Adjusting to a new country, school, language, and culture and forming new friendships can be quite challenging for an expat child. Here are some practical tips to assist you, as an expatriate parent, in preparing your child for their integration into a new school abroad and monitoring their progress effectively.
Discuss the move with your child
While it's unlikely that your child initiated your project, involving them is crucial. Remember, your child isn't just an accessory to your plans but will be profoundly affected by the move. Children and teenagers need stability to thrive, and an unprepared move can be highly disruptive. Be transparent and proactive in discussing the changes with your child as they begin to understand and form their own perspectives. Be straightforward—yes, they will need to change schools. Frame the move not as an ending but as an exciting new beginning. Adapt your discussion to suit their age and temperament, ensuring they feel like they are part of the process rather than just a spectator.
Arrive well before the school year begins
Arriving just a day before school starts can be overwhelming. Factor in the complexities of moving abroad, and the stress levels can double. It's daunting for anyone to dive into a new environment straight off the plane, and it's even more challenging for young children who must begin a school year without any familiar bearings. Delays like administrative issues or visa complications sometimes contribute to this last-minute rush, intensifying the stress. Ideally, plan to arrive several weeks in advance. This will give your child ample time to explore their new neighborhood and familiarize themselves with their school. Remember, packing isn't just about the physical belongings—it also involves preparing emotionally for the move. Taking the time to adjust is crucial.
Tailor your child's introduction to their new school based on age and personality
To effectively manage your expat child's transition into a new school, actively involve them in the decision-making process. This can include choosing the type of school (international or local?) and exploring potential extracurricular activities. The degree of your child's involvement should be adjusted according to their age and individual nature. Generally, it's believed that very young children may not perceive much difference between schools in their home country and those abroad due to their limited memories and experiences. However, every child is unique, and their reactions can vary. Engaging in these preparations helps them feel more connected and in control of their new environment.
From primary school onwards, community life forms a significant part of a child's daily routine. They often spend more time at school than at home and can forge deep friendships with their classmates—a trend that can also be seen in kindergarten. As children grow older, they may increasingly find it difficult to detach from familiar settings. This attachment is a natural and necessary part of their development and should be respected. Involving them in preparations for the new school year and considering their opinions are essential ways to make them feel valued and included in the transition process.
Involve your child in the school choice
When choosing a school for an expat child, it's crucial to involve them in the decision-making process. Parents often grapple with the choice between local and international schools, each offering distinct advantages and challenges. Discuss these options with your child or teenager, adjusting their level of involvement according to their age. Consider their well-being, personality, and preferences. Reflect on their experiences in their home country: Do they thrive in larger groups, or are they more comfortable in smaller settings? How do they interact with their peers? Also, consider the dynamics of the prospective school: What are the average class sizes? Is the school environment multicultural?
Consider visiting the school before the school year starts—another reason to move early. Before your visit, gather visuals like photos of the school and inquire about how it supports expat kids. Does the school offer any special programs or assistance for them? Engaging your child in these discussions not only helps tailor their education to their needs but also makes them feel valued and respected in these significant life decisions.
Consider extracurricular activities
Extracurricular activities are essential when relocating to a new country, as they provide an excellent opportunity for your child to acclimate and form friendships. Reflect on any activities your child was engaged in before the move. Can these be continued in the new country? Explore what extracurricular options the future school provides. It's worth noting that some countries place a high emphasis on school sports, arts, and cultural activities. Discuss with your child whether they would prefer to continue with a familiar activity or if they are interested in exploring something new that the host country has to offer. This conversation not only helps to maintain continuity in their interests but also opens doors to new experiences and learning opportunities.
Learn how to handle your child's refusals
Your child doesn't want to move. Despite explaining the benefits of your new job and life abroad, relocating was not their choice. They resist enrolling in a new school and preparing for the new school year. Managing this period of opposition is challenging. Anticipate a potential “refusal period” early on. It is sometimes necessary for your child to go through this stage to progress. Acknowledge the significance of this “refusal time.” Remember that, unlike you, your child might feel they are being forced into moving to a new country. What you present as positive might be perceived as negative by them. You speak enthusiastically about the new school; they reminisce about their old one with nostalgia.
These reactions are more common in teenagers. Learn to accept their reasons, which are often valid: they are committed to an activity they love (sports, music, drawing, etc.), reluctant to leave their club or school, unwilling to move mid-year, afraid of losing familiar surroundings. Your child or teenager is moving abroad but isn't disconnected from their previous world. If they are familiar with social media, they can see how their friends continue their lives without them. They don't envision the upcoming school year abroad but dwell on the one they would have spent with their friends at home. There's no simple solution to persuade your child to join you, which is why involving them from the beginning of the expatriation project is crucial.
