Loneliness when you're abroad

This is a big problem with living abroad. When moving for work, work friends are the only people you get to know. Thats why I looked for a blog to find new friends in my new area to meet new people from different work areas.
Thanks all

I think the understanding that everything is driven by attitude is the key to life no matter where you are. This has been known for thousands of years and still we look to the outside for satisfaction.

Hi all,
I am a Venezuelan expatriate that has lived in Spain, England and France, so I share many of the feelings and opinions posted in this forum.

I have moved at least 30 times in 13 years, mainly between cities and by going forwards and backwards from one place to another. It may have been more like a backpacking situation but with a suitcase and working to pay the bills!

I think home is where we are.

By the way, I am also a PhD student doing a research on global nomads. I am looking for professionals that have changed locations by their own accord, individuals that have lived and work in at least three different countries... or that at least have moved often!

I am open to suggestions in regards of how to find people that may be interested in participating.

My email address is gabbygn@hotmail.co.uk

Regards,
Gabriela

surf the net, read books, but there are times that you simply do not know how to fight the feeling...your tears will just automatically fall down

i can feel that

DavaoBruce wrote:

I am a 55 year old American Expat in the Philippines. At times I miss good friends to get together with for a day or evening out. There are 2 expat groups here that have meetings and some social events. I do not know if it the age, that most are men, or that I do not cheat on my wife, even though there is great oppertunity here with all the younger women, but at times I feel lonely not being invited out and living in a house with my wife and 3 nieces where the only time english is spoken is when they talk to me.

Sorry to hear that Bruce i am a Filipino working in Saudi Arabia and to tell you that is one of our traits i guess. Good thing though i was able to work overseas where English is the medium of communication. Why dont you tell them to speak English at home in that case everybody can understand. I speak english at home infront of my nieces, nephews and brother because i have an aunt who live in america for 45 years and she can no longer speak our language fluently and every one speak her language instead so as not to isolate her. If i am in your neighborhood i am sure we can be good buddies.

I think that when you're alone in another country it's even more difficult because you don't know anybody and you're thinking about all your friends and family.
What you can do first is thinking of them, looking at pictures, listening to some music that reminds you them, and of course talking with them if you can. Don't forget, skype is your best friend
But the best thing to do is to try to meet other people from your 'new country' and learn from them what is typical in this country. Sports, concerts, museums... discovering a new culture is always interesting and you won't miss your country.
I agree it is difficult to meet people and even more difficult to make friends. But there must some associations you could join, be benevolent...
I'm in Canada for my studies and I rent a room to a canadian couple and that's the best thing I could do. I celebrated thanksgiving with them and it was really nice. I think it's good to live with people from your 'new' country because you learn much more from them and they can explain to you things that they do, and can give you practical advice.
Hope this gives some ideas...

really i felt lonely when i was in Jeddah city, i did not find any thing to do after finishing my work at 5 PM i be alone untill midnight do nothing just chat on internet my be i find friends near me to meet ...............

it is so bad to be lonely in strange city without friends so i think our site solve this problem

i think practicing sports is one of the important thing that will solve part of this problem, also the internet to connet with your frineds, reading and learning the languge of the place you are

Hi egypt2000,

Your post has been merged with this discussion on Expatriate forum.

hello everyone.

i am 19 and i am currently a student studying in a uni in melbourne. i am a singaporean and i feel so lonely and bored here always. i feel like the australian locals are unfriendly and they don't really wanna talk to you when they know ur an international student. worse still, im taking a bachelor of arts and almost everyone in the arts faculty are locals and i dont really get a chance to meet international people.

i feel really sad because i am 19 and i should be living the life, goig to parties ad stuff and hanging out with friends. but sadly, i am not, i dont have any friends at all to hang out with and although i do go out myself to do shopping and stuff, sometimes i think you just need some company.

i do have a job tho but its making me tired and every night i come back i feel lonely and i feel like i have no life and at times like this, i really wonder if i will ever make any friends in melbourne as i have been here for 10 months and dont really have many friends.

If you are expat in Istanbul, you are never alone. Turkish people love to meet foreign people more than everything! If you are in Istanbul and still feel lonely, please contact me

i think human feel lonely even if he/she is in the home sometime...so it is normal to feel lonely abroad sometime as well...

iam not in istanbul...i missed it Nienna

so enjoy your time people, whish you the best all of you..

cheers,

The loneliness is overwhelming especially now that Christmas is coming.

Faruk wrote:

i thing u are not lonely if u are in https://www.expat.com


nice to be here...

I LIKE
Keep on visiting us regularly

he means think...so excuse him...

yea we r enjoying to be here as well...

