Your experience of culture shock in the Philippines

vetretreat wrote:

"When you were 20 or 25 and cruising the malls or clubs, were you eyeballing and drooling over all the elderly women?"

TeeJay I can say this when I was in my late 20's I had seen many older women who were in their 50's and even mid 60's whom had taken good care of themselves which I most undoubtedly would had wanted to be with but was to shy to hit on them...That is why now being in my mid 60's I exercise regularly, eat right and take good care of my skin so my much younger wife sees me in the same light at I did those beautiful, fit, healthy older women back then...Women I could had easily fallen in love with, instead of hooking up with a young girl, so vane and having her nose in her cell phone all day long. In fact at age 29 I had lived with a beautiful very sexy woman of 49 who worked as a model for McCall magazine..To many Filipinos and Expats who visit this blog just assume all are fat, balding, arthritic, near blind and I can assure you that is not always the case..

Realistic responses are comprised of realistic experiences. For each person responding they will be different as is mine. I will say again that there are always exception of which you are one. There is not enough room in a simple response to list all the pro's and con's and experiences of all of those who have lived or are living in the Philippines. I for one in the company of friends did not go out looking for older women, were some attractive, you bet, were we too shy to approach them, maybe. In one case I was at the age of 22 introduced to a woman in her late 40's who was very attractive and I found her to be funny and intelligent, she spurned my affections stating that she felt our age differences to be a little more than she was willing to accept. Would it have worked, who knows.
I myself self told my wife that I was old bald and broke and she laughed, was I broke, no. Bald not completely. Attractive, to some. She happened to be the one with whom I clicked. Fate? maybe. Would I have had a good relationship with a younger woman, I believe that with dedication to the relationship on both our parts it is possible.
We also need to be able to laugh a little about the old guy, young women stories.
In the case of my good friend, he fell in love with a flirtatious young women who knew how to push his buttons. There were red flags that he chose to ignore. He has learned from his experience moved on. I and my wife have also told him that should he meet a young woman here and they live happily ever after. That is what we hope for him and her.

One size does not fit all and I concluded my previous post by alluding to that. I and no doubt you and others have seen many relationships that have failed or succeeded regardless of the age difference. Any relationship takes work to work.  In both our cases we have apparently been blessed with happiness and love and the ability to laugh at ourselves and life.
All the best to you and your loving wife. 

Well written, TeeJay ! we're hoping to semi-retire there not too many years down the road (Tarlac).

I freely admit to being what you call an “ancient ATM machine”, however, please allow me to explain. I retired in 2009 and was not really sure to do with myself. I had sold my company, so my telephone had quit ringing. I had a computer in my house so I started spending a lot of time online seeing what other people were doing. I also visited my adult children from time to time, but quickly realized I was old, therefore not of interest to anyone. I had talked to a guy who had visited the Philippines a lot but never made the move. He could not say enough good about the Philippines, then I started meeting online Filipina’s yes a lot were hello send me money. But then I found one who was different. She never asked for anything, was working in Manila as a domestic helper. She hailed from Mindanao, so after months of talking I decided why not and flew here, that was 5 years ago. Her family is poorer than poor. I was never asked, but I contribute a very small amount each month to them. Probably about 3000- 4000 peso total. That equates to a bag of rice, coffee, sugar, and little goodies. I also buy her father his monthly blood pressure medication. I trust her 100%. Is there an age difference, yes there is 32 years, I travel back to the USA every year for one or two months but have absolutely no worries that she will run away with all I own. Is it love, I don’t know, to me I feel needed and it is shown each and every month. She gets what she needs, so all said it is an excellent arrangement.

mugtech wrote:

vetretreat wrote:

"When you were 20 or 25 and cruising the malls or clubs, were you eyeballing and drooling over all the elderly women?"

TeeJay I can say this when I was in my late 20's I had seen many older women who were in their 50's and even mid 60's whom had taken good care of themselves which I most undoubtedly would had wanted to be with but was to shy to hit on them...That is why now being in my mid 60's I exercise regularly, eat right and take good care of my skin so my much younger wife sees me in the same light at I did those beautiful, fit, healthy older women back then...Women I could had easily fallen in love with, instead of hooking up with a young girl, so vane and having her nose in her cell phone all day long. In fact at age 29 I had lived with a beautiful very sexy woman of 49 who worked as a model for McCall magazine..To many Filipinos and Expats who visit this blog just assume all are fat, balding, arthritic, near blind and I can assure you that is not always the case..

