Vietnamese girlfriend asking for money...Is this normal there?

First to say, run.






But in all seriousness, be prepared to set limits if you are planning to stay with her.

Welcome to the Forum theother

theother wrote:

We date for a week in Saigon. I even went to meet her parents in their countryside town. We talked about marrying and I started making plans when came back to USA.

You were talking of marriage after a week??

Difficult to say. I'm in two minds whether to say run or stay. Y'see, it is customary for some Vn birds to ask for some money for support, to see if you are "all hat and no cattle", to use a Texas expression. And of course to see if you are serious.

So, the thing is, she has apparently asked for money to improve herself and not to pay for her brothers hospital bill, a sick cow, whatever.

Think about what else she has done for you. Think about ... do you want to be serious about her,.

And, I think that her asking about English classes was not joking.

Tread carefully.

Eodmatt, I thought the same about that joke, you know that people use jokes to say the true all time.  Also the fact that she didn't use one of those soap opera explanations for the destination of the money.  I'm really serious about her but don't want to invest money, time and my feelings to find out later that I got married to a greedy woman. That is the reason I would like  to get an advice from people who know the Vietnamese culture or had lived there to have all the information as possible before making a decision. Thanks for your advice.

Simcityat, We met a year ago  and talk almost every day through skype and viber. The process of marrying would take us a while so I decided to talk about the subject and make some plans, meanwhile I would observe the development of the relation.

I sent my wife money for a few months before we were married.  She had sold her store for the grand sum of $2000 but fortunately the new owner allowed her to continue to live there so her living expenses were very low.  She was taking English lessons which for her involved a long bus ride into town so closing the store for half a day was impractical.  As long as the amount is well within your means, I say go with it but be very cautious and look for solid justifications if the requested amount starts to creep up.

It does sound like she is very emigration minded but that is true of a lot of girls in Vietnam.  I must confess that I kind of put my wife to the test by insisting that we spend our first two years in Vietnam which turned into three and of course solidified our marriage.  Spending married time together also eliminated a lot of the suspicions about the bona fides of the marriage from US immigration.  We now plan to return to Vietnam after she becomes a dual citizen.  I don't know if your employment situation allows you to leave the country for a few years and then come back but moving to Vietnam for two years is worth a thought.

I don't know how useful the manicure course will be except as practical knowledge.  Licensing procedure in the US will not recognize the course but she may not know this.

Just a reiteration of Matt's and THIGV's replies, plus some of my own for clarification:

theother wrote:

She first asked for English classes joking, , now got more serious and told me she will spend the money on a manicure course to prepare herself to get a job when she married me and came to USA.

English class is not a joke.  Look at the number of English schools on every street in Saigon and tell me the locals (the ones who can pay) aren't serious about learning English.  My grandniece's best friend's parents just forked out 72M for their daughter's one-year English course of 6 hrs/wk.

US doesn't recognise Vietnamese license of any kind, but it's useful if she has some hands-on experience in nails now, for she will be ahead of the class when she has to take the course in the States.

theother wrote:

is this something normal in Vietnam?

No and yes.  For a girlfriends, no, although it happens very often.  For a bethrothed, yes, if the money is used to prepare for the future. 

theother wrote:

Is there any social rule for that request a boyfriend has to take care of his girlfriend

No.  Is it expected?  Also no, but only if you want to wait until after marrying her before starting the job of taking care of her, for it IS the man's job to take care of his wife financially when she cannot contribute to the family's income.

theother wrote:

how much should be regular allowance and what amount should be suspicious?

Only you can answeer that.  How much is the cost of a good English class?  How much is the cost of a manicure course? 

There's no such thing as "regular allowance".  She's not your child whose chore is taking out the garbage for a weekly allowance.  She's also not your ex-wife to whom the court order you to pay spousal maintenance.  Assuming you're serious about marrying her and she's of the same mind towards you, she's the person in whom you invest your future.  Spend whatever amount that doesn't strain your budget, but spend it wisely, and ask to see improvements.

theother wrote:

She never asked me before and we had some kind or argument about this.

She has never asked you for money and you already had an argument, or you had an argument when she asked for money?

If you don't like her asking, simply say no.  There's no point arguing about it (20+ years of marriage, we've argued about everything under the sun but never about money).  If she doesn't like your refusal, she'll find someone whom she thinks will care more for her.  Don't get into something that you're not comfortable with, but at the same time, be aware that everything worth having is worth investing well.

