Is there a love between a foreign older man and a vietnamese girl

sorry to correct you sploke 77 but every one has control the Christian God has given us free will he disiplines us like a good father does, we make bad choices and suffer the consequences, our trouble starts when we just do what WE want not what he knows is better look for Him and ask you may be surprised:)

Hi Mark, I understand what you mean. But, where you will meet your soulmate, when and how is NOT in our control. If it happens by His will, it happens. Many are called to be in singlehood too. I hesitate to encroach into religious issues as this is a secular forum.

These days, soulmate are tend to meet more...
I am nearly sure that she is my soulmate. I should never have met her, everything was coincidence... And we are now together...
A lot of things separate us, education, culture, language, religion, race,... but we have the same understanding of nearly everything... For me there are no difference and when I went there, I directly found my place and had no difficulties to integrate...

She will come to live here first because I can't go to vietnam now. But we will one day. My work (informatics, business intelligence, database,...) is very specialised but will come to vietnam one day...

I am someone that likes preparation, it is why I am here already readings about the life of an expat, and also why not make new contacts.

So to emphasis on coincidence...
Here in my city, she can take free french lessons. And one of the two teachers is vietnamese... What are the odds to have here a french vietnamese teacher ?...

I often wonder what is a soulmate. My fiance seems perfect for me but I guess when you love someone everything seems to be perfect.

We had 2 previous chances to meet but it never materialized. First one was in 2002 when I partied at her grandfather's house for Christmas and her grandfather's birthday with all her relatives. I was close with her uncle. She was away for work in another city.

Second time was 2008 when her family pushed her to meet me. She felt her lack of education, appearance and poverty was not good enough to marry me.

Than in 2012 through her family urging she again declined. It was the 2nd time I made an enquiry not to her specifically but in general that she finally agreed to meet me.

I didn't know those 3 times she declined to meet me or even had any idea I was being setup for a possible marriage until I met her in Vietnam in 2012.

Thinking back it was a good thing we didn't meet or we'd probably be struggling financially. And that can lead to a host of other problems.

I'm not religious or anything but I have to thank whoever set us up at the right opportune time at a stable point in our life to meet. Our philosophy on life is similar in so many ways despite our many indifferences.

Sploke77 wrote:

If you believe in a Higher Being, then whatever happens between human relationships, timing, location etc is not within your control. However, the institution of marriage has been so corrupted here in the quest towards "filial piety" that is lamentable. Parents, feeling fully justified, just pressure their daughters and use them as tools to better their lives, just so that they have 'face' and can look good in the relatives' circles! These women then just adopt a distorted direction and purpose in their existence on earth. They thus believe after all the brainwashing since young, that their life's meaning and purpose is solely to capture by whatever means, some form of conveying happiness (money only buys material happiness) for their parents, ready to sacrifice if so needed. Elsewhere in the post, someone mentioned that girls are more educated these days and being more exposed to Western ways and culture. However, it will really need decades to change thoughts and behavior and GUILT for disobedience is a crippling force to reckon with. Hopefully, the next generation of parents here will be more enlightened towards the pursuit of individual happiness for their children.

You and I are cut from the same cloth...

Yes I think that there is timing in life...
I certainly was not ready a few month back...
At that time I didn't though my experience were nice and I had harsh time...
But now with the time passing, I just see that was only preparation for what I live now... I needed to have hard times, to now be able to make the difference, to be able to accept what I'm living, to have my mind ready for another culture, for other kids,... for a lot of different things...
Just like you said Kahn44, previously was not the right time for you. It is the same for me. If I had met her a few months earlier, it would not have worked...
I still remember that day when one of my play friend in facebook invited me to a lot of vietnamese group... It was like I discovered a total different world. That day was my first opening to the world... We are so closed here...

We never can be sure that we have our soul mate until we are together and then you see that it is different.
You see that even with so much difference, you are the same, you think the same...
I can feel when she will text me and I often look at my cell phone at the moment she writes me...
I can feel a connection.
For me that is something hard to explain. But I come from a carthesian culture and believe me that this was very strange for me to accept that fact but I accept now...
In Europe we are trained to be carthesian, to only accept what we see and can explain...
I've seen too much things that don't have a carthesian explanation...

wow, you guys have just given me new encouragement,thanks khahn44 i see new light maybe Nhung and i have hope;)

Never give hope until you know it is lost...
Then your experience will serve for the next one...