Too bad you didn't stick with that 49 year old, she'd be in her mid 80's now.

Your right...But unfortunately I was never in love with her...Had I been I would had cared for her until her demise...

hi christine
i came to the philippines to retire and like it here so much i have no intention of leaving - i like the welcoming nature of the people, and find much of the country, people and attitude quite beautiful - i am american but when working spent time in new york, london, hongkong, singapore, jakarta and traveled in the middle east and s e asia so i found nothing surprising or shocking in the philippines - some people comment on the security risk but i have not had or seen any trouble living in makati even frequently walking very late at night - i was more concerned about safety when living in new york

if i had to specify problems it would be the following two
1. so many phpilippino people are so poor and desperate that they have no choice but to ask you for money - i try to help out occasionally, and sometimes find it difficult to refuse - but so many are needy that it becomes a problem - even when people ask for a loan and promise to repay, in my mind i consider it a gift and do not expect repayment - fortunately the amounts are always small
2. there are also a large number of foreigners in a desperate financial condition - i have only been scammed or had a significant size loan default by foreigners and not by philippinos - i don’t understand how people from a developed country can live in the philippines with no money, but there seem to be plenty of them - for a foreigner to live and be happy and comfortable in the philippines, you need to be working for an international corporation, be retired with a comfortable pension, or be independently wealthy with your investments outside the philippines - otherwise best to go home

thanks and regards

For some people who decided to live here its really BIG adjustments..emotionally.. Spiritully and mentally..financially it depends on your food and kind of lifestyle you want but at least you can live here with the pension you have   they called Philippines the 3rd world country but they choose to retired here so i guess they love the country or they fell in love with the women here..i cant say that most women is kind and finding love as foreigners is finding love too..but once you found the ONE you can keep her for good and hold on to her dearly.. Its not a place that makes a person happy..its more on finding one self..then everything will follows

You (Teejay) have an attitude I wish more "foreigners" ( I hate that label) would adopt. Yes there are many anecdotal stories of behaviours that have been perpetuated by social and economic circumstance. Hey, I have encountered grubs in my own country but I do not label all of my countrymen as such. I have been a victim of crime, scam etc but these individuals are not the norm. If you find a local lady you want a serious relationship with, make it clear it is her not her family you will support. Then provide a means (sari sari store for example) for her to earn money to help support family. When the family know she is providing the financial support they will understand and usually help out in some way.
I really wish we as "foreigners" would be less willing to criticise and more willing to provide solutions.

gmcne4 wrote:

You (Teejay) have an attitude I wish more "foreigners" ( I hate that label) would adopt. Yes there are many anecdotal stories of behaviours that have been perpetuated by social and economic circumstance. Hey, I have encountered grubs in my own country but I do not label all of my countrymen as such. I have been a victim of crime, scam etc but these individuals are not the norm. If you find a local lady you want a serious relationship with, make it clear it is her not her family you will support. Then provide a means (sari sari store for example) for her to earn money to help support family. When the family know she is providing the financial support they will understand and usually help out in some way.
I really wish we as "foreigners" would be less willing to criticise and more willing to provide solutions.

Glad you like it, I too have been scammed and ripped off by my own countrymen. They also were the minority, most were good folks.

I've been in and out of the Philippines for about 30-years, and living here for the past 2.  I love the Philippines and Filipinos, always have.  Great food, beautiful country, wonderful people.  If all you see is ugliness, avarice and lack of culture, this place is not for you.
There is much to be wistful about, plenty to be sad about.  What the Philippines could be, for example.  What it would be like without poverty and corruption.

dondee31 wrote:

I just wrote somethings down that have surprised me over the last six years, but it does not really matter. I am living in their country and what I think or feel makes absolutely no difference to any one here. The one thing that I can say is that foreigners are just foreigners here, walking talking ATM machines. We are always wrong except when its pay day. I have never lived in a country where I as a human being, matter so little. The culture of the Philippines is only for Filipinos, foreigners need not apply.

