Fred in Jakarta: "I like the people here, especially their relaxed attitude"

Can you introduce yourself to our members?

My name isn't Fred, and I'm from England. I worked as a sound engineer, stage manager and DJ. The latter being terrific fun, thus keeping off social security benefits and being able to afford the excellent Indian food we get in the UK. A few friends suggested Malaysia for a holiday destination so, I removed my brain any slight bits of common sense I possessed, and went for a long holiday, a month.
It was fantastic so, the moment I got back to the UK, I went directly to the Malaysia airlines office and asked when I could book my next fight for the following year. Seriously, it's a great country - I love the place. The second extremely long holiday, two months this time, saw me meet a really cute lady who turned out to be from Indonesia. A year later, we got married. That was an interesting start to my third two month holiday.

What has attracted you to Jakarta?

My wife ordered me to live with her because she was bored with the village. She said, upon my question, "Would you like to live in England?", "Too cold", not even a full sentence, but I knew she was right so, without any plans at all, I moved to Indonesia. I tried a small town first, Purwokerto in Central Java, but that didn't cut it, so we moved here.
No job, but a few quid in spare cash, so I was pretty much okay. I still have a little cash from England; not enough to give me a glamorous lifestyle, but it keeps me in pizzas. My pension, that would leave me choosing food or another lump of coal on the fire in the UK, will keep me happily here. I don't mind too much as there are great technology shops here, so I can buy really nice cameras. I fancy a gopro next - the quadcoptor would be a serious bonus.

What were the procedures to follow to move there?

Unlike intelligent people who plan massive life changes, I had no clue about much until I arrived in Indonesia. The immigration of the time was massively corrupt (they've cleaned that up now), so I got seriously ripped off on the visa. Realizing there were some dodgy dealings going on, I recorded the corrupt officer, using the tape at a later date to sort out further problems. That shocked the hell out of him, but put me into a very nice position. Turns out I need a wife sponsored KITAS (Immigration document), but not much more that really mattered.

How long have you been in the country?

I've been here for seven years now, married to a wonderful lady (who nags me a lot and husband beats me), and we have two children now. I'm giving serious thought to becoming an Indonesian citizen - remaining British seems to be about the same as sleeping with a lovely lady, but refusing to marry her.

Was it difficult to find accommodation there?

It's really easy to find rental places in Indonesia. If you're in the heart of a city, the rents are crazy, far less so in the satellite towns, but next to nothing in small towns and villages. In this town, south of Tangerang, rents vary from Rp100 million, but down to as low as 15 million, but in an older estate. With the exchange rate at about Rp12,000/$ US, that's cheap.
Houses, flats, condos, apartments (big flats) and shacks are all available to rent, but you can't buy unless you have a "prenup", stating you own no land, and the title is wholly your wife's (husband's). You can own the house, but not the land, so you can buy a flat without a "prenup" as no land is in the deal.

How do you find the Indonesian lifestyle?

Relaxed. People here are less than likely to have a stress related heart attack, more likely to get diabetes because of all the sugar they drink/eat/ingest/live on, or use an IV drip to get enough of the stuff.

Have you been able to adapt yourself to the country and to its society?

Easily. I like the people here, especially their relaxed attitude, and the food is ball bouncingly great; the spicy stuff being my favorite. One thing I did have problems with was the days. I went to live in Central Java, where the traditional, and still commonly used, calendar has only five days in a week. You learn the market is open every wagi, but wagi comes every five days, not seven. Once you have that minor detail, you can get on with going on the correct days.

What does your every day life look like?

About the same as in the UK, but without the winter and the TV license Gestapo hammering at the door, trying to prove you have a TV you don't have, even though you've already cut the aerial cable. My excellent command of old Anglo Saxon English was really useful with that lot. One thing I didn't realize I'd miss was the junkies - there are very few here, but my old home town was infested with them - the difference is amazing.

What has surprised you the most at your arrival?

