Cohabitation in DR

I know. Keep your passport, and 'ready-to-go' bag handy. Enough money in it for the next flight out. Rent instead of buy. Get nothing you cant easily walk away from.  Use a bogus name, try to prevent her from finding out the real one. Secure passwords, money, etc.  Live a lifestyle. wherby she gets used to making trips every once in a while to the capitol, or the say, VA hospital in Miami, etc. Yeah, just like guys in the spy novels have to do.

WOW.  That was nasty.

Reality is that if you co habitate here it is similar to being marred. I do not know the exact length of time under the LAW but that may or may not be important as you will be subject to whatever may happen in the system here.

Maybe take the mentality of what would happen in North America if you live with a a woman longer term!   Living with someone for three years creates issues, it creates expectations.

Make sure you know your rights and obligations, protect yourself but also be fair!

Planner you bring out another issue in your reply:  creating "expectations".
Imagine a situation where a foreigner helps out a local dominican by giving financial assistance on a regular basis.  Could this create a situation wherein if the foreigner decides to stop giving financial assistance the dominican can make legal demands that the payments continue?

i'm not certain i understand your point.  are you talking about living with a dominican or just having a relationship with a dominican?  are you implying that there is a great risk  in just having a relationship with a dominican so that you need to be ready to bolt the country at a moment's notice?

Only if you are living with her  Carivelas.  Then it creates both expectation and a potential legal situation.

she can spend most nights and days at your house, but, if she has her "own place" then you are not cohabitating. BUT if you are actually living together,  seek legal counsel!

Yes that's true. It used to be 5 years but recently changed to 3 years. You will need a lawyer to help you if you have been living together for that period because it's just like common law marriage in the states. If she doesn't hire a lawyer then the odds will be in your favor. However, if you have been supporting this women for that period of time, be a good person and give her a decent settlement. Then go on your separate ways.
If you aren't a decent person.....well I'm not going to tell you how to get out of your obligation but it can be done.

so let's assume that i am capable of being a decent person:  how would a decent person get out of it?

Pay her off

Bob K

Yes its about money. So what kind of lifestyle did you lead? what did you pay for routienly? Did you pay for school?  Her family? Etc etc etc.

All that will come into play.

Your people are just terrible, oh my God ? I am so glad that I read this forum before making the decision to move to Dominican Republic.  I cannot believe what I am reading by your people on this forum, you left your country moving to a place instead of enjoying a peaceful, quiet, and harmonize lifestyle, you are creating problems to the people who allowed you in their country. I never read anything positive coming from the Canadians, and the Americans expats you are a nasty bunch of useless people who move one place to the next complaining about everything, and anything.  I am from Canada, and I never associate myself with ignorant, narrow minded people like you because all you do is holding others back by the way, I am making sure before leaving Canada to move to another place that place would have less of your people. All you do it's creating bad vibe, negative energy which I am already trying to avoid from Canada, and I don't need any of this shit. Life it's too short, it's meant to enjoy, respect others, and ourselves.

I understand your frustration about some of the comments in this thread, I can't say I'm overly pleased with it all..... but if you haven't read a single positive thing coming from the Canadian and American expats, you haven't looked far.

In fact, you didn't even read the whole thread. If you read Planner's response, you'll see that she also wasn't terribly pleased with some of the sentiments expressed here.

Both Planner and Bob and so many of the expats on this forum express love and respect for the DR and it's people. You don't have to read far to discover that....

I agree with you - life is meant to enjoy, respect others, and ourselves.

Grab your passport and get out.

des50....... I have read numerous positve, helpful, and informative comments posted here. Sounds like you're using this forum to vent your own  frustrations and issues.....please don't drink before posting comments it's not cute.

Wow, you certainly have not read very much here.

Sadly you will find people you dont like everywhere in the world. You cannot control that. All you can control is your response to them. Good luck with that!!!

So far in this thread , mine was the most informative.

But....you informed her to "grab her passport and get out", but she states she is not living here yet.....better advice would be "stay where you are".

destination50 did someone pee in your wheates????

Bob K

Judging from her posts just a angry person. All you need destination is a nice beach to chill out somewhere. Maybe just not Dominican R.

carlvelas is a very controvensial gringo, btw... Hell of a game we won to you guys in the World Baseball Classic yesterday. In your own sport hahahahha

How is he controversial? Tell us how you see it.

And yes we won!!!!! My team is DR!!!! Republica Dominicana!!!!

You are ON point sir, do not listen to any woman who disagrees.  You are sooooo on point sir!

Tartiqq welcome to the forums!. To which person were your referring? It was unclear.

No, HE...the gringo.

Respectfully I am replying to this post:   

Keep your passport, and 'ready-to-go' bag handy. Enough money in it for the next flight out. Rent instead of buy. Get nothing you cant easily walk away from.  Use a bogus name, try to prevent her from finding out the real one. Secure passwords, money, etc.  Live a lifestyle. wherby she gets used to making trips every once in a while to the capitol, or the say, VA hospital in Miami, etc. Yeah, just like guys in the spy novels have to do.  It is from thecolonel.   

