Dealing with loneliness in Hungary

SimCityAT wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

Brit_Magyar wrote:

I was an Albatross member of Internations (paying a monthly fee), but found that I was normally working on the event days so couldn't attend functions, so I reverted to normal membership.  I rarely visit the site these days.

What are Albatross Internationals?

Never heard of it!

I think its something like you pay €4 a month as a paid member.

I see.  I never  heard of this at all.  I said Internationals but I see it's Inter-Nations.

Do they publish how many are involved with this organisation in Hungary?

Brit_Magyar wrote:

https://www.internations.org/

They apparently only operate in Budapest. As if that is the only place exapts live in Hungary. Kind of tired of that limited mindset.

klsallee wrote:

Brit_Magyar wrote:

https://www.internations.org/

They apparently only operate in Budapest. As if that is the only place exapts live in Hungary. Kind of tired of that limited mindset.

and if you live a distance away from it, by the time you have travelled there and back, that free drink is wasted as you could have gone to the local for a couple in lieu of the monthly fee and travel.

klsallee wrote:

Brit_Magyar wrote:

https://www.internations.org/

They apparently only operate in Budapest. As if that is the only place exapts live in Hungary. Kind of tired of that limited mindset.

Yes, indeed.

I think for us long term people here, we're not really expats in the specific sense.  We're more like immigrants. 

I'd say expats are more transitory - only here for a few years possibly on a job transfer and need another kind  of social support structure.   We are (often) here for decades and supported by wider (HU side of) family and people who are part of our working life.   

It does beg the obvious question of what to do if something happens with partners.  I think we've been here before with The Clash - do we stay or do we go now.....   

As we have HU kids, if something happened, I'd probably just stay here but if something happened to me, then I am pretty sure Mrs Fluffy would stay here regardless - her home country.  If the Fluffyettes leave - No. 1 Fluffyette keeps saying it's more interesting somewhere else - then I'd seriously have to think about it but where to go?

Trouble is that I don't fancy the rubbish weather in the UK and the crummy look of the place.  Not that it's perfect here either. And I was just at BUD airport yesterday - what an absolute zoo - too small, too busy, badly designed etc. Tut-tut, 5/10 for airport design.

fluffy2560 wrote:

It does beg the obvious question of what to do if something happens with partners.

It is a morbid and depressing topic.

But.... since you brought it up.....

I would seriously consider liquidating my tangible assets here (properties, et al.), buy a Ketch and cruise the Mediterranean.

Of course that is just my thought for the day. Maybe next year I will have a different feeling about it all.

SimCityAT wrote:

and if you live a distance away from it, by the time you have travelled there and back, that free drink is wasted as you could have gone to the local for a couple in lieu of the monthly fee and travel.

Here! Here!

And that is also one of the brilliant parts of owning a winery. I don't give a damn about free drink offers. 

And besides, what is the point of a free drink as I have yet to find a really ideal Margarita in Hungary. That is depressing.....

klsallee wrote:

SimCityAT wrote:

and if you live a distance away from it, by the time you have travelled there and back, that free drink is wasted as you could have gone to the local for a couple in lieu of the monthly fee and travel.

Here! Here!

And that is also one of the brilliant parts of owning a winery. I don't give a damn about free drink offers. 

And besides, what is the point of a free drink as I have yet to find a really ideal Margarita in Hungary. That is depressing.....

I have one opposite me, and a total of 5 in my road. I am quite happy with that.

fluffy2560 wrote:

klsallee wrote:

Brit_Magyar wrote:

https://www.internations.org/

They apparently only operate in Budapest. As if that is the only place exapts live in Hungary. Kind of tired of that limited mindset.

Yes, indeed.

I think for us long term people here, we're not really expats in the specific sense.  We're more like immigrants. 

I'd say expats are more transitory - only here for a few years possibly on a job transfer and need another kind  of social support structure.   We are (often) here for decades and supported by wider (HU side of) family and people who are part of our working life.   

It does beg the obvious question of what to do if something happens with partners.  I think we've been here before with The Clash - do we stay or do we go now.....   

As we have HU kids, if something happened, I'd probably just stay here but if something happened to me, then I am pretty sure Mrs Fluffy would stay here regardless - her home country.  If the Fluffyettes leave - No. 1 Fluffyette keeps saying it's more interesting somewhere else - then I'd seriously have to think about it but where to go?

Trouble is that I don't fancy the rubbish weather in the UK and the crummy look of the place.  Not that it's perfect here either. And I was just at BUD airport yesterday - what an absolute zoo - too small, too busy, badly designed etc. Tut-tut, 5/10 for airport design.

But Internations is really for networking, making contacts for startups and for those that are on a few years contract so they can meet up with like-minded people. It is a global organization. So where ever you go, there is always this to fall back on.

