Can w control our jealousy?

jealous of what ?
there are many things

jealous fr all action of ur partner

yeah..you can control it...just dont snoop around..you will find what you are looking for...

of course we can control it..just have trust on ur partner,..

brunessian wrote:

of course we can control it..just have trust on ur partner,..

i agree

Jealousy without any reason is a clear sign of lack of trust and self-confidence. When we trust the one we love and when we have confidence in ourselves then jealousy is not natural. If you have no motives for jealousy then it is time to think about getting professional help to find out what is lacking in YOUR psychological makeup.

Sometimes jealousy can be a cultural thing too, I come from a country (Canada) where there isn't a lot of it, it is considered abnormal. However, I have been living in Brazil now for over ten years, where it is widespread becaue it is considered natural. Here it is extreme and women get murdered for no other reason than uncontrolled jealousy over anything.

Jealousy can, and should, be controlled. It has nothing at all to do with love and everything to do with CONTROL. A need for absolute control over another person is dangerous.

Any relationship is based on three thngs (a triangle) EMOTION - TRUST - RESPECT. Without any one of the parts of that triangle a relationship simply does not exist. If you have ALL THREE then there is no room for jealousy in your life.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

wjwoodward wrote:

Jealousy without any reason is a clear sign of lack of trust and self-confidence. When we trust the one we love and when we have confidence in ourselves then jealousy is not natural. If you have no motives for jealousy then it is time to think about getting professional help to find out what is lacking in YOUR psychological makeup.

Sometimes jealousy can be a cultural thing too, I come from a country (Canada) where there isn't a lot of it, it is considered abnormal. However, I have been living in Brazil now for over ten years, where it is widespread becaue it is considered natural. Here it is extreme and women get murdered for no other reason than uncontrolled jealousy over anything.

Jealousy can, and should, be controlled. It has nothing at all to do with love and everything to do with CONTROL. A need for absolute control over another person is dangerous.

Any relationship is based on three thngs (a triangle) EMOTION - TRUST - RESPECT. Without any one of the parts of that triangle a relationship simply does not exist. If you have ALL THREE then there is no room for jealousy in your life.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

I am very moved by reading your comment. you have reason. Maybe it's a lack of confidence I have. sometimes I have a ball placed at the heart, I cant even breathe. I wonder sometimes if it's because i'm in love if I'm so jealous but i thnk no. i need to trust him first. Thnx for advice

wjwoodward wrote:

Jealousy without any reason is a clear sign of lack of trust and self-confidence. When we trust the one we love and when we have confidence in ourselves then jealousy is not natural. If you have no motives for jealousy then it is time to think about getting professional help to find out what is lacking in YOUR psychological makeup.

Sometimes jealousy can be a cultural thing too, I come from a country (Canada) where there isn't a lot of it, it is considered abnormal. However, I have been living in Brazil now for over ten years, where it is widespread becaue it is considered natural. Here it is extreme and women get murdered for no other reason than uncontrolled jealousy over anything.

Jealousy can, and should, be controlled. It has nothing at all to do with love and everything to do with CONTROL. A need for absolute control over another person is dangerous.

Any relationship is based on three thngs (a triangle) EMOTION - TRUST - RESPECT. Without any one of the parts of that triangle a relationship simply does not exist. If you have ALL THREE then there is no room for jealousy in your life.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Sir  ,

Of course you can~~ though sometimes I also find it easier to be said than done~ but with an enough amount of conversation with your partner and trust that will do~

utte86 wrote:

Of course you can~~ though sometimes I also find it easier to be said than done~ but with an enough amount of conversation with your partner and trust that will do~

tnx utte

valerenec wrote:

this question is quite amusing. the answer is yes

Yes and hw to control it?

I'm a jealous type of person too, i even get jealous with my crush for no reasons. i just thought that if i keep on doing this i will be the one that will suffer too much. some people end up dead and some people end up in jail for killing their partners.
    the best way is to control yourself, you must limit things with your love partner. expecting to much with him/her will give you a trigger to get jealous because you want the same attention you've shown. having trust to each other will give you full confident on what he/she doing when your not together. Sometimes jealousy gives reason to end your relationship cause both dont wanna be tight up on the neck. aren't you?

Emman Lopez, i want it koz i lik my partner. But so far, I'm starting to be less jealous. I control this reaction gradually. It's hard but I have to do it

Lililafe wrote:

Emman Lopez, i want it koz i lik my partner. But so far, I'm starting to be less jealous. I control this reaction gradually. It's hard but I have to do it

jealous of seeing your BF with someone else,with another girl or to much hanging with his friends?
many ways that you can ignore such dangerous attitude like going out with friends or keep yourself busy by then even awhile your forgot that you have a BF. Don't focus to him so much, focus for both of you.

Any relationship is based on three thngs (a triangle) EMOTION - TRUST - RESPECT. Without any one of the parts of that triangle a relationship simply does not exist. If you have ALL THREE then there is no room for jealousy in your life.