Stop assuming that children “always” make friends “very easily”
To avoid pressurizing your child unnecessarily by telling them that they will “easily” make friends abroad. Many expat and local parents tend to believe that they are reassuring their child by saying this. In reality, it can have the opposite effect. While a child who naturally socializes might see this as an exciting challenge (though moving abroad could still initially increase their apprehension), a child who struggles with social interactions might view it as a daunting demand. If they can't make friends “easily,” they might feel there's a significant problem.
Making friends can be challenging, even for children. Indeed, toddlers might manage to connect despite language barriers, but as children grow, develop their personalities, and become more aware of their surroundings, inhibitions can develop early. It's crucial to acknowledge these potential difficulties. Rather than downplaying the challenges, set a positive example. Avoid isolating them with your friends' children while socializing separately. Engage with your child about their feelings, share your own experiences of making friends, and discuss strategies together. Turn the challenge into a cooperative and enjoyable activity. This approach not only helps alleviate pressure but also strengthens your bond and allows you to witness their initial adjustments in the new environment.
Prepare for the transition from the old to the new school
Don't abruptly introduce your child to their new school environment as if it were a sudden drop. Start preparations early with the current school. Arrange meetings with teachers in your home country, involving your child in these discussions. Consider whether your child might want to speak with their teachers privately; they could offer valuable insights. Have any of their students moved abroad before? Are there expatriate children currently at the school? Also, try to connect with foreign parents in your area to gain from their experiences. Lay the groundwork with the overseas school and ensure that it aware of and sensitive to your child's specific circumstances. Don't hesitate to inquire about policies, such as those against bullying. The goal isn't to cause alarm but to collect as much relevant information as possible to facilitate a smooth transition.
Monitoring your child's progress in the new school
Tracking your child's progress can be challenging if you are unfamiliar with your new country's school system. Understanding this system involves more than just technical details like enrollment procedures and school schedules; it also includes cultural nuances such as the child's role in society and the relationship between parents and the national education system. These aspects will become clearer as you adapt to your new daily life.
The registration process varies by country. Typically, you will need to provide your child's previous school records. Additionally, proof of language proficiency and certified translations of official documents may be required. For guidance, reach out to your embassy or consulate. Some countries, such as Canada, offer specific services for young newcomers.
Understanding the new school system is essential. Before relocating, gather as much information as possible to adequately prepare your child. A lack of knowledge about the local education system can make it difficult for you to reassure your child. Engage with relevant associations. In the USA, for instance, USAHello assists immigrant families with integration. Fluent communication in the host country's language significantly aids in keeping track of your child's educational progress. If you are not proficient, consider learning the basics before departing, and keep improving after arrival. Engage actively with the school staff, openly discuss any challenges you face, and ensure you leave no questions unanswered.
Ensure your child is present for the official start of the school year
You might have seen it depicted in movies or TV shows: a child arrives at their new school mid-year and awkwardly introduces themselves in front of a class that scrutinizes them closely. This scenario is not just fictional—it reflects real challenges, as ideally timing a move isn't always possible, whether within the same country or internationally. However, try to ensure your child can start at the beginning of the new school year. Starting later can be tricky since friendships and routines are already established, making it harder for your child to integrate into the class group. This challenge is more significant abroad due to cultural differences and potential language barriers. Remember, school start dates vary by country—some begin in September, others in October, and some even in April. Do everything possible to ensure your child is there on the first day. If arriving on time isn't feasible, coordinate with the school to support your child during their initial days as a new student.
Don't be too demanding at the start of your expat child's schooling
If your child's grades have dropped significantly since moving—say, from a 16 to an 11—resist any impulse to react with dismay or frustration. Understand that your child isn't being deliberately difficult or lazy; they are simply adjusting, and it's a challenging process. Some parents expect their child to adapt within just a month, but keep in mind that every child adjusts at their own pace. Be patient and understanding during the early stages of your child's schooling abroad. Remember, moving countries is a major disruption even for adults, so it can be even more daunting for a child.
Take time to listen and observe. Engage in conversations about their school day. Are they struggling with academic work, friendships, or relationships with teachers? Monitor any subtle changes in behavior or attitude. If difficulties persist, collaboratively seek solutions. Additionally, learning the language and exploring the new country's culture together before you leave can significantly ease the transition. Being proficient in the local language is crucial for successful integration and will help your child feel more secure and confident in their new educational environment.
