Dating in HCMC - is this normal or am I being scammed?

No way I ever go out or have a relationship with a woman from HCM.  In short she and her family treated me like their everyday ATM. Even when I went home she contacted me wanting money behind a BS excuse. Never again.

MIKEY101 wrote:

All Vietnamese  women I ever met tried to use me for a free ATM machine, even their family

Stop hanging out at Crazy Buffalo 

MIKEY101 wrote:

All Vietnamese  women I ever met tried to use me for a free ATM machine, even their family

You are hanging out in the wrong places, not going to guess where.

I saw it for what it was. I felt used. This wasn't a sex worker. She worked for a home decor company. Tried to get all she could and so did her family.

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     @ MIKEY

"Normal working woman, not a sex worker"
"Just bad luck"
"All women all  nationalities only after money"

   (not) Sorry to sound smarmy/snarky, but there is no "normal"
for we are all unique.   So are the games we (both gender) play

              Firstly: ..normal woman..?
    Men want sex: women want security.   In other words, men
give love to get sex; women give sex to get love (+ security) due
mostly from the primal function of biology.  The (necessity?) of
support during the nine months of pregnancy.   Generally...

            Secondly: ..bad luck..?
    Nope!  Choice, not chance decides (your) destiny
True, we do not choose love; it chooses us.   Sadly, many men
confuse lust with love.   Equally true is the undeniable fact that
the boy must chase the girl; until the girl catches him...
..and (many) girls are good at fishing + phishing...  The short
game or long-planned investment?
                     ..yes, choices can be confusing...

         Thirdly: the obvious!
   Again (and a gain?) sex vs security.   Fake news is a misnomer,
for noble words and paper promises have always mixed well with
the reliable rhetoric, sophistry, fudging and fashion
         ..did I miss photoshopping..?
    So the blame game applies to both gender.   But (too?) many
men lose sight of the values.   Land, houses, cars, ass/ets and
ownership of (all) material things can be transferred to money

    Read as Reality: we all live in it

            You will choose wisely         
.

Bazza got that right.

Men are very interested in sex, often doing really stupid stuff to get a little pleasure, especially when they turn up in Asia and get confronted with situations they can't handle.

I recall my first time in Asia - Gosh, I was silly! (but lucky enough not to get scammed - probably my Yorkshire generosity saving me)

.
"I recall my first time in Asia - Gosh, I was silly! (but lucky enough not to get scammed - probably my Yorkshire generosity saving me)"

   No, Fred.   I admit, I did wonder about all that wool...

      And now?   We all know how hard it is to shear the unshorn...
         
         Besides, such an efficient buffer system means they just bounce off   

                  ..my envy exceeds my expectations...     
.

colinoscapee wrote:

BT1989 wrote:

Thanks for the advice. She keeps going on about how previous partners have come and had short flings with her and left, but she wants someone who will stay and have steady relationship. So take that for what it's worth.

She is in her early twenties and has had several relationships, that in itself is not a good sign. At the end of the day, use common sense and all will be fine. As with many expats here, I can tell you of many bad relationships here, many that could have been avoided if the guy used his brain and not his small friend downstairs to make decisions.

She is in her early 20 s with several relationships, not a big deal, a beautiful woman anywhere would be in this situation. Play the game, what's there to lose, enjoy yourself and don't be stupid.

vndreamer wrote:

MIKEY101 wrote:

All Vietnamese  women I ever met tried to use me for a free ATM machine, even their family

You are hanging out in the wrong places, not going to guess where.

i hear is time and time again, come on guys, there are great woman there,
Grow a set and learn the word NO!. Once they see you are not a pushover, things change. I'm the boss.
If the Wolfpack draws blood, watch out. Never let the pack circle you or your done.
Become the alpha male and enjoy!

The way people talk here I must have gotten really, really, really lucky.

Those who think with their big head and not little head, usually have no problems.

.
   Agreed.   Choice, not chance decides your destiny...     

              ..so stay selective...
.

SteinNebraska wrote:

The way people talk here I must have gotten really, really, really lucky.

u didn't get really really really lucky, most guys just got really really really unlucky, wonder why????????

