how often do you call?

Each person might have a story to tell how he or she has ended up in being an expat. You may have chosen it or you may not, it may have been imposed upon you or there was not any other choice but moving.　Whatever case it might be if you still have families in your home country how often do you connect and how?

In my case, the first few years I seldom called my parents, maybe once every few months and one time I didn’t call them for about six months or more and they were not at all impressed when I called. Please don’t get me wrong, I do care about them and love them however meaningless it may sound to you when I say this. Meanwhile I had been emailing my brother often so they must’ve known I was not dead. They didn’t call me either so I am not entirely the one to blame. Chances are they wouldn’t have known how to make an international call anyway though.

Now I realize that the best I can do is call them and let them know I am doing well. so I call them monthly. I don’t go on to tell what life is like in Africa coz they don’t ask. All they want and need to know is how I am doing and all I like to know is they are well. so the conversation only lasts a few minutes max.

I always say I am well and everything is cool even when it is clearly not and I am hungry and sick because I don’t wanna make them worried. I get the sense they might be doing the same for me. I know they care about me. and that means a lot. My father once said to me “Watch out for landmines.” As far as I know there ain’t any landmines in South Africa. But I said “I will”.

I even think if I start calling them weekly they would wonder what’s gotten into our son, and start worrying. Many things I want to ask them and tell them but I feel like those are not suited to be told on the phone. Maybe the next time I see them. And I am not good at talking on the phone anyway. The more intimate I know the person on the other side of the phone the more I feel the phone does do much for men to really connect. but still that is the best option and cheapest.

I have never used or needed skype.

My parents don’t call me but I got the hand written letters from them a few time. They didn’t post them. what they did was they wrote a letter and took it to a home appliance shop around the corner from my folks place. The shop owner is an electrician in the village and my mother and he went to the same school. I mean at the same time, they all go to the same schools anyway coz there are only a few. and then the electrician scans the letter and emails me with an attachment of a flipping big size on my side. It is more personal and warm for sure though than if they had emailed.

How do you keep in touch, if you do that is, with your parents, spouse, children, grand parents, brothers and sisters? What do you talk about and how long?

I am sure I am not the only one feeling the way I mentioned above.