To clarify, I never sent my wife more than $200 and it was not regular.  She would pinch her VND and always made it last more than a month.  In your case, your GF has a job, so her everyday budget needs, food and shelter, should be covered by her own salary.  I really hope she did not quit her job just to take the manicure class.  Her salary is undoubtedly more than my wife's monthly profits from her store were.

Also it is a little unclear what her current level of competence is in English but for us to be married, at that time in the Department of Justice, the officials had a translator come to the room and evaluate whether her English was good enough for basic communication.  Of course it you were Viet Kieu and a Vietnamese speaker, that would not be an issue.  I actually think the process of application to marry in Vietnam has a lot to say for it, particularly the 30 day (now 15 day) waiting period from application to actual marriage.  The mental health certificate is a little silly though.

THIGV wrote:

She would pinch her VND and always made it last more than a month.

Now, that's the sign you (OP) need to pay attention to and discuss with your sweetheart if needed.  THIGV's, Matt's, and Gobot's wives are the ideal Vietnamese spouses whose top priorities are their family budget and their husbands' welfare.  If you see the same sign/s in your lady, then she is the woman whom you can trust.

You have met the girl for one week and talking marriage already.

I think it best that you have a mental examination to clarify if your brain is functioning correctly.Sorry if that offends you, but for the life of me I can't see how anyone can contemplate marriage after one week of face to face contact.

I married my wife after 15 months of constant face to face contact. Maybe you need to reassess what you are actually doing.

THIGV wrote:

To clarify, I never sent my wife more than $200 and it was not regular.  She would pinch her VND and always made it last more than a month.  In your case, your GF has a job, so her everyday budget needs, food and shelter, should be covered by her own salary.  I really hope she did not quit her job just to take the manicure class.  Her salary is undoubtedly more than my wife's monthly profits from her store were.

Also it is a little unclear what her current level of competence is in English but for us to be married, at that time in the Department of Justice, the officials had a translator come to the room and evaluate whether her English was good enough for basic communication.  Of course it you were Viet Kieu and a Vietnamese speaker, that would not be an issue.  I actually think the process of application to marry in Vietnam has a lot to say for it, particularly the 30 day (now 15 day) waiting period from application to actual marriage.  The mental health certificate is a little silly though.

Interestingly, when we got married we had to be interviewed seperately. At my interview the interviewer asked me how we communicated. He asked me if I spoke Vietnamese and I said only basic Vietnamese, but my wife speaks English. There were lots of other questions.

However, when my wife was interviewed, she was not asked if she speaks English.

theother wrote:

Her best friend has a boyfriend who takes care of her.

Because her best friend has a generous boyfriend, she is asking you to measure up? I think that is typical for young women anywhere. Test your commitment, female competition, help her to improve herself.

But, is that guy a foreigner or local? Is the girlfriend working and supporting herself? Are they engaged? Is she also getting $200? Maybe apple orange comparison.

theother wrote:

and now my gf started asking me {for} money. Is not much, only $200 monthly for 6 months,.

1. Money
Not much? Consider that your girlfriend is making ~ 4.000.000 a month? That is a pretty good raise for her, from $200 to $400. Red flag because of the amount.

Another choice of words reveals your concern: "started asking me".

2. Asking for money
You are a millionaire movie star*. She is working class. Every girl and boy dream about marrying a millionaire, money = happiness, the path to a beautiful life, ability to help people and be famous and loved, annnnd show off to you friends.
The 2nd red flag is that she is asking for money. The last thing she should be risking is how you perceive her sincerity of loving you for you, and not for your money, and your promise to take her to Hollywood, and green card. (I see you are from Los Angeles, LA = Hollywood)

I speak from my experience. I married my Viet friend after knowing her for 3 years. Her English was excellent. She, from the very beginning, was aware of our financial differential. She was financially independent and supporting her extended family. She was fully aware that some Asian women have a reputation for wrangling foreign men for selfish reasons, and worried I might think that of her. She never once asked for anything. To this day, her family won't accept gifts from me. She knew that I might associate her request, even if reasonable, for being one of those women. Trust is important. So I think simply asking for money is a red flag from your gf.
So, that's me, I would worry, and try to figure out how to regain my trust in her.

