Friendships

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MarkinNam Serial expat

Member since 19 May 2013

MarkinNamSerial expat23 June 2022 14:54:27

980

What’s your opinion in this area, between Vietnamese and others ? What’s your perception of the depth and sincerity of those friendships ? Many have developed long lasting marriages among Vietnamese communities, what was the basis of those unions? What are the most common mistakes foreigners make when choosing to live in Vietnam? Thanks in advance. Mark

Mac68 Serial expat

Member since 29 August 2015

Mac68Serial expat27 June 2022 02:21:23

356

What’s your opinion in this area, between Vietnamese and others ? What’s your perception of the depth and sincerity of those friendships ? Many have developed long lasting marriages among Vietnamese communities, what was the basis of those unions? What are the most common mistakes foreigners make when choosing to live in Vietnam? Thanks in advance. Mark
- @MarkinNam

Whew,

Quite the question here, not unlike everywhere else I've traveled (but not settled) . My belief (s) are that of an intersection within two people. I keep looking back above to your question as I write.

" basis of a those unions? "

Time in life, each having (accepting responsibility), love and respect together.

Understanding is not enough to be within a culture that has developed over thousands of years, but acceptance too, as it stands based on this past, the present, and your own future within it.

" most common mistakes foreigners make"

Not processing and accepting living here, based on what I've attempted to answer above.

I think OB or someone said something about being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. We can bring our culture(s) with us, but to superimpose this is not to accept life here.

Not as simplistic as I've exposed, much more to tell within life.

Best I can do Mark.

Mac.

gobot ViP

Member since 17 January 2014

gobotViP11 July 2022 10:31:49

1430

A curious question. You have been in the forum a long time, wondering what initiated it. Guessing a bad outcome.

In California, my friends were almost all foreign born who arrived in the US as adults and settled permanently. My Vietnamese wife grew up in Saigon, poor, most of her life in one small house with her family.

I feel depth and sincerity in all those friendships on par with any Murican friends. Closer actually, my oldest buddies are on the east coast, more distant now.

The common thread in my friendships is level of intelligence, of education (broad exposure to knowledge), of rationality, of middle-classness. Actually my wife's miserable Vietnamese public education didn't teach her much about the world but she loves to learn, and went on to get advanced degrees.

Living in a hem in inner-city Saigon has opened my eyes to my limitation. Vietnamese generally are far more superstitious (as are Thai). Superstition and worship rituals are a big culture gap for me, sometimes quite annoying. The Vietnamese in my neighborhood are mostly poor, some very poor, many with little schooling, some slow. Even if I spoke their language, they are outside my common thread of economic/education/awareness level. My friendships would be limited. In this society they live with few options, no power to ask for more, no safety net. Difficult for me to relate to, I am limited.

Similarly, I would feel alienated if my neighbors were geniuses, criminals, millionaires, any others way outside my band of familiarity.

I don't know anyone who made mistakes by choosing Vietnam, but living in any foreign country is certainly not for everyone. You must be somebody who enjoys new experiences and problem solving, who is self-reliant and adaptable, and financially able.

[I got more out of collecting my thoughts than you will reading them!]

Lennerd Contributor

Member since 15 August 2015

LennerdContributor11 July 2022 14:36:32

189

@MarkinNam

Holy moly! Where to begin?

My mind goes to the questions, "What is home? What does it mean to belong, to be at home, and to be deeply connected to a person and to a family? What do the individuals in a relationship gain and what do they give to the relationship? What do I bring that is beneficial to the other person(s) in making them feel like they are at home and that they belong? What do I want (from them) and can they give me that?" I don't mean to indicate that relationships are like trading assets in a marketplace, or transactional. But to some extent, they are!

See attachment theory here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

Do I have the wherewithal to take care of myself? Does my partner have the necessary to take care of herself? Again, what do I bring and what does she bring to the partnership? Can I ask for what I want? Can I give the partner what she wants? It's all negotiable, after all.

I resist the temptation to go on anymore. . . .

Mac68 Serial expat

Member since 29 August 2015

Mac68Serial expat18 July 2022 20:07:34

356

So do I ,...but I didn't think,.....

But sleep is elusive tonite. SO, here I am. Re-read my previous post on this. I believe those that have pondered this ...including myself, are just ...............................................................................It's a touchy feely thing Mark.

I'll see if I can fall back to sleep now.

negotiables, negotiable, negotiably, .............negotiably? is that a word?

Mac

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