Vietnamese wife?

I see a while back talk about Internet Dating, one good thing is that you can ' research ' the family, ( although I was looking for an older woman without kids, ( she sprung that on me later ), it would have been very rare to find a VN woman, who you would look at twice , who didn't have kids, or hadn't already been married ), be careful of the photo's, many are Photoshopped or are very old. My wife was helping her 25 yr old widowed niece try and find a Foreigner husband, and she used an old photo of herself, not the niece, but cunningly, ( or accidentally?? ), had another profile on the same website with her own photo , good way to find out who the ' players/users ' were on that website, many just wanted free sex when they came to VN for a holiday.
  Same old questions,  How much do you earn is a good one, or do you own a house, but that can also be about security if they were to go and live in your country, but most VN's can't get their heads around the Mortgage issue.
     ( Vietnam, not the place for an introvert ).

buyer beware

how does it work when mum and dad  are both dead, leaving 2 daughter and 3 sons ? my friend in dist 7 is there

adoption, in-laws, sponsorship, orphanage , state care, their are a few options.

mark stutley wrote:

how does it work when mum and dad  are both dead, leaving 2 daughter and 3 sons ? my friend in dist 7 is there

1. The baby bonus is paid in the first year of the baby by monthly instalments.
2. mum or dad HAS to be in Australia to claim.
3. the court will appoint a guardian/foster parent who will take over the responsibilities and duties of the parents.
There is no precedent that guardians/foster parent can claim.

This bonus is tossed around and the amount varied over the years.
You really have to write to the Department for Social Service for unusual cases where the parents died before the baby.

Out here in the Provinces, the local Commune look after the orphaned and disabled, even to the extent of building a small house for 2 retarded orphaned sisters here. One seems to wonder around all day collecting food from households and shops, the other one isn't as retarded and can hold down a job.
  The Govt pay pensions to war ' hero's ' , widows and mothers, and disabled soldiers.
  There is also a scheme to keep poor children at school longer, especially if they show some ' talent '.
  Also something that involves giving bags of rice to the poor every month?

The Aus baby bonus has been stopped, about time too, all it has done is increase the amount of bludgers in the future, Aboriginal girls as young as 12 getting pregnant just to get a few dollars, beats working though?

What is the subject of this thread?

What is the subject of this thread?
   It was supposed to be a VN wife,  but appears to have shifted to VN culture  , with a little bit of Aussie welfare thrown in?

bta87 wrote:

What is the subject of this thread?

EB please check message thread programming.
Somehow from #204 there is a crossing in the threads.
This issue had appeared in few other tropics.

Sorry bta87, those guys with white coats from EB used to be very eagle eyes on such issues.

Hell...
    Your alright. I try to check-in on this conversation every so often and I could not believe how far afield it had become. But seriously this type of thing happens in all conversation. We can start wandering so far off. It sure was a great topic when we started it though, wasn't. At that time I think I said it would be a doody. In fact the second post said something to that effect. Well maybe it's time to start one on orphanages or something.

My 10VnD worth- I am married to a Viet woman half my age- We have a fantastic 4 year old son. She ticks all the boxes-we have been together quite a while, and she looks after me very well. I have no significant money to speak of and she has always known that.

I for one am contented, but I may have hit the right one in a sea of women with $s in their eyes, and a visa on their wish list.
Our son has an Australian and a Vietnamese passport, so when the time comes, we have a great situation to bring my wife "home". Even the bloody minded Immigration Dept in Australia won't break up a family that easy.

ttrconnors wrote:

My 10VnD worth- I am married to a Viet woman half my age- We have a fantastic 4 year old son. She ticks all the boxes-we have been together quite a while, and she looks after me very well. I have no significant money to speak of and she has always known that.

I for one am contented, but I may have hit the right one in a sea of women with $s in their eyes, and a visa on their wish list.
Our son has an Australian and a Vietnamese passport, so when the time comes, we have a great situation to bring my wife "home". Even the bloody minded Immigration Dept in Australia won't break up a family that easy.

As long as you don't send her by boat, she should be ok. hahaha

Am I the only Westerner married to a Vietnamese who is younger than his wife?

jakejas wrote:

Am I the only Westerner married to a Vietnamese who is younger than his wife?

My fiance is 4 months younger than me. She'll be 35 when we marry. I think the norm is to marry someone below 30 if not below 25. Viet Kieu's have a lower age standard than Westerner's.

I would prefer someone in that age range too only because I've always wanted a big family with at least 10 kids.  But life led me to her and she's the most beautiful person I've ever met.

