Is this young Moroccan man playing with me?

well, l want to advise you Don't trust. I met my Morrocan husband on a site, he was so talkative, charming, caring about me every day. We got married, and puff! he become controlling, possesive, talk just a bit... and yes every time he is nice is for asking me money.

I have been living in Morocco for 7 years.  What I want to say,  never ever Moroccan man would married older women for love.
I have never met this case in Morocco.  This story exist just with foreigner wife. 
Morrocan are the best liers in the word. 
Just tell your bf that you lost all what you have and going to live with him in Morocco. 
Ask him to send plane ticket for you.  Will see how fast he block you in social media.

Hop you find better.

Yes,  I found. 
I live in Morocco my husband responsible for our life and he doesn't have citizenship of my country. 
And specially if the man siting in groups for expats he looking for an idiot who will bring him to better life.

Its culturally acceptable to marry younger, and I mean a lot younger e.g., 15 years, but not older, due to being family centric, unless theyre supporting them financially it will never happen. Due to the lack of opportunities, jobs and welfare system, no one would honestly marry someone poorer than themselves unless a genuine reason, as they dont want to struggle through life, any more than they already have, let alone doing it with a non native of that country. Neither can anyone say their partner has married them unconditionally for love, if they are supporting that person, or have ever supported that person, anything else is naivety. Sadly. Without deploying 'spying actvities' on the person (and I mean  men and women) you'll never know if you're a mark or not, this is from direct experience, not hearsay.

Of cause you are not alone this bussines very famous in Morocco. 
All poor  yang boys without  education looking for old foreigner idiot. 
I don't want to judge them they are poor and this way can help them move all their big family abroad. If the boy professional in this case he could have 5-10 idiots who will bring presents for his family.  Also mother, sisters,  brothers will be very kind they will kiss you smile etc.

Everyone will play in the game to make it more realistic.

It's strange how common sense goes out the window when meeting foreigners, and falling in love. Like it or not we still choose our suiters according to education and class. Very rare would a wealthy rocket scientist fall in love with a younger unemployed person who left school at 14... but... let that unemployed person be polylingual and the rocket scientist be monolingual... And all reason goes out the window and posts like this flood the internet, especially with questions of 'they want me to give them money (which is enough to buy a house), just to hold it so they can show me how trustworthy they are'... break it down to simple terms and simple comparisons and it's all unbelievable... let them know how you'd never consider marriage without pre-nup, and you'd get your residency so you can put all you buy in your own name, and that they'll never have anything you have and see how fast they run to the next unsuspecting purse (gender neutral).

I like how you think! 

I am sorry you are going through this.   Have you considered a divorce?

danonita wrote:

well, l want to advise you Don't trust. I met my Morrocan husband on a site, he was so talkative, charming, caring about me every day. We got married, and puff! he become controlling, possesive, talk just a bit... and yes every time he is nice is for asking me money.

I am sorry to hear this.

Adrienne,

I would love to hear more from you on how you met, and how your relationship progressed with your husband.

I have a similar age gap with someone extremely dear to me.  I have the same fears and data points about potential deceit and scams that many here have posted.  I don't feel any deceit, but I am wary due to the obvious age and culture differences; I know it could be a sign of disaster.  I'm at a point of trying to figure out what's next.

I feel this person might very well be my soulmate; he makes me feel more at peace than anyone I've ever met.  That's not something I take lightly. His effect on me is uneffected by age or culture differences.

I'm not particularly interested in marriage, I actually would prefer not to (due to my own personal beliefs).  But, with the law being what it is in Morocco, not allowing couples together without marriage; I'm wondering if couples have found a way to avoid marriage; at the very least avoid irrationally quick marriages.  Is there a way for two people to discover if they are right for eachother (yes, I realize my question is a product of my Western culture, and it's rather out of place in Morocco)? 

I would especially welcome your story, or anyone's story, if you found a way to take your time, enjoy a long romance, having plenty of time (perhaps years) to determine if marriage was a good step; and I'd especially like to know how you managed it. 

My presumption was, that for us to have time together without danger from authorities, would require us to live outside Morocco.  I'm not even sure yet how possible that would be, or where would be easiest for a US and Moroccan citizen to live together.  If someone has experience with this, please elaborate for me!

Thank you in advance!