* One way to look at wealth: Let's say your monthly income in Los Angeles is $10,000, vs her's is $200 in VN. You make 10000/200 = 50 times more. And to someone making $200, 2.7 billion VND a year is astronomical.

THIGV wrote:

Also it is a little unclear what her current level of competence is in English but for us to be married, at that time in the Department of Justice, the officials had a translator come to the room and evaluate whether her English was good enough for basic communication.  Of course it you were Viet Kieu and a Vietnamese speaker, that would not be an issue.

No interview any more. May be in special cases. 

Each Huyện has it's own interpretation of the rules.

Well, if this was me (the girl), I would want to learn how serious this new bf really is? Talk the talk, walk the walk.

Seeing dependable punctual payments for half a year might put me at ease...

YMMV and money and love should never be confused or mixed up, theoretically. (I personally ended up paying a wife's lost salary when she was mobbed and forced into resigning).

Chris

letrungnam wrote:

Actually, there are many different things between Vietnam culture and abroad, but I know that Vietnamese man always wants to take good care of their girlfriend. They buy many gifts, flowers, pay all bills and give their girlfriend money completely voluntary because they think it makes the girlfriend happy. Vietnamese thinks a good man must be like that.
However, if the girl asked you for money frequently, you should be careful. That is absolutely not a good girl.

Good luck.

Interesting points and borne out by my personal observations too.

I think her point is evident, as you mentioned she has a Job in the office, actually, you did not know she was working in the office or front desk because you have not much chance to stay with her, you knew everything that she said. I don't think the office girl was never trying to get herself to work at the spa or nail shop.

If she is planning after married, she will work in the nail shop, and now she has to care for that if smart like that then I don't think she will ask money from her bf.

Just be careful.

Collwing wrote:

I don't think the office girl was never trying to get herself to work at the spa or nail shop.

I think the scenario was Vietnam=office job, US=nail shop.  I know there are Vietnamese college graduates working in nail shops in Honolulu because white collar work is closed off to them because of language.  They gravitate to nails because most shops are owned by Vietnamese so it becomes a self-fulfilling cycle.  Also low level office work in Vietnam is probably 5-6 Million a month or less.  It just has more status than nails.

According to my experience in Vietnam for many years, when they meet and be together with a foreign guy, most of them never do it spontaneously.

Just out of few exceptions, many of them (maybe more than 80% or 90%), who tends to find foreigners have a mature PLAN in backside of their minds.

(Of course there are thousands, millions of other girls who doesn't have any plan about foreigners.
But because they don't have any plan with us, they are not trying to contact us too.. So we can never meet with them anytime.
Because of this reason, PERCENTAGE of "girls who come with plans to us"  is increasing among the girls we met)


- Biggest group has "Marriage PLAN". Their main expectation is a comfortable and safe life with the economical and social possibilities of a foreigner.

- Second biggest group has "Regular Money Payment PLAN".. They think that their life quality is not good enough to enjoy from life. And their possibilities and self abilities cannot be enough to achieve any better situation. So they are deciding to hunt a "Foreigner Boyfriend"... By this way they can both "have a boy friend" and "have a regular economic support" which will help to improve their life quality.

- Third group has "One time Investment Support PLAN". These are usually women who likes to live independent, so they don't expect from you marriage. But in order to be more independent, they want to build -OR- improve their own business. Problem is they are lack of enough investment funds to do that. So they choose Foreigners as their "Target" for reaching their intent.

- There is a minor group who just want to experience to have a relationship with a foreigner. Their expectation is "That's All".... But they are smaller group (because of the reason I wrote above, about the Factor which effects on Percentage)

Collwing wrote:

I don't think the office girl was never trying to get herself to work at the spa or nail shop.

When I came to the States 42 years ago, I was in the first year of my Masters in Philosophy, had taught Vietnamese Lit and French in high school (11th grade) for 3 years, spoke French fluently and English adequately.  In the first 7 years after arriving, I had worked many different jobs, one of them was part of a hospital cleaning staff.  I'm not going to describe my duties back then to you now (though I wasn't embarassed of that honest way of making a living, I would rather not recall it in details), just that spa masseuse or nail technician would have been a huge step up.

There are many reasons foreigners have to accept any job that come to them despite their education and ability with the language.  Let's not assume before trying to walk a mile in someone's shoes first.