Like the old saying goes age is just a number.

khanh44 wrote:

Like the old saying goes age is just a number.

Except when an older man marries a younger woman.
The stares and the comments are often undeserved.
Yet discrediting that marital bond seems to be an acceptable form of slander.

jimbream wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Like the old saying goes age is just a number.

Except when an older man marries a younger woman.
The stares and the comments are often undeserved.
Yet discrediting that marital bond seems to be an acceptable form of slander.

Now my VN Step daughter is 15 going on 20, we have a few laughs when we go shopping together, people ask her if I am her husband or boyfriend, not sure whether she's looks older for age or they think I'm a dirty, ( but lucky ), old man??????

When you only start looking at 63, it could be a bit more challenging. When I hitched up, I was 50 and my wife was 26. Since then we had gone through thick and thin together. She is now 44 and our daughter is 11. Life is enjoyable but I have no assets here. But nothing can be predicted, keep looking. All best

khanh44 wrote:

I've always wanted a big family with at least 10 kids.

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!). I tried running some higher numbers of kids past her, but in-between vomiting and feeling sick she was not in the mood to think about doing that too many more times. We eventually decided to look at adoption. That seems like a good option.

Congratulations!!!

jakejas wrote:

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!).

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!).

Congrats, jakejas...

Thanks, we are very excited.

jakejas wrote:

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!). ... We eventually decided to look at adoption. That seems like a good option.

Adoption is a good option...I know about 100 kids without parents, and that's just a sliver of the overall orphaned/abandoned kids in Việt Nam.

Just move here, build a giant house and adopt all you want.

jakejas wrote:

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!). I tried running some higher numbers of kids past her, but in-between vomiting and feeling sick she was not in the mood to think about doing that too many more times. We eventually decided to look at adoption. That seems like a good option.

Just realized you're not the only Westerner to marry a Vietnamese older than you. Flew straight from Vietnam to my sister's wedding last year. She's 30 and my brother-in law(Italian) is 25. Ok maybe not what you're looking for someone that is actually in Vietnam.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

jakejas wrote:

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!). ... We eventually decided to look at adoption. That seems like a good option.

http://s4.hubimg.com/u/4438659_f260.jpg

Adoption is a good option...I know about 100 kids without parents, and that's just a sliver of the overall orphaned/abandoned kids in Việt Nam.

Just move here, build a giant house and adopt all you want.

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

bluenz wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

jakejas wrote:

My wife is 31 and currently pregnant with our first child (a girl!). ... We eventually decided to look at adoption. That seems like a good option.

http://s4.hubimg.com/u/4438659_f260.jpg

Adoption is a good option...I know about 100 kids without parents, and that's just a sliver of the overall orphaned/abandoned kids in Việt Nam.

Just move here, build a giant house and adopt all you want.

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

True, their real parents are too poor to provide, or they're just using you for your wallet to feed their kids.  However, if you go around industrial areas, there're actually many orphans (not that their parents are dead) that are abandoned orphans.  They're byproducts a result of {thanks Mark} of unwanted pregnancies.  They're usually dropped at your doorstep in the middle of the night (once they find out that you have an orphanage).  Shoot, there's even news stories of people finding babies in the garbage. 

These kids are the ones that need to be rescued.  I would love to have the means to raise some of these "trashed orphans" up to be freeken doctors, engineers, and leaders just for the sole purpose of pissing off the parents that trashed them.  See you dumbass, look at the potential you just threw away.

bluenz wrote:

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

I noticed that in the last orphanage I visited. The nun that was running it said that a lot of families don't have enough money to raise the kids so they ask the nuns to take care of them and then come back once or twice a year to take the kids back with their family for Tet or other events like that. That has to be hard on the kids.

jakejas wrote:

bluenz wrote:

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

I noticed that in the last orphanage I visited. The nun that was running it said that a lot of families don't have enough money to raise the kids so they ask the nuns to take care of them and then come back once or twice a year to take the kids back with their family for Tet or other events like that. That has to be hard on the kids.

One of my first introduction to orphanages was in Mexico while I was attending College in California.  The orphanage was run by an Alum and it's just like the scenario you described.  The parents were too poor to feed or send the kids to school so the orphanage took them.  Kind of a daycare/feeding trough/school rolled into one.  Some kids went home at night to sleep at their family shack/shanty while others slept at the orphanage.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

jakejas wrote:

bluenz wrote:

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

I noticed that in the last orphanage I visited. The nun that was running it said that a lot of families don't have enough money to raise the kids so they ask the nuns to take care of them and then come back once or twice a year to take the kids back with their family for Tet or other events like that. That has to be hard on the kids.

