about to marry a jordanian man...

My advice...be careful. Just so you understand "the norm" here....which doesn't mean it is every situation...but in my experience it is true for the majority of Jordanians...marrying a virgin is pretty darn important to them. Not necessarily your man, but it's all about HIS FAMILY. Because this is against the religion (as far as I understand)...you will have a really hard time with the elders.

I know of a girl who met a guy online and they really connected. She has a young son and is divorced. He loves her and her son, however, when time came to tell the family he wanted to marry her he was met with total disapproval. Remember the families are HUGE here...so he's not just getting flack from a few, but like dozens of people that throw it in his face...over and over...he will eventually have to make a choice; you or them. The girl I know has now been talking with the Jordanian guy for 2 years as he promises next week he will send her a ticket...but it never happens. Personally, I feel it's the pressure from all his family.

So, it just depends on his family. If they are educated and have lived outside of the country in a western country your chances are better!! But, know that this is REALLY frowned upon and could just mean he wants you because you are American. I had a friend who got married at the same time as me. We all moved back to the USA..me on the west coast her on the east...3 years to the DAY....he got permanent status and LEFT HER! He got his passport, and came back to Jordan, got a Jordanian wife and then moved back to the USA. My friend, is still broken-hearted and unmarried. And of course very distrustful of men. So just be careful.

Hi Shirley...Are you still in Aqaba..I've been trying to find where I can PM you, but I don't seem to find how!! Let me know...I have a place in Aqaba and REALLY want to spend the winter there once it starts raining up here. I love Aqaba...at least there are no eyes watching and judging me

ninaelbe wrote:

I lived in Jordan for a year and I hated it also.

im kristina swiss women living in jordan since three years and i found it realy great beautifull land with warm cultur,some western wemen coming here with thethought of being the best just because thier are western or blond or wanted to live thier western way without respecting the arabic culture or want to live in undecent way and thierfor they face problems,if you want to live your unstable empty disco life then stay in your great america,here life is much different, here thier is morals,deep culture,and pepole here seeing life and purpose of life in different way,im verry happy in jordan ,some western wemen are selfish / ignorant and this cause the conflect isue they face

Ma.Elena wrote:

I was married to a Jordanian man and I want to know if I can get a Jordanian passport,if yes what are the requirements needed.

yes you can , after living with him five years in or out side jordan you can applay for jordanien passport

Of course you have your own experience, but please try to appreciate that we don't all have your wonderful experience, especially those of us married into poor or bedouin families. There are people in this family who refuse to be in the same room as me in our family to this very day, and i've been with my partner for almost 30 years. As time has gone on I have become immune this this kind of thing. What is a handful of people in a family that runs to four figures in size :-) But way back then, when I was still in my 20s, I was very hurt by this behaviour.

Also, people marrying across cultures get married for all kinds of reasons. What they guy says to you in your home country, where he is lonely and possibly without the right papers, doesn't necessarily translate into the same response back in his home country, where he no longer needs you other than to look after his children and for private moments.

Maybe you have a nice life, and live in West Amman, with your own car? Maybe you married into a family who are educated, in the sense that they don't mind men and women being in the same room and mix freely within the family? Or are not married into a local family but living as an ex-patriate? Sorry to say, but if so, you live in a different world to many of the women who have married into local families.

I agree with you that education and poverty have alot to do with such situations,and also that what the guy say in my country(in the west) is not neceasary correct when you move with him to his country,but this has to do with the women as well,it is her obligation to go deeper than his words and see deeper in his personality and not just  hear his words,beside that most (not all)the western women which they married men from out side are rather not beautifull or lonly or bandedor suffering from bad expiriences with local men from  thier countries thierfor they married guys from out side thier countries without seeing the consequences of thier actions,we must judg men through moralities and logic not just through what they say,i would never married my man if he hasnt had the swiss nationality, i  was sure then  when he loved me and married me he wanted to build a family not for resident papers or what ever,i tested him with money with paying  with many moral things through long time and then i was sure from his personality and mind and life style that he is the right man,from your speach  i can feel( if you allowed me please and forgive me) i can feel how silly person you are or how rong you see the world around you,you still didnt learned that the way we lived in the west is not the best way and we missed many spiritual morals,whay  a car well make me happy,actualy my man family are open minded and educated  but i dont see reason whay i must mix with other men through the family or just to show off,yes normaly we travel we get visited and if the visiter brought his wife or sister i join if not what shall i do between two or three men talking together about thier hoppies or what ever,when my girl friends visit me alone my man dont join,this is the cultur and i respect it and  i agree with it,i started even as well as many other friends of mine studying islam rulls and moralls and we found it   realy great and deep spiritual and logical and social religion and idiology , i can show you many educated rich western wemen from germany or switzerland or austria which they are agreeing with me and they are living in jordan,im not living in the moon i live in the reality and im happy with what i choose,but some manupolated western pepole and i met some of them coming here and want to put in our mind that the arabic cultur or islam or what ever is undeveloped way of living and want to change the cultur and even to fight it, the western concepts of freedom and individuality  have proven to be rong we even couldnt coop with it in the west,   and we still suffer alot of it, secondly the pepole here connected with thier cultur and religion deeply  and we should respect it  or try to find what between,again i tell you i have alot of western wemen living here wemeet monthly ones and they are happy and feel proud and for sure im one of them, i feel happy and proud to married arabic jordanien muslim man which he know how to love and to respect a women,such things  we missin the west,women no need to date one hundret man befor she married ,women here have proud and dignity and self trust and i preciate that,so please stop going against the wind but start to  coop with it and see what youcan get from it,you are welcome to visit me any time you want,sorry for my bad english,my mother tongue is the swiss german,Kristina