SimCityAT wrote:

But Internations is really for networking, making contacts for startups and for those that are on a few years contract so they can meet up with like-minded people. It is a global organization. So where ever you go, there is always this to fall back on.

In that context, as a "linkedin" of the expat world, I guess it has its place and value.

klsallee wrote:

fluffy2560 wrote:

It does beg the obvious question of what to do if something happens with partners.

It is a morbid and depressing topic.

But.... since you brought it up.....

I would seriously consider liquidating my tangible assets here (properties, et al.), buy a Ketch and cruise the Mediterranean.

Of course that is just my thought for the day. Maybe next year I will have a different feeling about it all.

Yes, it's morbid but a realistic "expat" question.

But I've got deja-vu on your s-ketch'd out plan.  Maybe I need to ketch-up a bit.

As I've got kids, I'd keep the place for them but if they were off on their own travels, I doubt I'd be here much at all. 

In any case, I am sure I'm likely to meet the Grim Reaper more than Mrs Fluffy.

Enough morbid thoughts... Everyone is going to outlive even their own expectations!
My ex BIL did however buy a yacht and live in Honolulu after his second wife fell off a boat in the mid west and drown...
He sold the yacht last year because someone made him a offer he couldn't refuse.
Moved to N. Ca. to be near some of his kids but has since bought yet another nice "boat".
Guess sailing off into the sunset is something many widowers do.
Personally I would not wish to stay in Hungary without my husband, too odd here in many ways and too many memories.
I have a few places to go to  if needed although I don't even want to seriously think about it. Who knows I could go first.
Been a weird week with deaths anyways.
My SIL's good friend of 40 years passed away this week and my first cousins nephew in SE Asia just died, got news of it this morning. Very sad, just a teenager. No details on why he died so suddenly.
One of my old friends from school, actually my BFF's brothers BFF who I do FB with has a nephew right now that has gone missing for 3 weeks now in the hills of Santa Monica.
He is in his early 20's not a druggies or in any sort of troubles. No need for him to run away. In a canyon where people often do shooting.. Not looking very good that 3 weeks have gone by and neither the LAPD or the Ventura country police can find hide or hair of him, only his car...

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....BFF's brothers BFF who I do FB with has a nephew right now that has gone missing for 3 weeks now in the hills of Santa Monica.
He is in his early 20's not a druggies or in any sort of troubles. No need for him to run away. In a canyon where people often do shooting.. Not looking very good that 3 weeks have gone by and neither the LAPD or the Ventura country police can find hide or hair of him, only his car...

That doesn't sound good.   If he's been injured, 3 weeks is far too long to be missing out in the sticks.

I'm no expert but I'd have  thought getting some tracking dogs or helicopters up would work.

It's very upsetting, the family has a reward out, going door to door and putting up flyers all over the place.
Perhaps he was shot by accident and his body was hidden? No one knows just yet.
I can't even imagine the suffering his parents are going through right now.
Be grateful at all times, you never know what could happen.
The mentioned of course at first the police didn't take it serious, they never seem to unless the families push hard for them to do something.
He was  walking around alone, not a good thing to do.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

It's very upsetting, the family has a reward out, going door to door and putting up flyers all over the place.
Perhaps he was shot by accident and his body was hidden? No one knows just yet.
I can't even imagine the suffering his parents are going through right now.
Be grateful at all times, you never know what could happen.
The mentioned of course at first the police didn't take it serious, they never seem to unless the families push hard for them to do something.
He was  walking around alone, not a good thing to do.

I hope it's just oversight - he went to see a friend and didn't tell anyone.  That area (I've been there vaguely) is pretty rugged terrain even though it's close to the city. If he's fallen down a gulley or something, 3 weeks is far too long for a happy outcome.   

I don't even like cycling on my own in the hills around Budapest now and they aren't on the same scale. If I go at weekends there are always people around but if I go during the week, it can be pretty lonely. I've started taking routes that are "busy" so if anything happens I'd be found relatively quickly.

Life is too busy to have too many dramatic or complex friends although I am naturally attracted to people who are a bit out of the ordinary. I blame too many years in higher education for this because I am fascinated by psychology.

Being flaky is probably part of the human condition I agree.
However I set my own standards and if flakey friends are too flakey , eg constantly cancel, eventually it is off the friends list for me.

However I do realise that some people are suffering from shyness or depression so may find it harder to join in and do what they say they want to do.

Because I am more mature I try my best never to let anyone down. If people are single and prone to loneliness it can be more important to turn up and participate in planned activities.
This is especially so if you are new in a country and just building a life here. If you are married and are part of a family maybe you have different priorities.