One of my first introduction to orphanages was in Mexico while I was attending College in California.  The orphanage was run by an Alum and it's just like the scenario you described.  The parents were too poor to feed or send the kids to school so the orphanage took them.  Kind of a daycare/feeding trough/school rolled into one.  Some kids went home at night to sleep at their family shack/shanty while others slept at the orphanage.

Children deserve so much more than being left at an orphanage. I have been thinking about adoption.  It is a life long commitment, but the benefits far out weigh the cons. Wonder how difficult it would be for a single man to adopt in Vietnam?

jakejas wrote:

bluenz wrote:

But be careful, some of these kids in Orphanages are not orphans, ( rural, probably not city though? ) they come from very poor families, my friend adopted/sponsors a little girl, she still has parents, but he can't understand why he can't get close to her, ( even after buying her a bike, clothes, etc , silly man ).

I noticed that in the last orphanage I visited. The nun that was running it said that a lot of families don't have enough money to raise the kids so they ask the nuns to take care of them and then come back once or twice a year to take the kids back with their family for Tet or other events like that. That has to be hard on the kids.

It must also be hard for the kids whose parents work in other cities, these kids would only see their parents at Tet, but usually they stay with a family member, ( good old Granny spoiling them rotten, unfortunately, I have a couple in my class like that, picked them right from the start, unlike the old Maori culture, where the 1st born was brought up by the Grandparents, later they were supposed to look after the oldies when they got too old to care for themselves, a great idea, until the 20th Century came along ).

ancientpathos wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

jakejas wrote:

I noticed that in the last orphanage I visited. The nun that was running it said that a lot of families don't have enough money to raise the kids so they ask the nuns to take care of them and then come back once or twice a year to take the kids back with their family for Tet or other events like that. That has to be hard on the kids.

One of my first introduction to orphanages was in Mexico while I was attending College in California.  The orphanage was run by an Alum and it's just like the scenario you described.  The parents were too poor to feed or send the kids to school so the orphanage took them.  Kind of a daycare/feeding trough/school rolled into one.  Some kids went home at night to sleep at their family shack/shanty while others slept at the orphanage.

Children deserve so much more than being left at an orphanage. I have been thinking about adoption.  It is a life long commitment, but the benefits far out weigh the cons. Wonder how difficult it would be for a single man to adopt in Vietnam?

Just be a sugar daddy for a few years and see if you can do it.  Sugar Daddy = Benefactor to a local orphanage.

VungTauDon wrote:

You will find that most women who are serious about family life are even more frugal than you thought you were.
I took my wife to Dalat last year and booked the hotel and flights and everything without consulting her. She was pissed because I paid to much for the hotel (60 usd for deluxe room in very nice hotel) and she said we could have saved money by driving instead of flying.
You don't have to give up your money handling, I still carry the money and just have to keep telling the waitress "hey, over here with that please" lol...though my wife still has to look over it before i can pay

Don, Your experience and comments synch absolutely 100% with mine. I'm6 years married and one child.

Marrying a Vietnamese girl,  I believe carries scarcely more "risk" than marrying in one's own country or culture.

The laser focus on cost of one's spouse can be a bit wearing - but after a while you can see that Western prices for things like hotels, food, clothes etc are .....ridiculous.

The joy of close family life  - my family is very easy to live with (10 in the house) - and a lifestyle that allows ample discretionary time (everyone in the West seemingly always "on the clock") are clinchers for me.

cheers

simon

bluenz wrote:

What is the subject of this thread?
   It was supposed to be a VN wife,  but appears to have shifted to VN culture  , with a little bit of Aussie welfare thrown in?

Yeah, and it has shifted to discussions about orphanages and adoption and goodness knows wat! Yet no one has given any solid advice to the first OP? Still looking for that needle in the stack..

I met a girl in a bar. We liked each other a lot, and spent the weekend together. Later I told her I was interested in marrying her. She told me I was crazy, and did her best to talk me out of it. Now we are in love and thinking seriously about getting married.

Not all bar girls are "bad girls" or "gold diggers", or whatever. This girl had wanted to get married, but assumed it would never happen for her, and was not looking at all.

Yes. you are the only one. VERY uncommon, except in the Western World, where guys can be 10, 20 years younger than the woman and it's not TOO out of the ordinary.

