Moving and getting married in Pakistan

Hi.
It depends upon people and family more than the culture. Acceptance is easier in the 3 big cities than in other.
Good luck

Jawed

Thanks for you reply:) just scared if there is ever racial discrimination because im asian.

Hey Dawnabee!

Taga Cebu pud ka! I would like to help you with your inquiries. Specifically made an account for this! Is there any way to contact you apart from this thread?

Cheers

yes i'll message you my details

Hi friend
It's depends on you,  it's not very hard if you like Pakistan you will adjust there,  and   if you want to convert to Islam really it's very good thing,

You can ask any question about Pakistan and islam. I'll guide you. Insha ALLAH

yes but i dont know if i'll get accepted by his family.

It's depends on your boy.

Depends on financial status of ur lover and his family background and norms, mostly people of rural areas do not accept these things. other thing it will be better if guy comes to your country and you people live there. if he denies then forget he he is cheating.

I do not know what to comment on this.

We know nothing on how you two met? who you are? what does he do for living? where does he live?

I have seen lots of 'mixed marriages' that work and a lot more that do not.

Every time there are entirely different sets of circumstances. 

Hi Dawnabee,

Whether you get accepted for marriage or not will totally depend on his family and their values.
If the family is modern , open minded then you do stand a chance of getting accepted, whereas If the family is conservative than you may struggle to get accepted.

Pakistanis are generally warm and friendly people when it comes to hospitality.


But when it involves a slightly more serious matter such as marriage then there can be some complications especially if you are a non Muslim and from a foreign country.

I would strongly suggest you talk to him about the issue of whether his family are going to accept you or not being a non muslim and from a foreign country.

Hello Dawnabee,

I hope you know and understand the most important custom of marriage in Pakistan. I hope your fiance has informed you about it.

Every bride is expected to be a VIRGIN on the night of wedding, your sister and mother in law will be waiting outside your bedroom to celebrate.

thank you!

riazcdki thank you! maybe i can try to tell you in private message.

Hello behappy786,

Thank you for your reply! much appreciated. Yes, i did but i feel like he is even scared to tell his parents, most of his friends dont know maybe some of them do know. I just felt like i tried to give everything to this guy but in then end i wont be accepted for who i am.

Hi riazcdki,

i dont mean to sound a bit rude but then as if everyone is a virgin there before getting married. I guess it would be such hypocritical to say that you have to be a virgin and this era. Almost people in my age isnt a virgin. That expectation is such an illusion when most of the people is not even a virgin.

The issue sounds confusing.

If this boy has not disclosed your relationship to his parents then he is just wasting your time, because it is not his friends who need to accept you but it is his family which is most important.

You probably also need to know that in our middle to lower middle socio economic segments of society, a boy totally relys on the money and property he would inherit from his elders and one can not afford to go against their wishes and will.

I will discuss the issue of virginity with you on PM, I am sorry to say it is not how you feel is fair, we need to know what the expectations and norms are in a muslim country. Please check Google to check what percentage of girls are virgins before marriage in muslim countries.

Hi Dawnbee
Im mexican  married to a muslim men and its really true that HIS FAMILY MUST KNOW ABOUT YOU and THIS RELATIONSHIP . The muslim family is the most important thing for them , their economic , emotional and social support relies on the parents.
You should insist him to be presented and show them your willingness to change religion , trust me , you will win points for that!
And is really really REAAAALLLLYYYY important this "virgin issue" , also trust me on this one , they dont accept this kind of "reasons" about "the new era" or "the sexual freedom"  , is still a taboo topic specially for the elders members of the families.
Try to win his parents and family hearts , they can be your best friends and allies or the worst enemy , that depends on how you manage yourself , always look after their traditions, religion principles and specially be nice to the elders members.
Good luck !
About living in Pakistan , they love the foreign persons and once they know you are muslim , they always are so nice to me in all the places.( They always ask me if Im Asian    , hehe )
I live in a small town , just half of the year and in Mexico the other half , so it can be a little bit boring  and difficult to live with all the family (because you will be living in the same house with your parents in law , and his singles siblings or their wifes of his brothers with the nephews , you know, the tradition, is that all the family lives together!).
And there are not so many chances for workin with a good salary for the men , so a lot of them look for working abroad.

