Coping with loss in Hungary

I would think there are different processes depending on if the deceased were a HU citizen or not.

I know if there is no will and the deceased is married with children.

Half goes to the living spouse and the other half of any assets is shared between any children.

Only way around it is to have either a will drawn up or a simple legal contract that was signed by a notary.

When my MIL passes she had a contract with us and her daughter. She wrote out one son, it was simple to have the contract drawn up before her death.

No lawyer was needed , a notary in Hungary can do it. They have allot more legal clout here then a normal notary does in the US.

Of course she was a HU citizen. She had my husband down as her beneficiary at her bank and he was able to to just withdraw any saving she left him.

During Covid however, a friend from the US experienced a nightmare here when her American father died in hospital.

She still has no idea what happened to his remains.

She has an argument with his attending doctor and she thinks he did things to mess it up .

My husband tired to help by making phone calls for her to the hospital he died in and also left our number with pathology. No one ever contacted us to help her with claiming his body.

We even went to a cremation office to find out if they could step in and help.

They wanted nothing to do with a complicated case with a US citizen involved.

We did find out how much a cremation costs here. Prices may of gone up but 4 years ago it was 100,000 forints. Rather a bargain...

She contacted the US embassy for help but they also were not helpful at all. They only gave her a list of lawyers to contact.

The US military also was of no aid, he relation had been in the retired from the US military.

She was sent a bill for her relations few days in hospital as the insurance they purchased in HU did not cover it.

She was sent a bill a few months later for his cold storage fees.

It is a touchy subject and I let it drop without asking more details.

\I hope this is just a rare off case.

I am afriad the remains are being used in a medical school by now.

A bit more info, may help or not to know.

As the legal spouse of a Hungarian citizen, you have the same status with immigration as if they were still living.

You will always be the spouse of the deceased unless you had divorced before their death.

They can not force you to leave unless you no longer can do the legal requirements  such as have income from the deceased.

If you can supply your own source of income then no problem with that income requirement.

You also have the right to stay in your property until your death in the case of family wanting to force you to move to claim their share if no will was made up.

They can however legally sell off or rent out their half of the property.

It is suppose to go down more easily then what happened to my friend.

She made an enemy of the staff while her relation was in hospital.

Had screaming fits and was once removed by security.

I understand her though, no one spoke English and she was upset and confused.

It was during covid and everyone was nuts as it was.

The doctors staff must of called her but she was too upset to answer any calls for days.

It might of been partly her fault that she never got a death certificate or the remains.

They are suppose to handle the death certificate so you can make arragements for a funeral.

On that note, she was asked once if she wanted a church funeral, she told them no and then it got more complicated.

Makes me wonder if the church has a hand in these procedures?

The list of lawyers she got from the US embassy cost at the time $100. per hour.

Sharks smelling the chum.

......We did find out how much a cremation costs here. Prices may of gone up but 4 years ago it was 100,000 forints. Rather a bargain...She contacted the US embassy for help but they also were not helpful at all. They only gave her a list of lawyers to contact.The US military also was of no aid, he relation had been in the retired from the US military.She was sent a bill for her relations few days in hospital as the insurance they purchased in HU did not cover it.She was sent a bill a few months later for his cold storage fees.It is a touchy subject and I let it drop without asking more details.\I hope this is just a rare off case.I am afriad the remains are being used in a medical school by now.        -@Marilyn Tassy

People can be very odd here.

Mrs F's cousin's long term partner/wife (like 20 years) died within a few days of being diagnosed with a serious disease.    She had no relations to speak of.

The hubby had her cremated fast (days after her passing and presumably for the 100K HUF) and the ashes he kept at home in an urn, perhaps on the dining table.  About 6 months later, on his own, he emptied the ashes into the Danube from one of the bridges.  Apparently you can do that.   There's no memorial, no headstone, no religious services.

Now, maybe 2-3 years later, he has a new GF.  It's almost as though the previous partner never existed.

On the other hand, our neighbors mom died a good 5 or 6 years ago.

She has flowers sent to the grave every week.

She often takes the train to visit the grave, about a 3 hour one way trip.

She had a huge memorial built with a place to sit and visit the grave.

Sharing the Danube with ashes, sounds like the Ganges!

I guess the river is polluted after all...

    On the other hand, our neighbors mom died a good 5 or 6 years ago.She has flowers sent to the grave every week.She often takes the train to visit the grave, about a 3 hour one way trip.She had a huge memorial built with a place to sit and visit the grave.Sharing the Danube with ashes, sounds like the Ganges!I guess the river is polluted after all...        -@Marilyn Tassy

I dunno, ashes probably just basic and ordinary materials.  Probably a lot worse in the Duna like oil, cars and bicycles.   Burying is just the same really as everything has to leech into the ground to be recycled into compost. Or something.  I don't think they bury anyone with their shoes on as they can have plenty of plastic in them. 

I am not sure what my Dad was wearing, maybe nothing or a light shroud.  I think my FIL had a suit on.   I suppose he or they (the family) thought looking his "best" would make him more acceptable at the Pearly Gates. Unless he took the elevator down.  My FIL already has a stone and little garden plus a bench to sit at. 

My own father (and my Mum's ashes) has a pile of earth with a small metal plaque on a wooden spike.   Have to wait for the ground to settle before they'll get a proper stone.  Last time I was there (early April), I suggested someone else (from the family) take 2 bags of compost and a couple of packets of wild flowers to sow on top.  The ground is very rubbish there.  I don't have any gardening tools in the UK so it'd be a bit difficult.  I doubt anyone else did it as there would be photos on social media.   I might do it next time I go to look at him - if my back holds up carrying bags of compost up a long slope to the grave. 