You nailed it......

Yes, I had a house built here and got a pretty terrible construction job and the builders left before the house was complete and I had to hire an engineer to have it completed. I married a Philippine woman and she remains much closer to her family of origin than she does to me, even though we have a 16 month old daughter. I don't trust anyone here at all now, including my wife's family. Ripping off "foreigners" is like a cottage industry here, so beware!

The major corporations of the world are devising plans to bring the 3rd world experience to Europe and America. That is, the robotization of humans is well underway. If the TPP and TTIP trade treaties are adopted by the Philippines, USA and others an international court is set up by the corps to destroy national sovereignty and give corps the ability to sue sovereign nations and their political subdivisions at will.
Giving the corps the right to appoint such judges as may sit on this tribunal, they will form a new form of Government I call Corporatocracy. Where some faceless bureaucrat will rule your lives and no one will know who, what or where the problem stems from.
Thus, the middle class will cease to exist within the next twenty years. Only the super rich and powerful and the poor will remain.
Google TTIP and TPP and see for yourselves.

Much better said than some of the people whose experiences probably could have been avoided with a little more foresight and better judgement of their fellow man. Such generalizations, wow ! I've been Phil. (Tarlac) to visit my wife's family many times and they've never asked me for anything.

Wow, there are just too many perspectives to this..

MikeandCo wrote:

Much better said than some of the people whose experiences probably could have been avoided with a little more foresight and better judgement of their fellow man. Such generalizations, wow ! I've been Phil. (Tarlac) to visit my wife's family many times and they've never asked me for anything.

Not all do.  It must be remembered that it varies.

We all know that it happens, and people must still be warned that it can happen, otherwise everyone will see everything with rosy glasses, and the "foresight and better judgement" you mention will not occur.

Both the good and the bad must be kept in everyone's minds, and we must remain cautious until we know one way or the other.

With 25 years experience, I have seen both sides, and would always advise to be a bit wary, until you get settled.

Amen to that ! We're looking forward to that day.

You're lucky to find toilet seats too

Many of you here have a lot of bad things to say about us, Filipinos, and our culture. I can't blame you for that because I know there are really Filipinos who take advantage of foreigners and I don't know what the Department of Tourism is doing about it. It's affecting the industry so a big campaign that can save our reputation must be made. Anyway, if you happen to go on Facebook, please visit Becoming Filipino page whose owner is a Canadian expat named Kyle. Despite everything bad that has been said about the Philippines, he focuses on the positive side of the culture of Filipinos. Maybe some of you can stop complaining and learn from this guy.

chinacups Yesterday 21:13:11
Yes, I had a house built here and got a pretty terrible construction job and the builders left before the house was complete and I had to hire an engineer to have it completed. I married a Philippine woman and she remains much closer to her family of origin than she does to me, even though we have a 16 month old daughter. I don't trust anyone here at all now, including my wife's family. Ripping off "foreigners" is like a cottage industry here, so beware!

Folks,
I'm sure this happens in the Philippines and the experience would be expensive and unpleasant.  But for perspective, it happens everywhere and often.  Contractor horror stories abound in the U.S.  I had a home built recently.  Excellent construction, terrific architect, capable and honest contractor.  All Filipino.  Watching the concrete and plaster guys work was an experience.  Artists.  Amazing work.  For context, I am skilled at construction; I know what I was looking at.

I feel for you guys that have never been able to adjust. I have been in the Leyte province for over 3 years now and I've never been happier in my life. I left the rat race behind me and am living a dream where my SS is enough to get me farther on less than I ever could have in the US. Oh yeah,,, the US!,,, where the women sit on their gold mine and make you pay for everything without giving back. At least here in the Philippines I have someone who genuinely gives more than she receives. I know not all partnerships are that genuine so, I feel blessed to have a little peace and rest in my older age. Like I said I feel for those of you who haven't found it yet. Either keep on looking or just be honest to yourself and go somewhere, where you fit in better.

I totally agree with you, I've built a new home with local help and they all were excellent craftsman. I've learned from them and my 40 plus years in construction also taught them a little. So, we have a great time building and developing the house. I'm happy with it all, so far.

jasonswits wrote:

Maybe some of you can stop complaining and learn from this guy.

