Loneliness when you're abroad

As one of the friends said "a fraid of commitment" this is what some people feel towards you as an expatriate.

Hey guys! I went through the same situation when travelling and working abroad. I struggled for a while with the fears of being lonely and the unknown. When I moved for working abroad the first time, I was faced to my fear. I felt very lonely at the beginning - even if I had the opportunity to talk on Skype with my family and friends. I was looking up some advice on the Internet how other people overcame this situation too and ended up addressing my issues to an online life coach (I can recommend Your24hCoach.com) to get me some help and tips. I got a lot of very good and interesting advice and above all interesting insights in subjects of communications skills. The main message was to do anything surrounding you with people and communicating with them, for example a cooking course. I can recommend you too move in a shared accommodation whit people sharing a similar background like you do. So you have already a basis of relationships on which you can build on. It really helped me to develop my own personality and the ability to communicate with people. I really can recommend going abroad to everyone! Just do it – it makes you stronger!

Hi there
Fore those lonely people you'd better find company otherwise heres some effects of loneliness to your brain:
Perhaps most astonishing, in a survey he conducted, doctors themselves confided that they provide better or more complete medical care to patients who have supportive families and are not socially isolated.  Living alone increases the risk of suicide for young and old alike.
Lonely individuals report higher levels of perceived stress even when exposed to the same stressors as non-lonely people, and even when they are relaxing.
The social interaction lonely people do have are not as positive as those of other people, hence the relationships they have do not buffer them from stress as relationships normally do.
Loneliness raises levels of circulating stress hormones and levels of blood pressure. It undermines regulation of the circulatory system so that the heart muscle works harder and the blood vessels are subject to damage by blood flow turbulence.
Loneliness destroys the quality and efficiency of sleep, so that it is less restorative, both physically and psychologically. They wake up more at night and spend less time in bed actually sleeping than do the nonlonely.

Cheers
Hericles

Luckily i didnt feel lonely ever

I've been living in Japan for a good number of years with my Japanese wife, We have two grown-up children, both of whom flew the nest a number of years ago. My social life collapsed when my company closed down about four years ago. Most of my colleagues, friends moved on. I managed to get a part-time job and kept going until I was retired last year. We decided to move into my late mother-in-laws house in a rural town. It has been a huge change from living in a large, somewhat international city like kyoto. I feel pretty much isolated and loneliness is a problem. I guess a lot of retired people need time to readjust. Compared to others on here, I guess I'm a bit of an old godger. I do exercise most days; read, use the computer, odd jobs around the house and do a little part-time work. I still dream of living in an English country town; walk the dog, pop into the pub, go to church on Sundays, do a bit of community work etc. Anyway, just thought I'd give my two bob's worth.

Germany is the 5th foreign country that I've ever lived in and I also moved from diff cities to another quite often. I'm not still good at handling this loneliness thing though.
Someone mentioned that language matters on this issue, but for me it doesn't seem like it anymore since I recently start working with some of ppl from my country. (actually it makes the situation worse w all the talks about home cuisine and all that stuff)
I think I've tried few things to get outta this feeling; esp. night lives. that didn't help me a lot either. all I got was a terrible headache.

My finally decision is to go travel little far away. So that I can realize that being alone is not always lonely. to feel the freedom...you know..let's see how it goes.

I AM HAPPY AND SINGLE

when i feel lonliness i go out with chics :-)

Some time we feel not only loneliness but also homesickness. But I am here with my family and some family friends.

when i get lonely i go for drive or shopping

Living abroad is a challenge in all aspects, even for the most adaptable people as there are various issues to deal with starting from language barriers, habits, weather conditions, religious beliefs and so on. As for me, I have been living in Canada for about 18 months and it has been quite hard in a way very different from culture, language or weather but due to the job market and isolation from people for I have enough friends to share with however everyone here seems to be "always busy" with their lives.

There is an important side of the coin not to miss and is family and close friends, and of course, always to keep in mind our goals and why we came here for....all the best!

I totally agree with your instance. I myself is suffering a lot. But I don't got a get out of it being not social.

Depends what country you are in, for example in Thailand and the Phillipines i cant see how you can get lonely as the people there are friendly and wonderful

Hello DavaoBruce,

I am from the Philippines and I think I know how things are going on with you over there. That is sad.Cheating will not solve that feeling of loneliness,I think it is the feeling of belongingness (if there is such a word).Maybe you can talk to your wife and let her understand  how you feel or engage yourself in other activities such as NGO's. Create your own group with other locals, just be careful.
I, myself feel lonely at times here in China, living alone, far from my family and few close friends. I am not a party person nor  an outgoing one. I can not even speak Chinese well so most of the times I am on my own but that is not the reason of my loneliness. There is something missing .........
Hope that you will get over it soon.