Look I'm live in Morocco and married to Moroccan for many years.  From my experience there is just one way when you could be sure that is not fraud.  Live in Morocco.  See how his family will treate you WITHOUT money and paper.  You can marry in Morocco following Moroccan low but dont do paper for America.
It will be legal Marriage  for Morocco but not for US. I don't know US low but it works for many countries.  Chek in consulat.  You can easy find a job here as an  English teacher.
Wish you the best 💓

Yes!

If you are lovesick you will not see it no matter who warns you.

You should look at life practically and not romantically.

A relationship should be realistic:

You are 15 years older and no matter at what stage in life you are at (it could be 30s, 40, 50s, or 60s) if he is 15 years younger, you are in different stages in life which makes the chances of it working low. The difference in culture will make the chance even lower and the religion will eat up a lot of the chance of this being successful not to mention the language barrier.

If your “love” can overcome this then go for it but look at this practically. Forget the fantasy for a minute, when things become real like day to day living and eating bread and him leaving with his friends often or the nonstop family gatherings with the Drija chitchat, how is it going to be? There are few who will understand me.

Good luck my dear.

Where in Morocco do you live? I am also living here and I agree with you. No American papers!

Beautifully put! I agree with you. That’s the way to do! That’s how anyone should do it.

I am sorry you are in this mess. I will prayer for you. Keep yourself up and improve on your life physically, mentally, emotionally,socially, and academically. Be dedicated to yourself just as he is dedicated to only getting what he wants. When he sees that he will be the one chasing you. Besides the more you work on yourself the less hurt you will be my his and his peoples actions.

Also keep this in mind, every time he does something to lessen your trust for him, respect him less and listen to him less.

They love being listening to as the “man of the house” and when you show you have no fear of losing anything from his end, he will be the idiot feeling the emptiness he so heartlessly creates in you.

Do not fear retaliation. You have everything he wants! He has nothing! The only thing he has or you thought he had is what little love he baited you with and now taunts you with.

Finally, if you fear you will lose someone simply because THEY never felt a way they pretended to feel then lose them with you on top and not on the bottom.

Good luck

GuestPoster7420 wrote:

I met a young Moroccan man in a ” social media forum” a few month ago and we emediately hit it off. We began speaking every day. I’ve been to Morocco and visit him and his family. I am soon going back but are now having second thaughts.....We had a few misunderstandings, but we solved them. I am 15 years older than him. He says he can not have children and was married once before. Am I totally naive and refuse to see the signs? Is he using me for money? A better life? I am already in love with him but as they say, love is blind.....Need some input.

Yes!

If you are lovesick you will not see it no matter who warns you.

You should look at life practically and not romantically.

A relationship should be realistic:

You are 15 years older and no matter at what stage in life you are at (it could be 30s, 40, 50s, or 60s) if he is 15 years younger, you are in different stages in life which makes the chances of it working low. The difference in culture will make the chance even lower and the religion will eat up a lot of the chance of this being successful not to mention the language barrier.

If your “love” can overcome this then go for it but look at this practically. Forget the fantasy for a minute, when things become real like day to day living and eating bread and him leaving with his friends often or the nonstop family gatherings with the Drija chitchat, how is it going to be? There are few who will understand me.

Good luck my dear.

To Narcfreelife,

What a well written answer!  I 100% agree with your thinking.  Marriage is not a vacation.  You need to understand the day to day reality not just the experiences of hanging out with someone for a few weeks living off your savings.

You bring up a couple interesting points, thank you!

Yes, exotic does go far to blind many of us.  (I might be among those affected.)

And interesting idea about getting residency and putting things in own name.

I'm wondering if you already know some answers to my next questions

How difficult it's it to get residency in Morocco? 

Does Moroccan law recognize prenuptual agreements?

Does Morocco have a concept of community property (if a couple were to get married and inhabit a home owned by the wife, would it become community property?)

PaintTheFuture,

Does this person even have any property to protect or are you just trying to protect your own money and property?
Morocco is not Saudi Arabia.
You can live in the same place together without being married.
You just can't check in to a hotel together unless you are willing to bribe the person working there.
Talking about generic Moroccan culture is not logical.
You need to look at his person beliefs and character.
If he is a strong person he is going to be able to make decision with you instead of hiding behind his "culture".
Relationships are formed with 2 people.
You also have a culture too right?
If you just cave from the get go to the other person's culture you are in turn suggesting their culture is better.  Unless you believe that, you might not want to go down that path of thinking.
I have met a lot of people men and women who get used for economic reasons by other people especially in developing countries.  You need to understand if you are in a relationship with someone who makes less or a lot less money then you, you are going to end up dealing with that financial burden.  For a lot of people this can end up as a huge source of conflict.

