dating an expat, but I don't wanna leave my country. what do I do?

wow this is hard, you love him so much but your not ready to leave your home land, your afraid of going with him because there's discrimination in his country.

if i where you if you love your BF so much you will accept all the consequences and deal and face with it. Show him your compassion, your eagerness to be with him. the guy will realized soon all your sacrifices. tell him that you can only join him if you have place of your own that no one will bother you when you are together or give him some do's and dont's hihihi.... just an advice.

Al consider that

Hi Denise,

There are only THREE possibilities if the relationship is to continue.

The first is that you make the sacrifice and move to his country as he suggests. In which case you will have to confront the racism you mentioned. By the way, which country is he from?

The second is that he make the sacrifice and move permanently to your country which he appears unwilling to do.

The third is that nothing changes, you have the relationship only when one of you is temporarily in the other's country.

Good luck, looks like you are really caught between a rock and a hard place as we say.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Wjwoodward thanx for the advice but the funny thing is yes, he wants me to move to his country while he is very happy in my country unlike me in his (germany). He stays in an estate where no other races are there and when I visited him for 2weeks I was very unhappy mostly at the chemist I encountered discrimination and its very lonely but he is happy in my country .  Anyway I will consider the option but it also might be the downfall of the relationship.

there is actually a fourth option: both of you move somewhere new. I know a couple similar to you (she is Kenyan, he is German) and both of them are happy in Iceland. It can be difficult for both of you to move somewhere when you are not married but it is an option to consider.

If you get the option to stay longer in Germany instead the two weeks before, then you get more an idea if you like it or not.
In my opinion two weeks is to short to know or to the decide if you want to move or not.
Visit other places in Germany, talk to the locals etc and try not to behave like a tourist but try to look trough the eyes from a person who live there.
And Germany is not the only country where racism exist, it is every where.

ECS I like that option I had not even considered it but I think its worth a conversation and yes its true moving before marriage is harder but it might work.

Primadonna, its true I know other places even my own country has racism but I had never faced it before until I went to visit Germany. I will be optimistic this time coz it might be my new life. Thanx for the advice.

hi Denise,I noted you say your relationiship is a wonferdul one, maybe you can try to adapt by living longer in Germany !

Denise,

If your boyfriend won't even consider moving to your country after having considered YOUR feelings on the issue and how you get treated in Germany maybe his motives are more related to dominance and control than anything else. The isolation of the woman from family and friends who can provide social an moral support is one of the easiest ways to establish this ultimate control. All too often women end up being virtual prisoners in their own home, the husband or boyfriend does not permit them to go out to shop, visit friends, work, etc. Or on the very infrequent times she is allowed out of the house her husband or boyfriend follows at a discreet distance to observe her every movement. This is something you should look at very objectively before making such a serious decision as leaving your homeland permanently. I have known many women who have had this happen to them. Brazilan women who have married and moved to the USA ended up being threatened with deportation. Canadian women who have married and moved to the Middle East who wound up being virtually enslaved to their husbands and his families. Brazilian women who have gone to Italy and other European countries ending up in prostitution, thinking they were going to be with their fiancee who turned out to be a pimp. The list goes on and on.

It may all be wonderful with the relationship while you're there in Germany for short periods, but that is no guarantee that it would not change drastically if you went there to stay. There are all kinds of horror stories out there of women who have married and returned to their husband's homeland or followed a boyfriend back to his homeland only later to be intimidated and threatened into complete submission; or even worse, by someone who they were sure they loved and loved them. Women all over the world end up as virtual slaves to that prince in shining armor who at home turns out to be an ogre. You have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst if you do follow your boyfriend. Use you intelligence and don't become just another sad statistic.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Any man who pushes you to do something you're not ready to do doesn't care about you.

What a hard decision. However, I feel compromises have to be made by both of you so why not move to a completely new country? I think whatever race, religion or colour you are, you will always meet those who are racist. I did in France. The woman made it perfectly clear she did not like English people, end of. Her problem not mine!

Boa tarde pigletinportugal,

É verdade, apesar de onde for vai encontrar racistas infelizmente. Espero que as pessoas lá em Portugal são bem mais agradáveis como são aqui no Brasil.

Abraço,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Good Afternoon pigletinportugal,

It's true, no matter where you go you will encounter racists, unfortunately. I hope the people there in Portugal are really more pleasant like they are here in Brazil.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Boa tarde WJ,

The indigenous people are on the whole great. Yes, I have encountered some people who resent foreigners, but fortunately they are few and far between.

You have to do what your heart tells you, if it says stay, then stay. If he's really into you then he'll stay.

hi denise, i would only caution you to remain mindful that you're responsible for your own happiness. others may be wonderful blessed additions to our lives but if we make decisions out of deference to their needs/wants, then we must also accept the consequences (if/when the results don't respond to our needs/wants). do what makes you happy and be mindful that it was your choice.
cheers,

Well put Suzie Que, I couldn't have said it better myself!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

wjwoodward wrote:

Well put Suzie Que, I couldn't have said it better myself!

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

merci william
i can only speak from what i know.
cheers,

I'm with you on that score, I only speak about something I have experience in.... guess us Canucks are pretty much like that.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

denise cherry wrote:

I am currently dating an expat in my country and he is scheduled to leave soon. I am not ready to leave my country just yet but he wants the sacrifice. The country he comes from has a lot of racism and I faced it the last time I went to visit him. I am afraid al be lonely and depressed when he is not with me. Any ideas?

iF YOU BOTH IKE EACH OTHER THAN DO NOT LEAVE EACH OTHER
NOT JUST FOR DATE BUT FOR BETTER LIFE

@AAMAR - Can you please lower caps lock when writing?

Thank you,
Aurélie

I think you should give it a try first and get to know people then see if you can relocate.

Rach