About marriage process , I got married in 3 days , since the first time we met till the day of the weeding, its really easy the preparation (requieres a lot of money avalable, but still easy), because my husband is the head of the family , his parents died years ago , so the decision was him to make and his sisters and brothers and elders members didnt stand against his decision.
The difficult part that he is talking about is when he is not the head of the family and he needs the parent´s aproval .

Thanks LIZ V for the detailed insight of muslim family.

This can only be felt and experienced, not explained in words specially to people from different continents, races and religions.

Hi...
I am british born and bred..i am married a man from pakistan in 1999, and live here in the Uk. We have 3 lovely children. I always wanted to settle in Pakistan after i got married but unfortunately that is rarely possible straight after marriage because every person rich or poor in pakistan will do anything to get out of pakistan and have another nationality. I still dont understand it till this day as pakistan is a beautiful place to live.
Anyway...in 2010 i moved to pakistan with my 3 children and my husband came back to the Uk after settling us. And you know what? They were the best 3 years of my life! The kids loved it too. I came to realise even more while living there that there is a craze to obtain foreign nationality and to do that they have to usually marry someone from abroad.
As for him telling you that u will find it hard to live in Pakistan...that's his attempt to get that idea out of your head otherwise his dream of citizenship of another country will be shattered.
He may possibly be a genuinely good guy like my husband...but ultimately their first love is a foreign passport!  So if hes the right guy for u...go ahead with marrying him but forget your dream of living there permanently until he gets his forein passport! 
Sorry if it sounds harsh but its the truth whether they admit it or not.

Hello Friends,

I some how fail to digest the above.

I have a British nationality too but I only use it to avoid time to apply for visas for EU , USA and Canada when I go  on holidays or business and I have always preferred to live and work in Pakistan.

I recently got my work visa to Saudi Arabia ( in 2014) on my Pakistani passport because it was easier for my Saudi employer to quickly get visa for Pakistani Engineer rather than British.

Most of my extended family members are happily working for multi national companies, working as qualified professionals and successful businessmen in PAKISTAN and many are US or UK nationals.

I honestly believe that Pakistan has the best opportunity for Pakistani origin people, every one respects you, love you, you enjoy your culture, food, relations and tourism, this is your HOME.

I have always felt insecure and been racially discriminated in the north of England, and other EU countries on countless occasions.

In Pakistan, I walk into the office of president of a bank or CEO of a multinational company just by knocking at his door. Mind it , I am not very rich and I hardly have 'connections'.

There are a few irritants though but the advantages out weigh them, I do not believe that some one will want to have a 'marriage of convenience' to get a Philippine nationality.

Politically and economically, one can feel the improvement, people are standing up against corrupt politicians and construction of Pak-China corridor, connecting Arabian sea to China is changing the whole game. I see Europeans and Americans coming and living in Pakistan to work at large projects.

sure, no racial discrimination but in middle class people are bit conservative however good luck

No issue easily you can get marry just step forward towards your Love.

Talking to someone who is 6 years into an interracial marriage with an amazing Pakistani man I'd tell you to seriously reconsider. I adore my husband he is my life but after everything we'be been through I don't know if I'd do it again. I often feel bad that he doesn't have a traditional Pakistani wife. I feel that he misses out on a lot always trying to mesh the two worlds that just don't mesh and never will. More than likely even if he thinks his family will be ok with you they won't. Those feelings and views are too ingrained and it'll work the same way on your side.  No matter how open you think your family is that will come crashing all around you when you're married. Be prepared to never (as a couple) fit in anywhere. One of you will always feel out of place. If you're 110% ready for the struggle of your life for the rest of your life then go for it but if you have reservations then just don't.

See bad experience can happen with anyone but if talk about overall ratio then i must say majority keep their promises.
most important thing is willingness, if both are willing then they can make everything possible even they can convene their families.
Life never stop look forward and explore it.
Thank you

Your comment is very interesting. So how is life nkw with you and your husband is it going well?

I'm not sure if you were responding to my comment or not but if you were ....

He and I are fine and we always will be. It'll always be a struggle but he and I will always be fine. We truly love each other enough that we work tens times harder to find compromises. It is hard and when I think we've gotten past it all something new comes up. You just have to be determined to not give up. You have to be "all in", you have to work together and know that giving up isn't an option. It's hard I won't lie. If I had to do it over again knowing what I know now I don't know what I'd do. It's not impossible but it's hard. I really hope it all works out for you and keep us posted.