One of the nice thing about some of the social groups that publicise themselves on facebook and on other social media is that they often have quite a few members so one or two dropping out doesn't matter so much. If it is only two attendees it is a different scenario especially if you have hired a tandem , booked a table for two ha ha.

anns wrote:

Being flaky is probably part of the human condition I agree.
However I set my own standards and if flakey friends are too flakey , eg constantly cancel, eventually it is off the friends list for me.

People that repeatedly agree to something then cancel or don't show up, need not be flaky. They may simply not want to continue a relationship. But rather than engage in direct confrontation, which may increase their personal stress level, simple default to non-confrontational avoidance behavior. That is, they probably already scratched you off their list before you did and hope you eventually "get it"...... Just saying.

Just move on.

klsallee wrote:

anns wrote:

Being flaky is probably part of the human condition I agree.
However I set my own standards and if flakey friends are too flakey , eg constantly cancel, eventually it is off the friends list for me.

People that repeatedly agree to something then cancel or don't show up, need not be flaky. They may simply not want to continue a relationship. But rather than engage in direct confrontation, which may increase their personal stress level, simple default to non-confrontational avoidance behavior. That is, they probably already scratched you off their list before you did and hope you eventually "get it"...... Just saying.

Just move on.

Also, you don't always know their circumstance for missing the said appointment?

SimCityAT wrote:

Also, you don't always know their circumstance for missing the said appointment?

Of course. But I was referring to a reasonable consistently, repeated pattern. Not simply missing some appointment here or there. In other words, don't call them, let them call you. If they do not call, to them the relationship is over.

klsallee wrote:

SimCityAT wrote:

Also, you don't always know their circumstance for missing the said appointment?

Of course. But I was referring to a reasonable consistently, repeated pattern. Not simply missing some appointment here or there. In other words, don't call them, let them call you. If they do not call, to them the relationship is over.

Well yeah after 5 missed meetings with no good excuse, you don't make a drama about it. You just don't make any plans in the future.

Will do thanks!

I am not a fan of that Inter Nations site. I joined it when we first moved here which was 3yrs ago. Every single contact and message i got was from men in the 50s and 60s. I was 35 when i moved here! Hanging out with men my dad's age was not why i joined that site, and when i nicely said i was not interested they asked me if i new any "girls". I do not need that.

Other people on there was Americans looking for an investor in the "startup" or business like a vegan doggie bakery. I had several men claim they were starting a business during their 90 days here in Hungary and then going to go back to USA to find more investors and then come back to Hungary. Really? Do i seem stupid? And even if i had lots of money why should i give it to some jack ass.

MT i so hope he is ok. USA is really not a safe place anymore! I hear so many stories like this from various sources, people all over usa.

I think it is hard when locals realize you live here. We have been here 3yrs will be here several years more and then even if for some reason we leave Hungary it will be somewhere else in Europe, Eu. But even now we had some people at Spar at the meat counter mind you where we were buying lots of kgs of raw meat, which hmm to me would say a person is NOT just visiting. Some woman asked "Where is your hotel?" I said no we live here in Budapest have for about 3yrs now, her reply was "When are you going to leave? You need to leave because WE do not like you" I replied i am not here to be liked by anyone, i pay VAT,pay rent, etc and have a right to be here.

How rude!

And this is so common in Hungary. I do not know why as this type of behavior only hurts Hungarians as it makes others not want to live here.

One of the biggest issues i have with Hungarians is the dishonesty and try to rip you off at every turn. I have lived in other countries and never seen it as bad as here. Then when you point it out they get all rude and try to be bitchy. No if the change is 5,000 huf do not give me 500 huf. Government offices should not tell people they do not want you in their country that is beyond disgusting. And just because you are speaking to a black usa person does not mean you can insult and say bad things about Jews, or Germans, or Swedes etc.

But as i say to any expat, think of the reasons why you moved here and try to make sure those goals are met.  Do not worry about people liking you or trying to fit in or change or be someone you are not. Just make sure you deal with people honestly yourself and you will be ok.

Also make sure you do not do things to make it hard to leave. If you really are unhappy  then leave when the time is right for you.