Personal advise

Guys, you just need to comport you as a real male Alpha. Not a pussy guys who scare about woman (scare she leaves you...).
Women especially in asia prefer strong mens. And strong mens know how to say NO.

Invite a lady at restaurant, pay some drinks the first dates its gentleman. Pay all the time, pay chanel bag or Loubouttin shoes (except special occasion with ladiy official) its stupid.

A lot of vietnamese lady are proud and have a good situation and know clearly how to share the spend.
Young old beautiful or 4/10, all women prefer a funny moment with a funny guy. Dont need money for that.

In my personal experience I was lucky to meet only vietnamese who never treated me as an ATM (because probably they could imagine my answers about that).
There is one rule very important : SHARE the spend in pro rata of your income. Do not pay all the time and do not pay all for her thinking she will love you much more.
That principe is really important for you guys and for the lady.

These personal advise engage only me and are based only with my own (little) experience in vietnam. And also because all day I hear the same story about ladies.

Thanks to the latest poster for reviving this thread.

Lots of laughs on the re-read.

Golgo13 wrote:

Personal advise

Guys, you just need to comport you as a real male Alpha. Not a pussy guys who scare about woman (scare she leaves you...).
Women especially in asia prefer strong mens. And strong mens know how to say NO.

Invite a lady at restaurant, pay some drinks the first dates its gentleman. Pay all the time, pay chanel bag or Loubouttin shoes (except special occasion with ladiy official) its stupid.

A lot of vietnamese lady are proud and have a good situation and know clearly how to share the spend.
Young old beautiful or 4/10, all women prefer a funny moment with a funny guy. Dont need money for that.

In my personal experience I was lucky to meet only vietnamese who never treated me as an ATM (because probably they could imagine my answers about that).
There is one rule very important : SHARE the spend in pro rata of your income. Do not pay all the time and do not pay all for her thinking she will love you much more.
That principe is really important for you guys and for the lady.

These personal advise engage only me and are based only with my own (little) experience in vietnam. And also because all day I hear the same story about ladies.

Being a Canadian gentleman, I would never think of taking a lady on a date and ask her to pay for half.
Perhaps where u live , but certainly not where I come from .

Canman63 wrote:

Golgo13 wrote:

Personal advise

Guys, you just need to comport you as a real male Alpha. Not a pussy guys who scare about woman (scare she leaves you...).
Women especially in asia prefer strong mens. And strong mens know how to say NO.

Invite a lady at restaurant, pay some drinks the first dates its gentleman. Pay all the time, pay chanel bag or Loubouttin shoes (except special occasion with ladiy official) its stupid.

A lot of vietnamese lady are proud and have a good situation and know clearly how to share the spend.
Young old beautiful or 4/10, all women prefer a funny moment with a funny guy. Dont need money for that.

In my personal experience I was lucky to meet only vietnamese who never treated me as an ATM (because probably they could imagine my answers about that).
There is one rule very important : SHARE the spend in pro rata of your income. Do not pay all the time and do not pay all for her thinking she will love you much more.
That principe is really important for you guys and for the lady.

These personal advise engage only me and are based only with my own (little) experience in vietnam. And also because all day I hear the same story about ladies.

Being a Canadian gentleman, I would never think of taking a lady on a date and ask her to pay for half.
Perhaps where u live , but certainly not where I come from .

I would, equality works on both sides.

colinoscapee wrote:

Canman63 wrote:

Being a Canadian gentleman, I would never think of taking a lady on a date and ask her to pay for half.
Perhaps where u live , but certainly not where I come from .

I would, equality works on both sides.

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

.
    "You're an Aussie, you can't understand"     

     ..oh yes we do...    ..in ways you'll never understand...     
.

I've never heard of a Canadian man asking for his date to pay half.
NEVER.
I could never imagine any man asking for his date to pay half.
Perhaps this is why us Canucks are loved  the world over, hahaha😘
I have had woman offering to pay half when the cheque came, I refused, some were surprised I refused their offer.