Ohm, I have a man who wanted to love me now. I am confusing because I am a man

wind1989 wrote:

Firstly,I send my thank for all of every ideas of every people and I am very appreciate all of this. I am also thinking my problems. Dear Tito12, I understand your ideas about my age and his age. The age is always the most caring problems. I agree with you about your view of this.
Actually, I used to have some Vietnamese boyfrienld in my past. They are still young, many power, close to me and take care for me better than "my special frienld" but it always have a price, they do not infidelity, changes, do not have any gurantee in the future.
Besides, I am also the girl who have nothing, I do not have more materials, I born in the poor family and live in the smallest house. My family have to lend the money when I want to study in university. I do not give the reason that it justify my action. But who will want to marry a nothing girl.
Truthly, I am too boring with the younger man in Vietnam. Finding a good man in Vietnam is very difficult, beside fiding a man from foreigner country is harder. I know I am still young and many choose so I am also thinking so much. I can marry an older man over 35 ages, it is normal with me. For me, if I want to marrying a man, the first thing I have to consider his income to gurantee for me and my family. It is enough with me.

Hum, why I didnt know about this thread earlier?!? Now it's 5 pages and dont want to read all. So, are you trying to say if he's a billionaire, maybe, then you will marry him?!? Ashamed for VNese girls who think like you! Dont pull the "poverty" to excuse and beg the pity from other! You're not the only one poor girl in the country! All the country is poor!!! D*** it! I wish I were a man who's rich and handsome to meet these kinds of girls!!!

aibiet150204 wrote:

Ashamed for VNese girls who think like you! Dont pull the "poverty" to excuse and beg the pity from other! You're not the only one poor girl in the country! All the country is poor!!! D*** it!

So, as those who read this understand, you don't agree with the OP's thinking and are ashamed for her. I get that...

aibiet150204 wrote:

I wish I were a man who's rich and handsome to meet these kinds of girls!!!

Given that you're ashamed for her, why would you want to be a rich man and meet a girl like her? I DON'T get that.

Why not marry a younger foreign man?  The whole thing about them living in their parents' basement and not working is a myth, I swear!

saigonmonkey wrote:

aibiet150204 wrote:

Ashamed for VNese girls who think like you! Dont pull the "poverty" to excuse and beg the pity from other! You're not the only one poor girl in the country! All the country is poor!!! D*** it!

So, as those who read this understand, you don't agree with the OP's thinking and are ashamed for her. I get that...

aibiet150204 wrote:

I wish I were a man who's rich and handsome to meet these kinds of girls!!!

Given that you're ashamed for her, why would you want to be a rich man and meet a girl like her? I DON'T get that.

To see how beautiful those girls are in order to request a rich man to get married with (and without love... The way she was saying sounds to me that she can get married with a rich man and does not need to love that guy. Or I misunderstand?!?). Normally, you have to pay for what you want, if you want a rich man so either you have to (i) sell your beauty and/or (ii) become a sex toy... Any other options?!?

I asked a group of petroleum engineers the other night, what is more important, love or money when deciding on a partner. The answer by 90% of them was money.One lady who was married said she would not of married her husband if he was poor.

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the number one reason for arguments in relationships about money? And the number two reason for arguments is about sex? Sooooo if a young girl gives her rich husband great sex then there are fewer arguments??????  And consequently BOTH are happier?Hmmmm!!!

colinoscapee wrote:

I asked a group of petroleum engineers the other night, what is more important, love or money when deciding on a partner. The answer by 90% of them was money.One lady who was married said she would not of married her husband if he was poor.

Vietnamese woman are very practical when it comes to money. They want someone who is able to improve the whole family standard of living.  Nothing wrong with this way of thinking.Some of us are here because we enjoy practical woman.  My current love is 35 years old, I am 54.  We have a lot of fun together. Last year I was with a 23 year old.  She was also a lot of fun, but the age difference bothered me too much. If the OP is happy, then it is okay.  I am not about to disagree with consenting adults.

