Nobody wants to be divorced. But after many conflicts and unbearable misunderstandings, it is better to separate. If you have made up your mind, there has to be a good reason for it, and therefore you, as an expat, should know your options in order to organise properly and overcome this unpleasant moment.
Be fast to get the information you need because otherwise, your partner will.
Divorces are complicated, some are friendly, and some transform someone who has been a friend for many years into a foe. Divorce is a battle of rights, and it is better for you, if possible, to be in the driver's seat. If you have taken that decision, plan in advance when it would be the best time to start talking about the separation. It is always better to plan it first and then to act. Do not make rushed and emotional decisions that might leave you without documents, information and a lack of perspective. Divorces are complex, and you will have to be strong in order to maintain and defend your rights.
Plan where is the best place for you to get divorced.
Being foreigners, you have various countries as an option, and it is important to check their laws in order to evaluate the cost, the speed of the procedure, and the division of assets. The main rule is that you can get divorced in a country in which:
- You and/or your partner currently live
- You and your partner have lived recently
- You have been staying for more than six months
- You are a national to
In case you and your spouse don't agree on a location, the common European rules proceed with the divorce in:
- The country in which both of you live
- The last country you lived together one year before the court date
- The country of your nationality
You will probably have to follow the local divorce laws. In some cases, however, the laws applied can be the ones from the country of your residence. Additionally, you and your partner may decide to do it in the country you got married in, given that in that country, at least one of you has a residence.
Moving to another country with your kids can be a difficult option.
Before the divorce or in the case of shared custody, you are not allowed to make this decision by yourself. You will need written consent from the other parent to move them, and this might be difficult to get. Often the question arises of whether it is a good idea to move the children far away from the parent. The court will consider this, and in some cases in which they would have better living conditions and care than in the country you are resident now, it may be ruled in favour of moving.
Prioritise what is best for your children
No matter how difficult the breakup is, the well-being of the children is a priority. So both you and your spouse will have to evaluate which place is good for your children to live in so that they can regularly have contact with both of their parents, as well as with their circle of friends. Rushing to move to a different neighbourhood, city, or even a country can be stressful for them, so it is best to take things slowly. Likewise, being alone and living as an expat can be stressful, but that stress must not be transferred to your children.
When you have a common settlement
While in amicable divorces, things may seem easy, you need to check the laws in the country that you live in. Some countries like Germany divide the assets that have been acquired during the time of the marriage. All the other possessions remain separate. However, if some of the belongings have increased in value during the marriage, there is a possibility of dividing the assets. None of the partners is automatically entitled to spousal maintenance, however in some specific cases like child care, being unable to earn a living, or job loss, it can be ruled in favour of that spouse, usually for a limited time.
Separation without being married
You may have been living together for many years and have children, but the option of marriage was not for you. Even in this scenario, the separation is not easy. As a matter of fact, many countries consider cohabitation for many years a marriage. You may avoid the traditional judiciary process but nevertheless be concerned with two important points of interest: child custody and property division. The division on assets will depend primarily on who first acquired and paid for them, but even in this scenario, both partners may get half of the property acquired during the cohabitation. Child custody is treated similarly to divorce settlements. While you may prefer an informal agreement, sometimes it is better to do it in writing due to possible future misunderstandings.
Things will be easier if you have a backup plan in your home country
Having a savings account or a place to go back to can be very helpful in case things don't go as planned. Never forget about the things you have in your home country, and be careful not to gamble with all the options, like selling all of your assets. You never know when something might come in handy, and with a backup option, you will always make smarter choices.
Do not forget about your valuable friends and connections.
When things go wrong, the natural reaction is to distance from people. However, friends in need are friends indeed, and in these situations, you will recognise them. Therefore, do not neglect your friendships even when everything goes smooth in your marriage because you never know when you might need them.
Ask for a local help.
Many organisations may offer support even when you are divorcing in the land of your spouse. So do your research and don't give up prematurely on any possibility of help. There are many associations that may lead you through your processes or even people who have been through your experience to guide you.
Get an international divorce lawyer who knows all the variations between the law.
Getting a regular lawyer is good, but getting an experienced lawyer in international politics can change everything in your case. Divorce is a moment that will decide your future, and for your delicate situation of moving around the world, you will need a competent person to rely on.
It may last longer than you thought it would
Some countries ask for a year of living separately to begin the divorce procedure. This can even mean living in the same house, as long as both you and your partner testify that you don't share activities together or share a room. Additionally, when there are discords or problems regarding children alimony, the process may prolong up to last several years.
Your residence in the country may depend on the marriage.
Your residence may be related to the citizenship or the permit of your spouse. If married to a European citizen (and you are staying in Europe), you will need at least three years of marriage in order to be granted one year of stay after the divorce, which you can subsequently prolong yours on work or study basis. If you were married to a US citizen for more than two years and have a 10-year Green Card residence, you will most likely be unaffected by the divorce. However, you might have to provide evidence for the authenticity of the marriage. Similarly, in Singapore, if you have a permanent residence, your stay will not be affected, while if you have a temporary permit conditioned by your marriage status, you might have to change the residence to a work permit to be able to stay in the country. If you have children, the rules that apply may be different, and you can always switch your residence permit to be connected to your children's citizenship or residence.
Divorces are sometimes stepping stones in life when a relationship hasn't been going well. They are scary scenarios that can open your eyes and help you be yourself, no matter how scary the world looks. Be brave and yourself, and you might be surprised how much you will enjoy your newfound freedom, even as an expat.