During my dating years, I was never asked to pay my half of the meal.  Ever.  Even when I offered, the answer was a uniform: "No.  I asked you out, I pay."  It's the same answer from Canadian, French, American, Italian, Vietnamese, Polish, Spanish, Mexican, Irish, and English men.

Once in  while, the men grudgingly agreed that I could leave the tip, but that's it.

It could've been that the men I dated were gentlemen from my generation, a generation older than most posters on this forum.  Men of my generation paid for dates, pulled out chairs, walked me to my door at the end of the dates, and when they said they would call again, they did.

WillyBaldy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Canman63 wrote:

Being a Canadian gentleman, I would never think of taking a lady on a date and ask her to pay for half.
Perhaps where u live , but certainly not where I come from .

I would, equality works on both sides.

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

Thank god I'm not a Canadian.

In the province of Québec, feminism is very strong and many women will even get insulted if you insist on paying the bill. Some men here grudgingly adapted to this, thus making it very confusing at times when dating a woman who is not against men footing the bill. As for myself, I avoid trouble and avoid dating such women 

colinoscapee wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

I would, equality works on both sides.

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

Thank god I'm not a Canadian.

Hey now that's mean!  (and God is probably Canadian...)

WillyBaldy wrote:

In the province of Québec, feminism is very strong and many women will even get insulted if you insist on paying the bill. Some men here grudgingly adapted to this, thus making it very confusing at times when dating a woman who is not against men footing the bill. As for myself, I avoid trouble and avoid dating such women 

Quebec is a different country all together, it's not Canada. Please don't put Quebec and Canada in the same sentence!!! I'm serious.

WillyBaldy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

Thank god I'm not a Canadian.

Hey now that's mean!  (and God is probably Canadian...)

So we can blame Canadians for many of the worlds problems, both past and present. 

colinoscapee wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

I would, equality works on both sides.

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

Thank god I'm not a Canadian.

Yes, I agree, thank god you're not!

Canman63 wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

You're an Aussie, you can't understand 

Thank god I'm not a Canadian.

Yes, I agree, thank god you're not!

Great that you agree.

Canman63 wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

In the province of Québec, feminism is very strong and many women will even get insulted if you insist on paying the bill. Some men here grudgingly adapted to this, thus making it very confusing at times when dating a woman who is not against men footing the bill. As for myself, I avoid trouble and avoid dating such women 

Quebec is a different country all together, it's not Canada. Please don't put Quebec and Canada in the same sentence!!! I'm serious.

Funny enough, separatists would agree with you! Anyhow, I got a Canadian passport, how strange is that?

.
     "Great that you agree"

               Expats agreeing on something..?   

                   ..that is so scary...     
.

Draw boundaries concerning money and spending rather quickly if you want to give the relationship a chance. She is pretty, young and knows English. I'd be wary if I were you.

Canman63 wrote:

Golgo13 wrote:

Personal advise

Guys, you just need to comport you as a real male Alpha. Not a pussy guys who scare about woman (scare she leaves you...).
Women especially in asia prefer strong mens. And strong mens know how to say NO.

Invite a lady at restaurant, pay some drinks the first dates its gentleman. Pay all the time, pay chanel bag or Loubouttin shoes (except special occasion with ladiy official) its stupid.

A lot of vietnamese lady are proud and have a good situation and know clearly how to share the spend.
Young old beautiful or 4/10, all women prefer a funny moment with a funny guy. Dont need money for that.

In my personal experience I was lucky to meet only vietnamese who never treated me as an ATM (because probably they could imagine my answers about that).
There is one rule very important : SHARE the spend in pro rata of your income. Do not pay all the time and do not pay all for her thinking she will love you much more.
That principe is really important for you guys and for the lady.

These personal advise engage only me and are based only with my own (little) experience in vietnam. And also because all day I hear the same story about ladies.

Being a Canadian gentleman, I would never think of taking a lady on a date and ask her to pay for half.
Perhaps where u live , but certainly not where I come from .

I have never talked about asking a woman to pay half but to pay the fees in proportion to her salary.
Maybe I was lucky to meet only smart, proud and respectful women who loved me for who I am and not for my propensity to pay.