Dont worry about it. Everybody plays. Get what you want out of your relationships and move on when and if it suits you. Gone are the days when it was only men who pulled young women. Believe me I know😏

baijad,

Your wise comments reflect your age and life experience.  My support of your comments also reflects my age and life experience.  Reality is often no so romantic.  Relationships are exchanges between 2 people.  It is up to each person to decide how much they will tolerate in any relationship.  In reality for most women you don't have to marry every man you talk to/ spend time with.  If you are able to support yourself financially you do have the liberty of being a lot more selective of who you spend your time with and the liberty of knowing you technically can walk away whenever you like.  As long as you see the situation for exactly what it is, don't hand over your wallet and control over your life and are not delusional the risks are nominal.  If a man can not support himself.... not likely he will suddenly figure out how to support a wife and children.  You have to take people as they are and not expect them to suddenly change for you.  So the person playing around on the computer all day then asking you send them money to pay for their internet connection is not suddenly going to start working a steady job and be able to be self sufficient or support you once you marry them.  If you act like a sugar mama/ sugar daddy .... then that is what you will always be to them.  Looking for a hobby and a husband are not the same thing .

To each their own, life is short, but you are right, dont let anyone use you. But they can use you anywhere if you are that way inclined, you'll know when to tighten the purse strings. Sometimes we dont mind being used if we can afford it and vice versa. There's not a lot of difference between the sexes. Just pick men who are successful and who treat you right. life is a lesson.

I was reading over some older comments in this thread.  I think of course it is wrong to scam people, but I think people should also hold some accountability for being careless enough to be scammed. 

Why are you buying someone's affection?

hello
First I want to ask sorry for those  who will not understand me good ,my english is not so good .This year I have 6 years of marriage with a maroccan .he is younger than me with 15 years .in January this year I found out he chatting with other woman from America ,,i was devastated  ,,We spoke in WhatsApp  everyday ,,and in the night when he came from work . once from mistake  he drag me in the same conversation with her  ,,She was socked ,,she know it he is divorced . of  course after many tears ,,,,my tears ,,,my husband tears ,,i forgave him ,,I go to Morocco in end of January ,,he ask forgiveness ,,I forgave him , I was there 5 weeks ,all was ok again between us ,,,I was enough naive .Months go  ,,,we kept the same program of speaking morning ,,,little afternoon ,,less in the night ,,,,less and less ,,always he told me ..his work take from him much time  ,,, ,we fight a lot ,,i felt something is wrong ,,papers was ready ,,he waited just his language diploma  ,,in Austria you need A1 .,in August he dissapear  from WhatsApp,I get scared ,,I buy ticket  and I go to Morocco,,,She was there ,,the woman from America ,
I came back ,,what should I do there ,,all was finished ,,,When that woman go back to America she contact me ,,ask me about us (me and my husband),I told her the truth ,,
My husband lie to her ,,exactly how he lie to me ,,He told her that  in January I was in Morocco to divorce ,,and he even don"t slept in the same house with me ,,i send her all our conversations in WhatApp..from skype ,,from messenger ,,,she was also socked ,,
I finish all ,,I understand he wanted just Viza,,he promise her that he will marry her ,,.
Now she blocked me  ,but I saw in instagram ,,in FB (from one year he have it other fb and i don"t know it ) them are together
I send him so much money ,,always he was ill ,,or sister ill ,,or brother,,now all gone
I just want to say to all women"s to be very careful ,,he also told me he can"t have children,,and he love me ..he was master of words .my husband also lied that he is not muslim   he told her that he is jew ,,.All this happend in 15 August this year ,,Even now I can"t believe that she forgave him for all his lies ,,my husband said he will divorce there in Morocco without me ,,I really don"t carea anymore ,,He told me and wirte to me that he will kill me if i contact her again ,,I want just my divorce finished ,,,,that"s it ..

she is also older with 16 years ..

Very sad to hear about your unfortunate experience.  Men can be very cruel.

Milhalina

I am very very sorry for what has happened to you.  It's awful. 

