Experiencing ageism from young expats

Hello. I've lived off and on in Vietnam for 15 years and thought I'd finally post about an odd phenomenon I have encountered in the past five years in HCM, That is, not even receiving a responding hello from young expats. They remain silent, do not acknowledge my existence, and walk on by.
By any account, this rudeness is beyond my understanding. Could someone enlighten me as to the root cause of this behavior?
I don't speak from a conservative mindset. I've lived the lives of ten completely different people. I'm open to all types of people. Anyway, I've said it and wonder what responses, if any, will appear.
Best, Albert. - @AlbertDifi

I would let go of that expectation as soon as possible.

younger generation expats have little use for older expats here.

many of them see themselves as influencers and you just aren't in their wheelhouse of people they want to connect with.

there are a lot of expectations that people bring to Vietnam and they are let down quite frequently..

If that's why you're coming to Vietnam you may have made a bad choice.

15 years ago you may have seemed more interesting at first glance, but now not so much.

it also depends on the age gap. if you are in your 60s or '70s and you are attempting to chat up teens and 20 somethings, you may be running into very reasonable hesitation to get to know you.

younger expats know that there are a lot of older expat creeps in Southeast Asia.

Vietnamese people Will be easier to meet although very often in tourist friendly areas their prime motivation is usually financial.

Ask the concierge at your hotel what area Vietnamese people tend to come to in order to meet foreigners for language exchange.

Good luck settling in.

@AlbertDifi

From young expats? Are you sure?..... You can see those manners with Vietnamese, South Korean and Japanese too, not because you are an expat, that is also among themselves as locals. And talking about JP and KR, we cannot say anything against their level of education, you're just facing a culture shock. 

I feel myself cheated when watching j-anime or k-dramas, showing everybody friendly 😂

I think your expectations are somewhat unrealistic, especially in a large urban area where people are more cautious about strangers randomly approaching them.

Another factor may be appearance. It's easy to let yourself go as you get older but not being fit, well-groomed and well-dressed may result in a negative first impression. Not saying this is the case with you but it may be something to think about.

In my experience, it seems it's easier for older people to meet other older people of the same generation, just as they more in common and share a similar perspective.

I appreciate your insights.

The responses I'm receiving are fascinating.
I set a very low expectation bar, i.e., a returned greeting. I'm not trying to 'chat up' teens or to attempt to have a meaningful relationship. Concerning having ''no use' for someone older, I was a digital nomad in the '90s, and my mindset is ever-evolving.
Whoa, 'older people letting themselves go' — the audacity is unbelievable! I dress nicely even when I am out walking or at the gym. I have no abnormal features other than obviously the one of being friendly. It must be glaringly abhorrent. I apologize for not seeing the obvious.

I appreciate your insights. - @AlbertDifi

thanks for that very insightful description of yourself.

I probably wouldn't acknowledge your greeting either.

@OceanBeach92107

You as well.

In my experience, it seems it's easier for older people to meet other older people of the same generation, just as they more in common and share a similar perspective. - @jayrozzetti23

That's certainly how it was when you and I were both living & hanging out together in Vũng Tàu.

No problem meeting young Vietnamese people but younger foreigners traveled in completely different circles.

I do have some empathy for the OP in that I went out of my way to be cordial & polite with any obvious foreigners I encountered upon returning to Việt Nam (Hà Nội) in 2018.

I very quickly dropped any expectations of younger foreigners responding to courtesy with courtesy, unless they were begpackers down on their luck wanting to hit me up for a contribution to their cause of perpetual itinerant globe trotting.

Here in Đà Nẵng, older expats such as myself have started going out of our way to avoid the young vagabonds, having learned from personal experience that there's zero upside to getting to know them but significant possible downside.

When we recently relocated from our ideal house on the Cẩm Thành rice fields & rural riverside life in Hội An, we went way out of our way to avoid renting anywhere near the Đà Nẵng foreigner ghetto known as An Thượng.

Instead we found a nice, affordable house in the quiet Thanh Khê Tây neighborhood along Đà Nẵng Bay; an area virtually devoid of any foreigner residents.

Yes, living in an all-Vietnamese neighborhood comes with it's own unique set of challenges, but for the most part I've come to be greatly respected by the locals as I've gone out of my way to become involved in local community affairs.

My best & most trustworthy friend here is our local committee member, and that relationship didn't evolve by accident.

I'm just saying my life has become more peaceful here in VN since I've stopped going out of my way to connect with foreigners, especially the youthful happy wandering types, and redirected my efforts toward making connections with Vietnamese people of all ages.

Hope to see you again soon, "J"

Sounds sensible. I, too, have had my best living experiences in all Vietnamese neighborhoods. I'm also married to a Vietnamese and enjoy time spent with her family.

When did you guys live in Vung Tau? I lived there for three years, around 2009-2011. Belly's was changing ownership.

I'll most likely continue to say hello when passing them in districts outside of D-1 but with no reaction if there's no response.

Be well.

@AlbertDifi

I've lived or visited a few cities in the USA, too: New York, Chicago, Minneapolis, San Francisco, Seattle, and Los Angeles. I worked in both LA and Seattle area for 8 years each, so not exactly an outsider.

The level of street-level friendliness varies widely, even in the USA. NY infamously is the place where you do not make eye contact and you definitely don't say HI to strangers. If you did, they would look at you as if you were crazy, thinking, What kind of a nut case am I dealing with here?