-- agree.

It's a struggle for some to maintain those in a relationship at any stage. But relationships as well as friendships are best tested through time. And both sides should work together, meet each other half way, sometimes sacrificing their own good for the relationship to lasts. Communication is vital, too.

The way I see it, jealousy is just an excuse to control the other person. Years ago when I was in collage I had a boyfriend who was handsome, rich and young but he was so jealous from everything and everyone. He asked me to stop talking to my male friends, classmates, he wanted me to ask his permission before going out, and tell him who are the people I'm going out with, etc... .

He asked me to do the same to him, to ask him to stop talking to girls friends. Which didn't make any sense. Anyway we only dated for one month which filled with fights every single day and I broke up with him because of his jealousy.I knew he loved me but I couldn't live with his jealousy. I was born free no one have the right to control my life like that.

Jealousy is a nasty weapon, and it turns people's life to hell, yes you can control your jealousy. Don't let jealousy to get to you and destroy your relationship.

Being jealous correlates with wanting to control someones life. Just worry about your own life first.

I almost lost several times my partner because of that. I dont want it to happen again. maybe I'm exaggerating too much, maybe I'm afraid for many things. But thank you for all your advice. I begin to see things so differently now

though its a normal feelings to everyone but it depends on what you are trying to get jealous of,,,try to limit yourself as it cause an arguments sometimes... that leads to misunderstanding.

Hi,

It is a very common problem that occurs to most of us. In my opinion, you spend most of your valuable time in evaluating or admiring others' strengths and qualities which tarnishes your strengths and pluses...

The point when you start focussing your strengths and pluses' and feel that you are blessed with good qualities, your problem would bid goodbye to you.... After all qualities are the ones which we develop....

All the best....

I don't have enough time to control my own life - controlling someone else is out of the question.

If jealousy disappears and love still remains, then you have something solid in your life which is worth having.

lililafe
i think all human beings have jealousy in them ,women and men alike.ive been jealous too, suspecting my husband of having an affair and so on. but lucky for me i caught myself in this trap of jealousy.i shut my mind up, stopped all crap in my head and started dancing to music every time i got this jealousy attack somethings are beyond us, if our partner happens to fall in love with someone else etc,it happens.you cant do anything to control that. the only thing we can really control is to keep our minds aside and listen to our hearts, transform our poisons to nectar. dont ignore it, stay put with the emotion and transform them by getting more aware of it. suffer the pains of jealousy by yourself, dont involve your parnter, dont give energy to that emotion by snooping around, checking his smses etc
when you can listen to your heart automatically trust comes up, enjoy the love you have, dont destroy it by listening to your mind. best wishes, keep loving!!

look.. if you can't control jealousy, probably there's something wrong with the relationship that u have.. what makes you jealous anyway? another girl? if he's into someone else, then leave him.. but if not and everything is just because of you creating things to be jealous about then you might do something about it..
make yourself busy, trust your partner and the most important, trust yourself.

Lililafe,

I really agree with what kiwiinkorea points out, that jealousy is very closely related to a desire or need to control one's partner.

You can't live someone else's life for them, nor can you live your own life through them. You must live for yourself and know that you have great worth of your own. I have heard, too many times, somebody say "... oh but I'm nothing without him/her!" This is pure rubbish of course, everyone has their own value.

Just remember every relationship has three parts as I said before... EMOTION / TRUST / RESPECT all of which must be present in order to make the relationship work and if they are there should be no room for jealousy and no need to try and control.

I speak from personal experience. I am married to a wonderful young woman who (believe it or not) is 37 years younger than I am and we have a beautiful 5 year old son. I don't have to ask or to wonder if she loves me because she shows it in everything she says and does. I have absolutely no jealous thoughts and I know that I never need them because we both have those three things working for us...... love, respect and trust. It is not easy to achieve all of them at the same time, but if you can then believe me your life will be an absolute heaven.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

tnx for the advice

wjwoodward wrote:

Lililafe,

I really agree with what kiwiinkorea points out, that jealousy is very closely related to a desire or need to control one's partner.

You can't live someone else's life for them, nor can you live your own life through them. You must live for yourself and know that you have great worth of your own. I have heard, too many times, somebody say "... oh but I'm nothing without him/her!" This is pure rubbish of course, everyone has their own value.

Just remember every relationship has three parts as I said before... EMOTION / TRUST / RESPECT all of which must be present in order to make the relationship work and if they are there should be no room for jealousy and no need to try and control.

I speak from personal experience. I am married to a wonderful young woman who (believe it or not) is 37 years younger than I am and we have a beautiful 5 year old son. I don't have to ask or to wonder if she loves me because she shows it in everything she says and does. I have absolutely no jealous thoughts and I know that I never need them because we both have those three things working for us...... love, respect and trust. It is not easy to achieve all of them at the same time, but if you can then believe me your life will be an absolute heaven.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Hi Lili,

You are quite welcome for the advice.

