to answer them:

filastin000 wrote:

he is Muslim and my father still doesen't accept this relationship because of the prejudices about muslim and islam. I must confess that I'm a little worried too because I'm going to "live" for 17 days in a house and with people of which I don't know anything. But at the same time I'm confident because I trust him and I know he is open minded and won't hurt me neither emotionally nor phisically.
Should I trust him? Can some Jordanian broke the stereotypes about Arabs? Do they really exist? What can I say to my father to convince him? Is the political situation calm there in Amman?

At one hand you say you trust this guy and on the other hand don't.
To be honest: its up to you if you can/must trust him and when you spend time with him, you'll get more info.
That you're going to stay at his family house is a act of trust. You get the experience which not much people can get, its a great way to see the differences from the inside and get value insight. I understand that you are feeling a bit frighten because you don't know what the expect or how to behave. Try to be yourself, and ask as much possible about things you see or experience to know why they do it in that way. To learn and to understand.

There are still Jordanians existing who can break the stereotypes about the Arabs 
But I must say they are hard to find. Hopefully your friend is one of them.

Jordan is safe, so no worries about that.

For an Italian father is difficult (trust me, I know from first hand  ) to see his little girl go and more when it becomes to Arabs. How much you will say or do, it will be hard for him to understand.
My advise to you: why don't you take your father with you? He can meet his future inlaws of his daughter,  explore the land and culture and, if you have still doubts of trusting your boyfriend, then you have someone with you, who can help you. Based on his own experiences he can make the decision to stand with his prejudices or get rid of them.
And... how he can not give his blessing when he see his beloved daughter is happy???

All the best and have a wonderful stay in Jordan.

A lot has been said, and I don't necessary disagree with it.

- James, I understand what you're saying. But Muslim men are allowed to marry "People of the Book" (Christians & Jews) without the woman being forced to convert or even change her family name. But I generally would advise against mixed-religion marriages, for many reasons, so I in a sense, agree with you that they "must" convert for the sake of everyone around them.

Anyway to the thread starter, like many things in life, there is exceptions, and that some have managed to remain happily married without ever becoming a Muslim. But don't forget, religion is a roller-coaster. The Muslim man may change and become very religious & take his religion far more seriously. As a man myself, I would like my kids believing in what I believe, and taking them along with me if I was religious. Therefore, he may change and start wanting to take his kids along to the Mosque, to engage in prayer, fasting and so on. This may not have been the case earlier during the marriage, but changes down the line are very possible. I myself have went through religious roller-coasters so many times. Each time I've changed. So what I would of agreed with in the past, I may no longer agree with. This is the real "threat" you face, from marrying someone of a different religion, especially Islam, as you will find the religious among them very observant and there is not much room for flexibility and compromise if it contradicts the religion. As a non-Muslim, a lot of things you consider normal, may contradict the religion, so you can imagine there will be inevitable problems in the marriage, unless you decide to live a life that you may not necessary want. Point is, what appears to be a happy marriage at the start, can take a turn for the worse and change suddenly. A Muslim woman, who may not be particularly religious, can adapt to this change & take it in her stride, unlike for a non-Muslim, which is a life changing experience. That's why I believe Muslim men are better off marrying Muslim women, as they both can adapt to the unpredictable changes that life throws at them better than those of completely different religions. Again, there can be exceptions, and that you find a mixed couple dealing with things better than a Muslim couple.

Finally, from my experience, the worst mistake you can possibly do, is going against your family and marrying someone they don't agree with. Family is the only thing you have. If your marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason, and there are millions of reasons for why it may not, then who will you have in this world that will love you unconditionally? I went against my family's wish, and started a relationship without their support. It didn't work out, but fortunately, they forgave me and I'm really glad I've been blessed with a forgiving family, otherwise I wouldn't of had anyone to support me during the difficult times I was facing. Friends can't & don't replace them. You only have one father. Don't upset him, certainly not for some guy that hasn't brought you up, cared for you, loved you unconditionally and known you as much as your father. Listen to your father. Make him happy. One day you will regret it if you don't.

Not to forget, here one marries the whole family along...

That happens in plenty of other countries too.