Expat kids...

We are corporate expats which means that we move fairly regularly.  My children are ages 8 and 10 and have lived in 4 different countries.  They are incredibly flexible and know that this is what we do.  Most of their friends are similar which makes life much easier.  If we aren´t leaving, someone else is.  I think that this nomadic lifestyle has led to them adapting quickly and integrating fairly rapidly when we do get to a new location.  I must say that my daughter is a bit better at it than my son though.

They began school in Switzerland and went into a Swiss German speaking kinderkrippe (preschool).  My daughter then went on to a bilingual school, German and English based on the British system.  When we moved on to Slovenia, she went into an English speaking IB program and was one of the few native English speakers in her class.  My son was tossed into a Slovene preschool which was difficult but doable.  The problem was at week 6, when he was starting to speak the language and feel comfortable, they changed all of the teachers.  This put him in a tailspin.  I pulled him out and he ended up on a waiting list for the English speaking Kindergarten.  Now, we are in Portugal and they are attending another English speaking school, this time in the British system.  It has been an incredibly easy transition for them.  Our next move will be this summer and they will re-enter the IB program (which I prefer) in English.  If we were staying in countries with one language, I would have immersed them.  If we were staying in one location for a long time, I would have immersed them.  But with our transience, keeping the school system in one language is for the best.  I don´t think it matter whether it is the mother tongue or another language, as long as it is consistent.  If German would have been available in Slovenia, I would have gone for it.

So far, so good.  No age has been difficult yet.  I think the most important thing in our family is to keep open, positive communication.  They never have heard me complain about moving or disrespecting the culture in which we are living.  It is always an adventure and they approach it that way.  They are actually looking forward to the next move which surprises me.  Of course, they keep saying they want to live someplace where there is snow. 

I also realize that all kids are different.  My children are incredibly adaptable; probably due to genetics but also upbrining.  Some kids aren´t.  Some children can handle the big change of immersion, others can´t.  You know your children, but please, just don´t superimpose your insecurities on to them.  I see this all of the time.  (and I am speaking generally, not to any one specific poster).

Sonho, your comment about language seems to be a valid one...if you know you will be moving often, I agree, maintaining a consistent language is really important.  How often can they change and still keep up with curriculum.  It is great your kids are so flexible.  It certainly helps.  How old are they now?

I don´t know the answer to that.  We are considering changing languages next year but some other things need to fall into place before that happens.

My children are 8 and 10.

When I was a kid, growing up in Cuba, my parents decided for the French School because we had on in Angola.
When moving around, it's easy to follow the system, as it's the same all around the world. We have a continuity in the education, and it might be one of the only stable things along with the family.

I know that now I don't have roots or childhood friends because I was moving around and I wasn't daughter of expats or diplomats. Now my schoolmates were expats' and diplomats' children, so they moved more than I did, which really was difficult to keep up.
Only in high school I kept my friends, even when I left South Africa because we are teens and we know better and we can communicate wherever we are. But I had a very lonely childhood although I can adapt very well and can keep doing it now because of the communication era. But I have very sad memories of my childhood and sometimes I blame my parents.

Although I wouldn't change my upbringing for anything in the world, I know I don't want the same for mine, because today I feel a huge gap.
I can travel whatever I want today, and if my husband were an expat, I would happily follow him. But when children show... I'd change my mind...

(I'm single, maybe that's why ;-))

i have a four year old. i am glad to see this posting. very informative, thank you!

As a child that grew up with expat parents, I can tell my own stories about how expat life affects children. I also have worked as a counselor with kids that are transitioning back to the US aftergrowing up overseas with expat parents.

Please be aware that an expat life really does affect your children very significantly. It gives the benefits of a big worldview, rich cultural experiences, flexibility, and probably a great education.

It does have its share of difficulties as well. Every transition brings the grief of loss, and when kids have highly transitory life-styles there is often unresolved grief to deal with later in life. There is often also a loss of cultural belonging, they don't fit in in the "home" culture but they also aren't considered a member of their "host" culture.

I do highly recomment the book "Third-Culture Kids" to read more about these things.

What helps? A loving, stable family helps more than anything else. Friends with similar cross-cultural backgrounds help kids not feel so out of place. A good school helps.

Read the book! I've met Ruth Van Reken and she is fabulous.

Hi ,

Thinking about all these things is so important - I used to work in the interntional school system and the kids who adjusted the best were the ones whose parents had thought about all the effects. I'd agreee with Papuagirl that ' TCK' books really help

I wrote an article about this topic just recently  - would love to hear what you all think about it? ( note - I'm not an expat Mum but hopefully have seen enough to comment ! )

http://matadorabroad.com/how-to-raise-s … -overseas/

I read your article,niamhg, it was informative and well written!  i am waffling between trying to decide whether to put my child in an international school or a local school. i will have a better idea in a couple of months when i go visit the netherlands. thanks for your input. i and reading "third culture kids" now, thanks to papaugirl's recommendation.

I have to thank Papuagirl for her insight regarding the effects of moving abroad on kids.  I've noticed everything that she's highlighted regarding a certain level of grief in my kids, especially my teenage son.  They are happy with the relocation but I think they have some issues with adaptation.

We have also been forced to send our kids to an international school because of the Arabic language barrier in Saudi but also because I want my kids to attend a co-ed school.

I am home-schooling 2 of the 3 at the moment because they couldn't adapt at the school they were registered at last year.  That has resulted in a decrease in social activity which i feel is vital for young minds.

My teenage son, he just clams up some times and is hesitant to discuss his feelings.

I'll be purchasing "Third Culture Kids" today definitely. 

Thanks friends!

Glad I could help a little Kmorros, good luck with finding a good school in Holland!

At 2 and a half and 1, they will probably adjust very well! They will probably show some confusion and take a few weeks or months to settle down and be completely comfortable, but children of that age are more adaptable than any other!