Following your life partner in Mexico

As a therapist I have spoken to many people who move to Mexico with/for a loved one. Often this can involve the upheaval of one's professional, friend, and family networks. While the partner from Mexico (or who moved to Mexico with an already existing employer) the networks may already be in place. This difference in experience can make it challenging for both partners to understand their mutual experiences. That having been said, moving with/for a partner can fortify the relationship and create a strong and positive sense of interdependence. With nearly every distressing experience, we become a little bit stronger, more resilient. Overcoming challenges with your partner can help create a bond that, if not unbreakable, will not likely be forgotten.


This commentary is an observation and does not serve to replace psychotherapy.

I would advise anyone who wants to move to vacation at what part you want to go to. We did, And it was the best thing we could have done. The we sold our home and moved with only what we thought we needed We bought a home and are very happy. We love Mexico and the people. So do not be afraid you will love it. Travel To other places in Mexico. It is beautiful and charming.

My case is a bit different because I have lived amongst the Spanish speaking community for the majority of my 58 years. I am also completely bi-lingual. My sweetheart and I have known each other for 28 years, dated off and on for those years and have been together now for 14 years. Through legal problems he was deported and his Amnesty residecy papers he received in the 80's where revoked (it's easier than you might think espeacially with the current administration). He was deported just over a year ago. Of course there was no question that I would follow. The only question was where would we live?
   He is from Michoacan and has family in Morelia and in Guadalahara, Jalisco. I love his family and thought that would be where we would settle. But they are dangerous areas at this time and even some of his family in Guadalahara are looking to relocate after decades of living there. He had heard of Puerto Penasco, Sonora a smallish tourist town on the coast of the Sea of Cortez. In the 2 months I was getting ready to leave Kansas and move to Mexico permently he visited his family and then came up here to check out this nice town/city to see if it would be a good place to start over again.
   It's a year later and other than missing our families there is nothing I left in the USA that gives me any reason to return. We are both happier than we have ever been, closer in our relationship and more productive socially and personally. Both of our healths have improved by leaps and bounds. I teach Spanish privately and have a small business making and selling quick breads and cookies that has been a long time hobby of mine. He buys cars cheap, fixes them up and sells them. Life is good!

Life partners in our 58th year having moved to Mexico 25 years ago, and have had a great life experience here.

Preparation:  Trial vacations to areas you might want to live. 

Example:  Many have moved to Mexico and can´t adjust to the new and different culture.
Actually better and more friendly than NOB, but you need to feel your way into it.  There
may be personality problems.  Better to know yourself.

Overcome/challenge:  Leave your ego and demanding personality behind.  They are a block
to the naturalness and givingness of Mexico.

Outcome:  Financially and emotionally the best decision of a lifetime for both of us.  Wish we had done it sooner.  However, we spent many 1 to 6 month excursions into Mexico before those 25 years to discover the reality of a definitely new and wonderful experience.  In that time period, we returned north for about one month, never again to go back. 

Be ready for an expanded loving experience with your partner and Mexicans as well.

Mucho suerte,  Saludos

Following our spouses to Mexico

I have had a small but very pleasant beach house in La Misión de San Miguel, Baja Norte, for 20+ years.  It was an escape from the desert heat of Palm Springs, California.

My husband and I married four years ago in California.  He has dual citizenship in his native Italy and his adopted country of Canada.  During courtship we had decided to relocate to a tropical, white sand, beach somewhere in the world after I retired.

I retired early and my husband followed me to our beach house in Baja, Mexico.  At this point, we began our two year search for our dream home.  Long story short, after searching Central America and Southeast Asia, we found everything we were looking for in southern Quintana Roo, Mexico. 

For us, relocating to a gay friendly area was essential.  Unlike much of Central America and parts of Asia, Quintana Roo recognized our marriage and is wonderfully gay friendly.  More conservative Baja Norte was usually gay comfortable but we occasionally experienced anti gay behavior in some government officials and by some uneducated trabajadores.

Living in southern Mexico requires many more adjustments for expats than living close to the US border.  There is no access to Trader Joe’s, Target, Williams Sonoma and the myriad of shopping options available in the US and Canada.  Food options, while improving, are pretty basic.  Getting our five year old Canadian Lexus worked on by Mexican Toyota (there is no Lexus anything) isn’t going to happen nor can we get replacement parts through Auto Zone.

We both knew, sort of, what we were getting into.  We are constantly reminded that things are different here.  That can sometimes be frustrating even when you expect it because often options are far more limited.  Sometimes it seams like some Mexicans get a sadistic thrill when telling gringos “No, you can’t do that!”.

Don’t get me wrong, We Love it Here!  We live well in a beautiful, secluded villa on the Caribbean.  I think that having to adapt to the many life style changes of living in a foreign country has somehow helped us bond closer in our relationship.  We have to get through this together.  We do get through the many challenges together and while we might want to change a few things about Mexico, there is no other place we would rather be.  Thank you Mexico!