Cultural differences? (Relationship advise)
In January I met an Egyptian guy in my city in Europe, we went on a date. We're both late 20s. Conversation flowed, we liked each other. Of course, I asked about his situation. He has a visa with full time residency rights, is in the process of opening a restaurant. Told me that he will spend most of his time in my city now, has been there for several months full-time already. It all sounded ok to me, like a relationship might be possible. Night ended with a kiss, we continued talking daily.
On the date he told me that he will go to Egypt for a couple of weeks very soon. Later he told me, that it was because his mom was very sick. Eventually he told me that it was cancer, shared her condition, told me a lot of what was going on. Unfortunately, even though they expected more time, she died within his trip.
He was really broken, they were really close. Of course, he stayed there longer, to support his family. His older sister and brother have families, so his dad was left alone. He said he couldn't leave, so his return started to get postponed.
We continued talking daily, I did my best to support him. Was waiting for his return. We got pretty close emotionally, talked about everything, I really believe there is nothing really hidden between us.
Time goes by. He's still in Egypt 2,5 months later. And now he is telling me that he won't be able to spend a lot of time in my city because of his father, he can't leave him alone. And his father doesn't want to move to my city with him. Says that he has to be there a lot of the time, it's a cultural thing. Both of his siblings live in the same city as his father.
I'm in a difficult situation now. I always knew he will go there regularly, visit family, friends, that's to be expected. Maybe a few weeks every few months or something. I would have been fine with that. Now I'm told that he will spend more time in Egypt than in my country for a few YEARS.
So far, we seem compatible, there is an emotional bond, attraction. But we've met face to face only once. I want a relationship. I want my partner to be there for me, not continue waiting for months at a time. I don't want to be lonely in a relationship.
Last few days we had a continued very difficult conversation about our possible future. He certainly doesn't want to lose me, but as the main reason states that my personality is perfect for him, I'm beautiful and I have been there for him when no one else was, how much I helped him emotionally etc. Basically, I got the impression that he doesn't want to lose what I've been giving him. But I'm also human, I can't just give all the time. In a difficult time, sure. But I have my limit, I need to be cared about too.
I don't understand why he HAS to be there a lot, when his father has his siblings, friends, extended family. I think he is taking on a burden that isn't even really there, believes he has to be there, and put himself in a position of a victim of the circumstances. But maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. That's why I'm asking here, hoping to get input from locals that know the culture. Is he expected to stay?
Today we're not talking. I know that I can't keep waiting for him for years, I won't hurt myself like that. Losing him would already be very painful, but much less than if we continue and I have to leave even later. He wants to talk when he's back (now I'm told within two weeks), and find a way to work it out. I don't see a way. I don't want a partner I will barely see, and I can't move to Egypt. Too many obligations here. And even without that, I don't want to. Basically, I have told him to only contact me if he finds a solution to be with me, in my city most of the time. If not, I'm pretty firm to let it end and move on. Rather suffer now, than more later.
Sorry for the long post, I hope your input might help me see the situation more clearly.
Unfortunately you a many beforand many after you get taken in . Walk away in fact run
Markhaz, it's not a situation of a man wanting to get out of Egypt through marriage. He's already out, has an EU visa. Never asked me for anything. I'm not being scammed.
OK you asked for opinions I gave you mine if you don't want for people to tell you what they think based on there experience don't ask I'm sorry if u don't like but I stick by my advice your choice if you decide to igmore or not
I would at least expect some basis for advice, not a general "run" to every person. Because others were scammed? How does it apply to what I have written?
It is most likely that this will be over. But I'd like to understand.
I have lived in Egypt sharm El shake and this very familiar story you might be being set up long scam be carefull or he's the exception and genuine
If you like each other try to talk about living in Egypt, i had same situation and i offered her to live in Egypt but she didn't accept, we are Egyptian emotianly more than europian people, if you can come to Egypt and stay with him for a while like one or two weeks and see the country then maybe you will like it then you can both live in Egypt at least for now, try to discuss this with him and see what he will response
He did offer going to Egypt together for some of his trips.
Unfortunately, I'm a pet professional. I work with dogs, and Egypt isn't compatible with what I do. I don't want to stay there longer. Mentality when it comes to pets is way too far off my own.
i think you can work with your professional normal in Egypt
What I do doesn't EXIST there, and requires a team. Finding and training the people would set me back decades.
i think best solution is to try to travel and see situation live 
bastionea wrote:I hope your input might help me see the situation more clearly.