I can't imagine how you must feel knowing other women will make similar mistakes, despite being warned.  All you can do is say what you know, the rest is up to them.

You are right to end the marriage quickly, and cut loose of such an awful man.  He is clearly not worth your time or efforts, I'm sorry again, that you've invested so much in him.

HUGS!!  Namaste

Thank you for nice words  ,,is hard for me ,,but life"s go on ,,I really believe,, that he don"t deserve me ,,I am better than this ,,I will be with my head up ,,I didn"t do anything wrong ,,my only weakness was that I believed him  like a teenager ,,I woke up ,,Now I think that what happend was in my benefit ,I wonder if i don"t found out about her ,,how long he  play us both,,Thank"s God I found out .

as a Moroccan citizen  i'd like  to say sorry so to hear about that ....keep going and live a live u  deserve
good luck

I really wish people would stop posting their love life experiences with Moroccans. It gives Moroccans a bad name. Moroccan society is built around Islam, marriage and family. All these disaster stories are always like well really everyone could see that coming. Like a big age gag, foreign woman with money, dating before marriage, met though internet chat/dating sites, no family involvement. Go back to the main principles of Moroccan society - being Islam/family/marriage - then these experiences that have gone wrong could be expected because the people who got married/dated where not on these principles , or at least one wasn’t.

And it’s not just the foreign woman that’s getting into a mess with these unrealistic relationships. Muslim men from the uk, fresh of a divorce/failed marriage are rushing over to get married to a Moroccan but then that relationship quickly goes wrong because they had the SAME PROBLEMS they had when they got divorced the first time round. I get loads of brothers sending me messages crying that the Moroccan woman is bad to him or even MIGHT  be going to be bad to him.

The Muslims of the past, when ever they got into a bad situation thought this was because of their sins - so tried to stop doing their sins.

My advise to anyone marrying a Moroccan is to find out if what they are doing is acceptable to the laws of Islam and Moroccan society - if it’s not then it’s most likely going to end up as another disaster story.

It’s like the woman you meet in the club is not going to be like the woman who's introduced through family. Ones going to be good to party and ones going to be good to form a marriage and family. People should be more business like when picking partners and not just following their emotions and desires. Islam requires a guardian for unmarried women so they don’t get played - there is a good reason for this , without it expect a disaster

What about those decent Muslim women who had the dumb luck to have all their family die? I have no chaperone but that doesn’t make me less marriageable.

DarlaHouston07 wrote:

What about those decent Muslim women who had the dumb luck to have all their family die? I have no chaperone but that doesn’t make me less marriageable.

Don’t worry my dear there is always a solution. Their will be someone who can be appointed as wail (guardian).

It’s quite logical. Women can easily be sold a dream , which ends up being far from reality where as another man would smell a rat. It’s not like women can’t think for themselves but if there is another man looking out for their interests then odds become better.

Goldkhalifa,

LOL....
That is what every society wants you to think.
There is the ideal and the reality.
If you are religious and are only around people in these circles this is what you see.
Also people will act differently around you in fear of being judge.
People that are not religious may even go out of their way to avoid you.

As you are not "actually" Moroccan why should your view of Morocco or Moroccan culture be more valid then anyone else's posted here?  I am not saying your opinion holds no weight, but it is just your opinion and not the mater of fact truth on the issue.  Unless you have some special PHD in Moroccan studies and show the degree to prove it I don't think there is any reason why people should accept what you are saying as anything more then one person's personal opinion.  Being Married to a person from Morocco does not mean you have a universal understanding of all Moroccan people.

Morocco is not a socially uniform society.  Most places are not.  If you actually travel throughout the country and associated with people in all socio-economic classes in the country this is more obvious.

If all these people are sharing these stories then these issues are obviously A LOT more common then certain people what want to accept.

mihalina,

There are horrible men and women from every corner of the world that is sadly why you have to protect yourself before your partner.  Some people do not value the concept of commitment.  You can at best try to weed them out.

You may want to consider changing your views on relationships.  Get what you want out of the situation and don't over invest in other people.  Only give of yourself what you are getting in return. 

I view partners like shoes.  Try them on, enjoy them... but when they start to get uncomfortable and unreliable time to toss them and go shopping for a new pair.  There are so many people and shoes to choose in the world so really no need to settle for a partner or a pair of shoes that can't successfully do what they were intended to do.