I'm sorry Felicia that you are having so many rude and nasty things happen here.
I know it's hard to believe but even my husband who is white , 100% Hungarian and speaks perfect Hungarian, went to school in Hungary and all his family lives here, he still gets some idiots that think he is from the US ( well guess he is sort of) but usually when he is with me.
Lately there is a huge anti- immigrant thing happening here in Hungary and if a person happens to look not like your typical "white" Hungarian, they are looked down on most times.
We notice small things with shop clerks when we speak English together while standing in line.
I pass as Hungarian most times unless I start to speak, I often just keep quiet for the sake of peace and to make life simpler in public, hard to do that all the time though.
People in Hungary, not all but many are living hand to mouth and are jealous of outsiders who can come and go as they please, they believe everyone is better off then they are so why should they help you out?
Negative thinking but it is sort of cultural, so many people with a bad attitude makes it hard to stay joyful all the time.
Yes, they would love us to leave but then they'd be crying about no one buying anything and them not making any money.
We have had odd experiences in shops with being over charged, not so much lately since I don't talk at the markets, I let my husband do all the shopping and at times I just stand away while the deal is going down.
I know you can't do that, your situation is different.
I'll tell you the truth, we still run into red tape and silly things here, so much so that we know we will not stay in Hungary if we get too much older and find ourselves at the mercy of a health system that can't coup , a nightmare to think of being in a old folks home and no one speaking English and the nurses only wanting to steal or get tips from you.
I wish you luck in other EU countries but to be honest with all the new refugees in so many countries it looks like there is a new wave of racist beliefs and people are getting a bit Nationalistic in their outlook.
Many countries are talking about leaving the EU, no idea if it will ever happen but you can feel changes in the air.
Maybe we should all move to Kansas?
What gets me is many here in Hungary really can claim their family roots to another country other then Hungary. Many are from German,Serbian, Romanian stock. They speak Hungarian might of been born in Hungary but just a few generations ago they didn't even have a foot in Hungary.
Being a foreigner means you must have tough skin.Even in the US in some red neck states people would ask my husband on a weekly base, "where are you from" some were idiots and some were just curious.When he first moved to NYC some people would just push past him in store lines etc. because he was "different" . My advice is to shop where they treat you right and maybe try to learn a few basic Hungarian words.

One more thing Felicia,
Hungary was a country in isolation until 1989.
Many people had high hopes which have been dashed.
Human nature is to blame someone other then ourselves for our problems.
In the past people relied on the gov. for everything, then out of the blue they were on their own for the most part.
Some people did well and some sank into a pit.
Easier to blame outsiders for their misery and wish things would go back to the way they used to be.
I know from speaking to other born Hungarians who left and later returned to Hungary to retire that many Hungarians just don't get it, why would anyone move back here, why aren't they super wealthy as they lived in the west. etc.
People don't always see the big picture.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

One more thing Felicia,
Hungary was a country in isolation until 1989.
Many people had high hopes which have been dashed.
Human nature is to blame someone other then ourselves for our problems.
In the past people relied on the gov. for everything, then out of the blue they were on their own for the most part.
Some people did well and some sank into a pit.
Easier to blame outsiders for their misery and wish things would go back to the way they used to be.
I know from speaking to other born Hungarians who left and later returned to Hungary to retire that many Hungarians just don't get it, why would anyone move back here, why aren't they super wealthy as they lived in the west. etc.
People don't always see the big picture.

Rather off topic....Mrs Fluffy and I know a few people who romanticise Hungary in their minds.  They perhaps left in their 20s and have  lived away for 30+ years in countries like Canada and Australia.  When they come back, they are all wearing rose tinted glasses.  We always tell them not to come back here but as air travel is cheaper now, visit once or twice a year but don't put their eggs in this Hungarian basket. 

Most people think of selling their house (largest asset) and then coming back and buying a mansion and it will all be wonderful. But once the bridges are burnt, they might not be able to return to their adopted country with the same lifestyle has they had before.  But above all of that, the political situation here is dire and will be for years.  Even the EU is thinking of censuring Hungary today (literally) and possibly removing their funding.  I doubt it will happen but that's where we are.

Oh, and the ignorance of world affairs or other countries is amazing.  It's like a parallel universe. It wasn't like that before.  It was an educated and intellectual country  with smart well read people but it isn't like that now and hasn't been for at least 7-10 years.  It's probably now a generational issue.  People on the rise don't remember communism.

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

One more thing Felicia,
Hungary was a country in isolation until 1989.
Many people had high hopes which have been dashed.
Human nature is to blame someone other then ourselves for our problems.
In the past people relied on the gov. for everything, then out of the blue they were on their own for the most part.
Some people did well and some sank into a pit.
Easier to blame outsiders for their misery and wish things would go back to the way they used to be.
I know from speaking to other born Hungarians who left and later returned to Hungary to retire that many Hungarians just don't get it, why would anyone move back here, why aren't they super wealthy as they lived in the west. etc.
People don't always see the big picture.

Rather off topic....Mrs Fluffy and I know a few people who romanticise Hungary in their minds.  They perhaps left in their 20s and have  lived away for 30+ years in countries like Canada and Australia.  When they come back, they are all wearing rose tinted glasses.  We always tell them not to come back here but as air travel is cheaper now, visit once or twice a year but don't put their eggs in this Hungarian basket. 

