Hello Everyone! I need advice.
Last Sunday, my boyfriend and I moved to a new condo to start a new life. In December we will celebrate our engagement and next year we will get married in Ukraine. It is my first time to live with a partner in life.
Last Sunday my boyfriend and I finished unpacking things and arranged everything. From sofa, bed, glasses, tables, carpets, cabinets, plates, spoons, fork and all that. We arrange it in the ways we liked it. In Sunday night, my Mother came by to see our condo. Ofcourse, we welcomed her with all our heart because she is our Mother. We told her that she can stay in condo and we will be back after 5 hours. She said she will put Christmas tree. I said she can put Christmas Tree. No Problem 
(After 5 hours...)
We came back to condo and saw that there is Christmas Tree BUT the arrangement of sofa, bed, glasses, plates, spoons, fork, dining tables, chairs, carpet and all that has changed arrangement. I was sad because I did not like what she did.
We invited her over as guest. Yes, she is my Mother, but I am already big. Soon I will be 25 years old, my boyfriend is 32 years old. I can not understand what my mother did. It is our condo. We arranged everything how we liked it. For me, I was insulted as my Mom did not ask permission if she can change something. It was like me and my boyfriend's opinion does not matter in our own crib. I was sad and so my boyfriend.
I don't want this situation to happen again. I don't want that everytime she came by to our condo, she will just change something.
My question:
I want to tell my own Mother that what she did was not good because she did not ask permission. I want to tell her in a way that I will not hurt her feelings. How? What are the best choice of words?
Mother-in-law going beyond her boundaries
you can change things in your way when she leave!
sit down and have a sweet talk with her,,,and explain to her,at the end of the day,, you and your bf will be staying there,its your house,,,,dont wait till she leaves,and then change it,,its like doing things behind her back ,,,stand up to it
It remind me the joke goes like this;
The accused has been charged throwing his mother in low out of the 24the floor condo where they live.
judge gave the warning to the accused saying; next time you have to be careful when you do things like that you might injure passing innocent people.
i agree with raz...you can change things in your way when she leave!....i am sure she has good intention, as both of you are her kids
raz_rian wrote:you can change things in your way when she leave!
Totally agreed with you 
Change it back as normal as you want after she left. What if she comes very often? keep on playing with the games moving furnitures in the condo? ?
you have to talk to a counselor, the one who has an office and sits behind a desk with a diploma on the wall, and not getting an advice from public, as they say "two captains sink the ship"... how about if you get many advices and each one contradict with the other?
you have to act by your own. as you said that you are turning 25 years old. you are not a kid. but you are over-reacting to the new life you are into it. this is also goes with the previous posts that you posted them here about this-new-life matter.
it is not good if your partner walks and tells your mother things about what she done to the apartment. you and him are not officially husband and wife.
besides, i believe your partner complained about this matter, otherwise, you would not say "Mother-in-law" but say "Mother". it is like you don't have a strong bond with her. that is not good. i know you will deny that but it is between the lines.
in my knowledge, your Mother has the experience and skill to do her duty to you (both), she didn't born yesterday. the only thing that she did this behind your back that you probably would reject her suggestion to rearrange the furniture. she knows what is the best for both of you (example: dragged the sofa when you and him can get enough sunlight, or hiding the messy wires... etc). Never and ever tell her that is not good and be ungrateful towards her. remember that you are not married to your "partner" yet. that is mean both of you can leave each other in any time (and it happened to lots of couples). your Mother is your Mother until the end of days. when you and your "partner" officially "husband and wife". then you can use the old nugget "my roof, my rule".
my advice as i said at the beginning; "see a counselor". it is the best advice of all advices that you will ever get. the counselor will advice you with few steps to deal with this situation. and this is supposed to be a private matter.
good luck and all the best.
Please understand that at whatever stage OR age we are at, we would be still projected as CHILD from our PARENT's perspective.
Hence they TREAT us as a kid even IF we are a mother of another CHILD.
whatever she does it's something like temporary and not last long so let her enjoy the old days (do not take me wrong).
parents will NEVER agree that they are wrong in front of their children nor they listen to us this is due to age and generation.
IN this situation itself we have to behave wisely to avoid future/further complications.
My suggestion IS TREAT LIKE "this is your home n you have all rights but in-front of your parents try TO EXPLAIN this house is your future husband's house and we dont have any rights TO CHANGE THE things "
these are ALL silly things AND you have stepped INTO THE NEW era enjoy THE fruit OF it AND live happily.
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