Expat loneliness - Does it get any better?

Maybe it's just the loneliness of old age creeping up on us...

No, it gets worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had the same experience as you, but mine got even worse, because a truck driver almost killed us one sunny morning. We were the only two cars on the road, and the truck tried to go into us as we legally passed him. I have been abused by workers in a variety of hospitals, I have 9 screws, a metal heal and half a metal tibia. I need the surgery to take them out now, but the insurance company, Fidelity, refuses to pay for the surgery. I can get public surgery, because I don't know anybody. I am a cripple in constant pain. By the way, my c2 in my neck was also broken and I have four herniated discs. THE DRIVERS HERE DON'T BELIEVE IN RULES OR COURTESEY. WATCH OUT. I will be leaving my, "TRUE lOVE" my Portuguese husband of 38 years on June 18th. I'm an expat American. GET THE HELL OUT OF PORTUGAL, BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE, AND THEY WILL. This was my second near death car accident here. I lost my front too in the first one. FIND ANOTHER LOVER, OR TAKE THE ONE YOU HAVE NOW TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, OR I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

Eileen Vicente

Best of luck to you, Eileen Vicente.  May I ask where you are moving to?

Hi Pam

Your story of your life in Portugal sounds sad

A great Irish saying is

When it is raining look for the rainbow

When it's dark look for the stars

I know this sounds simple but perhaps you could invite people into your world

Hope things improve

Rob

OMG !..is it really that bad ?...what makes it so bad or so lonely ?

Wow ....you sure had it real bad girlfriend.......have you left yet ...where you headed to ??

Very lovely words Mate...think Pam might be already gone though..

Wow.
As someone who moves to portugal next month , this was quite a worrying thread to read.
Ive got a lot of trepidation about the move but hope as I have a couple of close friends here and as I am closer to my home country than the OP I wont feel as isolated

has anyone got any positive stories about the move?
I was hoping to come over , learn portugese , meet portugese girls, and be able to go back to the UK 5-6 times a year.
Is this unrealistic?

Wow, this post is so depressing. I was thinking about buying a nice little villa in Mafra and eventually retiring there in 10 yrs. Sounds like I would be better off curling up with a Morrissey album and a box of razor blades, Yikes!!

I wrote this original post 3 years ago now, and I am happy to say I made it through the loneliness period and am quite happily settled. Lisbon now is much more diverse, a popular destination and foreign investment has made it so there is a lot more going on. I live at the beach so maybe that has something to do with it. I also took language classes and through immersion I forced myself to learn Portuguese.
Everyone has different experiences when moving to a country they are not used to. It takes courage to do it, and some people miss their original country so much they never quite settle in, but if you can make it through the loneliness period, and the damp winters, Portugal is a peaceful, liberal little country. I am sorry if my post sounded depressing to some, I was just telling of my own experience initially and, unlike Eileen, I have grown to love it here and happy to call it home.

Hi

Reading this thread scares/d the daylights out of me. The poor woman! I hope that she has found a safe place to live. God bless her.

We just moved to Estoril in September 2018 with our 15 year old daughter and I strongly believe that the move will be easier for us if we learn Portuguese. My daughter is learning in school, but I have been just too lazy. I must take classes or at least try to get through a language course on line. There is so much that is offered today - so I can only blame myself.

I still can't stop thinking about that poor woman, though.

Health till all.

If you’re finding it difficult to make new friends, I suggest finding something you feel passionate about that involves other people, a sure-fire way to make lasting friendships. Whether it’s learning a new language, taking a class or volunteering, it doesn’t matter what it is. Just make sure that it involves being around other people, as there’s nothing like bonding over a common interest to pave the way to true friendship.

Hello Anna,

What have you signed up for. Have you taken any courses yet? How is your Portuguese?

Where have you settled, etc.


Kind regards
Lucy

A Quick post here from me again.

Just would like to ask if anyone here can give me advice on what to do for our 16 year old Swedish daughter, Nicole. We have just moved recently from Stockholm, Sweden to Estoril. It is difficult for her. She was very popular in her school and she is a fantastic gymnast who has competed in Team Gymnastics in Sweden. I am almost desperate as some of her team mates have just competed last week at the European Team Gymnastics competition here in Portugal and Sweden has placed 1st and 2nd in the different categories. Of course all of this has just made our daughter depressed as she feels very left out. I have tried to get her to train with the local gymnastics team here in Carcavelos, but Nicole felt that the training was way below her level and she does not want to go back. The National team here in Portugal won't have her train with them as they want her to be involved in all the trainings or nothing, which would mean 5 days a week @ 2 1/2 hours per training. Driving to and from would take us totally 1 hour per training, meaning that 3 1/2 hours per day. None of this would work because of Nicole's school. Her school expects 1 1/2 hours a day of studying. I was hoping that the team would let her train with them once a week, but doesn't seem to work with them. I am desperate - don't really know what to do for her.

Not so far

Hi, I’ve been living in Dubai and we are retiring the end of November. We are South Africans and the best options for us are England and Portugal. Is the wet Portugese winter worse than the UK’s?