I see that the focus on the Jordanian man that he is bad, or that his habit does not fit with western women is mostly here , I respect all opinions and self experiences but let's stop for a moment and ask this question ; dose western women get better treats in US or in Europe ? and let's be honest I know many lady's been treated like or less than animals in them countries and when she meet Jordanian man she been treated like a real woman should be ....
and I only got one statement if you follow your heart then you will never regrets that you do , and always remember perfection is only for the creator and when you life in a country you should follow it's customs and traditions .
if there is 1% sad stores on the other hand there is 99% happy stores but I don't think there is many come here to tell them happy one's , just the sad been drop here... no offends but this country men in many ways are very good men to them wife's , children and family's .

Hallo dear brother
Did you red my comment on marreing jordanian man?i agree with you  about what you sayed although im not american, im swiss Europian and im married to jordanien arabic muslim man and im verry proud and happy with him ,in europe  when our men leave the house we are sure 50% that he well betray us or get drunk or attack us  but here you know  that you areman is fighting to his family and try to be good and come house to see his kids,i was reading yesterday in the newspaper about mother from america was selling her doughter,her 4 years old doughter for ill men for sex,and i red about one women couldnt live any more with men , no body knows whay  so she invited her friends and married her dog,yes her dog,she sayed and she is american  that her dog better than the american men ,can you bilieve it??look for it in the net and you will find it,what a culture, the problems when an western women comes here she start to attack the cultur and the arabic men and forget  how western  women suffers,i just can say thank GOD IM MARRIED TO JORDANIEN ARABIC MUSLUM  MAN,in the west we attack muslim wemen if they want to practise thier faith and wear head scarf but here we come and we want to change evry thing to suit  our ill empty western culture

krisrani wrote:

Hallo dear brother
Did you red my comment on marreing jordanian man?i agree with you  about what you sayed although im not american, im swiss Europian and im married to jordanien arabic muslim man and im verry proud and happy with him ,in europe  when our men leave the house we are sure 50% that he well betray us or get drunk or attack us  but here you know  that you areman is fighting to his family and try to be good and come house to see his kids,i was reading yesterday in the newspaper about mother from america was selling her doughter,her 4 years old doughter for ill men for sex,and i red about one women couldnt live any more with men , no body knows whay  so she invited her friends and married her dog,yes her dog,she sayed and she is american  that her dog better than the american men ,can you bilieve it??look for it in the net and you will find it,what a culture, the problems when an western women comes here she start to attack the cultur and the arabic men and forget  how western  women suffers,i just can say thank GOD IM MARRIED TO JORDANIEN ARABIC MUSLUM  MAN,in the west we attack muslim wemen if they want to practise thier faith and wear head scarf but here we come and we want to change evry thing to suit  our ill empty western culture

Fully agree with you sister , I won't attack western cultural (I meet and know many great western ppl) , but we all need to learn how to accept and respect other culturals ; at end we all humans ...thanks again dear sister .

do not marry a Jordanian unless u do a check to see if he is a narcisst
please look online an make sure he doesn't have any traits cos if you don't you will be in a nightmare meaning he is fake he lies he is controlling he will abandon u at times make u feel rejected no happiness just he will steal ur assets ur nothing but an object its soo deep so please keep your money safe never tell them what u have u really are nothing to them they have not emotions no empathy they think they are a god due to there terrible I mean terrible lack of love n made to do unbearable things for acceptance as a child to please there mother cos mine hates his mother its very disturbing to know there is no cure n when they feel u no longer serve a purpose ur dispose of so plz plz know the signs here is a little something to start you off then u can find your way to look for red flags...I read a lot of women stories n I couldn't imagine my husband treating me in an unloving caring way.. then it happen.. so I was so torn inside it was like why is this type of behavior so rampant in Jordan are we all living this same nightmare? so I research an found my answer so with that said research before u commit n not all Jordan men are narcissit but there is way to high a count of them not normal..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTLoy_-Yf2E so take alook ur first lesson...