Ciambella wrote:

Collwing wrote:

I don't think the office girl was never trying to get herself to work at the spa or nail shop.

When I came to the States 42 years ago, I was in the first year of my Masters in Philosophy, had taught Vietnamese Lit and French in high school (11th grade) for 3 years, spoke French fluently and English adequately.  In the first 7 years after arriving, I had worked many different jobs, one of them was part of a hospital cleaning staff.  I'm not going to describe my duties back then to you now (though I wasn't embarassed of that honest way of making a living, I would rather not recall it in details), just that spa masseuse or nail technician would have been a huge step up.

There are many reasons foreigners have to accept any job that come to them despite their education and ability with the language.  Let's not assume before trying to walk a mile in someone's shoes first.

I have met lots Vietnamese expat who is working in Nail shop in different countries.  But what I mean none of then never though they will be working in a nail shop before they moving to that country.  Everybody going there just for Study or working or married.  So they will find a job as a part-time working in the nail shop.

theother wrote:

Hi everybody. I met a Vietnamese girl a year ago online, and went to Vietnam recently to meet her. Everything was good. She is pretty and nice. Not a bar or party girl, she works in a office for a big pizza company there. We date for a week in Saigon. I even went to meet her parents in their countryside town. We talked about marrying and I started making plans when came back to USA. Her best friend has a boyfriend who takes care of her and now my gf started asking me money. Is not much, only $200 monthly for 6 months, but I have heard a lot about this kind of girls in Asia. She first asked for English classes joking, now got more serious and told me she will spend the money on a manicure course to prepare herself to get a job when she married me and came to USA.
My question, is this something normal in Vietnam? Is there any social rule for that request a boyfriend has to take care of his girlfriend? If there is, how much should be regular allowance and what amount should be suspicious? She never asked me before and we had some kind or argument about this.
Thanks in advance...

As a Vietnamese, I have never heard of this so called "social rule". It is okay if you support her for her career, but she can do something for you in exchange regarding fairness (up to your preference). Personally I have trust issue, I would want to see if she is really joining those English and manicure classes.

Collwing wrote:

But what I mean none of then never though they will be working in a nail shop before they moving to that country.  Everybody going there just for Study or working or married.  .

I gotcha! 

Keep it goin kiddies.

Did y'all know that there are foreign women in western countries that are highly amused reading this stuff.   My ex wife & her friends are regular readers of the lifestyles of the Desparate & Dateless males in SE Asia.

They are piddling themselves with laughter reading about some of these old blokes getting taken for a ride.

And just to make it interesting,,they bait the trap by trolling with fake OPs & story lines.        You never really know who your replying to 🤓

It's all part of the game here.

Thigv , my gf has some friends here in USA and she is aware how hard would be for her to get a god job  here due the language barrier. Thanks for you reply.

Colwing. I'm 100% sure  that her job is true and I even visit her office to double check. She works as staff office now for a global pizza company and make little bit more that $250.

Letrungman When I visited her, she pay some things like UBER and she was always aware about the exact change in dongs. When I left then she asked me what will I do with the leftover dongs and I told he that I would give them to her, except  one billet as memory of my visit. Thanks for your reply.

theother wrote:

Colwing. I'm 100% sure  that her job is true and I even visit her office to double check. She works as staff office now for a global pizza company and make little bit more that $250.

I do not know you and your relationship, but just want to say be careful, there are anyways you can find out more information. And as you can see on this site there are so many good and bad stories expat get from Vietnamese GF and marriage.

Yogi007 wrote:

Keep it goin kiddies.

Did y'all know that there are foreign women in western countries that are highly amused reading this stuff.   My ex wife & her friends are regular readers of the lifestyles of the Desparate & Dateless males in SE Asia.

They are piddling themselves with laughter reading about some of these old blokes getting taken for a ride.

And just to make it interesting,,they bait the trap by trolling with fake OPs & story lines.        You never really know who your replying to 🤓

It's all part of the game here.

"Fur" enough, Yogi. But for every guy I have met in Vietnam who has been ripped off by some snake with tits, I have met another guy who has a Vn wife, a kid or kids and has a happy life.

And to be really honest, I have been married to a "foreign" (English) wife whose only interests in life were collecting dogs and smoking dope. In fact she was so idle, she couldn't be bothered to wash for days on end.

eodmatt wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Keep it goin kiddies.