Remember patience does matter and sometime what we expect that doesn't happen but never lose tolerance and patience. Some time God( Allah subhana ) test you and put you in trouble and some time our sins bring hard time then you lose your faith to compare with others. This short description is enough for understanding for the wise people and they seek path if Allah light their wisdom.

In this situation it's not about tests from anyone or sins.  It's simply merging two very different lifestyles and beliefs and the natural struggles that come with that.  This is a unique situation, I think, because the cultures are so very different. Literally you will have no similarity only love for each other to hold you together. Random people on here can spout off anything they want but unless you're living this particular situation you can't know.

It is unique. No other countries have such an ingrained lifestyles. Most any country you go to you can blend in and things aren't so completely opposite. Pakistani culture is very different and they are not used to different cultures. Therefore, they just expect for people to understand them and do things their way. That just doesn't happen over night. I've traveled a lot and have never seen a country with such an ingrained cultures as people in Asian countries. Marrying someone from almost any other country would be a much easier adjustment. It is unique and like I said unless you're on the outside looking in you cannot understand.

Hi everyone,

i have removed several off-topic posts from this thread. We are looking for practical information on the forum, to facilitate the move of the initial poster.

If you want to discuss about philosophy or linguistics, please feel free to start your own topic in the Expat Cafe - open discussions section of the forum.

Thanks in advance,
Bhavna

Actually I already give my answer to another post about marrying a Pakistani man. I will repost my answer and add more additions for you about living in Pakistan.

I'm married to a Pakistani man.

I'm not a western, I'm Indonesian, and my country has the largest muslim in the world, I'm a muslim and I practice too but still He said to me, that I need to change a lot if I want to be with him.

I didn't know exactly what his mean, neither other Indonesian women who wanted to marry Pakistanis.

But after the marriage, you will realize,
"The change" is really mean "A LOT" even for Indonesian.

So for westerns, it means "Tottally change", "you can't be who you are"

What you should change is depend on his family and his society. If you think why the society is matter I can say, for Pakistani the society is really matter!
Including their cultures and traditions.

Most of Pakistanis who live in Lahore is more open minded than other Pakistanis who live in mountain area.

So check first from where his family come from and also his tribe.

Maybe you can see a lot of Muslim pakistani men are open minded even they drink alchohol and go for clubbing.
But you are completely wrong, because they will not do those stuffs in front of their families.

They are completely different person in front of their families. Even they won't post their clubbing pictures with the girls on Facebook if they have family members in their friend list.

So, this is the list, what things you should change :

Normal Pakistani Family

1. What you eat (if you are not a muslim), avoid  haram food, eat halal like them.

2. You are willing to live with his parents after the marriage and taking care of them.

3. Learn to cook Pakistani dishes

4. You need to get use to clean the house and do any house duties.

5. Wear like what they wear! (No bikini, no short pants, no tank top) just being modest.

6. If you like travelling/backpacking. You need to stop! No travelling without your husband. No more backpacking (staying at hostel, backpacker gathering, etc).

7. Be ready to loose all your Male friends. Most of Pakistani men have issue for contacting male friends.

8. You can't be so friendly anymore with the guys! No more guys, only girls.

9. Don't post any inappropriate pictures on your soc media, you need to delete them too if you have (bikini pictures, clubbing pictures, etc).

10. You need to follow his family rules.

11. You need to put more concern to his family than yours. His family is number one your family is number 2.

12. Pakistani men are more dominant, so you need to accept his dominant behavior.

13. Some of Pakistani men have issue about swimming in public pool. You need to go to the pool which provides ladies hours. No more mingle with guys in any conditions. (Snorkeling, diving, swimming, going to the puclic gym, etc).

If he is from modern family, then the requirements are more less.

Better you ask one by one. Like should I do this, should I do that.

You need to be more cautious if you find Pakistani or Indian men like these :

1. They are not your country Permanent residents/citizens. (Still Pakistani / Indian residents)

2. They want to marry you but they never introduce you to their closest family members (Father and mother) as his future wife/fiance.

3. They let you to do what you want to do, no restrictions, no traditions.

4. They never bring and intoduce you to his Pakistani society.

Most of the men like these are using you for the PR visa.


Living in Pakistan

I never live in Pakistan before, because we reside in Australia atm. But I have some friends who also married to Pakistani men and they had lived in Pakistan for few years before they moved.

1. Weather, it will be very hot in summer, and most of Pakistani don't have air conditioner in their house. If you live in a country which its temperature never more than 35 Celsius, you will have so much propblem in summer. Burning skin, iritation, rehidration, bleeding nose etc.

