Why do VN's stare at Foreigners VN wive's?

Your posts are so intertaining.. You must be a really quick typist and spend a lot of time doing this too.. But I'm new here n loving reading it.. I couldn't possibly try to reply to many points you make.. But loving your endless gabines

Gabbiness

When people (Viet or tourist) see an old western man with a young Viet girl their first thought will be that she's a prostitute. That or the old man is a pervert taking advantage of an underprivileged girl from a poor country. They will assume she is either a fulltime "working girl" with a customer or she is in a "sugar daddy" arrangement. If the foreigner returns to their home country why will experience the same "odd looks", though less obvious (Viet people don't seem to feel it's impolite to stare). I've been living in Viet Nam for over eight years and everyone thinks the same thing, even me. I think the OP is just wanting someone to tell him they aren't thinking what he already knows they are.

The short answer: they feel sorry for the girl or think she is a lady escort.

PS You'd be surprised how people's attitudes change if they see you with a Viet wife and baby. Those dirty looks turn to mostly smiles.

Adhome01 wrote:

When people (Viet or tourist) see an old western man with a young Viet girl their first thought will be that she's a prostitute. That or the old man is a pervert taking advantage of an underprivileged girl from a poor country. They will assume she is either a fulltime "working girl" with a customer or she is in a "sugar daddy" arrangement. If the foreigner returns to their home country why will experience the same "odd looks", though less obvious (Viet people don't seem to feel it's impolite to stare). I've been living in Viet Nam for over eight years and everyone thinks the same thing, even me. I think the OP is just wanting someone to tell him they aren't thinking what he already knows they are.

The short answer: they feel sorry for the girl or think she is a prostitute.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just stating the truth.

It's the same when I'm out with my 16 yr old stepdaughter, but up here they will sometimes ask her if I'm her boyfriend, or husband, luckily she isn't embarrassed by it, just laughs it off. Of course you get some women just giving her the filthiest looks. ( definitely not pity, but usually by old hags or ugly spinsters no doubt ).

So then what are they smiling about?

So then what are they smiling about?

bluenz wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

When people (Viet or tourist) see an old western man with a young Viet girl their first thought will be that she's a prostitute. That or the old man is a pervert taking advantage of an underprivileged girl from a poor country. They will assume she is either a fulltime "working girl" with a customer or she is in a "sugar daddy" arrangement. If the foreigner returns to their home country why will experience the same "odd looks", though less obvious (Viet people don't seem to feel it's impolite to stare). I've been living in Viet Nam for over eight years and everyone thinks the same thing, even me. I think the OP is just wanting someone to tell him they aren't thinking what he already knows they are.

The short answer: they feel sorry for the girl or think she is a prostitute.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just stating the truth.

It's the same when I'm out with my 16 yr old stepdaughter, but up here they will sometimes ask her if I'm her boyfriend, or husband, luckily she isn't embarrassed by it, just laughs it off. Of course you get some women just giving her the filthiest looks. ( definitely not pity, but usually by old hags or ugly spinsters no doubt ).

I'm tall (6'3" /190cm) and easily draw attention here. I used to drive me crazy to the point I didn't like going to the city center (I live in an outside district of HCMC). After six months or so I just stopped noticing.

If you really want to know what people are thinking just learn Viet. The OP wouldn't need to ask his question if he spoke it. Most of the time when they are staring they are also saying something too. But most of the time the girl you're with won't tell you what they truly said.

On a related note, I used to get asked all the time why I was with an ugly Viet girl instead of a pretty one. Say what you want but they are honest.

pathixon48 wrote:

So then what are they smiling about?

They are not always smiling.  Some men also give disgusted looks as well, hardly ever at me , nearly always at the female, ( sometimes I might be out with one of my older female students ), but I can't say I blame them, god dam Foreigners, coming here with their big wallets, and taking all the pretty girls, I'd be pissed off too. ( unless of course, it was their sister/mother/cousin, then they will want to be your best friend ).

I never heard if a VN woman who would ever say "I don't give a bleep what you think.".. Supposedly, every VN person is always everyone totally concerned with the perception, whether real or perceived with Social Status more than anything else

pathixon48 wrote:

So then what are they smiling about?