Most people think of selling their house (largest asset) and then coming back and buying a mansion and it will all be wonderful. But once the bridges are burnt, they might not be able to return to their adopted country with the same lifestyle has they had before.  But above all of that, the political situation here is dire and will be for years.  Even the EU is thinking of censuring Hungary today (literally) and possibly removing their funding.  I doubt it will happen but that's where we are.

Oh, and the ignorance of world affairs or other countries is amazing.  It's like a parallel universe. It wasn't like that before.  It was an educated and intellectual country  with smart well read people but it isn't like that now and hasn't been for at least 7-10 years.  It's probably now a generational issue.  People on the rise don't remember communism.

So very true, I agree 100% with your statements.
Honestly most people on the ball have already left poor Hungary. Of course I'm not saying everyone who stayed behind is not on the ball. People stay for other reasons then trying to make a buck in the west.
I asked my husband so many times where all his "cool" old friend have gone.
He says they either died, left the country or at the min. left the city of Budapest.No idea where they all went.
At least 50% of his old friends or perhaps 75% are in the west.
We know another 15% or so who died here...What can I say, either we got old or everyone around us got very odd.Even if it's us who got old, isn't there any cool older people out there? What has happened ?
Seems everyone is very self centered or only after making a buck.
I swear to God people seemed so much more "human" a few decades back here.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

.....
So very true, I agree 100% with your statements.
Honestly most people on the ball have already left poor Hungary. Of course I'm not saying everyone who stayed behind is not on the ball. People stay for other reasons then trying to make a buck in the west.
I asked my husband so many times where all his "cool" old friend have gone.
He says they either died, left the country or at the min. left the city of Budapest.No idea where they all went.
At least 50% of his old friends or perhaps 75% are in the west.
We know another 15% or so who died here...What can I say, either we got old or everyone around us got very odd.Even if it's us who got old, isn't there any cool older people out there? What has happened ?
Seems everyone is very self centered or only after making a buck.
I swear to God people seemed so much more "human" a few decades back here.

Yes, you are right.

It's a bit ridiculous.  Educated people with kids should be staying here but with wages so much higher elsewhere, no wonder people don't want to stay here.  They can go away and get 3 x the money easily. If they are professionals like engineers or medics, they can get 10 x the cash.  Then they can have a life for themselves and their kids.

Mrs Fluffy's cousin went to the UK for better opportunities 10 years ago - the 10 million people small pond market here was just too small. Obviously the UK is 65 million person pond but now that's too small and she's moved on from there and has finally gone to the USA which clearly is a leader in opportunity.  I doubt she'll ever come back here.   

The eldest Fluffyette is becoming more aware and has made statements about leaving when old enough for better opportunities outside the country.   

Speaking of "God people", not quite the same, but a Hare Krishna guy tried to get us in the Ikea car park in Budaors.   Haven't seen them around for a while. Maybe business is picking up in that sector.

The Hare Krishna people were all over Maui when we lived there in the 70's. Nice enough, they had an organic veggie market we often shopped at.
My son played as a 1 year old with a few Krishna kids, the most gentle children that didn't fight or grab from others, still not my thing however.
Not sure maybe if their outfits were a bit more stylish, no just kidding.

fluffy2560 wrote:

It's a bit ridiculous.  Educated people with kids should be staying here but with wages so much higher elsewhere, no wonder people don't want to stay here.  They can go away and get 3 x the money easily. If they are professionals like engineers or medics, they can get 10 x the cash.  Then they can have a life for themselves and their kids.

The current government does not want immigrants, yet Hungarians immigrate.

And the irony seems lost on so many.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

The Hare Krishna people were all over Maui when we lived there in the 70's. Nice enough, they had an organic veggie market we often shopped at.
My son played as a 1 year old with a few Krishna kids, the most gentle children that didn't fight or grab from others, still not my thing however.
Not sure maybe if their outfits were a bit more stylish, no just kidding.

Kidding aside, that's true.  It's a uniform and the orange is significant.   Trouble is that I think they are a cult and therefore dangerous.   Reminds me of this encounter (click here).

klsallee wrote:

....
The current government does not want immigrants, yet Hungarians immigrate.

And the irony seems lost on so many.

Yes, indeed.   I get lost on immigrate and emigrate.  Not sure if I'm coming or going.

Irony is not an OV strong point.   The EU's protestations on OV's position will culminate today in a vote in the EU parliament.  Looks like it won't get very far as the far right are likely to veto it.   

I don't get what is happening in the world suddenly.  It's not about Trump - he's losing his attraction as the corruption allegations gain strength. 

