Your neighbours in Malaysia

Im from US and always lived among locals. In Penang, i lived in a house in a solid chinese area. The day I moved in, everyone came out of their houses in disbelief I chose that place and the feeling was really weird. They were all gawking. Over the next month I made a point to introduce myself around the neighborhood. Half the people refused to engage me at all but the other half did and I made friends. Holidays came, or whenever I felt like it, and I brought them food treats as peace offerings and friendly gestures. When I got in a bind and needed a ride, they would help and I did the same, even repairing their cars. We'd sit and chat, Id watch their kids, even offer to pick up things at the market for them; they helped me with my garden and when the beautiful flowers bloomed, they would walk by and stop and look admiringly for a long time. They would tell me stories and their gripes; i would ask advice how to solve a problem. When I walked down the street the morning on my way to breakfast, I would greet them with Good Morning and a smile.

In general, malaysians are unhappy with their govt, instead heavily relying on each other to get through. So jump in and be that helpful person. When I first moved to a new neighborhood, very few would give me the time of day, even disliking me. But later, being an honest friend, they all called me Brother and I took pride in that. Respect their ways and their holidays. Come Chinese New Year, bring them oranges and pineapples and durians; bring rice and other foods to mosques at Ramadan; come Deepavali, engage Indians about their history and traditions.

There is a point which I've made many times on this forum. Malaysians of all colors are crazy to be your friend if you are never arrogant, never look down on them and most of all, show patience to get to know them one by one over time. I learned how to act and today, you can stick me in any neighborhood in the country and everything will come out alright. The effort you put in will come back to you tenfold.

I used to live in condos in Kuala Lumpur which had a mixture of locals, western expats and Asian expats or foreign workers. In one condo, the neighbour next door was a local piano teacher who had a baby grand and often left her front door wide open while giving piano lessons. The piano was located near her front door so we got loud piano lesson music quite often which disturbed us. To cut the story short, things got bad, but as I was on the owners committee she ended up fighting against the committee and she lost, incuding her putting up a cctv camera in the lift lobby which she refused to remove and which was eventually removed by the committee.

At another condo, this rich European guy who was the MD of the local office of a big pharmaceutical company and who was also on the condo's owner's committee and owned a massive penthouse with gardens and swimming pool on the roof decided that he wanted to discourage less families from moving into the condo and more single working professionals. He tried to woo my wife and me to his way of thinking with an evening of fondue which didn't work and we basically ended up at odds with each other. I sold my apartments at this place soon afterwards as things got intense.

At another condo in the centre of the city, more of a lower end condo, we occasionally had suicides and occasional murders, but also a lot of foreign workers living in apartments, sometimes 12 or more Asian restaurant workers living in a two bedroom apartment and there were girls of disrepute living there too. They'd sometimes trash their apartments, their local bosses would fail to pay the rent, and there would be frequent robberies. There was even a gangster who lived in the apartment directly above me. An American tenant decided to stop paying rent to his landlord, and filed police reports for harassment whenever the landlord knocked on the front door. It took around 8 months to sue and get the tenant out. I had a similar situation with my sister's apartment but used different means to make them pay the rent.

In summary, I lived in several condos while in KL and even though I was always on the owners committees, even Chairman or Vice Chairman, there were always issues between residents, both local and foreign and sometimes extreme situations arose. Later I moved to Indonesia and only bought landed properties as I was done with condo living. I'll also never serve on an owners committee again as it was like unpaid work and too stressful.

I've lived in the same Chinese (Sino-Kadazan) community for twenty years having been married to one for 25-years. I always interface with my neighbour's and family members for functions and holidays. I'm considered an odd-ball with my American ways, but that doesn't stop me. I set with them and speak in Malay(BM) as this has surprised some, because I can't speak a word of Kadazan. I'd say take time to learn some of the local lingo so you can at least great them in their own language. Personally my western tough makes it hard for me to retrain myself, but I am trying. Never give up cos you weren't born there. The locals appreciate you trying to learn, and often make fun of your arrogance.  I know enough now to avoid those whom dislike foreigners particularly at funerals when moods are the worst.  You're showing sympathy to their problems goes along way in making friends. I once brought an expensive bottle of scotch to a funeral cos I knew the 3-bothers would be there. At first the mood was very somber, but when I produce the drink the mood changed very fast. I simple said this is to ease your pain. This community is mostly Christian, but we have Muslim and Buddhist living here also. I learned to never offer a Muslim alcohol  beverages or pork, as they live on the wagon in western terms.

THANKS.  Currently, I am ready to come there.  As I hold a Beninese passport, I don't have to get the visa, I pay for my ticket, then I take the flight.  Biggest problem, hey don't have anyone there to accommodate me.  How can you help me with this?

Well, I'd love to let you stay with us with my family at no cost at all, in fact my wife made a new Nigerian friend a week ago while she was in South Korea and that Nigerian woman is an influencer. However, we have already moved away from Malaysia to Indonesia so we won't be able to help you.

Thank you for your concern

Living in Malaysia is a mixed bunch ..I would say more of bad than good, generally I would say it depends on individual personalities.

Generally they are conservative people and a little shy or reserved.

Learnt some really bitter lessons during my stay there:

1.Whatever you do don't make any physical contact with a female even if she's your close friend, don't even try touch her hand..it is seen as sexual harassment because majority are Muslims.

2.Take friendships with indigenes really slow and steady,they get uncomfortable when you so friendly over a short period of time.

3.Most indigenes are not bold enough to walk up to you and tell you they are offended with something you have done whether it's unintentionally,watch their body language once they start pulling away from you don't try to resolve things,just let them be and go away otherwise you could be accused of harassment.Also when taking pictures or selfies avoid mistakenly capturing indigenes in your video or picture without their consent,this could lead to serious issues.

4.Am not trying to speak negativity but try not to trust people too easily,most indigenes may not like you just because you are foreigner especially in a workplace environment,try to refrain from making yourself vulnerable.

5.Most indigenes don't really care about you or your well being if you are not bringing profit or Money to them in any way.

6.Communial living is non existent especially in places like KL..a next door neighbor doesn't really care if they haven't seen you in Months..

7.Finally, learn to mind your business, don't solicit, involve uninvited in discussions or divulge Information that is not required from me and keep a really low profile especially at work cos many indigenes are silently mad that foreigners come and take over jobs in their country.

I do have some good experiences though

1.People willing to help out financial to pay up at restaurants when you are short of cash.

2.People help direct you to your destination if they see you are not conversant with h the area.

3.Some neighbors share food on their festive days.

    Living in Malaysia is a mixed bunch