Did y'all know that there are foreign women in western countries that are highly amused reading this stuff.   My ex wife & her friends are regular readers of the lifestyles of the Desparate & Dateless males in SE Asia.

They are piddling themselves with laughter reading about some of these old blokes getting taken for a ride.

And just to make it interesting,,they bait the trap by trolling with fake OPs & story lines.        You never really know who your replying to 🤓

It's all part of the game here.

"Fur" enough, Yogi. But for every guy I have met in Vietnam who has been ripped off by some snake with tits, I have met another guy who has a Vn wife, a kid or kids and has a happy life.

And to be really honest, I have been married to a "foreign" (English) wife whose only interests in life were collecting dogs and smoking dope. In fact she was so idle, she couldn't be bothered to wash for days on end.

That must bring back some sweet memories, living with the unwashed.

I lived in a house back in the early 80's, one of my female flatmates used to talk and argue with the wall. Such fun times.

I also lived with a guy who burnt everything, I would come home and ask him "where is the lounge(sofa)?'
'I was bored, so I burnt it" came the reply.

Ha ha ....you blokes have certainly done the hard yards.
Yogi has also had the pleasure of being shacked up with “nice types “

Matt, was she the “shrieking haradin” you were once married to.  😆

About the trolls.....we all know the property spruikers scan these sights.  But....I know VN women like these threads in particular, I've met a few.    Being a public blog,,we are inadvertently educating the “snakes with tits” on how to act and paint the picture that we like to see.   

Like I said, you never know who's reading this stuff, what they're looking for  and who's really behind the avatar.

colinoscapee wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Keep it goin kiddies.

Did y'all know that there are foreign women in western countries that are highly amused reading this stuff.   My ex wife & her friends are regular readers of the lifestyles of the Desparate & Dateless males in SE Asia.

They are piddling themselves with laughter reading about some of these old blokes getting taken for a ride.

And just to make it interesting,,they bait the trap by trolling with fake OPs & story lines.        You never really know who your replying to 🤓

It's all part of the game here.

"Fur" enough, Yogi. But for every guy I have met in Vietnam who has been ripped off by some snake with tits, I have met another guy who has a Vn wife, a kid or kids and has a happy life.

And to be really honest, I have been married to a "foreign" (English) wife whose only interests in life were collecting dogs and smoking dope. In fact she was so idle, she couldn't be bothered to wash for days on end.

That must bring back some sweet memories, living with the unwashed.

I lived in a house back in the early 80's, one of my female flatmates used to talk and argue with the wall. Such fun times.

I also lived with a guy who burnt everything, I would come home and ask him "where is the lounge(sofa)?'
'I was bored, so I burnt it" came the reply.

Interesting times !

Just remember, just because you get married that doesn't automatically qualify her for a Visa to the USA - and one of the hardest Visa's to get now is the Fiance' Visa since the Arab couple that shot up the place in Sacramento - she was on a Fiance' Visa.

One week, and talking about Marraige??   Ask yourself, would this happen to you in the States??  You didn't just suddenly become an extremely handsome man when you got off the plane in Ton Son Nhut.  Check age difference if it is a great difference, then I would think twice about it - the Visa Adjudicator in the US Consulate will definately take that into account, as well as the short time you knew her, I dont see a happy ending to this story for several reasons.    Good Luck, you're going to need it.

Sir
Why ask the public at large? You have visited her and been here to see things yourself, you met her and her parents. Decide for yourself. Its a matter of hear and not business.
Thanks

Thaiger wrote:

Sit her down and have a tete-a-tete pow-wow.

Explain the American custom of having a few beers with all the neighbourhood homies then running a train triple-teaming one of their chicks every month.

quid quo pro quo etc

You are a disgusting pig!

eposqta wrote:

Sir
Why ask the public at large? You have visited her and been here to see things yourself, you met her and her parents. Decide for yourself. Its a matter of hear and not business.
Thanks

Because he isn't sure and is asking advice from foreigners who live in Vietnam.

eposqta wrote:

Sir
Why ask the public at large? You have visited her and been here to see things yourself, you met her and her parents. Decide for yourself. Its a matter of hear and not business.
Thanks

People do ask other people's opinions when it comes to matter of the heart.  In this case, the OP doesn't think his heart is on the line, but he certainly has some concern about the state of his wallet -- a legitimate concern as per the unanimous vote so far.