I think we "make" people special.  When you make someone else seem special they either in turn return the feelings or it gets to their head and they start thinking they are better then you.  This man you were with like most other people in the world is not that special.  There is always something better out there.  I think some people, like the man you where with like the attention of have numerous women communicating with them.  It makes them start to believe they are "so special".  In reality what was so special about him?  Was he the most physically attractive man in the world?  Was he a billionaire spoiling with endless gifts?  Was he the best lover imaginable?  If not... who cares as you can likely do better.  Again, most people are really not that special until you start treating them special.  A person who can not maintain loyalty is worse then a dog so consider yourself lucky to have him gone before you actually need to depend on him.

Thank you Globewalker


You  are right .I made him special ,,How go the days I realise that was somehow my fault ,,I was too good with him ,,Now is easier ,I will be ok . thank you again ,,
And for that lady what said that we not should post here our problems ,,I think this about this forum ,,and yes I know not all morocans are the same ,,my husband family was good ,nice ,loving ,
I am sorry if I hurt somebody ,Not that was my purpose ,

globewalker wrote:

Goldkhalifa,

LOL....
That is what every society wants you to think.
There is the ideal and the reality.
If you are religious and are only around people in these circles this is what you see.
Also people will act differently around you in fear of being judge.
People that are not religious may even go out of their way to avoid you.

As you are not "actually" Moroccan why should your view of Morocco or Moroccan culture be more valid then anyone else's posted here?  I am not saying your opinion holds no weight, but it is just your opinion and not the mater of fact truth on the issue.  Unless you have some special PHD in Moroccan studies and show the degree to prove it I don't think there is any reason why people should accept what you are saying as anything more then one person's personal opinion.  Being Married to a person from Morocco does not mean you have a universal understanding of all Moroccan people.

Morocco is not a socially uniform society.  Most places are not.  If you actually travel throughout the country and associated with people in all socio-economic classes in the country this is more obvious.

If all these people are sharing these stories then these issues are obviously A LOT more common then certain people what want to accept.

You totally missed the point and didn’t understand what I said, even though it was quite clear.

All these disaster stories all have a common theme - which is people getting together when they are not by any means equally matched. For example, to help you understand;

Rich woman and poor man
Old woman and young man
Non practising Muslim man and foreign non Muslim rich woman
Handsome man and not so pretty foreign woman

I couldn’t be bothered to reply everything you wrote as it was just rubbish really. There are two main subjects on this site. The subject we are discussing and how to get married in Morocco as a foreigner. That doesn’t mean either of these issues are common issues, it’s just this is an English language expat site so that’s where people will post on these subjects.

But out of interest what credentials do you have that makes your opinions valid (in your own mind)?

Goldkhalifa,

I agree with a lot of what you said ex people not marrying someone in a similar position.
I am also not saying more opinion is more valid then yours or anyone else's on this topic.
I am trying to point out we all have our bias based on who we are.  We see the world mainly through our own eyes.

All perceptions are valid even if they are different.

My qualifications are comparable to yours ex having family from or in Morocco.

However, I am not religious and you appear to be.  So where we choose to go, who we choose to be around, how and what people share with us is very different.  I am also female and I think you are male.  This also impacts who says what to us too.

This gives both of us very different experiences in life.

globewalker wrote:

Goldkhalifa,

I agree with a lot of what you said ex people not marrying someone in a similar position.
I am also not saying more opinion is more valid then yours or anyone else's on this topic.
I am trying to point out we all have our bias based on who we are.  We see the world mainly through our own eyes.

All perceptions are valid even if they are different.

My qualifications are comparable to yours ex having family from or in Morocco.

However, I am not religious and you appear to be.  So where we choose to go, who we choose to be around, how and what people share with us is very different.  I am also female and I think you are male.  This also impacts who says what to us too.

This gives both of us very different experiences in life.

Ok no worries

Mainly my comments where countering the perception people get of Morocco from things like this.

I follow a religion but that doesn’t prevent me meeting all walks of life. Yes I am a man, I thought you was too!

Also none of my comments where at this lady’s bad experience, every situation is different and was only generalising so hope not to have offended

To me an older Moroccan man played me telling me he wants me to live with him in Morocco and In the end he left me pregnant before our marriage because I couldn’t take him to Europe saying: I have to think about myself... before that everything ‘perfect’ and wonderful and Morocco is the best country to live and he never wants to go away ecc...