Sweden has been wavering, Italians gone, Slovakians, Czechs, Poland - it's all a rightist Visegrad alignment.

Will be interesting to see what happens with the punishment the EU will dish out, but that's a different topic.

SimCityAT wrote:

Will be interesting to see what happens with the punishment the EU will dish out, but that's a different topic.

it's worth reading the Sargentini highlights here.

I think it's going to be a total damp squib.   The accusations of corruption have been around for ages and they (the EU) never did anything about it.

p.s. we should move this to Anything Else.

fluffy2560 wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

The Hare Krishna people were all over Maui when we lived there in the 70's. Nice enough, they had an organic veggie market we often shopped at.
My son played as a 1 year old with a few Krishna kids, the most gentle children that didn't fight or grab from others, still not my thing however.
Not sure maybe if their outfits were a bit more stylish, no just kidding.

Kidding aside, that's true.  It's a uniform and the orange is significant.   Trouble is that I think they are a cult and therefore dangerous.   Reminds me of this encounter (click here).

Cult, that's for sure.
If you ever have a few moments of free time, check out  old documentaries about the "Source".
Man alive what a bunch of nutters!
I used to walk past the Source restaurant in S. Ca. on my exercise walks about Hollywood and the districts near by.
Later I met a guy who roomed with some friends, he was from Ireland and was into the "spiritual junk " and worked at the Source. I was young a cute at 17, not sure how old he was  ( maybe 20?)but the was always bugging me to go out with him, no dang way, he just looked and acted way too stupid for my taste. he was also shorter then me, a no go from get go!
Long story but several "high up" pervos in the "Source" cult were Hungarians. Not much coverage about the HU connection but they were enjoying almost the same perks as the cult leader was.
In the end they all went to Hawaii and the leader died after his hang glider crashed off a cliff! Seriously, can't make this stuff up!
Heard he always had at least a half dozen or more young beauties with him when he did his business in the WC, they clean up after him! Insane, how can anyone be that brain washed?
He had tons of so called," wives". They first had a big house in S. Ca for the cult before they left for Hawaii. Things got super crazy in Hawaii.

Look on U Tube for the "Source cult, "both a comedy and a tragedy at the same time.
later those HU guys moved on but they were always crazy and dangerous.They were old guys just in it for the young stupid chicks.Disgusting really.  Think most of the players are dead now,no big loss.

I think like one big thing as i said is for an expat as this is an expat site we are all from somewhere else, is just think of why you moved here. Is it for family? Job? Love? Etc and either if that is more important then cool. Or if you really hate it then find a way to leave.

It is like i had a female friend that stayed with a man that beat her every day and treated her like dirt, i told her she needs to leave. Money is not a reason to stay no matter the cost if something is really bad, you are in a bad situation you need to find a way to change that. The cost of staying in a place, situation etc is really worse than what you think it would be to stay. No it is not easy but i think it is important.

I was born in USA and it really sucked. I have not been back and if i live to be 100 i still will never go back. But i was not going to sit and whine about how bad usa is. I moved before Trump so had nothing to do with him but i will say these type of views are long time coming in USA and he does represent the views of many usa people.

Hungary like i tell people is not that racist, many people are rude and will use this as an excuse to cover up they are jealous or think that someone has something they want. But Hungary is much much more tolerant and more nice people in USA do not get me wrong at all!

This low end scam stuff and natural rudeness is more common here in Hungary and the Balkan countries, that is will say though. Much of this i feel due to these countries do not have big economies and this is a way they make money. So things like scamming tourists and sex workers etc is a big part of things and if someone views a foreigner is harming them being able to do this you get neg flack.

It is sad as it is a very beautiful place here and they could do some much with this country. And the people generally have a positive image to most in the USA. If Hungarians were nicer to people they would get much more help.

Like i had a Hungarian guy ask me out to see some movie about the story of Tupac. Was he racist, no not at all. I just have never cared about Tupac when he was alive, did not listen to his music and no way am i going to watch some movie about him in 2018! So the guy was just not compatible not due to race, or the fact he was Hungarian, i am just not the type of person he was. He was close minded in the since he felt that ghetto and rap was he way ALL black americans are but that is not due to being Hungarian many people are like that.

Course when i gave some bread to a homeless guy on the street and some young guys yelled out that i need to stop trying to act like a Soviet that was nuts! I asked these guy why on earth say that? They said sharing and giving to others is NOT the Hungarian way, it was what the Russians forced on them! No sharing is kindness toward all mankind. They guy in question was in line in front of me at the bakery and ok maybe he was not homeless but maybe just poor and all he had was like 500 huf for some bread. He brought some then went outside to eat it and sat the bag with the other rolls next to him on the bench. Out of no where a pack of birds came and just descended and messed it all up. So i gave him the loaf i had brought and about 1 thousand huf in bread i had brought. Why would young people see that as bad?

