What kills first?Loneliness or Uncertainty??

Hey Hazzle,

I understand what you are going thru. I can say we both are on different edges of the same boat. No matter how many relationships one has, the first feeling of neglect and then later uncertainty hits us badly. Loneliness is reality, something that is faster than our comprehension that makes everything around us slow. Sadly I felt lonely even she was right next to me. Not surprising I guess.

Hey Hazzle and Joe,

You guys just got another passanger in the same boat. I feel the loneliness and uncertainty strike me over and over every single day. The one I love now live so far away from me and it is even hard to find a way to meet up. Haven't met up for three years. He's still with me every single night, through phone or internet, when i see the future I am right there where he is, but it's getting blurry everyday yet this feeling keeps getting strong every time. This loneliness is killing me, I've tried to burry him and found someone new, but i always failed. Yet, uncertainty is killing me even more quickly. It's not only going to kill my soul, but also my future, if it's not going to end soon. Cause in uncertainty we keep hoping, hwen hope begins to grow bigger and bigger, it'll kill us..

i will tell u this much hazzle; whether uncertainty or loneliness, the end result with u is the same. u feel heartbroken. matters of the heart are rarely black or white, find comfort in the fact that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

no one can deny u ur pain; its in our nature to be affected in such a way, we are flawed, i cannot tell u to just forget and move on, for we are not made that way.

all i can say is that, sometime down the line, whether its a week, a month, a year, 2 or 3, (in my case it was 5) u will find someone who truly completes ur lif ein such a way that ur previous beau will be nothing but a skidmark along the road to ur destiny.

just have faith

Both

Uncertainty, if seriously affected, may lead to loneliness (withdrawal from others, fear etc). Both

Hazzle11 & Bella Syam,

(H)Loneliness is actually a state of mind (perception of being alone even though you may be surrounded by people)it causes people to feel empty, alone, and being unwanted. In this state of mind it is difficult to form connections with other people which are desperately needed in this emotional state. Loneliness can also lead to uncertainty which increases your stress levels. Also, other negative symptoms are sleep deprivation, depression, high blood pressure, poor decision making...etc. Yes, loneliness can have a detrimental effect to the quality of your life now and the longevity later. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to others to express your feelings and finding out that you are not alone. Other people are experiencing the same situation as you are and can show empthy towards you.
(BS)It is important to understand that three things are necessary for a happy and stable long distance relationship;
1) Personal independance and growth
2) Mutual commitment
3) Great communication
Do not put your life on hold-do things that you like to do and pursue interests that you have always wanted to develop. The more you isolate yourself, the more your insecurities will rise about the other persons feelings for you. I'm not saying that your relationship is not a good one because it may be great, but human beings are very social and we need to be touched, held, and caressed by others. Three years is a long time, behavioral studies have shown that "behavior is reinforced by it's consequences". Just remember that if there is mutual WILL, by both parties love will find a way! I wish you both the happiness and inner peace that you both seek...Robert

Uncertainty eventually leads to loneliness...
and eventually kills...

girl you need to have some fun
dont stay alone and think
thats no good

I totally agree with bonita......u need sumthing to cheer up hazzle....

The not knowing is hard: why did he/she go? was it something I did/said? I had something like that happen to me a couple years ago, where I was involved with someone living abroad and when I left to go back home, I thought all was well but the person just never got in touch. I was heartbroken and confused. I was sick from love for a long while.I kept sending messages asking to get in touch , but the person never did explain what went suddenly wrong. It too years to get over that uncertainty.

Lost my partner back in 2007 and it was like an amputation. She was killed and it took several days to even accept what had happened.

'Love is about needing and being needed*'. To lose someone is to be no longer needed by that person which 'need' validates you as a person.

It was a long time before I stopped myself from saying 'Amy would like that' when I walked past a shop with stuff she liked. It was an age before I got out of the habit of taking two cups for coffee and getting used to drinking it alone. It wasn't about the coffee, it was about spending a few quiet moments with someone that made no secret of the fact she loved me.

The loneliness didn't start for a while though. I didn't lose that feeling of being loved until the reality of her irreversible absence truly kicked in. I was no longer loved, I was no longer needed.

Loneliness came when I accepted fully that there was no coming back, no comfort in the things she left, the photographs or the videos. (We had traveled a lot)

Loneliness is not being a part of anything. Being in an exclusive club but never a member. It truly is about needing and being needed.

When that person is gone, even the things you were previously passionate about (and likely did alone) become pointless, too much effort. There is a big 'what's the point?' for everything.

Getting over it is possible though and that fact is probably the most difficult to accept. That reaching out to someone else is somehow an act of unfaithfulness. I actually felt guilty playing piano alone and enjoying it. (We did duets together)

But the fact is that I would have wanted her to be happy if I had been the one to die. I would have wanted her to reach out and find fulfillment.

Four years on and I'm still alone. Starting to feel comfortable in myself. It takes time, its a long trip but its worth it.

I Dont think either will kill you it might make you kill yourself if you let it rule your life.I have always delt with this kind of thing by finding someone else to occupy my mind even if they are only a friend. 
                                       
                                 
                             David1946