Hello,
Look he wants to spend more time with his father than with you
and for you your profession is more fascinating to be far away from it.
You both have other values than each other as the prime concern.
What you describe doesn't sound like a romantic relationship,
what you two have is a friendship and in that friendship so far you have been a more prudent friend.
All the best!
This relationship that seems to be just a friendship is going nowhere. Let him go and get on with your life. His family is obviously more important to him. This is common in Arabic countries. Maybe he is considering taking an Egyptian wife. Remember, males
are allowed 4 wives at once, and they don't always discuss this first with existing friends or even partners. What Egyptian men say and what they are actually doing can be totally different. He will never give up his strong ties to his homeland and his own culture. Accept the reality or not, it is your choice.
Matiana wrote:This relationship that seems to be just a friendship is going nowhere. Let him go and get on with your life. His family is obviously more important to him. This is common in Arabic countries. Maybe he is considering taking an Egyptian wife. Remember, males
are allowed 4 wives at once, and they don't always discuss this first with existing friends or even partners. What Egyptian men say and what they are actually doing can be totally different. He will never give up his strong ties to his homeland and his own culture. Accept the reality or not, it is your choice.
You're probably right about family being more important. I didn't expect him to cut ties, just be with me most of the time. Originally, he told me he'll spend a few weeks every few months in Egypt. That would have been fine.
I wasn't worried about other wives. He's Coptic Christian, not muslim. Actually, I'm supposedly muslim, minority in my country. But really not religious. I don't think Christians can have many wives there...
I guess it all doesn't matter anymore. We were looking for some way to make it work, but I don't see it happening.
Hi there,
I don’t think he’s bluffing or he’s phony, I’m as Egyptian and only boy for my parents know by heart this situations.
He has to be there for his family and lonely father for sure! Your relation for sure isn’t mature yet, this is why it doesn’t have a priority in his life yet. Name it whatsoever you want, while it’s too early for him to sacrifice his family for you.
I believe you gave him enough time, if you are willing to sacrifice more, give him some more time, have a quick trip to Cairo to revive your channels. You will see then what would be the consequence of that.
Best of luck.
Christians anywhere, apart from some rogue sects that are not widely recognised and are often into illegal activities in places such as the US, are allowed just one wife each.
Copts have one wife. Marriage is taken very seriously and it is not easy to get a divorce.
It is frowned on in the Coptic world.
This guy is way too weak and you cannot lose something that you never really had. Cut the ties completely dumped him! He’s too weak to have someone like you you need to find someone that makes you number one not his father. If he really loved you he could not stay away from you and he would take his father with you or with him to you or he would tell him goodbye but you are not number one now and you will never be number one so you don’t need him get rid of them now that’s my opinion good luck
I dunno if u still need this or not but anyway I gonna shoot it:
forget about him and let it go, u deserve someone you are on his priorities, even if he faced a problem or something, he would try to find a solution and share it with you, he would not let u wait just like that.
I believe on whenever a man loves a woman he never let her go, he will do his best just to keep her beside him, take caring of her, etc...
Articles to help you in your expat project in Egypt
Opening a bank account in Egypt
Looking forward to open a bank account in Egypt? Find out how to proceed in this article.
Leisure in Egypt
Wondering what you can do during your leisure time in Egypt? Movies, football, diving, culture and history... Feel ...
Water Safety in Egypt
The government claims the tap water is safe; however, every recommends that you do NOT drink it. It is best to ...
Transportation in El Rehab City
Transportation can seem limited when you live out in Rehab City. Here are a few things I figured out.
Traveling to Egypt with your pet
Can expatriates travel to Egypt with their pets? What are the relating conditions and formalities? Find out in ...
Driving in Egypt
Are expatriates allowed to drive in Egypt? What are the relating conditions? Find out in this article.
Lifestyle in Egypt
Find, in this article, all that you need to know about the Egyptian lifestyle: traditions, cuisine, festivals, ...
Setting up a business in Egypt
Looking forward to set up a business in Egypt? Where should you start from? Find out in this article.
Find more topics on the Egypt forum