FOr what it's worth. A Vietnamese view of Bar girls:

"When I passed this way in the daytime I knew I would see young women and even girls barely into their teens, heavily made up and seeming near-nude in revealing costumes, running after GIs... Most of the women and girls came from refugee camps and had been innocent country girls only a short time earlier. Many were helping to support their families. In a way, they were casualties of the war just as much as those injured in battle."

Tran Ngoc Chau, a veteran of both the Viet Minh and the Army of the Republic of Vietnam, in Vietnam Labyrinth: Allies, Enemies, & Why the U.S. Lost the War, p. 277.

Many experiences about Vietnamese women here. Hopefully people who want to get married with Vietnamese can read it. And I also learned a lot of English here. When I am tired, I can't concentrate on work, I always spend much time to read something interesting. This is really an interesting topic, I spent a few hours to read it, though I didnt understand some  .

About bar girls: I think there is the good and the bad everywhere. But in Vietnam, when girls is 18-22 years old, they must spend much time for study. And most students are poor, how they can go to bar? If you see a girl who is about more 25 years old in a bar, I think its ok, even she's a good woman because she can earn so much money to go there. Certainly, I can go to bar to relax sometimes, but poor me, if I go there some days, I won't enough money for monthly living expense . That's why I never dare go there. But when I lived in Hanoi, I went to a bar 1 time. I took my foreign colleagues to bar to relax and know more about Vietnam... Unfortunately, the day after I went there, I saw news about the bar, many people were arrested (New Century). My friends teased me: it broke because of me . Since I never dare go to bar again .


.

I am now back in Australia with my Vietnamese wife who is 25 years younger than me, and our adorable 5 year old boy, and family wise, I could not be happier.
My wife is frugal, dedicated and an excellent mother. She says she has 2 babies, one 5 year old the other me, a dinosaur.
I made the right decision and chose wisely (or luckily).

atpcliff wrote:

I met a girl in a bar. We liked each other a lot, and spent the weekend together. Later I told her I was interested in marrying her. She told me I was crazy, and did her best to talk me out of it. Now we are in love and thinking seriously about getting married.

Not all bar girls are "bad girls" or "gold diggers", or whatever. This girl had wanted to get married, but assumed it would never happen for her, and was not looking at all.

Anyone, especially in Viet Nam, would be crazy to propose to a girl they just met and slept with. And, as you can see, even a bar girl knows that. No one can say they know someone after a few days let alone love them.

I know a woman who used to own three bars on HBT. They are closed now and she had her 15 minutes of unwanted fame a year or so ago. I got to know dozens of girls who worked at her bars and can say most of them are extremely intelligent. I watched them play short and long cons on otherwise savvy men. The thing that always got me is how different they were in real life compared to when they were talking with a mark. In regular life they were pretty much like any other girl, most of the time. But when talking to a mark they were so convincing that it was hard to believe. Even if I were to tell these guys they were being played they won't believe me. They all thought it was true love and they were the only one. I did see a few get married, never for love though.

I'd caution you to be careful, don't make any life altering changes, and no financial comments.

Adhome01 wrote:

atpcliff wrote:

I met a girl in a bar. We liked each other a lot, and spent the weekend together. Later I told her I was interested in marrying her. She told me I was crazy, and did her best to talk me out of it. Now we are in love and thinking seriously about getting married.

Not all bar girls are "bad girls" or "gold diggers", or whatever. This girl had wanted to get married, but assumed it would never happen for her, and was not looking at all.

Anyone, especially in Viet Nam, would be crazy to propose to a girl they just met and slept with. And, as you can see, even a bar girl knows that. No one can say they know someone after a few days let alone love them.

I know a woman who used to own three bars on HBT. They are closed now and she had her 15 minutes of unwanted fame a year or so ago. I got to know dozens of girls who worked at her bars and can say most of them are extremely intelligent. I watched them play short and long cons on otherwise savvy men. The thing that always got me is how different they were in real life compared to when they were talking with a mark. In regular life they were pretty much like any other girl, most of the time. But when talking to a mark they were so convincing that it was hard to believe. Even if I were to tell these guys they were being played they won't believe me. They all thought it was true love and they were the only one. I did see a few get married, never for love though.

I'd caution you to be careful, don't make any life altering changes, and no financial comments.

There are "bars" and there are bars. Atpcliff didn't say where exactly he met his girl. Adhome01, you are referring to "monkey bars", where the girls provide "services" in exchange for money. Yes, you are correct - it is highly unlikely any girl who works in those places will be a legitimate life partner.  But there are quite a few very lovely, nice girls who work in the conventional bars (places where you go with your buddy to sit and have a few beers). I'm sure there are a few "players" in those places too, but not like in the monkey bars.