Hi folks, I am moving to Guadalajara, Mexico on Jan. 15 and I am bringing my cat (thank you, God) and my fave Jane Austen novels.  I am also very social, but I could use some new pen friends!
I detest getting lonely, and I know I will go through it, but there is so much to do in GDL, so hopefully I will have the foresight to just go out and explore and smile and speak Spanish (yes, I've been studying for over a year, so I speak it (not fluent yet).  Also speak French.)
Good luck to you all!  And hang in there!  Reach out if you have the blues, to anyone who will smile back at you, and be there for other people.  It's the best way to get out of a rut, I find.
Bless you all!
Brenda from Wisconsin

Julien wrote:

Do you often feel lonely when you're abroad?

I personaly suffered on week ends while I was in the UK. Even if I had several friends, I often missed my family and friends (from home). So I walked, visited museum, went to concerts, worked more... What about you?

What are you doing when you feel lonely?

WHEN I FEEL LONELY I JUST HAVE A BOOK AND READ,,I NEVER GET BORED OF READING AND READING MORE,,THEN I MAKE SOME SPORTS LIKE RUNNING,,WALKING,,THAT IS ALL

That is the real love

toshko2000 wrote:

That is the real love

what is?

Hi Aly Sabry,

Could you please avoid using your caps lock on the forum. Thank you very much.

(Thank you for your contributions on this discussion)

Best regards,
Christine

Hi all,  I have just arrived in Nerja, souther Spain, where I am staying for three months over the winter to avoid the big freeze in the UK.  I am a business consultant and fortunately my employer allows me to work over the internet. I am very happy to meet people if they live in or are travelling to the area before the end of February, so please feel free to get in touch.  Can email / skype or meet as preferred.  Kind regards.

This is a fantastic topic guys and girls...i am a frequent traveller and its really boring at times when work is less...the best way is to make some freinds locally enjoy....i suppose this is the best way out..

thanks,

yogesh

It's normal to be lonely sometimes and the situation varies like different reasons make us really feel down. It's also another story  getting how lonely we can be.

The easiest thing I can do is just  reading some jokes or watching funny videos untill I cry laughing...who cares anyway, I'm all alone in my room so I don't need to worry bothering anyone...LOL!

And if it's just too much...I get a roll of tissue paper and cry hard hahahaha!...that assures me that I can get a good sleep after LOL!

I am so sorry that you feel that way about Vancouver, I lived there for quite a few years and can honstly say it truly lived up to it's reputation of being Canada's friendliest City !
BUT ! that was some years ago, and time and people can change things ! I'm glad I lived there when I did and have those beautiful memories to look back on !
I now live in a small City called "Belleville " The Friendly City in Ontario Canada ! I love it , when you ask for directions,people will not only give them to you but will actualy walk there with you to make sure you get there safely !!!!
It reminds me so much of my homeland Ireland . BUT, like every City on this planet you have to let it know you are there,you go to it's heartbeat, Library, Volunteer Groups, get the local newsletter and see what events are taking place and simply go there !

thnkfst wrote:

I found in Switzerland, I was always busy and never had trouble meeting people.  I met a few people from Yahoo groups and then from there it just sky rocketed.

In Canada, I find it much harder.  I find too many people here are so flakey and always go back on their word for meeting up.  I'd rather have one reliable friend than many flakey ones.  I'm not sure if this is just a Vancouver issue but people certainly have a fear of commitment here.

I've always enjoyed going out and exploring on my own.  Now that I'm really into photography, I never run out of things to keep me busy.

Hey Bruce, Sorry to hear that !   I just spent "Thanksgiving with a Filipino Family . OMG , the food , and conversation , then more food,then dancing, then more food !!!!
I swear i was made to eat in one night more than I would eat in a year ! But these wonderful people would not take NO for an answer.  However , before we started to eat, Reg, ( man of the house )said Grace and thanked us for being his guests and declared that English be spoken while we were there ! It was and is common curtesy ! Of course when in conversation some people did speak their own language, and as soon as I came into their company they switched to English, (perhaps you can ask your wife or TELL her this is the way you would prefer it be done ).
I had to ask them to continue speaking their language , I don't understand it but I love hearing it and they were so kind to appoint an interpreter for me while they carried on speaking. I laughed when they laughed , felt and showed surprise when they did.  I felt no language barrier at all. I would love to be capable of speaking more than one language, everyone should !

I have insisted that my children learn French, as in Canada we are a bilingual Country and as I am thinking of moving to Ecuador I am going to learn Spanish !
I feel to be able to speak more than one language is an asset not a liability !

The "BABY " of this huge family is called " Vanessa Q " a little Lady of 18years old, beauty beyond compare, and a  singing voice that can make you cry and make you feel so happy
You can find her Bruce on " U Tube" under Vanessa Q,, but she sounds so much better in person !
Some recording magnets from N.Y. are anxious to sign her up, but her Mom is holding back with good Filipino sensibility !!!!
I hope this letter or manuscript , LOL, I do tend to ramble , helps you !  Good luck !

jessbuds wrote:

DavaoBruce wrote:

I am a 55 year old American Expat in the Philippines. At times I miss good friends to get together with for a day or evening out. There are 2 expat groups here that have meetings and some social events. I do not know if it the age, that most are men, or that I do not cheat on my wife, even though there is great oppertunity here with all the younger women, but at times I feel lonely not being invited out and living in a house with my wife and 3 nieces where the only time english is spoken is when they talk to me.