yea im here amerika68@hotmail.com

[moderated: rude comment]

shirley49 wrote:

[moderated: rude comment].

why you take it personally ? we talk here in general and no one attack any one , we all have up's and down's in our life's (family,work,marriage) but sharing our experiences does not necessarily mean that all men is like your husband , and on first base marriage relation is not financial or based on money relation , its souls harmony so if you didn't feel this harmony from the start you should not go on .
all respect to you and everyone , lets keep our conversation healthy and helpful and I'm very sure that there is many hands extended to help you as my hand .

Hi Kristina,

Sorry to say, but you sound young. When you have been married into a Jordanian family getting on for 30 years, as I have, then lets compare experiences. Also, education makes a lot of difference. You say you are in an educated open minded family. And that your husband was already Swiss when you met him, so presumably living in Switzerland for a long time before you met him?

As for calling me silly, that is really rude. Like I say, when your experience parallels my own, and some of the other women on here, that hasn't matched your own experience, maybe you'll come off your high horse and stop looking down on the rest of us.

I had a friend in lebanon who felt very much like you. But here's the thing, you see it only from your side. This girl would say to her sister in law, to whom she was close, that it was like they had always known each other and that they would have met and been close friends even if she wasn't married to the brother. Mmm, you know what the sister in law told me? If it weren't for her brother being married to a foreigner she would probably never have met any foreigners. Yes, they are friendly, but from her point of view, if it weren't for the girl living in Beirut, probably she would not even think about her often, much less miss her.

In my experience, there were, and probably still are, two groups of women married to local boys - those who had cars, could afford everything, including to live in nice houses in good areas, could fill up their cars without thinking about the cost and shopped at supermarkets like C-town and the like, who sometimes worked and had their children in good private schools, and if they felt like a visit home, would just hop on a plane, without a thought as to the cost, ebcause they could afford it. You sould like you come from that kind of family, and good luck to you if you do. Foreigners who have never set a foot inside one of the camps, much less the informal settlements where sewage runs in the streets in bad weather, let alone done anything to help the people there.

Then there's the other girls, who married boys from East Amman or the camps, where you can't walk alone in the streets, where even groups of women don't go by unchallenged, where it takes weeks before strangers know who you are and leave you alone when you go to buy bread, or vegetables from the market. Houses where there is little or no heating in the winter because there isn't the money for the gas. Where people don't take themselves or their children to the doctor when they are sick, because they can't afford the cost of the visit, much less the medicine. When your family has as many widows as mine, then let's compare.

LordMaxmillean wrote:

why you take it personally ? we talk here in general and no one attack any one , we all have up's and down's in our life's (family,work,marriage) but sharing our experiences does not necessarily mean that all men is like your husband , and on first base marriage relation is not financial or based on money relation , its souls harmony so if you didn't feel this harmony from the start you should not go on .
all respect to you and everyone , lets keep our conversation healthy and helpful and I'm very sure that there is many hands extended to help you as my hand .

You think it isn't personal. When rude people like Kristina call me "silly" and put down women like Shirley49 who are going through difficulties? Here's a point of view from one of my own family, a male cousin: "Jordanian and Palestinian men would not marry a foreigner unless they couldn't make a suitable match with someone from their own race (yes, he said "race" - so much for the great muslim brother and sisterhood)." So what should we foreigners take from that? That our partners weren't considered decent enough men to be acceptable to their cousins or other potential matches?

I am for the most part agree with you Deb but I want to say something.
My husband choose me because he is never ever interested in to marry a Arabic woman, and certainly not even in his family.

There is a third category men which I like to mention and these are the men who worked and lived for a couple of years abroad (outside the Arabic world) and came back with their wife and children. After a certain of time these men change from an open minded person into a more conservative man.
Why? Is has this to do with the pressure of his family, neighbors and friends? Or not to stand alone in their behavior Or just second thoughts?

@Krisrani: many bad things happened here as well to women, the so called Muslim.
You can not say that in Europe or elsewhere in the world are bad men and here not.
This is not true.
You are a lucky woman who married a descent Arabic man who respect and loves you very much but keep in mind that many women are not that fortunately. I read this many times on this thread and heard and saw many times in my network and beyond that. Please respect the others opinion and experiences.