I understand the dynamics of why, but the point was, money comes first. Money comes first with everything, ever noticed when there is an accident, out comes the money to ease the pain.

I think money is important but love is more than

alie tran wrote:

I think money is important but love is more than

But for some, it is the money that draws their attention first. Then they will make the effort to try get to know them....

I've been lurking on this thread for a long time and these are my thoughts:  What is so wrong about inputting a potential partner's financial position into the marriage equation?  Most of us would accept that physical attraction could be part of that equation, but looks are something that are a lucky inheritance, that indicate nothing deeper about the individual and often deteriorate over time.  Having a lot of money, if someone has either earned it themselves, or inherited it but managed to conserve and grow the amount, often indicates diligence, intelligence, and focus as well as luck. As has been pointed out earlier, many of the problems that arise in a marriage are financial; it is simply rational to try to minimize those at the outset.

Hi all,

Some post have been moved from the thread as some of these post were rude. Thank you!

Regards,

David.

Expat-blog team.

Alie Tran,

Are you counting your money on the commode there, in that avatar?

just wondering if you have a plan to find a job in uk suppose you are living there with him (if this happens) in order to make your income better, besides his welfare.

it is really not nice to ask from him so much such as to bring you to uk, send you to english center, support you & your family while there is no effort from yourself to make your new-family life better.

suppose you really love him & want to live with him in uk, you should think of the good side how to improve both your living condition better, not think of the bad side if his welfare can support your life & bring you a good life, it sounds not nice.

hope you have a right thinking, not only a matter of making a right decision to marry him or not marry him!

Wild_1 wrote:

Alie Tran,

Are you counting your money on the commode there, in that avatar?

Didn't occur to me until you brought it up! 

If a country was war- torn and ravaged and properties were confiscated, wouldn't the first thoughts of people's minds be 'how do I get out of poverty'? Lives have to be re-built, assets re-aligned and means of survival found. That's why the South Koreans are to be admired for rebuilding everything after the war from scratch! Why couldn't that serve as a model here too? Why is tbis nation still mired in poverty? Why? Is it politics?? Come on, intellectual discourse coming up...

Sploke77 wrote:

If a country was war- torn and ravaged and properties were confiscated, wouldn't the first thoughts of people's minds be 'how do I get out of poverty'? Lives have to be re-built, assets re-aligned and means of survival found. That's why the South Koreans are to be admired for rebuilding everything after the war from scratch! Why couldn't that serve as a model here too? Why is tbis nation still mired in poverty? Why? Is it politics?? Come on, intellectual discourse coming up...

You're forgetting one key element: In the Korean war, the US and its allies were successful at preventing the North from spreading Communism to the South, while in Vietnam, we were not. You're not making an apples-to-apples comparison, by comparing Vietnam to South Korea.

China was mainly Communist too, right? But how did it become a second world power now? This country has abundant resources too, right?

Korean War : 25 June 1950 – 27 July 1953
Vietnam War :     *1 November 1955 – 30 April 1975
*The birth of the Viet Minh 1941
Different times and different duration.

World War II Japan: 1938-1945.
Sadly, the victors of colonisation, India and Vietnam have have lots to catch up.

Maybe we ought to start another thread as this one is about Human Relationships!!

Sploke77 wrote:

China was mainly Communist too, right? But how did it become a second world power now? This country has abundant resources too, right?

Actually, no. Vietnam does not have abundant resources, unless you're looking for coffee and rice. No country is going to become a world power by trading coffee and rice. Also, take a look at a map or globe sometime. Compare the size of Vietnam to the size of China and USA. Population and size-wise, it will be very difficult for Vietnam to be a world power.

Getting slightly back on topic, up until about 15 years ago, China was still considered a poor country, and many women there behaved very similarly to today's Vietnamese women (the ones being discussed in this thread, not Vietnamese women in general), with regard to looking for a wealthy man to "take care" of them and their families. China is a world power today, due mainly to wise investment (wise, that is, until the USA defaults on our loans from them) and strength in numbers. But there are still plenty of poor, repressed people in China, just as in Vietnam.