I live with a woman, I pay a lot more than she because my salary is higher. But she also takes a lot of fun offering me gifts or inviting me to the restaurant (OMG !!!)
My girlfriend is proud to work and earn money so she can take care of herself and she does not need me to live.

No matter where you come from.
It's up to you to pay for everything, from the rental fees to the clothes of your girlfriends. But it's not my conception of the couple, and many women think the same thing.

In France a gentleman is not about money, and I really think that a lady need much more love - protection - gallantry - fun - good sex than your money.

Golgo13 wrote:

In France a gentleman is not about money, and I really think that a lady need much more love - protection - gallantry - fun - good sex than your money.

Just don't forget that Chinese proverb: "I'd rather cry driving a BMW than laugh riding a bike". 

.
     I much prefer self-evident truths such as the 'Too' equation...

             'Too Young + Too Beautiful = Too Good to be True'

                      ..far too often...         
.

Hi,

You meet only some (not good/ bad) girls, and you can not tell that all Vietnamese girls like that

You meet wrong people in a wrong place

Everything has negative and positive. There are always have bad and good people in everywhere in this earth. And of course, the good people always are more bad people in anywhere!

If you only meet bad people, the first thing to do is that you should look again yourself.

If you are good enough? If the answer is Yes, please look again what you show/ treat to other, is there anything to-be changed? Maybe that people misunderstand you/ misunderstand the way you mean

If you use money to come to others: to attract other people, they will ask money more (for sure, it’s normal)

If you use the heartfelt to treat with other girls, I believe one day you will meet the heartfelt girl. But to meet the right girl, you may have to get many challenges, it will help you to esteem that right girl (esteem not doubt) in the future

As in Vietnam, some people told that: “Don’t believe foreigners man, they only want sex, they only want to take advantages from you/ local girls” —> what do you think? Believe what they said or not? Believe or Not is what we choose.

We have the right in Choices and Decisions

And I believe that there are always good people outside

P/s: Sorry for bad English. My job don’t use English

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FCIIDmN_Po

All I gotta say is this girl has had plenty of other dudes before you so don't feel special or anything lol. About the way you described her, she knows the game. At the very least you got hustled. Also especially that you are a foreigner, girls like her prey on dudes like you. Just saying. But at the end of the day, both of you got what you wanted, is sleeping with each other. Hopefully you used protection...

Just fyi, since you're a foreigner you better be on top of your game with these vampires or you'll get taken advantage of.

All this discussion over a story about 1 girl...

What we can deduce is that this BT1989 didn't have any one else to turn to for guidance except an expat forum. (What could possibly go wrong?) Which is normal for foreign guys going solo in a new place. He was faced with dating culture shock and didn't know how to compartmentalize a girl based on no knowledge of dating norms within her culture. I've been in his situation more or less. It's an easy social "trap" to fall in to. I hesitate to use the word "trap" because it didn't sound like the girl was actively hunting for prey.  A trap in the sense that any man (or woman) who is active or attempting to be active in a dating scene where he doesn't speak the language natively or at least fluently is going to feel off-balanced and unsure in many situations including dating.
The UBER thing was a red-flag but it was too small money to be a serious issue. She probably called this friend of a friend and they jacked up the price because of Foreigner prices. The problem was that this little UBER thing gnawed at BT1989 and the let's go to your room bit didn't help either.
In that situation I would have rented an airbnb for one or two nights and see what happened.
Dating girls from economically depressed regions means a foreigner is expected to pay for everything. If you are wanting to date university girls why would you be surprised if she wants sponsoring?
I think it could have worked out better for BT1989 but he'll have to chalk that one up to stars not lining up.

Traveler  3468 wrote:

Dating girls from economically depressed regions means a foreigner is expected to pay for everything.

Yup, that pretty much sums up the whole thing

Traveler  3468 wrote:

All this discussion over a story about 1 girl...

To be fair, these threads are so common they tend to get a life of their own once the question is "asked and answered".  I think they are a bit fun because virtually every singe white expat that comes here has at least SOME type of story about their first VN dating life that may fall along these lines.  I think it's looking back of their own "early years" as much as anything.