The typical Filipino way.. Don't complain about things, just accept them.
The problem with that ?  Nothing gets done, nothing changes.

jasonswits wrote:

I don't know what the Department of Tourism is doing about it.

They are waiting for enough people to complain, before they think there is any problem.
They will do nothing unless more people complain...

jasonswits wrote:

he focuses on the positive side of the culture of Filipinos

If people only focus on the positive sides, two things will happen:
1: The government will see everything as OK, and do NOTHING to make things better
2: People will come expecting perfect situations, and get pissed off when they find the truth. Unless they stay only in the good areas.

You need to keep it balanced, and not want to silence those who tell the truth about the bad.parts.

There are two sides to the Philippines with lots in the middle.

There are many perspectives to this.

For me, not having lived here full time, but I come for about 4 months every here over 6 trips a year, it is my choice to come here, and accept or not the country and people for all it and they are.  I have a choice to stay and accept the country and the people, or to stay in Australia.

If I want everything nice and to be like Australia I should just live in Australia.  When/if things here become like a fist world country then I know that some one has to pay for it.  If the "normal" low paid Pilipino can not pay for the infrastructure to bring the country into a first world statues, then who will?

I come from a farm in Australia and as such like simple things in life, I think that it is one reason I like a simple country.  Having said that living a simple life takes work and effort, just like being on a farm.

You seem an intelligent guy. Until the corruption at the very top of Philippine society and government ceases, there can be no hope of changing the culture. It will continue to worsen. Sorry to say.
That having been said, there are many things about filipinos that are nice and noteworthy.
At one time it was enough to outweigh the bad side. It appears that is no longer the case.

What a great story very uplifting. And like you.I try and find the best in people. I recently moved here from Hawaii for  over 35 years and after visiting here knew that a few mirror adjustments like no Greek yogurt or my favorite granola were available oh well no problem just eat more mangoes. My guess is most Americans that complain on this forum did the same thing back in the states and that's ok. Just hope I never feel that way in the future for now pretty damn happy.

It's so sad to see all the negative comments: I lived in Manila for 3 months and that was enough to make me fall in love with the Philippines and all that because of their culture: I love how they respect each other, how they welcome the foreigner, how they treat the elderly, everything was so peaceful and respectful that I can't wait to relocate.

All of you living there and complaining.. And me here just waiting for a job opportunity to start my pinoy life!

Visiting here for three months is not the same as living here full time. The Philippines has some great things about the country, but some huge drawbacks also. The corruption, the complete disregard of any laws, I have been here 5 years  and you get used to it or you slowly lose your mind.

I have observed many expats in Cebu who projects an image of being a walking ATM can I say they are far from humble when at restaurants I listen to them bragging so is it a wonder some get robbed.When I lived there we lived a quiet life low profile and cant wait to return,talking about foreigners being murdered take a look at the Australian. newspapers I think you will find a few along with rape and robbery.

I guess it also has to do with where you come from and how you see things... Of course I learned about the negative aspects of the Philippines but the negative aspects of my own country are equal to or even worse so if a put negative and positive in an scale the positive side of the pinoy culture wins... At least for me!

I totally agree it is the same anywhere in the world. You show off a wad of cash, somebody going to take it from you. If you try to fight back they may take your life. It is the same in New York City, Los Angeles or anywhere else you travel.

Manonnan wrote:

I guess it also has to do with where you come from and how you see things...

Totally agree with you.

Well stated and illustrated ABC. Being raised in a Democracy allows one to state there mind and opinion with out fear of imprisonment or mysterious death.

loakes wrote:

I totally agree with you, I've built a new home with local help and they all were excellent craftsman. I've learned from them and my 40 plus years in construction also taught them a little. So, we have a great time building and developing the house. I'm happy with it all, so far.

what a lucky guy you are verses the hundreds of others whom have experienced the ultimate nightmare..