One last burger before hitting the road : can you throw size into this equation. How small is Singapore? How rich is Singapore currently?? What resources or land dies it have??

Sploke77 wrote:

One last burger before hitting the road : can you throw size into this equation. How small is Singapore? How rich is Singapore currently?? What resources or land dies it have??

Well, how many people in the world consider Singapore a world power? How many people can even find Singapore on a map? As you've already said, need to start another thread. I tried to steer this one back on topic, but you keep jerking the wheel.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Sploke77 wrote:

One last burger before hitting the road : can you throw size into this equation. How small is Singapore? How rich is Singapore currently?? What resources or land dies it have??

Well, how many people in the world consider Singapore a world power? How many people can even find Singapore on a map? As you've already said, need to start another thread. I tried to steer this one back on topic, but you keep jerking the wheel.

Sweden was a world power at one time.  Times changed, ability to maintain large enough armies to be a world power changed just as it did for England. The sun never sat on the empire in the old days.  Some believed they could not be trusted in the dark.

Sploke77 wrote:

China was mainly Communist too, right? But how did it become a second world power now? This country has abundant resources too, right?

Japan once was a 2nd economic power after being atom bombed. Don't need resources or land mass to get there. Not saying Vietnam will be an economic super power but at least it's economy will grow strong.

Than the total opposite is Canada. 2nd largest land mass, vast resources.

Ok gentlemen, I rest my case. Perhaps every piece of law put forward by the General Assembly is a step for improvement,. Year after year, those who got jail terms is a better step forward.  One certainly hope so, especially for us who intend to stay for a lengthy time in this country.... Light at end of tunnel...

Sorry mates, can I ask about the age gap but it's reverse, an old Asian woman with a younger western man?

I decided to break the relationship up because of age gap mostly, e.g. like an old woman just wants to have a stable life but the young still wants to go and discover world as much as possible..., but I still feel that decision wrong somewhere a little bit.

ah a cougar. Who cares what the age is as long the couples get along with each others, share the same life goals and interests.

At first, I thought like that and everything went easy, however after a while the mentality difference shows more and more, and it is much more difficult when being with an older man. Now I am totally confused what love is, what soulmate is...^^

Anna_Vo wrote:

At first, I thought like that and everything went easy, however after a while the mentality difference shows more and more, and it is much more difficult when being with an older man. Now I am totally confused what love is, what soulmate is...^^

Love is a commitment. That's why you see couples that are very different from the point of view financially, weight, height, intellect, attractiveness, age, social status, career etc being together for many many years.

Lust of which may be the initial attraction fades as the years go by. Those looking primarily for sex won't be together for the long term. But those who are committed stay together even though one may even have become disabled.

As far as a "soulmate" goes I think that yes some people are fortunate that they have found someone that closely mimics what each one needs, wants and desires. However unless they are committed to each other then the relationship is doomed. IMHO

Solo1 wrote:

Anna_Vo wrote:

At first, I thought like that and everything went easy, however after a while the mentality difference shows more and more, and it is much more difficult when being with an older man. Now I am totally confused what love is, what soulmate is...^^

Love is a commitment. That's why you see couples that are very different from the point of view financially, weight, height, intellect, attractiveness, age, social status, career etc being together for many many years.

Lust of which may be the initial attraction fades as the years go by. Those looking primarily for sex won't be together for the long term. But those who are committed stay together even though one may even have become disabled.

As far as a "soulmate" goes I think that yes some people are fortunate that they have found someone that closely mimics what each one needs, wants and desires. However unless they are committed to each other then the relationship is doomed. IMHO

Thank you Solo... Yes, we were attracted physically at first, however we did not have any commitment. That ruined all.

Another question, I want to cut off totally because my heart still feel hurt and sensitive about that. However, the man wants to be friends, normal friends. It's so difficult to woman to see the one you like but just be friends. Are there any friendships after breaking up between men and women?