Just remember the following three things:

EMOTION (LOVE) - that is not passion, passion is physical and wears off in a short while in most cases. I mean real love.

TRUST - You need to trust first yourself and then you need to trust your partner. That trust should not be blind however; and it must be earned. Your partner should show in actions that he/she can be trusted. It's strange, but true that most really jealous people are themselves cheating on their partner. They don't trust themselves so they are incapable of trusting others.

RESPECT - respect is also something that for the most part must be earned. It is difficult to respect someone who doesn't earn it first. Respect is also a two way street, you have to be respected by your partner as well. Respecting your partner means that sometimes you will have to make compromises, give up or give in on some things and your partner will also have to do so.

Striking a balance of all three is not an easy task and it takes the efforts of both partners. If you can do it, it is worth all the trouble and hard work - TRUST ME, I KNOW!

never we can controle our jalousy bc jalouesy is a caractere and a feeling ..so we can not controle or guide a feeling but the only solution which we can do is that we ask the reason and we discuss about it and its what can help us to eliminate or to correct this jalouesy

Hi montassar.h,

I am sorry but I must disagree with you, and the greatest majority of psychiatric specialists would also disagree completely.

We certainly CAN control jealousy. It is not an emotion nor part of our character, it is simply the way we 'choose' to react to given situations. Jealousy where there is no indication of any wrongdoing is not at all natural and always indicates some problem within ourselves.

Many people simply never learn how to control their emotions such as jealousy and anger, they are just to impulsive. Controlling jealousy is a learned process like any other, such as problem solving or relaxation and coping with stress. If it was natural then EVERYBODY would be jealous, they clearly are NOT.

As I pointed out earlier in some cultures jealousy is considered normal, these cultures are generally those where there is quite a strong domination of men over their women, some European cultures, Latin American cultures, Middle Eastern and Asian cultures tend to be this way. Even there jealousy really is not normal. It is just that in these cultures people are not taught how to deal with jealousy because of the cultural acceptance.

Any medical professional will tell you that jealousy is all about power and control and domination. It is also about lack of confidence in oneself. You are still young, you will understand more as you grow and mature.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

also i keep telling myself that people are not our property..whenever life decide, they may walk away from us, so let's out do it while we are together!

thanks Mr wjwoodward for the explanation but do you not think that feeling jaloues is the same than feeling love or feeling angry or feeling sad...yes i agree its may be reaction..but do you not think that every one has a speacial reaction so if it is speacial so directly its inside and part of caractere..i dont speak traditions but here we speak about personality ..we can found jalous man and other man who never feel jalousy in the same country and even in the same home...so may be we can not say and make reaction if we feel jalous and this is not controle because we can stay silent even if we feel it inside

It is not only when you are jealousy when you think that your partner felt in love with some one else, but there is also a kind that you can be jealousy about the material things whitch the other have and you not.
Of when the other is more succesful or beautiful then you are.
To me it is an emotion whitch you can control of.

Hi montassar.h,

Jealousy when there is no motive is not about love, it is about either of two things: control - an individual's need to control the life of his/her partner; or trust - not trusting your partner, but mostly not trusting yourself, one's own insecurity. Whatever the reason for one's jealousy it is a sign of much deeper problems.

An insecure person (especially males) need to be the center of the universe to their partner. I guess that is because mans' biggest fear is that of being alone. An insecure person for some reason has the feeling that, 'if I can't see you then you must be doing something wrong' or 'if you love me I must be everything to you'. This level of distrust is not only wrong but unhealthy.

When you love, trust and respect your partner, and more importantly love, trust and respect yourself there is no room in your psychological makeup for jealousy; you simply do not need this reaction.

The entire medical community holds the belief that jealousy is a reaction, it is not just my opinion. Reactions are what we learn, the way we are taught (or not taught) to deal with situations. Unless one has an impulse control disorder then ALL reactions can be controlled, changed or modified by training and practice.

If people were not able to control their actions and reactions then the world would be full of prisons because nobody could obey laws, they would just react the way THEY wanted to, regardless of the law.

Love is an emotion, you can't control it - you can't tell yourself to NOT love somebody that you love nor can you tell yourself to love somebody that you don't love.

You can however learn how to react differently to that love. Maybe you have a very innocent and lyrical vision of love that makes you vulnerable to being used. You can learn how to be less naive and a little less dependent emotionally and by doing so avoid being taken advantage of by others.

Jealousy is just the same, while it is a reaction and not an emotion. It is much easier to control because you can use reason and logic to understand it. If you look deep enough you can even see where it comes from. Love - you can't use reason and logic and you certainly can't see where it comes from.

Our ability to CONTROL our reactions is what puts us one level above the animals. Those who can't control their reactions have not reached that level.

These are difficult things for you to understand and accept for a number of reasons, I know. You are still quite young, a male in a very strictly male dominated culture. Traditionally in your culture women must be subservient to men, your culture makes it appear normal to be jealous. IT IS NOT!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator