about to marry a jordanian man...

@ Monica:

Welcome on board 

I always wondered how can you say yes to a marriage proposal from a man you never met in real life?
Don't you think its to soon? How sure are you about him, do you think you know him well enough to spend your life with?

I don't know him or you but I think it is wise to meet each other in real life and see how he react on you and vice versa. How he is treating you in public, with his friends, family et cetera. When you know the other only via internet then you have to keep in mind that the both of you act in a nice and social way. This is natural because you want to give the other a good impression of you. You don't fight or screaming or picking your nose in front of the webcam. Do you?

If it is possible visit Jordan on a holiday, not only to meet his family (if he is keeping you away from them, then bells should be ringing very loud and clear) but also to see his life style, the neighborhood where he lives. What kind of activities you are doing, see the country, talk if possible with the locals, taste the food, experiences the local customs and.... ask, ask ask about everything you see and want to know more about it.

If he is not willing to meet you in live or he ask you to marry him while you're in the country (please don't do that until you are very sure) when you still have doubts, keep the distance and ask time to think about.
If he is in a rush to marry you and to come back with you to the states then I guess it is not about you but to obtain the green card.

I wish for you that you  make a wise decision.

samer800 wrote:

Hello Bratty,

Perhaps my English not good enough that's sounds patronizing.... but it never meant to be :-)

Cheers..

If you know what the word "patronizing" means, I doubt that your English is the problem. But whatever.

I really do know the meaning of patronizing I just get it from the dictionarty, It seems you have lots of doubts even in ur self and lack of confidence!  Don't ever judge people who u don't know or based on their origin, color or believes, they could be better than u! And they dont need u or ur America..... learn how to respect... there's always a better way to say what u want to say....

samer800 wrote:

I really do know the meaning of patronizing I just get it from the dictionarty, It seems you have lots of doubts even in ur self and lack of confidence!  Don't ever judge people who u don't know or based on their origin, color or believes, they could be better than u! And they dont need u or ur America..... learn how to respect... there's always a better way to say what u want to say....

Wow, I give up. Apparently you are much too sensitive for a rational discussion.

@ Monica How much younger are we talking? Because if he's young enough to be your son, then you sure are asking for trouble and heartache. There's very, very little chance that he actually loves you. Most likely, you're means to an end, he wants money, an American passport, a visit to Disneyland or all of the aforementioned.

Some men are good at sweet-talking, it's all butterflies and rainbows until the day you tie the knot. Thereafter things change, mostly for the worse. I'd stomach it if you actually met in person, clicked and then decided to pursue a relationship or marriage. But given the age gap, the fact that you met online and the ridiculously short duration you've known him for, I say marriage seems far too soon.

It takes months, even years of real-world interaction for people to realize they want to marry someone. I'm all for trusting your gut, except for God, there's hardly anything or anyone else to put faith in, these days. However, we often indulge in delusions of our own making. We often get used/attached to people, falsely thinking it's meant to be. Give yourself a break from this virtual "Relationship", meet people in real life and then consider whether you even want anything with this man.

2 months?? Hmm... I wouldn't take that risk. why don't u just fly to Jordan for a while to checking out about his life?

@ Samer. With all due respect, you're an idiot. There are better ways to make your argument, even when your language is lacking. Besides, where the heck are "Don't ever judge" and "Learn to respect" coming from? Bratty never mentioned anything judgmental or disrespectful, she only stated what she thought of your post.

Having said that, carry on with your posts, I find you entertaining.

@RoyalDuke with all respect I find u idiot too and funny that u read the part u like and u ignore the other part. My luggage is lacking because my English is not perefect this is what I said in the begging. Now u r using this against me! And suprise u r talking about respect.  If u r speaking broken Arabic believe me I will not make fun of u instead I will respect that u r trying and this is not ur mother language. I do t know why u nervous because she thinking of Jordanian guy it's her choice and her life I don't think this is ur business the guy want her not u. So take it easy when he want to marry u just reject him..... I find u entertaining as well :-)

Hi,
You've only been chatting with this guy for two months, you never met him in person and he's already proposed marriage? RED FLAG. I'm just going to be blunt, he's using you as a free ticket to the USA. For all you know he could already be married with a family. If he marries you and comes I to the USA he will be your husband a maximum of three years then he will ask for a divorce and relocate his family to the USA and that's if immigration doesn't block him from entering.
Try to get to know more about this guy before rushing into something you will later seriously regret. I've see this so many times in the US, UK and other parts of Europe. The loneliness for now isn't worth the headache in the long run. Good luck!

Guysss....Chill and no need to argue here,i agree that each person has different opinions but,heyyyy...don't let this argument become worse,let's get back to real topic,Shall we ?

Agree with you :-)

I think all arguments so far make sense containing something useful regarding marriage to people we don't know or have never met!! Saying one's opinion does not give others the right to use unrespectful expressions just in order to impress someone!! I could not find any patronizing post regarding this subject, not to like them for some reason is another matter.. I wish the ones asking strangers, whether to marry someone they have never met or seen the best of luck... Thanks

Really Samer? , "They don't need you, or you're America?" 
And if someone wanted to give you a ticket or Green Card to America you wouldn't NEED it?   BS..... You all want it and you know it.

Absolutely right!  No doubt this guy has nothing to offer, most likely has no degree or proffessional background, he just wants a ticket out like all the rest. 
Start asking the deep questions and hopefully you will get some truth, but frankly I doubt it.  I've seen it many, many times because I've lived in Jordan for sooooo many years.  Same old story!

Really VWbug. Do you know that I travelled around including USA for a tourism and leisure only and never applied for Green card.  You know when I applied to USA Embassy I asked for a week vacation and they gave me 5 years visa I used it once only in the past 4 years!  Do you know that I'm an airline manager who is able to travel around the world free and I really dont a ticket. Do you that if someone succeed and happy for what he has he won't think for relocate to USA or any other country except his home.  Do you know that I'm working in GCC country as well as many America's working here and my dream to go back to my home and live with my family and my old Mom instead of having green card!

My dear VWbug I have nothing against American,  I have been in NY, PA and Washington DC with my wife for a week and I have seen a wonderful American people around us, we were welcomed with nice smiles from the moment we arrived till we lifted we have been personally touched with such wonderful treatment even from the public. I have close friends from America in Amman, Saudi Aramco and Qatar they are fine people and we catch up from time to time. Our religion Islam and Christ is all about love. The guy might seems like he wanted to marry the girl for sake of green card to be honest this is my impression also. But I don't know the guy what ever I will say it be just an assumption could be right or wrong so who we are to judge the others! No one has the right but she can get closer to him and make her own decision not us.

But that doesn't mean all of us we are running behind the American dream, your fingers are not same my dear.

I really don't want to argument with any one here. All I did I just gave my openion to the girl and I find that all are against me. Thanks k you all any way and I assure you I never meant to be rude to any one here and excuse me for my English.

Wish you all t he best

samer800 wrote:

Really Jo. Do you know that I travelled around including USA for a tourism and leisure only and never applied for Green card.  You know when I applied to USA Embassy I asked for a week vacation and they gave me 5 years visa I used it once only in the past 4 years!  Do you know that I'm an airline manager who is able to travel around the world free and I really dont a ticket. Do you that if someone succeed and happy for what he has he won't think for relocate to USA or any other country except his home.  Do you know that I'm working in GCC country as well as many America's working here and my dream to go back to my home and live with my family and my old Mom instead of having green card!

My dear Jo I have nothing against American,  I have been in NY, PA and Washington DC with my wife for a week and I have seen a wonderful American people around us, we were welcomed with nice smiles from the moment we arrived till we lifted we have been personally touched with such wonderful treatment even from the public. I have close friends from America in Amman, Saudi Aramco and Qatar they are fine people and we catch up from time to time. Our religion Islam and Christ is all about love. The guy might seems like he wanted to marry the girl for sake of green card to be honest this is my impression also. But I don't know the guy what ever I will say it be just an assumption could be right or wrong so who we are to judge the others! No one has the right but she can get closer to him and make her own decision not us.

But that doesn't mean all of us we are running behind the American dream, your fingers are not same my dear.

I  really don't want to argument with any one here. All I did I just gave my openion to the girl and I find that all are against me. Thanks k you all any way and I assure you I never meant to be rude to any one here and excuse me for my English.