Squat toilets. One of the most important things a new traveler to Asia has to consider is having a poo. This essential element of any holiday is so often ignored by the major travel writers. This is a sad omission I will correct now. The most awkward thing a new visitor has to contend with is the squat bog. In a petrol station toilet, for example, you don't sit down at all. To use one, I find it best to completely remove your trousers and underwear before squatting down and pooing your funky stuff.
New visitors to Asia often find a greater need for being close to a toilet after eating spicy food. Because you will have to remove your trousers, it's better not to leave things until the last moment. The laundry services may not be keen on serving you if you leave things late. These squat toilets sometimes have an arse hose to clean the clingy bits of crap away but most just have a container of water and a scoop. The idea is you splash water on your arse and use your left hand to scrape away any loose offerings.
Many westerners find this a bit off putting so I usually suggest having a pack of soft table napkins with you at all times. These napkins are also handy when eating with your hands as the restaurants usually provide just a few very thin tissues and double up very nicely as arse wipes. It is not advisable to but really rough, very cheap or thin ones. Public toilets rarely have soap to wash your hands so it's a good idea to have some in your day bag. I usually pinch the small ones from hotel bathrooms.
Almost all expensive hotels have sit down toilets but cheaper hotels and toilet umen (Public toilets) are squats. Newer shopping centers usually have some of both but older places, usually just squats. The best and cleanest public toilets are in Pertamina petrol stations but many other ones are quite good. Finally it's worth noting that, unlike in the west, many restaurants don't have toilets. If you think you may need an evacuation, best to go before you eat.
It's very common for western travelers to get themselves invited into homes out here especially if you wander away from tourist traps. A typical Indonesian home or cheap hotel bathroom will be equipped with a squat bog and a large, square water holder. I have heard of westerners trying to take a bath inside the container. The idea is you use the scoop to pour cold water on yourself. Don't worry about getting the bathroom wet, it's a wet room so no problem. With that, I hope this will help you when you first come across an Asian toilet and bathroom.

Any particular experience you would like to share with us?

My first earthquake was an interesting affair. One, regardless of how many youtube videos you watch, or accounts you listen to, is ill prepared for your first real experience. It's very much like that first kiss behind the bike sheds, but much more shaking is involved. Actually, it would be more like when I joined the mile high club in 2006: lots of shaking then.
I was quite lucky in some ways as I was sat down at the time so, given I was on the toilet, my underwear was saved from requiring a major washing, and the maid was saved an especially nasty job. Ironically, the mile high club membership was also conducted in a toilet - funny old world. I keep note of earthquake reports from the USGS so, when I got the email, I reported my observations, noting my underwear's lucky escape. Oddly, they didn't reply.

What is your opinion on the cost of living in Jakarta? Is it easy for a British expat to live in the country?

Costs can be next to nothing, or really expensive, depending on what you want. I know of many expats that moan about the extreme cost of living here, but I can manage on a few hundred dollars per month, and still not have to watch my spending. I do pretty much as I like, but I don't have expensive tastes (except the technology), don't drink, and don't go clubbing. It's very easy to keep the spending down, but still live in a secured estate with a swimming pool. Yes, I'm really boring.

How do you spend your leisure time there?

Most of my spare time, the bits that don't involve taking my wife shopping and my elder kid swimming, is taken up messing about with my camera, trying to show a little of real life in Indonesia.

What are the differences between life in Indonesia and in the UK?

The better question would be, "what's the same?", The answer being, "not a lot".

Would like to give any advice to future expatriates?

Pack an open mind, and leave any bigotry and pre-conceived ideas at home.

What are your plans for the future?

My plans for the future are simple enough. Assuming the political situation remains stable, grow old disgracefully, die here, and sit in the ground until some future archeologist digs me up and wonders why my DNA is so different from all the other skeletons. I want to confuse the hell out of very clever people long after I'm dead. I want, "Highway to hell" played at my funeral, at a volume that will wake up all the other stiffs in the graveyard.