Hello everyone, I'm new to all this and was just curious on what's going on , I have the love and support of my children and sisters on what I'm about to embark in which Is marrying a Jordanian man.. first I would like to say that their are good men and bad men from all walks of life, all nationalities all religions, i was married once to the father of my 3 grown children. And have been dating for the past 17 years and I can truly say I have found my twin soul, I hear a lot of bad things about Jordanian men, and I can not see any of those things in the man I'm about to marry, as long as there is open communication, love and trust you can make any relationship work....everyone has bad experiences I n love and life in general, you just gotten a learn to pick yourself up again and love yourself but most of all have faith in God....Will be in Irbid next weekend visiting insha allah, if anyone can advise on places to visit. And shop...

Welcome, GoddessMari, and good luck with your visit to Jordan. And more than good luck if you decide to move to Jordan to settle. In some ways Krisrani is right - we should have all been better prepared and done a bit more research into the whys and wherefores, not to mention the life we might find once we arrived in the Middle East. The person you might have thought you had a lot in common when you first met might become someone, after two or three years of living in the Middle East, that you only have your children in common with. In my experience, Arab men living in the West don't like to be alone. What are the choices, if they don't want to live like monks? The less religious ones will live like a whore and go with whores, no thought of marriage in their minds. The ones who want to stay in step with their religion will look for a wife instead, maybe even through one of the local mosques. But it doesn't then always follow that they will be committed to that wife beyond their stay in the foreign country, even if there are children involved. If their wife, on arrival back in Jordan, doesn't adapt to their liking, they could well abandon that wife and move on. They don't even ahve to divorce. There's nothing to stop them taking a 2nd, 3rd and 4th wife. And just so you know, the pressure on some men to do exactly that can be intense. Not just for cultural reasons but because there are 25 million women of marriageable age throughout the Middle East who don't have partners. 

And for goodness sake, if you do decide to move to the Middle East, make sure you have your own income. I've got a friend down south who lives in Lebanon. Every year, she comes back here to visit, and transfers £1,000 from her account here to her HSBC account in Beirut. She doesn't have rent to pay. Nor does she buy food for the house. So she doesn't need to transfer the equivalent of a wage. But that's enough money so that, if she wants to do or buy  something for herself, she can. At some point, her money could run out. She said she figures she can eke it out for another 5 years or so. I've introduced her to Swagbucks, Clixsense and Neobux, so she can reverse the trend a bit and earn some money online whilst she is in Beirut. Thank goodness for the internet, Paypal and enterprising Americans! At least we can all earn a living online, wherever we live.

(Moderated: Inappropriate posting)

im Europian women from Switzerland,living in jordan since about three years with my arabic jordanien man ,im verry happy and satisfied with my life choice but i never saw in my whol life in europe any europian man wanted to married or already married with indonisian women,what we know  and hear about indonisian wemen that they are house maids not even first class house maids,and not even in west europe they get such visa,so i was surrprised to find even in jordan indonisian wemen are doing the same job they know (house maids or house work)i never met in my life any indonesian women do any thing except being house maid,so if you had bad experiences in jordan wheil you was working as house maid this dosent mean that all the arabic men are bad and ...as you said,some times by being house maid for sure you will not be treated in best way any  in any place in the world,not just in jordan or jakarta were you now working as house maid,and about dreaming of marring Europian man this is fare a way to reach because not even desperet old europian man well like probebly to married indonisian house maid

Depends, if your a simple person, go for it. Best culture to raise your kids.

Well I'm not sure anymore if this is the best culture to raise your children.

Helloo for all i am here first time and there question for all of you someone knows what from papers women need colect if she want to be merried with Jordanian men....please help am not from Jordan so...

mabdallah wrote:

Depends, if your a simple person, go for it. Best culture to raise your kids.

Seriously? In what way? Most western women are from countries where it is definitely not okay to abuse children in the classroom, especially physically. In the U.K. teachers are not even allowed to touch children, let alone hit them, a law I approve of.

As to the example Arab men give their sons, I doubt if most western women would want their sons growing up into mysogynists, who think it's okay to put their wives at the bottom of the pack when it comes to considering their needs and carrying out their duties towards their wives. I don't want my children growing up to be so selfish that they value their cigarettes ahead of food for their family.

Hi Amethyst Moon,

Welcome on board to this site and thank you for you contribution.

Dear girls, I am really shocked of your experience and great thanks for sharing it. Just wish to inform you that swiss European girl face the same problem as you do, she even not allowed to meet with her sister which lives in Jordan 15 min way from her. All rude messages is not from her, couse her husband not allowed her to use computer. It s all messages from his side, but as he is so brave why he is writing with her name. Her story actually was the most shocking western woman story and I am really very sorry for her.

it s me woman just from my husband pc

Hi Joneck,

Welcome on board.
Can you be more specific?
I don't understand where or about whom you are talking about. 