Or like a year ago, i was  in a thrift store and some guys did not have money for what they wanted to purchase. They were taking up so much time trying to get the coins for what they wanted and i do not know just i felt good so i just gave them the 2 thousand huf they needed. Some woman was upset at me saying that if they were too poor to buy the clothes then they did not need them, the guys said i was very nice to do this and thanked me. I mean yes i guess that is true, but whatever if it made them happy and helped them then cool. The one guy said said him and his friend were from Miskloic and they traveled to Budapest to go on some job interviews so they could get some jobs here and do better and help their family. I felt bad that they had to get used clothes to go on a job interview but all the more to help.


But i truly am not trying to change Hungary. They are a very old country they are what they are.

I will say it is easy to be lonely here as even looking at Hungarian on Hungarian interactions they do not seem super friendly towards each other so maybe it is just a culture thing? And maybe the lonesomeness one feels is just a culture difference than people being distant to a non Hungarian. I do not know.

And i just say things as who i am and how a black usa person is.

I talked to a Serbian guy the other day and how he is treated is going to be different from me. He has been to Germany and was treated very badly and i have been to Germany and people are some of the nicest ever. But i know the view of Balkan people in by Germans is very bad. I knew of an incendant when i was in my 20s where a Bosnian woman was raped by a guy and the cops there in Gelsenkurchen were so awful to her. I took her to the police station and when they thought it was me they were all helpful and friendly and saying how they guy must of been racist etc. I had to explain to them, no it was my friend who was there, she was just so upset and traumatized so i helped her. Plus i was at the party where it happened and i knew who the guy was and my english and basic german was much better than hers. Then when i explained it was her and she was Bosnian then the police attitude totally changed. Suddenly they were rude and unhelpful, asked her all kinds of questions, asking if she asked the man for money, accusing her of being a whore just awful! I told the cops what on earth, why are you treating her like this? The female staff there told me that i should not hang out with "Balkan trash" and then one of the cops went on telling me about how "those women" tend to be whores and i was too classy to hang out with women from "those areas". Just horrible! She was a very smart and hard working woman with a full time job at a clothing store, paying taxes etc. Thankfully the guy did get arrested and prosecuted for this, and it was sad as he knew that since she was from the Balkans he could harm her and not get in trouble for it. If there were not USA people like me and some local Germans to push this i really feel nothing would of happened to the guy.

Or i have lived in Norway been to Finland, i have many close Norwegian and Finnish friends. They are very nice and kind people. They are very happy to have a person not of their culture to like their culture. But one of my very close female friends that is Finnish lives in Finland says some awful things about Hungarians. I tell her to not judge them. And not think badly of them. I told her Hungarians are not just people to clean bathrooms and low end of the social ladder. So if someone was Hungarian i would not suggest moving to some other European countries.

So i will just say how it is for me as who i am. I can not say how it is for a different type of person as i am not that. Europeans are smart, they know what an Arab, or African or Hungarian or USA person is so people will be treated differently based on this.  Well in general, my dad has gotten people think he is from Australia! I mean really? Some guy said it is cause he looks a wee bit like Dwayne Johnson and he is half black american and Pacific islands so they think this. He hee.

Wow,that was allot to think about.
There are scammers in the USA too.
I remember in parking lots at markets, people would ask if you wanted dents fixed on the spot on your car. Just seemed odd.


Perhaps you may of misunderstood those guys at the bakery?
They probably were not  even born in Soviet times.
In fact back in the Soviet days, the Russian military was in camps and not allowed to walk around freely in the towns or cities.
They had a presence in the country for  emergencies not to upset the pubic.
High ranking military would be allowed where ever they wanted, in fact in my husband's house in the 5th a Russian officer and his family lived in their building but didn't bother anyone.

I like Hungary am not lonely at all, not doing anything too much different then I would be doing back home.
Only not seeing my son everyday is the only real thing I miss about being here.
In fact if I wasn't so lazy, I'd even have access to more things to do here in Hungary then in Vegas or many other US cities or towns.

Hungarian culture is more like people keep to themselves and not that they are unfriendly they just respect privacy more in general.
People at least in the past didn't approach strangers much here and people keep their business to themselves here more, even their personal issues , maybe that's why they had/have a high suicide rate here?

FeliciaOni wrote:

Course when i gave some bread to a homeless guy on the street and some young guys yelled out that i need to stop trying to act like a Soviet that was nuts! I asked these guy why on earth say that? They said sharing and giving to others is NOT the Hungarian way, it was what the Russians forced on them! .