Wish you all t he best

Goodness! You mixed up names and mistook me for VWbug!!! She/He wrote the USA stuff... Never mind, I forgive you 

Oh sorry Jo. That was to VWbug.... cheers :-)

Really VWbug. Do you know that I travelled around including USA for a tourism and leisure only and never applied for Green card.  You know when I applied to USA Embassy I asked for a week vacation and they gave me 5 years visa I used it once only in the past 4 years!  Do you know that I'm an airline manager who is able to travel around the world free and I really dont a ticket. Do you that if someone succeed and happy for what he has he won't think for relocate to USA or any other country except his home.  Do you know that I'm working in GCC country as well as many America's working here and my dream to go back to my home and live with my family and my old Mom instead of having green card!

My dear VWbug I have nothing against American,  I have been in NY, PA and Washington DC with my wife for a week and I have seen a wonderful American people around us, we were welcomed with nice smiles from the moment we arrived till we lifted we have been personally touched with such wonderful treatment even from the public. I have close friends from America in Amman, Saudi Aramco and Qatar they are fine people and we catch up from time to time. Our religion Islam and Christ is all about love. The guy might seems like he wanted to marry the girl for sake of green card to be honest this is my impression also. But I don't know the guy what ever I will say it be just an assumption could be right or wrong so who we are to judge the others! No one has the right but she can get closer to him and make her own decision not us.

But that doesn't mean all of us we are running behind the American dream, your fingers are not same my dear.

I really don't want to argument with any one here. All I did I just gave my openion to the girl and I find that all are against me. Thanks k you all any way and I assure you I never meant to be rude to any one here and excuse me for my English.

Wish you all t he best

samer800 wrote:

Oh sorry Jo. That was to VWbug.... cheers :-)

No probs... After all I am not one of those chasing dreams especially when it's not even worth to be mentioned... Have a good one 

WOW, I missed a lot today on this topic 

Sukran for your clearness and more detailed explanation Samer. Every opinion or thoughts can be very useful and sometimes the language which is not your mother tongue can be a problem to express yourself.

Don't worry about that, I had the same. In the beginning when I join this blog I used all the time a translation machine to make sure that everyone was capable to read and understand what I am trying to say. Now days I use  rarely, only for the correct spelling or if I don't know how to write it. Still make mistakes but till now no one killed me for that.

Before its getting out of hand, shall we all back to the original topic? 

Thanks!

Sorry Samer, but the majority are as I described. Anyway, who marries someone after 2 months online? 

The word SPEND comes to my mind.  As in SPEND money, time etc.... But LIFE?  Spending means to use up.  Use up your days on Earth.  If I'm going to use my days then it better be very well thought out. 
We never get even one moment back, not one second. 

So to marry a virtual stranger is a poor way to SPEND.....  We should ALL be careful how we SPEND our days.

Wow..this topic is becoming a Hot Topic in this Cold weather

RoyalDuke wrote:

@ Samer. With all due respect, you're an idiot. There are better ways to make your argument, even when your language is lacking. Besides, where the heck are "Don't ever judge" and "Learn to respect" coming from? Bratty never mentioned anything judgmental or disrespectful, she only stated what she thought of your post.

Having said that, carry on with your posts, I find you entertaining.

The judge and respect parts are a very common mantra from disrespectful people who judge others online.  It's like when racist people say they're not racist and then say the most racist things.  If you call them on their racism, they'll just point out that they said they're not racist.

This is just an observation about general online communication styles and has nothing to do with Samer in particular.  I know nothing about him or how he posts.

@VWbug True... i certainly agree with you  "majority" not all. Some though if they landed to USA the dreams will be true and they forget the big picture.

monicapadin wrote:

Hello my name is Monica I live in new York ,born and raised in the united states. My family background is Spanish and have catholic belief.  I am met a Jordanian on line for about 2months now and fell in love with him.  We chat on line and video chat as well.  His English is not very good but we communicate as much as we can.  He asked me to marry him,,I accepted. I am trying to find out as much as I can about him.  I'm hearing many things about Arab men,,good and bad. Some of the things I have found out its making me doubt should I get into the marriage.  My heart is telling me to do it and feels just right but when I hear stories from people who have had experiences with Arab men and how controlling and abusive,,or jealous they can be makes me wonder. I want to be able to make right decision. He is much younger than I am and does not have children this can play a major role in the marriage not working. He wants me to go to Jordan to marry him and than he wants to come to the U.S. to live.  He does not want to return to Jordan.  I am very confused and am in dire need of information.  I would like to know what necessary steps I need to take to make this marriage become a reality if possible and is it safe for me to go to Jordan to marry him.  Any information will be greatly appreciated.     Thank you!