Krisrani happy married girl. I am not saying that she is unhappy but that is not her is writing I am sure 100 percent.

That's a relief to know. Most European women would understand immediately why a western man would marry an Indonesian woman. Don't worry; I think plenty of us realised that this was just some random Arab person pretending to be her.

It really did suck...I moved back n 5 months...totally dead place

Judging you ?!

What about Indonesian woman being married to Jordanian 

Not all Indonesian woman are attracted to Jordanian man,as far as i know..Myself an Example

are you trying to say,that why Jordanian Man Married to Indonesian Girls coz Indonesian Girls are Obedient and Stupid !

Correct me if i'm wrong

And to Krisrani..i think you should be more socialize with peoples around here,and you will come to realise and Hopefuly will open up your eyes that not all Indonesian working as House Maids,you just haven't met any of Qualified Indonesian woman here,esp.in Jordan.

Do not Generalize one nation based on what you have been experienced,i feel bit Offended regarding your comment,i met many peoples thru Expat.com in Real and they are really nice,and they respect Indonesians.

hello..
i would like to ask you some things about your engagement or marriage with jordanian man, if you will be willing to answer.
my mail is: lollanolitta@gmail.com

OMG !

That's not surprising!

Great advice about the income!! I would say this is your #1 safety net.
THIS thing called MONEY, is what has kept me enslaved here under my husband's doing. IF I had a steady (American level) income, or a savings then I could have options, this way...I am SO STUCK. (If you do have your savings...DO NOT LEND MONEY TO ANYONE and I mean ANYONE...there is a 98% chance you'll never see it again...in my experience and from my expat-friends here...keep your money SECRET)...

If you've thought about working in Jordan...you can, but really don't rely on this as your safety net. Most jobs pay LOW (as low as $2.50 a day low!...for teaching! outside Amman), and if you are a smart, entrepreneurial type woman...watch out!

In my experience, the men will ALWAYS have one thing in mind when they come to talk business, and it isn't business. And when you deny them and try to get it back on a professional track, they will get mad and then bad-mouth you behind your back or lie that they made relations with you. Think of life back in middle school/high school...this is the mentality of most men here...on that level...trying to look cool in front of the guys. They mostly lie...all kinds of men too! It's just crazy. It's ruthless out there!! And they DON'T care if your married...actually they like going after married women more as it looks less suspicious. I would say 90% of the "business men" I have met, would cheat. It's very eye-opening and VERY VERY SAD. Even our driver who was taking me and a tourist up (taking us up to the Dead Sea) was on the phone the whole time with his mistress in Amman...I could hear them talking...it was terrible! I don't want to go off topic here, but it is all relevant as whether you should marry a Jordanian man...all I can say, is BEWARE and get ready for a CRAZY ride...full of some ups and MANY downs...bottom line...the culture is complicated.... to say the least.

The post above was in response to deb568's.

Also to another of Deb's about this being the best culture to raise kids in...I would have to say DEFINITLY NOT!

I have been raising my 2 awesome and strong boys ages 8 and 11...who go here when they were just 3 and 7...I can tell you, what I thought would be a wonderful life lesson in their father's culture has been filled with much more negativity than (most, typical) western children experience.

The childhood activities are rare (still haven't found any), there is not much to encourage or love the kids here...as in community and school activities...it's true the teachers hit the kids and call them bad names...bullies are everywhere and their parents respond to their children's actions by beating them up, which is why they are a bully in the first place, because they are being bullied at home...remember, there's the whole hierarchy system at play here...the older brothers pick on and order around their younger brothers, and it goes down the scale over and over...most of it is negative...too bad it wasn't positive, then the culture would be so great!

There is not much positive consciousness about the environment or animals. It is heart-breaking for me to live here and see pollution everywhere. To sit with a family in Little Ptra a unique landscape and see them leave all their litter behind. I even told them about the trash programs I had made for Jordan, and it didn't matter.

Seeing animals tied up everywhere is also hard. Or seeing the cats living in dumpsters as the kids throw rocks at them...this is not a good environment for kids...mine are also heart-broken and just keep teaching the kids they meet the good way to treat animals...but still.

There are important life lessons kids do learn here. I think that it is appreciation for what the west is. My kids have grown up to be humble (doesn't take much to make them happy) and strong...they are little growns ups, not kids...it's like the same kind of alertness kids have growing up in the ghetto...always on guard and not able to trust anyone