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Question to avoid giving wrong signals to men

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ccraft

Hey there,

This is probably a weird post but I need to get some advice/ask you all how to handle something.

I'm traveling alone which I've done before several times in Costa Rica, always in high season when there are 1000 tourists in any given location. Now I'm staying in Costa Rica longer term and I've been here in the low season for almost a month so far.

Here's what I'm wondering. I am trying to be friendly and not give North Americans a bad name with local people. I'm friendly at home and I want to be friendly here.

However, I do realize I also need to play it safe.

I am frequently stopped by Costa Rican men, who are always respectful and polite and I can tell they aren't meaning to annoy me or frighten me, but they ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ask me the same questions

1) Am I alone?
2) Where am I staying?

Even at home I don't feel I should share this information, let alone when I meet someone for the first time.

How do I respectfully say I don't feel comfortable sharing that information without seeming like a big a-hole?

Also, I find that if I am at all friendly (as in a "friend" way) that it is misread by men who INSIST that I should go to a club with them, meet up with them later for dinner, etc. I realize they mean to flatter, but I don't do this with men from back home - just meet them at a bus stop and then go out at night with them,let them konw where I live etc.

Is there a respectful way to be friendly without giving signals that can be misunderstood.

Today I met a nice tour guide who took me around, was friendly and respectful. Then, when we got alone he made a ton of romantic advances, made fun of me for saying I wnated to be friends, made fun of me for taking his hand off my lap, etc. I told him I wasn't interested in romance. He kept INSISTING on coming by my hotel to take me to dinner, etc. INSISTING on picking me up tomorrow. Needed to know how much longer I was going to be here and even INVITED himself to come with me to the next town even though I kept saying I wasn't interested. How many different ways do I have to say no?

I realize... my own fault for being alone with him. But I'm missing something culturally with the signals here.

I'd love some helpful advice.

I'm in my 40s. I'm not a super hot model-like girl, so this attention is very unsual for me. I'd really just like to be left alone, and would love to just make friends-only if I'm not romantically intereseted.

I'd love to do something other than walk by and not talk to someone all together. It just seems rude.

Thanks in advance!

open2012

You can tell all of them, that question is really not necessarly the best way to greet them.

Christine

Hi ccraft,

Your topic has been moved on the Costa Rica forum for better visibility.

DDTica

Friendliness does not necessarily translate that well, especially if you are in the high tourist places. Personally, I would not put myself in a position where I gave away any information about myself or go alone with anybody anywhere. If you had another girlfriend to be a co-pilot, that would be a different story. I would always air on the side of caution. You are not being rude by being blunt. You are being safe. In North America, there are a lot of social checks and balances that allow us that "friendliness". Here, not so much. An invitation to go alone with a guy implies a lot more than we are use to. Add the fact you are in a high tourist area, will double that.

Being demure is seen as having a chance and sometimes it goes against how we feel to be bold, especially in a foreign country.

Then again, you can always say you are here with your huge Iraq PTS suffering war veteran.

Good Luck! Be safe!

Salsera

Hi everybody !

I have been living in Madagascar for almost 8 years and - in spite of being even older than you, ccraft - am sometimes confronted with the same problem: I avoid p.e. lying alone at the beach, when I want to swim I pay for the pool in a hotel (not the same, but it is just TOO annoying to be asked exactly these 2 questions !).

If I happen to hear them, I say that I am married (I am not) with 5 children and that my husband is a former box champion.
When they ask me if he is Malagasy or "Vazaha" (gringo), I say he is Malagasy and - VERY JEALOUS.

This helps: The do not really know if I tell the truth, but they are VERY afraid it might be true...

So just give it a try and - good luck !
Sunny greetings from the other end of the world !

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