You know him only "online" for about 2 months, never met in person, can hardly communicate with him and you agree to marry him ?

Is there at least any other info you know about him (besides that he is much younger), his family, his education, what he is doing for the living etc....

How old are you ?

Hello,

I am just trying to do something good for someone that I don't know. Did you marry this guy? Are you in Jordan?

Let me know so we can chat!


Abe

I would be more than glad to tell few things about your situation but I will not do it here, so if you like to hear my opinion email me.

Thanks,

To be honest, it is difficult to advice you... you should be more aware for you situation.  But I think if he serious and love you, he must do everything for you, so you can test him and test his lovet. Is he honest? I am jordanien and live in my homeland. ... you can tell me how can I help you? What I can do for you?
Urs

RoyalDuke wrote:

@ Samer. With all due respect, you're an idiot. There are better ways to make your argument, even when your language is lacking. Besides, where the heck are "Don't ever judge" and "Learn to respect" coming from? Bratty never mentioned anything judgmental or disrespectful, she only stated what she thought of your post.

Having said that, carry on with your posts, I find you entertaining.

Thank you.

hey Lily how are you ?

Hello Monica,

I'm sure that the vast majority of members writing replies saying that they think he's just using you to get a green card has started to sink in by now. They are not without reason for coming to this conclusion, it's all too common for young Middle Eastern men to romance older women from the USA and UK for no other purpose than obtaining a visa, they're notorious for it.

Despite the fact that I know from my own personal experience that marriages can work out despite vast differences in age (my Brazilian wife is 37 years younger than I) it is not common for them to do so. I've never been happier in my life, nor has she. We have a beautiful and super-intelligent, highly sociable 7 1/2 year old son who is the beneficiary of our happy marriage. That said, I too must agree with the majority here. It has all outward appearances of a relationship geared toward obtaining a visa and nothing else.

One major factor that I'm considering in saying this is that in the Middle East having children in a marriage is of paramount importance. It is extremely unlikely that a healthy young Jordanian man is going to commit to a marriage with a woman who will not bear him a child. Even if it is not a problem now, it certainly will be in the future.

He's charming, well so are ALL Arabic men - they make a living at it most of them. They know how to manipulate women's minds too. Just because a man wants you to go Jordan and marry doesn't mean he wants to stay in Jordan, that's just the hook, what they want you to think. Sooner or later the conversation always gets around to how difficult it must be for you soooooooo far from home, how prejudiced people are, and then the topic shifts to moving back with you to your homeland, a generous gesture. (not)

Test this out if you want. Tell him flat out that you have absolutely no plans in going to Jordan to get married. Tell him that if he wants to get married he's going to have to find a way to come to the USA and be with you, and he's going to have to bear all the costs himself. Guaranteed he'll vanish like a puff of smoke in the wind if you do this.

You mention very little about yourself, and that is so very important in understanding your situation and giving more specific advice. I'm going to make a "stab in the dark" and guess that you've recently divorced or been widowed, and as a result you're feeling extremely lonely now. If this is indeed the case then I'll tell you that you definitely should not be looking at getting into another relationship, especially with someone much younger, from another country and never having met before. This is a blank check for DISASTER.

Do yourself a great favor if you're not going to use the "You come here to the USA" approach I mentioned, get a Tourist Visa and go over to Jordan, no strings attached. Don't commit to marriage, just go to meet this man and find out as much as you can about him. I mean everything, what he does for a living, where he lives and with whom, what he's like, what are his likes and dislikes, everything right down to his shoe size if you possibly can. You want to also go back as far as you can into his past - from the time he gave his first burp and soiled his first diaper should be sufficient. Once you've done that, then you can make an informed decision about your future with this man, or as I suspect - lack thereof.