Hmm..... And I consider it the "Soviet" way when other people think it is okay telling you what to think and how to act. To conform to their ideology. Just like those young guys were doing.

Sadly, such logic is lost on such people. 

FeliciaOni wrote:

Some woman was upset at me saying that if they were too poor to buy the clothes then they did not need them

Well, there are heartless jerks everyone on the planet.

The difference in Hungary is more people here think they have the right to tell total strangers how to think and act rather than just minding their own business. That is, if this were in the USA, some lady in line may have been thinking something similar, but would be unlikely to tell a total stranger her thoughts. Social norms vary.

But..... what that means is, yes, when Hungarians go abroad and do this, it does make other cultures really look down on Hungarians in general and consider them rude. Because most other cultures are more --- subtle. And respectful of individual boundaries.

It is wonderful to be generous but maybe, just maybe the people who were speaking up secretly wished you had paid for their bread too.
I do believe most people who would say something so  rude to you are losers anyways so you shouldn't waste a brain cell on them.
Funny well maybe not so funny be real story.
Way back when my son was just a lazy kid of say age 11 he asked to go to the local 7/11 store, a market sort of store.
He went out on a weekend and just didn't care what he was wearing, some old T-shirt and board shorts.Didn't bother to comb his  hair.
A kid from a then middle class home with his own room, private school and was able to get whatever he wanted at any time. in other words just another spoiled American kid.
He got a buck or so from me to buy some gum or a candy bar and was expected to return home ASAP.
I later learned he started up a conversation with some guy who looked homeless who was standing outside the small shop.
As they spoke all of a sudden people were handing the guy $5. bills , $1.00 bills and it didn't stop.
My "cute " innocent red headed son just warmed their little hearts.
He seemed to be the bums son and people just kept on giving. The "bum" asked my son not to leave, in the mean time i was freaking out wondering what was taking him so long to come home.
He finally came hone with more treats then I had allowed with the funds I had given him.
He said he gave most of the charity money to the so called bum and he was rewarded for sticking around with more candy then he was able to eat.The guy bought himself some booze, what else?
Found out the so called, "bum" owned a decent home near the store,was just doing his thing for some extra cash from "suckers".The "bum" even had the nerve to ask my son if he would return the next weekend!
Made our blood boil when we heard this and our son was restricted for awhile on going to the shop alone.
Just saying not everyone who cries wolf  has actually even seen a wolf.

Just like in Mexico in the 1960's when women would approach my mom with a baby in their arms and beg for money. My step- dad got mad and told my mom to look at the nice homes up on the hills... Maybe that's how those homes were bought and paid for.They actually had serious fights over this since my mother wanted to give and my step- dad said it was all a scam.( mom was a softy when it came to kids)
My mom didn't actually care to know because she was a kind person but at least my step- dad had a logical head on his shoulders and asked the big questions.
I may sound a bit selfish but i wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, had a single mom with 4 kids and grew up on hotdogs and mac and cheese until my logical step- dad came into play.
No one ever did anything for us for nothing. Life is a bitch and then you die is basically the rule of thumb. I am not wealthy enough to give a care or help those in need.Do not feel the urge to pat myself on the back for helping others.
It is societies problem not mine alone to fix.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

It is wonderful to be generous but maybe, just maybe the people who were speaking up secretly wished you had paid for their bread too.

Good point. 

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Found out the so called, "bum" owned a decent home near the store,was just doing his thing for some extra cash from "suckers".

There are grifters everywhere.  Sad.

But, IMHO, each of use is free to give or not give. Either case should be a personal decision. And no random stranger should publicly criticize someone else for that act (choosing to give or choosing not to give). 

Having lived in my apartment block in Budapest for three years all of a sudden many of my neighbours want to get my attention and chat more.
I suppose it is the same as anywhere and Londoners are   even more reserved.

When incomers arrive neighbours view them with suspicion generally. Maybe they don't want to invest any energy into getting to know you because they don't expect you to settle and stay in the big city.

I got used to this living in Southern England but when I moved up North I used to have to hide and pretend I was out sometimes. Such was the enthusiasm of my terraced street neighbours. We even went on camping trips together.

I wonder if there is anywhere in Hungary where people are over friendly?

anns wrote:

Having lived in my apartment block in Budapest for three years all of a sudden many of my neighbours want to get my attention and chat more.
I suppose it is the same as anywhere and Londoners are   even more reserved.
....

I wonder if there is anywhere in Hungary where people are over friendly?

If you speak the local language, they are all friendly.  They want to know what's up with a foreigner living in Hungary.   If you were a Hungarian, they wouldn't care that much - not interesting enough.

I was at a holiday camp in the UK during the summer and my kids told me I was really much more chatty with people than I am here in HU.