Sorry to hear that Bruce i am a Filipino working in Saudi Arabia and to tell you that is one of our traits i guess. Good thing though i was able to work overseas where English is the medium of communication. Why dont you tell them to speak English at home in that case everybody can understand. I speak english at home infront of my nieces, nephews and brother because i have an aunt who live in america for 45 years and she can no longer speak our language fluently and every one speak her language instead so as not to isolate her. If i am in your neighborhood i am sure we can be good buddies.

Hey ! do what i am now doing now, and it is is by choice !

Ironic as it may sound , for once I want to truly feel what Christmas is all about ???

No presents, no commercial input, I have had all the shallow things that go with Christmas for years upon years. What you do after Christmas is more important !

lazyBarrientos wrote:

The loneliness is overwhelming especially now that Christmas is coming.

When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more attractive to other people. We have more to offer others because we are not constantly focused on our own image and reputation.
We become better friends because we don't cling. We are secure enough to spend time with a friend because we want to, not because we need to.

I like this topic too because from time to time I got to reflect on loneliness and my way of copping with it that changes while getting older.
I like chatting with people and exploring different cultures, languages and mindsets, that's the reason why I decided to live abroad a decade ago. At the same time I also enjoy being alone and if I don't have some free time on my own I begin to be quiet and absent(minded). So far, I managed to balance both aspects quite well and I seldom suffered from loneliness. However, things change now that I am over 30. I am very busy with my work and I enjoy going back home and doing some sports/exercise, reading and writing. Feeling of loneliness occurs when I visit my family and then I leave them. My life seems to be empty and meaningless until the routine resumes and I am back on my track. Sometimes I feel that the most painful is not loneliness when you know there are people who care for you, be they somewhere else or on your side. The most painful is being different from what you are supposed/expected to be in the society according to your age. Having a different lifestyle. The difference can make you feel lonely in your own homecountry. It depends whether your lifestyle results from your choice or not. Living abroad might just amplify any feelings/issues/differences. I made the decision to live abroad and I take it as a package with good and bad sides.

Wondergirl wrote:

We're lucky that we live in University housing for married students where we are so all our neighbours are about the same age and at the same point in life; they all want friends. When we were in Seattle though it was a very different story. Probably the loneliest 9 months of my life.

this is the same story allover again  i think the best solution is to keep busy

well when i get home sick i call up my family and friends and then watch some good movies and have a walk if all that is not helping...

ya abroad is abroad....difficult to live without some one's love and care..

Hi everyone,
I don't know if someone reading these lines will be able to help me and I am really lost and I could do with some help.
I have been in the UK for more than 3 years now.. I love it here and if asked this time last year I would have had no plan to leave.
Now reality strikes as for the past few months I have been feeling more lonely than I have ever been. I am, virtually, never bored. I have no problems to occupy myself, I have friends if I don't want to do things on my own... but for the past few months,  I have been feeling this deep hole in my heart that is simply getting bigger and bigger. No matter what I do, and no matter where I am, I always feel like something is missing, to the point it gets painful.
The friends I have here are great but they are not my friends or my family. I was so sad that a few weeks back I asked my boss to relocate back in France (I love my job and don't want to change), and they agreed. But now I feel this deep and painful sadness thinking I will leave this country I cherish so much. I know that here is where I want to be, but the idea of leaving depresses me, and the idea of staying is also unbearable. I have been unhappy for months now and I know I need to react and do something... the only thing is, I don't know what. If I leave it will be with the idea to come back in a couple of years.. but I don't know what a good solution it could be?
If anyone here has a piece of advice or experience to share, I would be immensely grateful as I am completely lost.
Thank you very very much.

hello Windsor,
its a bit peculiar that you find yourself in this situation however, i dont think you found yet good friends there.no wonder in england is very hard to find good friends, as life rythem is very fast. i have been living in dubai for the last couple of years.at first i felt that but now i have completely adjusted myself. write to me and hopefully we could figure out a soulution.adam

How have people found finding friends in Norway?

Hi aussie_norway,

I suggest you to post this question in the Norway forum.

Thank you,
Christine

I am an aussie, have been in in Lebanon for the past six months. Every now and then I feel the lonely bug, even though I am living with relatives it is not the same as your 'real' family and friends back home. Culture here is different and find it hard to even crack a joke because people don't get it lol. But for the most part it's hard to find genuine people here, someone without an alterior motive.

I try to watch movies or read books. Sites like this really help cause you can see that you really aren't alone in what you're experiencing. Joining a gym, or any form of exercise helps. Other than that just try to block out any lonely feelings.

I think I've just accepted that I'm alone and just move on.

honestipays wrote:

I just study to kill time.

Hi honestipays,

I am Chinese living abroad :-) What would you recommend to study to kill time? What do you study, if I may ask?