@ABCDiamond, don't be too general when I'm pointing out a specific situation. I know the Philippine government is a hopeless case so many of us, Filipinos would much rather focus on enjoying life,  no matter how simple it is, than wasting it complaining about something that is unlikely to obtain change. Life is short so don't make it shorter by being disgruntled.

ron2 wrote:

Where are all of the foreigners that have found a happy place and enjoy their new ives in the Philippines?

I have been enjoying myself here.

Let me start by telling you about me. I'm ALL-AMERICAN and was raised in a black rural community in North Central Ohio. My upbringing was Baptist and family oriented.

There are several things that I choose to note in this order:

1. The first time I realized that I was here was when a guy popped his eyebrows at me. I'm straight with a hint of Homophobia. I was alarmed and shocked then seconds later another guy did it then another until I caught on that this was a HELLO gesture.

2. I am a very friendly guy and because I'm a grandfather of 9 I always notice the little tykes staring at me and many will break out into a cute smile. I would always wave at them. To my surprise they would come running up to me. This would happen so often I'd make sure I kept candy in my pocket. Until one day I learned why they always ran up to me and that's because in my country the wave hand gestures are a summons gesture here. So weird, I then stopped waving at the little ones and I'm saving money not having to buy so much candy... LOL

3. I'm at a store, the place was crowded. The people were all trying to get the clerk to wait on them. The clerk looking at me asked if she could help me and I asked for a package of my brand cigarettes. Instead of saying that they didn't have any she waves her hand in the air. Flipping it back. Well where I grew up that gesture meant go do something sexual with your self in a derogatory manner. I was offended and by my facial expression a Pinay lady who herself was an Expat noticed I was clueless about what the young lady was telling me. She was simply saying with her hand gestures that they were NOT AVAILABLE.

I STILL DON'T LIKE THAT HAND GESTURE...

4. Crowding, is the first welcome you get to the Philippines. I just accept it now, but before I'd get so agitated and angry because several people would walk right up to the counter and get served while I'm standing in line.

5.No one takes credit cards. Back home street vendors accept credit cards. They use their cell phones and swipe, purchase made. Here they look at you like your crazy for asking.

CAT CALL..

In America men will CAT CALL pretty women... Here men do it to men...they don't flirt with women they don't stare at women, but men stare at me and will yell at me...HEY..as though they know me or want to know me....DID I SAY IM A BIT HOMOPHOBIC ?

6. WHERE EVER YOU MAY BE, LET YOUR WATER RUN FREE..

PUBLIC URINATION

7. I KEEP TOILET PAPER IN MY POCKET ALONG WITH HAND SANITIZER... ALWAYS.

8. I learned to eat dinner at 8am. I'm single so I eat out all the time and if eating foods from restaurants I learned that they cook the food at 6am and they let it sit until all sold. If you want it hot freshly cook with less fly eggs then eat it right then because they only cook once.

I am moving to the Philippines with my Filipina wife and would like to know more about housing and land ownership in the Philippines. Thanks for your assistance.

Jay

Hello John,

I can only let you know about me experiences. My wife and I moved here about 3 years ago and she already had a small house on a small lot, in Southern Leyte. I found out that as a foreigner, I cannot actually own property here. So it is all in my wife's name. That's alright in my case. I also bought another piece of land and I had to have it in her name. That is also alright in my case. I've got actually 3 houses here in Leyte now and all are in her name. I have heard of some expat experiences that didn't turn out so well as mine. I've found that families here sometimes take advantage of your bank account if given the opportunity. My wife is very protective of me here and her family is also good to not do that. But I give freely to them and they show their gratitude in many ways of helping me live comfortable and fairly cheaply. If your wife and you have a trusting relationship, I'd talk to her about the culture here and try to find out how her family seems to be toward foreigners. It's all in having that trusting relationship and how well you mix with locals here. Just be kind but watch your back a little until you get a feel for the culture. I absolutely love living here and I'm happier here than I've ever been. Good luck and God bless you!

Thanks for your response. My wife and her family are wonderful. The things I am concerned about are owning real estate and a business in the Philippines. Where do you live and is there away of contacting you personally? Thanks for your assistance.

Jay

Hello Jay, We live in Southern Leyte, south of Tomas Oppus on Sogod Bay.

Thanks. Mine is ***. My wife and I need to go out for a late evening snack. I will be in touch with you.