What I am saying is that we go through as men very little women understand this.  I would not try to use a bogus name, but surely we should protect our pensions etc.. by any means necessary.

Like I said before and I will say it again.  I think men who moved to these third world countries come here with the intention to use people specially the women.  I wish these women can read, write, and speak English because you would not dare talking the way you do.  These women don't owe you anything therefore, if you are looking for a prostitute, you should expect to pay for their services.  As to giving them fake name, hiding your identity, your passport really your people go so low, you deserve no respect, and if I was the government, I would send you back to where you come from. Because no country need to have these kind of scum bags in their nation.

JUST A THOUGHT

Nonsense, just protecting oneself.  Sounds like you dont know it, but many innocent, but naive gringos have been mercilessly taken advantage of by gold-bricking chapeadoras.

There is value in both sides of this argument.  I will respond at length later.

I can partially agree with Destination. Relationships should be open and honest. If you feel you must protect yourself by giving a false identity, you should not be in that relationship. It goes both ways. Many Dominican women go after venerable older men because they see them as their meal ticket. Once this fool realises he is been taken for a ride, he looks for a way out. We all have choices to make, if you allow yourself to fall into that trap, you won’t get very much sympathy from me.

Its about  being real and honest.   An old man with a 20 year old gets what he gets.  Denial is not a river in Egypt! Works for  60 year old woman and  20 year old guys too!  IF you dont get these types of partners where you come from - well time for a good hard look at yourself!   Be honest and be fair.

Same holds true for the local, if she is in this relationship for what she can GET then she gets what she gets too.   That makes her not very nice either. Applies equally both ways people.  Takes both parties to enter into these arrangements.

So,  if you were in a cohabitating relationship in North America what would be reasonable and honest? Apply it here.

Abusing a person from this culture because they are poor is NOT okay.  But that does not give either party the right to get what they can financially either.

Its is reasonable to have an exchange, a fair exchange!   Keep that in mind when you enter into this type of relationship here or anywhere else!

aren't you being kind of "negative".  just because people complain about certain things doesn't mean they are rejecting the entire culture it just means they are trying to solve some problems.  my feeling is that you are not likely to find a place in the world where you will find people who don't complain about problems they have.

When someone writes, "any way to get around it?", it seems clear to me that the person is actually asking, 'is there any way I can avoid being responsible for my own actions?'

Well, there may be some unscrupulous ways of doing that but there is no way of 'getting around it' and still calling yourself a man.

If you entered into a relationship for whatever reason, even totally innocently, then you entered into that relationship and are responsible for having done so.  If you want to end that relationship, just as if someone wanted to end a marriage, then you should expect to pay the price of ending it in whatever form that price takes.

You sit down with the person and you come to an agreement.  End of story.

Dogeared....your advice is like asking a mugger how much he''ll accept to go away. Many of the chapeadotas hete are the same as muggers, fraudstets, or any other crooks. They oft often suck people into a relationship under false pretenses. We should not have to be ripped off because of duch fraud. Many girls have several suckers sending them money every month, from various contries, and then juggle a few weeks a year with each.  In the meantime living with and supporting their real guy, with your money, the guy you probably even met and was told is a 'primo'.

Is it false pretenses when a guy falls for someone 35 years younger, I don't think so. It is obvious to me what she is after and what he is after.

It is a reasonable exchange.  Both need to own their part in it.  I always say -  if it seems to good to be true, it is!

i should have just written directly to the colonel instead of starting this thread.  he's brutally realistic about how the world works (whereas the planner has a more gentle approach), while others have this romantic view of poor locals as the good people and expatriots as the exploiters.

for those of you with this romantic notion i recommend you view "la viridiana" directed by luis bunuel made during the fifties.  spoiler:  it's about a nun who arranges a party at an estate with a group of beggars and ends up being raped by the leader of the group.

Dogeared, you are 100% bang on. Some people like to blame others for there mistakes. It reminds me of my deceased father in-law. He was a very poor driver and constantly getting into accidents. According to him, he was never at fault. One day he hit a parked car. Again it wasn't his fault. His reasoning was that the car was parked in a 2 hour zone and that the car had been there much longer than 2 hours.

I think we can all skip that movie. 

Each person who has been here some time will have an opinion about things.  We all have our filters and biases.

Lets let it go at this and move on please.

colonel i don't get the point of dogeared"s latest post, can you help me out?  he seems to be saying that anything you do, whatever your motive, if it turns out badly you have to pay some price.  so if i follow dogeared's line of thinking if i go to the beach and get attacked by a shark, it's my fault and i deserve what i get, because i made the  wrong choice going to a beach expecting that i could take a swim as if i had the right to do so without requesting permission from the sharks beforehand.