When they see you with a child together you're viewed as being in a committed relationship.

pathixon48 wrote:

I never heard if a VN woman who would ever say "I don't give a bleep what you think.".. Supposedly, every VN person is always everyone totally concerned with the perception, whether real or perceived with Social Status more than anything else

This is true. It's all about "face". It doesn't matter what the truth is it's just about what you show. Example, most people are more concerned about looking rich than being rich. Another thing that drives me crazy but it's so ingrained there is no changing it. On the plus side because I'm a foreigner I get a pass on a lot of things. They figure you're different and you don't truly understand how things work here. Not all bad.

pathixon48 wrote:

I never heard if a VN woman who would ever say "I don't give a bleep what you think.".. Supposedly, every VN person is always everyone totally concerned with the perception, whether real or perceived with Social Status more than anything else

You haven't met my wife, I've seen her have some real good ding dongs with shop owners,  and a noisy inconsiderate neighbour, ( but aren't they all? ),  she wasn't like that when I first met her, ( she was the typical ......... suppressed, good citizen ), but she is also very concerned more about MY appearance than before, ( the usual, don't get too brown, wear good clothes when out, chrome plate my bikes dog cage, etc ), but she is a Deputy Principal now, WE have an imagine to protect??????

Adhome01 wrote:

pathixon48 wrote:

I never heard if a VN woman who would ever say "I don't give a bleep what you think.".. Supposedly, every VN person is always everyone totally concerned with the perception, whether real or perceived with Social Status more than anything else

This is true. It's all about "face". It doesn't matter what the truth is it's just about what you show. Example, most people are more concerned about looking rich than being rich. Another thing that drives me crazy but it's so ingrained there is no changing it. On the plus side because I'm a foreigner I get a pass on a lot of things. They figure you're different and you don't truly understand how things work here. Not all bad.

bluenz wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

pathixon48 wrote:

I never heard if a VN woman who would ever say "I don't give a bleep what you think.".. Supposedly, every VN person is always everyone totally concerned with the perception, whether real or perceived with Social Status more than anything else

This is true. It's all about "face". It doesn't matter what the truth is it's just about what you show. Example, most people are more concerned about looking rich than being rich. Another thing that drives me crazy but it's so ingrained there is no changing it. On the plus side because I'm a foreigner I get a pass on a lot of things. They figure you're different and you don't truly understand how things work here. Not all bad.

Yeah, that's good, I pretend not to understand Viet, and get headaches easily, so no more wedding invites for me.
  The looking rich thing makes me laugh, they build a huge new Concrete cave, their attach a hideous looking veranda, made of twisted coconut tress and sometimes 2nd hand tin.

bluenz wrote:

bluenz wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

This is true. It's all about "face". It doesn't matter what the truth is it's just about what you show. Example, most people are more concerned about looking rich than being rich. Another thing that drives me crazy but it's so ingrained there is no changing it. On the plus side because I'm a foreigner I get a pass on a lot of things. They figure you're different and you don't truly understand how things work here. Not all bad.

Yeah, that's good, I pretend not to understand Viet, and get headaches easily, so no more wedding invites for me.
  The looking rich thing makes me laugh, they build a huge new Concrete cave, then attach a hideous looking veranda, made of twisted coconut trees, and sometimes 2nd hand tin.

Isn't that bit scary?    How about we change it into "lady escort" instead?

   

Adhome01 wrote:

When people (Viet or tourist) see an old western man with a young Viet girl their first thought will be that she's a prostitute.

charmavietnam wrote:

Isn't that bit scary?    How about we change it into "lady escort" instead?

   

Adhome01 wrote:

When people (Viet or tourist) see an old western man with a young Viet girl their first thought will be that she's a prostitute.

done. apologies for my bluntness. 

If they notice its you and with several different men, then they are convinced you are their prostitute, right?

I mean after all, we are talking about VN right?

Like adult males wearing shorts in VN...

I'm still confused though.. Do the smiles mean the aporove ? Or are they just think it looks ridiculous? Or what?.. Cause everything has to have a double or hidden meaning right?