Cheers,
James        Expat-blog Experts Team

James made some points there, but missed that she already mentioned that he wants to live in her country of residence, so no need to warn about it. Why can't it be seen from the point of view that both can benefit from living in a country of better Life quality? Besides, what's wrong with that? Lots of us love to live abroad and lots get the chance to, why not others too? Why are people we don't even know better or worse than others we don't know?
James mentions us and UK to be favored! Why do people want to go there? Because of humanity or better living conditions? If you find it ok to go there, why not others? You know about others as much as they know about you, would u like to be treated the way u treat them? If NO, tell us why ?

Hi JO/EU,

None of us are saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to live in another country. People expatriate all the time and for a multitude of valid reasons.

What we're talking about is the insidious practice of USING other people, proposing marriages for no other purpose than to get around immigration laws that are in place for excellent reasons, and obtain a visa and/or permanent residency that you wouldn't otherwise be entitled to.

Doing so, when you know that you're going to leave a path of destruction behind you is unacceptable and cruel. That's what we're talking about here. And it's always the same, the person gets the visa and goes on "happily ever after" while their victim's life will likely never be the same again.

Cheers,
James      Expat-blog Experts Team.

James wrote:

Hi JO/EU,

None of us are saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to live in another country. People expatriate all the time and for a multitude of valid reasons.

What we're talking about is the insidious practice of USING other people, proposing marriages for no other purpose than to get around immigration laws that are in place for excellent reasons, and obtain a visa and/or permanent residency that you wouldn't otherwise be entitled to.

Doing so, when you know that you're going to leave a path of destruction behind you is unacceptable and cruel. That's what we're talking about here. And it's always the same, the person gets the visa and goes on "happily ever after" while their victim's life will likely never be the same again.

Cheers,
James      Expat-blog Experts Team.

Hi James,

Prejudices is what I am talking about. We don't know any of these people, how can we for see things? How can u know who is using who?  I have lived abroad and believe me when a woman wants a man for any reason, not even her family could talk her out of this! Sometimes things were more than obvious, still no mountain was high enough to change their minds! It was most of the time on this blog stated that they already made up their mind! What for the questions then! On the other hand a visa so called green card is nothing else than a permission to stay. If a woman who wants to stay in arabia, and many do for example to fullfill their dreams like they call it, they are given one without conditions despite the possibility of other reasons than love to stay, and marriage is just a way to achieve their goals.. and not all of them remain married and still live their dream... There is a movie called green card, famous u have probably seen it. The movie makes sense.. Then there are other reasons for the benefit of a woman living abroad accepting marriage such as agreements between the both. The man may get his visa, and still the woman is not the loser. Maybe for this, to optain a visa or especially a green card is not as easy  anymore, simply because they do not trust neither of them. I have seen lots of reports on tv, and it is a struggle to get one especially from certain countries. All the advice u have given is being taken into consideration within the gc procedure..  Sometimes people really love each other, but still get no visa! What Iam saying is, we can advice but not tell!

about what love we talking about ? these people don't meet yet ! I am good example to not married Jordanian or any arabic man ! they want go to another country and use another people to go , way?cuz they usually don't have any money to . Using women make her love him with sweet words then stupid will do all for him Agree 100% with James !

Don't agree with you marta, you have discribed yourself very good. ... a perfect man can't be found even in you country...

Hi ,
text me I will help you as much as possible ,
Regards,

It is best if you share your information on the forum so that the others can have the benefits as well.

Agree with you,Primadona..far better to share on Forum with other expats

Hiiiii..we missed you in any cook parties

I agree with you that it's better to share info on forum , I don't have any issue but since sometimes there is private things and people don't like to share that anyway , I'm from the same region/country & and I know how people think when they come to get married from a European , canadian , american , I want to ask the poster the following questions  :
How old are you ? and how old is he ?
what's his profession  ? what's yours ?
Do you trust him ? & do you feel that he trust you too ?
did you discuss with him what's will be going on after marriage since there are differences and Big difference too ..
Could you tell how did you know him ? have you ever met him ?
Just I want to tell you Not to be scary of that since these days people from Arab regions like to mix with other countries and it's Not necessary that he wants to get married just to come to your country , you have to be smart to find out if he really loves you and you should know that Love and marriage is different than at your country , Arabs used to build families and to have childs Not as what you used to at your country ... I have many others questions that I can ask you for helping  but in case you answered those questions I'll decide the others based on your answers , and just to know that one of both sides need to sacrifice as seem from your post that he decided to sacrifice and move to US.
Best of luck ..