MGL

One thing I used to do is to get myself busy with the things I like the most and started new projects.
I spent One year in Maldives. There was nothing to do there. So I did things that I was not used to do because of lack of time like reading, got myself my PADI license for scuba diving, went to the gym regularly, sleep, and simply learnt to relax and learnt to appreciate spending time alone...

[Moderated: Expat.com is NOT a dating website]

I go shopping ,it's not one bit nice,I don't want my partner with me doing girlie things so have to do them by myself
apart from that there is nothing to do in rural ireland and I think that is the problem...enjoy the UK(my home) at least  you have more chance of meeting a friendly person  and there is 100% more things to do and see.
If i did'nt love my partner as much as do ,I would be gone out of this unfriendly hell hole!

I read novels and listen to music

There is difference between loneliness and solitude. I embrace solitude, I  really do love spending time alone, it's a luxury in these days of grab greed rush chaos and overcrowded accommodation, having one's own space is a luxury.

How many of us have the space or the time to sit down and just do nothing, to free our mind from the thoughts or worries.

I would advise you to learn to slow down, meditate,do yoga, listen to some peaceful music,  take time for you. There is a big difference in living a peaceful life, embracing solitude and loneliness.

If you feel the need for other's company, or are missing family then you have to make an effort. Get off that sofa and get out there. Mr or Ms right will not find you as you sit on that sofa, you do have to get out there.

Follow your interests, be it diving, salsa dancing, hiking, social debates, language classes,  book clubs, painting, photography, comedy clubs.

You will find where you are there is a lot of social activity, you just need to seek it out. But overall just learn to enjoy your own space and your own company and you will never be lonely.

And it involves shutting off the computer, stop the isolatory online browzing, and getting out into the world around you, explore it, it is a wonderful world, full of facinating people.

Aliceo I cannot believe that you say you are living in an 'unfriendly country'.

Ireland is renowned for being one of tbe friendliest countries in the world.

You need to stop shopping and get involved in the local community.

How about starting with a visit to the local pub. Irish pubs are world famous for friendliness, and the traditional music sessions where everyone joins in singing and dancing. The Guiness is quite nice too.

If you feel lonely in Ireland then you really need to ask yourself why!

i am also too boring. i used to watch tv,browse and chat

i am also too boring. i used to watch tv,browse and chat

Hi Karnak thank you for you advice,but there is no way I can go into a pub by myself,I am a lady and I won't go into a pub and start drinking in the corner by myself.

Do not believe for one minute the image the Irish give out,they are not friendly.Oh yes whey will be nice to you,pass the time of day,say morning ,nice day etc but thats it,thats as far as it goes.
Its the fear of the unknown,I have put myself out chatted to people in public places etc,even chatted to strangers in the pub(with my partner) I have suggested meeting up for coffee and  have even given out my number to people but they never contact me and if I see them out again and remind them they just say oh yeah we must do that,thats where it ends.
I don't want to be pushy,but it's me that always suggests someting(to make friends) or me that hands out my  phone number first.(trying to make friends)When I do text them ,they never ever text back or don't answer there phone.
At first I did think it was me(COMPLEX,and rightly so I think)Then I thought I have done nothing wrong,so it's not me.

You know I really think Irish people just don't"DO" black people.As one person said to me "What do you eat?"Yep in this day and age I was asked that question.Ahh well thats their problem and I am not about to make it mine.

I will just keep trying ,give it another 15 years and I'll have a friend...hahahahah I hope....you have to laugh really.
Thanks

Thats not acceptable to me,to ask somebody what do they eat! I am from England born and breed.
For an Irish person to ask "what do you eat"(just because my skin colour is different from theirs)is pure ignorance and just plain rude and stupid.
Never forget you can always read peoples faces! People think they are hiding behind words but you can always see very clearly what they really think.

I live and learn everyday ,thank god

I'm looking for new friends whom like to go out on trekking and various other activities like photography,, travelling, site seeing, clubbing etc. if you are interested please drop me a line.

@Chamil > please post your message on the forum of your country. Thank you.

"What I am doing when I feel lonely?" ...

For Julien and all members of this blog,

I wish to reply honestly but will be controversial if I do so because I will have to reveal the raw side of loneliness as expat... so I will censure my reply just a little bit and share it because it happens... expat are lonely although they are sorrounded by a crowd of people or an amazing new land.

When I am alone I realize how much I miss my country and the freedom of going to the places I know and like.
When I feel alone I miss the warm hug of my mother and the feeling of her hands on mine.
When I feel alone I turn on many cigarretes and think, just think about problems and how face them.
When I feel alone is the worst moment of the day...