Well they can be brutally honest at times when they should be using a little tact....
And then they can be sarcastic.. For instance: my wife will tell me that a woman just said a out us. "Good couple" but she meant it sarcastically..
Then of course all the times where whatever they say simply has another meaning to it. .

pathixon48 wrote:

I'm still confused though.. Do the smiles mean the aporove ? Or are they just think it looks ridiculous? Or what?.. Cause everything has to have a double or hidden meaning right?

When they see a national and an foreigner with a child they are more excepting ( thinking you're in a serious relationship). Also, everyone seems to love the mixed babies. So you don't get as many dirty looks and more smiles.

pathixon48 wrote:

Well they can be brutally honest at times when they should be using a little tact....
And then they can be sarcastic.. For instance: my wife will tell me that a woman just said a out us. "Good couple" but she meant it sarcastically..
Then of course all the times where whatever they say simply has another meaning to it. .

At least she's telling you the truth about what people are saying. Most of the time the woman won't bother telling you because she knows you'll be upset.

Viet people are brutally honest for sure. They aren't afraid to ask anything and nothing is off limits. Just remember it's part of their culture and they talk this way to each other too.

I'm surprised.. I have read before that a "crossbred child". Is discriminated inside VN anyway..
But I am pleased to hear someone finally say that the " odd couple" can finally get some degree of acceptance in society if it is apparent they are in an actual committed relationship... Or is it because they see a real family with a child?  Cause all I have heard so far is that all VN hate the old "pervert" who is preying on a poor young woman's bad circumstances Or they hate her too if they think she is financially well off enough that she doesn't need to be with him but she is just lazy enough and nasty enough that she will sink to it anyway..
What you think? Is this accurate or not?

pathixon48 wrote:

I'm surprised.. I have read before that a "crossbred child". Is discriminated inside VN anyway..
But I am pleased to hear someone finally say that the " odd couple" can finally get some degree of acceptance in society if it is apparent they are in an actual committed relationship... Or is it because they see a real family with a child?  Cause all I have heard so far is that all VN hate the old "pervert" who is preying on a poor young woman's bad circumstances Or they hate her too if they think she is financially well off enough that she doesn't need to be with him but she is just lazy enough and nasty enough that she will sink to it anyway..
What you think? Is this accurate or not?

My wife is only 7 - 8 yrs younger than me, but we still get the looks, but wifey thrives on it, Funny thing is , that she is well off now, but it wasn't with my help, she did it all by herself over 3- 4  yrs.

Im 37 and walking around with my gf at the time 35, people would stare a great deal. Then would proceed to tell my girl, "wow, he's handsome". I never did mind the stares and have sense been referred to as Mr Handsome whenever anyone asks me my name.

Here in Laos I have no undue stares even though my wife is 25 yrs younger than me. We are looking to holiday in Vietnam so I take it we would get the 'look'

Big-Tex wrote:

Im 37 and walking around with my gf at the time 35, people would stare a great deal. Then would proceed to tell my girl, "wow, he's handsome". I never did mind the stares and have sense been referred to as Mr Handsome whenever anyone asks me my name.

Don't let it make you head swell too much, up here as long as you are a Foreigner, ( any make or model, ) they think you are " beautiful ", They are probably also wondering why you are not with a 20 something yr old ?, ( as they think we always get the pick of the crop ).

Even before moving to Asia 8yrs ago, my head was already a big.....hehehe

Really more like confident in myself and my intellect than so much as a douche.

Big-Tex wrote:

Even before moving to Asia 8yrs ago, my head was already a big.....hehehe

Really more like confident in myself and my intellect than so much as a douche.

That's one thing, ( of very few ), that VN's can teach us, how to act, ( over ), confident, , and give an impression that they understand, and know how to do EVERYTHING. ( That 's why they will never listen to advice,  even when it will make the job easier , and take shorter time to do..
But what would a Foreigner know about anything, apparently we all work in a/con offices, I'd take advice from someone who's recent ancestors actually invented most of the modern day things, but I'm sure VN's think everything was invented by their Chinese cousins.