So, point A), from what city do they hail? This might be a determining factor! Point B) would be that they are overwhelmed by the noise and chaos of HCMC. And point C) they are used to looking at their phones and are not habitually accustomed to saying hi to random strangers. D) They are not looking to date someone 40 years older than they are and so you are off their radar screen entirely? This last is a real possibility based on my experience: "This person has nothing that I want and I can safely ignore them." So yeah. Ageism.

One of the Four Agreements (see the book of that title) is: Don't take anything personally.

In my experience, it seems it's easier for older people to meet other older people of the same generation, just as they more in common and share a similar perspective. - @jayrozzetti23
That's certainly how it was when you and I were both living & hanging out together in Vũng Tàu.

No problem meeting young Vietnamese people but younger foreigners traveled in completely different circles.

Yes, there wasn't much choice in Vũng Tàu as most international tourists bypass it for the more famous destinations up the coast. So, that left all of the retired guys there. Although I wasn't very social, I did make a point of introducing myself

to any foreigners I met in the condo where I stayed. Ultimately, I was pretty happy just doing my own thing. 

Here in Đà Nẵng, older expats such as myself have started going out of our way to avoid the young vagabonds, having learned from personal experience that there's zero upside to getting to know them but significant possible downside.

When we recently relocated from our ideal house on the Cẩm Thành rice fields & rural riverside life in Hội An, we went way out of our way to avoid renting anywhere near the Đà Nẵng foreigner ghetto known as An Thượng.

Instead we found a nice, affordable house in the quiet Thanh Khê Tây neighborhood along Đà Nẵng Bay; an area virtually devoid of any foreigner residents.

Yes, living in an all-Vietnamese neighborhood comes with it's own unique set of challenges, but for the most part I've come to be greatly respected by the locals as I've gone out of my way to become involved in local community affairs.

Sounds like good advice. Expats both old and young in every country seem to have a tendency to be negative and continually complain or talk about themselves quite a bit. To be honest, a number of them i met were borderline insane, especially in Laos.

Hope to see you again soon, "J" - @OceanBeach92107

Hope to see you gain too OB, Take care.

When did you guys live in Vung Tau? I lived there for three years, around 2009-2011. Belly's was changing ownership.Be well. - @AlbertDifi

I lived in Vung Tau for a few months in late 2008 and then from 2015 to 2022. As far as i know, although he may not have been the official owner, Belly was always there at the watering hole and probably still is. The place did change location two times in the seven years I was there though. For a long time, it was managed by Luan and then Minh took over when Luan opened her own restaurant. Anyway, I didn't spend much time there, but it was a very popular place and served as a clubhouse for all the ANZAC veterans and Aussie/Kiwi expats living there.

There could be a couple of things going on here.

#1 you have to understand there are expats from all over the world that may or may not speak your language. They may look just like you but from a country where english is not that great.

#2 A lot of young expats come to Vietnam to get away from the west, not get back in it. I know personally the thought of living in an expat community was a little weird for me at first and I desired being much more integrated into a Vietnamese community. Since then I have appreciated some things I do find in common with other expats and the convenience however it took years for me to appreciate that and get the newness out of my system.

#3 as a young ish expat myself the older expats I did meet kinda left me a bit turned off. I know this is a gross generalization and not true for everyone but many of the older expats I have talked to they instantly jump in talking about their many viet girlfriends and escapades which just gives off this vibe that they are here really just to take advantage of the country, not embrace the culture. As a guy that came here after getting married I just don't have anything in common with that type of mindset. Not at all saying that is anyone here or that its all (obviously its not). Its totally anecdotal but its been the case with a lot of older expats I run into so I generally avoid.

Not that long ago I was out to dinner with my wife and this older expat man probably in his 80s came up to say hello to me and asking where we were from etc... He was with a girl that had to be in his 20s. My wife was litterally right there and he just went on and on about the different girls he was with like it was just a normal thing. He kept calling my wife my "girlfriend" even though I told him and it was just awekward and gross. It was extremely disrespectful to me and especially my wife to have him talk like this to us. This just kinda sealed the deal for me that I really wasnt going to seek out conversation with any other expats.

@jrharvey

Thanks for your post. I understand exactly what you mean.

I should have provided more details in my original post.

I've been living in an all-Vietnamese neighborhood, and a couple of years ago expats began moving in. As we passed each other, I would say hello, and there would be no response. 

Without being disrespectful or judging anyone since I didn't know the person personally.

I was at my regular place often visited by expat's sitting on the chair drinking my beer. Adjacent table was a Senior fellow from a good English speaking country occupying the premium place. I for a moment put some music on the mobile and the fellow objected to the music since it reached his ears., I got his point and stopped it. Fellow made many Video calls and regular calls to his relatives talking loud, showing around but I didn't object. Then he was joined by a local lady. He told the lady.. he admired the other local lady sitting on the family table, she was from the North and was together with her husband and 2 children...How elegant and beautiful she was and he took his wine glass and joined their table... all locals could speak English... Lady from the north asked our fella "do you have children", he said he intends to have and looked at his local woman... she replied she already has...

Fellow kept talking and talking.. in the meantime my vietnamese wife and children joined me...

We got busy in our stuff... I just updated my wife about the happenings in the surrounding... That North woman's husband smiled at me and we just did cheers. After a long conversation our fellow retreated to his table and eventually left with his with his lady.

Just an experience... nothing to conclude...

I live in Brasil and am middle aged.

Back in Canada I never hung out with people 20 years younger than me, and living here in Rio de Janeiro, the last thing I want to do is hang out with gringos, as I eould have just stayed there.

IMHO that's probably the answer many of us would give.