If this is very important to your kid, maybe let her start the 5 days a week and the commitment to school work. If they dont experience for themselves that it cannot work it often has bad consequence in their lives.

My kid was in the squad (5 times a week 3 hours and extra session on weekends from 8-1 but not compulsory). We had to scale it down because of schoolwork and travel time but Instead of this helping it harmed and she is now a depressed, slightly overweight, underperforming kid struggling her way through A-levels. Not getting the A’s she previously achieved is a game changer and she’s had to reconsider her career as well now. Once they go down that slippery slope, feeling depressed, not exercising, lower school marks even though she spends more time on it, it is so difficult to recover.

Knowing what I know now I would have supported her 100% until she realized that it was just too muhc. Usually at that time they are ready to let it go if they are not the no 1,2 or 3 in the team.

Just my experince and something I greatly regret. She would never have been an Olympian but this was her passion. I’ve seen how kids at 17 just suddenly lost interest by themselves and wished I had left her for that to happen.

xxo

Lucy_Nicole wrote:

A Quick post here from me again.

Just would like to ask if anyone here can give me advice on what to do for our 16 year old Swedish daughter, Nicole. We have just moved recently from Stockholm, Sweden to Estoril. It is difficult for her. She was very popular in her school and she is a fantastic gymnast who has competed in Team Gymnastics in Sweden. I am almost desperate as some of her team mates have just competed last week at the European Team Gymnastics competition here in Portugal and Sweden has placed 1st and 2nd in the different categories. Of course all of this has just made our daughter depressed as she feels very left out. I have tried to get her to train with the local gymnastics team here in Carcavelos, but Nicole felt that the training was way below her level and she does not want to go back. The National team here in Portugal won't have her train with them as they want her to be involved in all the trainings or nothing, which would mean 5 days a week @ 2 1/2 hours per training. Driving to and from would take us totally 1 hour per training, meaning that 3 1/2 hours per day. None of this would work because of Nicole's school. Her school expects 1 1/2 hours a day of studying. I was hoping that the team would let her train with them once a week, but doesn't seem to work with them. I am desperate - don't really know what to do for her.

Hi

I saw that your topic has 2 weeks old but if still up for it, we can meet for a cofee someday

Wow, that's a long post.  The one thing that stands out to me is that you've been here two years, have a Portuguese love of your life, yet still can't speak the language...  That's on you.  If you're tired of being sidelined in conversations, learn Portuguese.  You're in the country, you don't get a better opportunity than this.  Take some classes and work on it.
I speak French, and my best expat experience has far and away been in France.  Why?  I had an amazing girlfriend and met a ton of people, and when we were at parties and social gatherings, I could get into conversations on life, politics, and whatever else, because I spoke the language.  It also endears you more to the locals. 
Conversely, when I lived in Serbia, I was scolded by a CarGo (Serbian version of Uber) driver for not knowing Serbian well after two months.  This was partly his humor, but it made the point. 
It bothers me a little more because I always make a point to learn languages wherever I go, even if I'm only there three months.  It can be a pain when you're nomadic, but I feel you have no excuse, and I HATE seeing Westerners who think they don't need to bother because "English is everywhere.". You're living in Portugal, make an effort, and you may find different results.  I'm not the poster child for assimilation, by any means, but I just emphasize this as a better way to get closer with people here.

This sucks.  I'm in Portugal now and already finding it very unfriendly.  People are distrustful, closed off, and not very nice (in many cases, downright rude).  I'm here because it's the only place in Western Europe I can get residency, at the moment, but working on something else.  It's better than Eastern Europe, where I was before, though over there it can still be much easier to meet people.

I Enltguy,
I am sorry for your experience. I am Portuguese and that is not how I describe myself and the Portuguese people.
This is not an easy time for many people and not being allowed to go outside and bond with family and friends is hard for this people.
I would suggest you do a very Portuguese thing of really take your time and be patient, maybe you have a more positive experience. If that doesn't work, well I don't know. Relax and enjoy
Kind regards,
Lúcia

Hi,

I just moved back to Portugal in September after being gone for almost 2 years. I lived here before that for 2 years. My experiences then were much better then they are now. There is clearly a new vibe of hostility and condescension that was not as obvious then. I do speak a few words Portuguese, I am fluent in Italien and follow conversations when they think i don’t understand. It’s always talking down about the foreigners, we are made responsible for the bad economic situation, it’s said that we ‘destroy’ Portugal. There seems to be a very nationalistic trend now that excludes us from social contacts. Some of the people I knew from before and was friendly with, are now almost rude and offish. E.g. waiting for 15 minutes for a coffee in a restaurant, or being completely ignored. I still have good friends here that stand by me, but the ‘other trend’ is much stronger now, much more obvious and almost in your face, which I find unusual since the Portuguese are one of the politest and kindest people I’ve met during my world travels. Still, Portugal is a safe country, much safer then others, also I as a women feel completely safe walking at 3 am on the street. I have a plan ‘B’ for the future should the political situation further deteriorate. But for now Portugal is home.