2. Electricity. Pakistani has electricity crisis. So you need to get use to live without it for hours.

3. Clothes. It always depends on where you live in Pakistan and what kind of family that your husband has.

One of my friends who live in Abbottabad, she decided to follow the local people clothes as so many women wearing cadar (close the face, only eyes opened) when they go to the market.

If you live in such a big city like Islamabad or Lahore, it should be fine if you go out with jeans, but for some regions in pakistan you should wear Pakistani traditional clothes, Shalwar Kameez.

4. Family. You need to find out more about his family. The family rules and traditions.

In Some of Pakistani family, the mother of your husband who is in charge of the house, because you live with them so you need to follow her rules. Sometimes you also need to wear the clothes like what she says.

If your husband is not the first child and he has so many older brothers who already married, then you need to find out more about your sisters in law traits and behaviors. Some of my friends had a lot of drama in the house with her sisters in law.

5. Society. You need to know the unwritten society law where you will live in.

Some of the unwritten law for certain region in Pakistan :

- you can't go out without your husband
- female should stay at home and go out less
- female can't go out at night
- no study aboard for a girl alone without her parents
- female should study at ladies school
- no boyfriend/girlfriend
- women go to the court is inappropriate
- women can't talk to stranger men on the street.
-  women are not allowed to give too much smiles to guys.
- Women doing social works is not common, this is men's work

Different region has different law in its society.

I think you find typical conservative man that's why you just blast ...but mostly village people do that as per you said, in big cities of Pakistan it's different. if you need more explanation on specific topic you may. thanks for reading.

razaraz2641 wrote:

I think you find typical conservative man that's why you just blast ...but mostly village people do that as per you said, in big cities of Pakistan it's different. if you need more explanation on specific topic you may. thanks for reading.

As I said before.

It depends on the family and the region they live in.

For modern family then the requirements are more less.

Even one of the women whom I know, she married to modern Pakistani man from Lahore but still, the husband insisted to send their daughter to female school and not allow her to make friend with boys.

I think because you are Pakistani then you never realize how big the difference effect us who are not born and grew up as Pakistani woman.

Pakistani women won't have any issue having Pakistani husband, but for the person who are not Pakistani that a big issue. Even for muslim country like Indonesia.

You should talk to non Pakistani women who married to Pakistanis and live in Pakistan with the husband family so you know what they feel.

not at all, some one misguided you. many foreigner ladies are living here who have married to Pakistani men and they are happy.

Trust me the women you know will not tell you or anyone their husband knows how they really feel.

I adore my husband he is my life but it's hard and it's very very different. I would never tell Anyone he knows how I really feel. I wouldn't want anyone to think that just because it's hard, I don't love my husband or that I don't want to be with him.  I also don't see it as being his fault or something he can easily fix it's just the way of that culture. At the same time I wouldn't encourage anyone to jump into a marriage without fully understanding what their life will become.

Totally agree with Expatriate17 and Aseiya , maybe because you are men and into this way of life ( pakistan life style) you dont see it , as foreigners as ourselves , is totally different  and very hard , starting for changing religion for some of us .
And do not take wrong , I also love and respect my husband and manage to love and accept all my husband's family. But I always make myself clear to this " pakistani's on-line girlfriends" , that it might not be as easy as they envisioned like a regular occidental marriage , because pakistani society is mostly "family-religious centered society" , otherwise like in Mexico , we do as we please at very young age with not religion interference at all . The state and religion are two separate things.
And about that "these standards are more like  for village people" , let me make a notice that the Pakistani embassador and his  family in Mexico and the pakistani workers on the embassy seem to have the same regulations or expectations about their wives and childrens ,  have seen this by first hand .
Including about trying to get females doctors for their families and others behavior limits to interact with men or boys.

Liv is 100% right! And honestly the fact that the men in here cannot just accept what we are saying proves exactly what we are saying!!!! It is so ingrained that they cannot allow their minds to open up at all. Not even enough to see that it's not one person it's not two it's all the women posting feeling the same way. If we are all saying the same thing then maybe just maybe stop defending and see that we aren't against you or bashing. We are simply saying it is very very hard and I would have liked to know some of this before I married. I know I would have still married my husband I love him more than anything. It's simply easier to adjust if at least you have all the facts and to know beforehand and can decide if these are things you can honestly deal with.