I always though having ones ashes tossed off the cliffs on Maui near the 7 Pools in Hana would be a fitting place.

As long as it is not a windy day.

It is a subject most of us avoid thinking about when after all, it is going to happen sooner or later to all.

My son lives in Japan and I do not get it with them using chop sticks to collect bits of bone post cremation.

I doubt I could look let alone start playing with it.

One reason my Doberman is still in his box. I am too creeped out to scatter them.

I may do it next visit to the US.

Maybe on my friends land, she would go for it I know.

Saw a video of my brothers  ashes being scattered by his wife last Sept. in NM.

Freaked me out a bit ,so final.

I was really angry when my friends father passed away here in Hungary and she was not told much about where to go to get a death certificate and his body was never released to her.

Hard to believe that can happen at all.

I guess they have different rules for none citizens?

Probably someone was too lazy to fill out all the forms.

    I always though having ones ashes tossed off the cliffs on Maui near the 7 Pools in Hana would be a fitting place.As long as it is not a windy day.It is a subject most of us avoid thinking about when after all, it is going to happen sooner or later to all.My son lives in Japan and I do not get it with them using chop sticks to collect bits of bone post cremation.I doubt I could look let alone start playing with it.One reason my Doberman is still in his box. I am too creeped out to scatter them.I may do it next visit to the US.Maybe on my friends land, she would go for it I know.Saw a video of my brothers  ashes being scattered by his wife last Sept. in NM.Freaked me out a bit ,so final.I was really angry when my friends father passed away here in Hungary and she was not told much about where to go to get a death certificate and his body was never released to her.Hard to believe that can happen at all.I guess they have different rules for none citizens?Probably someone was too lazy to fill out all the forms.        -@Marilyn Tassy

Probably the locals here wanted it to work the same way as it does for Hungarians.  Paperwork for a cremation, ashes in plastic bag and then in a box to take home.  Just another day for those people.

When my Dad passed last year, there was no drama at all.   It was only a matter of time before he passed as he had been rather ill and he was very old.

I was called by my brother who said he'd gone, I happened to be in the UK.  I went to the care home a few miles away and met the carer who had dropped by.  The matron nurse was there too. Saw him dead in the bed.  Clearly he'd passed suddenly and fast. Something catastrophic like his heart or a stroke.  They said he'd really scoffed down his breakfast.   At least he went happily fed.  I doubt scrambled egg and bacon killed him.

I already had the details of the funeral home (my Dad had pre-arranged his own funeral).   I called them, they said they'd be two hours. I insisted on being there when they collected him.   So I went back to his place, had some tea, called others.  I then went back and my sister was already there.   We solemnly  watched them put him in a body bag, put him on a gurney and then take him to their private ambulance (it's really just a van like hearse). 

And that was that.   

We then very quickly removed all his things from his room at the care home.  It was all gone quickly.  We left them his electric invalid chair as it was too heavy to move.  They were OK to take it.

From him dying to him being removed and all traces of his life in the care home was no more than 5h.  Somehow it became an organised and fast operation.

The only odd thing is that I had seen him the day before and told him I'd be there about 10am or something but I was delayed by phone calls and other trivia and I was 30 minutes late.  He must have thought, OK, it's 10am, not here, it's time to die.  If I wasn't delayed, I would have been there for his passing. 

It was a bit the same with my mother who was pretty old and sick too.   We stepped out for a minute to get some coffee at the hospital cafe. We said to her (she was in a coma) that we were going for coffee. She popped off as soon as we'd sat down to drink it - again, my bother called me and told me to get back in there.     We didn't really hang around - the hospital had all the details for the funeral people (also pre-paid) and she was just taken away behind the scenes.   We never saw any of that. Again, no drama at all,

It was quite cheerful really considering.  No wailing or nashing of teeth and no significant costs either.  My parents were super organised it seems!  The funeral people did much.  We only had to organise add-ons like the wake.  I wrote an eulogy.  We all wore Pacific island style colourful beach shirts.  No-one really wore black.   We tried to make it happy and have a few laughs. He was known for his sense of humour.

My step father was only 43 when cancer got him.

It had been a stressful and sad couple of years seeing him slowly fade away.

I and my 3 year old son spent the night at my mother home to support her as she knew he was not going to last another day.

He was already in a coma and think as a rail.

He wanted to pass at home but last min. my mother decided to have him go to the hospital but my 2 minor siblings were in the home and she did not want to upset them more then they were.

I was there to support my mother, but she actually supported all of us, such a strong women.

I called the ambulance out and mom and I followed in her car.

I was meant to drive her but as I was shaking and crying, she drove instead. Some help I was.

We left the children alone but called a neighobr over to watch them.

He was settled in the hospital room and they assured us he would feel no pain.

Mom drove us back home for a quick check on the children and when we entered the home, the phone rang.

He had passed while we were gone.

I felt bad for my mom but what can ya do?

His funeral was huge.

He worked all his life at Lockheed aircraft and at least 100 people were there as well as all our neighbors.

My 3 year old son had everyone in tears when he called out to his Grandpa in his casket.

My husband had to take him outdoors as he kept screaming I want my grandpa.

So even none blood related family is family.

It was nice to know people thought of my step dad as a stand up guy and were there for him.

His service was held in the same church as where my eldest sister had her first wedding.

Small town stuff.

The nice thing was a month or so before he died, my mother had a large gathering at their house and invited some of his closest work mates.

About 35 to 40 people came throughout the day, we had a big BBQ and my step dad felt well enough to chat with everyone and have some laughes.

I am glad my mother did that for him, he did allot in his short 43 years for many people.