Actually, I am not alone... somebody is next to me all day long but this person cannot erase the lonely feeling that as an expat I have for my country and the people I left there.

Saludos,
Samo Ana

Controversal is to reveal how loneliness depress me... I cannot  speak for others but for me is, most of the time, difficult to handle. Plus other things that I rather not explain here.

I guess that's one of the goals of this site, to promote communication among expat's and give to each other a little bit support with understanding and if is possible with a live conversation face to face if is the chance to have it.

I am new here so I haven't prove if is how you say "plenty of depress people here"... from my point of view and with the few hours I already spended here I think is plenty of interesting people here seeking for warm communication.

By the way, I was in Hong Kong for tourism... I hope I can return with my husband someday in future to enjoy together walking in the city, the ferry and the view from "The Peak"...

Samo Ana

Hi

I am new to this forum so not sure what to expect. Lonely? I had migrated for love 30 years ago. Leaving my childhood friends and family behind. I think the choice is yours whether to be lonely or sociable. If it is the latter you want, you need to be proactive and work on it - join a club, be a volunteer, etc.
Friendship needs to be cultivated and nurtured. It does not happen overnight! I am fortunate to say some of my colleagues ended up being my friends. I don't have many but I feel I can count on some of them. Besides, with work and family and house chores, no time left for boredom. BTW, I wonder how Natalie went living in Seremban.

After 8 years residency in Egypt and having a family, I still feel home sick.

LONELY ?   YOU BET.., ITS THAT CRAZY FEELING OF HOW YOUR MIND WANTS YOU TO HAVE FUN. BUT YOUR BODY DOES NOT LET YOU BECAUSE YOUR INSTINCTS WILL FALL SHORT OF EVERYTHING... 

I TRAVEL EVERY YEAR  TO SOME COUNTRY OR THE OTHER FOR WORK ,TRADE FAIRS ETC. AND I GET VERY LESS TIME MAYBE 2 or 3 WEEKS.IT IS TOO SHORT OF A TIME TO MAKE FRIENDS & MEET PEOPLE & BOND.
IN A YEAR I LIVE In more than 5 COUNTRIES. VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO MEET PEOPLE IN A NEW CITY.    BUT SLOWLY I AM MAKING FRIENDS THROUGH MY JOURNEY. AND TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM . BUT I  NEVER KNOW WHERE OR WHICH CITY  WOULD I BE POSTED NEXT.AND THEN DEALING WITH THE SAME PROBLEM OF LONELINESS in a NEW CITY.   

  I HAVE MET PEOPLE AT TRADE FAIRS & THEN GO OUT TO DRINK WITH THEM. BUT THOSE ARE PURELY WORK & BUSINESS RELATED. We RARELY SHARE CULTURES & THOUGHTS ON THOSE OUTINGS.
I AM SURE NOT EVERY ONE HERE FACE THE SAME ISSUES AS MINE. COZ I HAVE TO ADMIT I AM AN INTROVERT. AND IT ENTIRELY IS MY PROBLEM . I AM LEARNING WAYS TO MINGLE WITH PEOPLE & GET TO KNOW THE GOOD SIDE OF EM...  ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE ON THIS FORUM WHO ARE VISITING ,TRAVELLING & RE LOCATING..TRAVEL WELL & BE SAFE...

Pass my time on the internet. Keep my self busy reading. Once a while if I do happen to make friends, then maybe, visit a pub, listen to some music over a beer.......

And then of course, work longer hours, cos the busier the better!

Hi Bangalorlife!

Could you please avoid posting in caps lock?

Thanks
Armand

I never seem to get lonely as I work long hours when on an overseas assignment.
And I always phone family each day.

I normally just walk.

Its natural to miss family and friends back home but on the bright side you can always make new friends.

HI,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS. CERTAINLY I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT AND, INDEED, I HAVE MADE FRIENDS HERE AND I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY FAMILY VERY OFTEN SINCE BOTH COUNTRIES ARE NOT SO FAR FROM EACH OTHER. HOWEVER, THE PURPOSE OF ME MOVING IN CANADA WAS TO PURSUIT MY ACCREDITATION AND LICENSE AS A FOREIGN MEDICAL SPECIALIST TO PRACTICE HERE BUT THIS ISSUE HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT IN TERMS OF MONEY AND TIME, THEREFORE I WILL RETURN TO MY HOME COUNTRY WHERE I CAN BE MORE HELPFUL AND WHERE I HAVE NO DIFFICULTIES TO PRACTICE MEDICINE.

@pedrocarpio > you should please lower your caps lock on the forum. Thank you.

Aviator900 wrote:

Its natural to miss family and friends back home but on the bright side you can always make new friends.

A quality attitude.