Why do VN's stare at Foreigners VN wive's?

Why do Americans stare when you have an Asian wife or gf in America?

danhask wrote:

Why do Americans stare when you have an Asian wife or gf in America?

Probably the same reasons, ( but the. ' wish I had a body like that again?, probably wouldn't apply so much in VN though )
  It would really interesting to see some VN's comments on this.

Why do some Vietnamese stare at me?  Because... I'm so good looking, I suppose!

bluenz wrote:

What are VN's thinking when they stare at a Foreigners VN wife , ( or daughter, or any VN female accompanying them )? I get all sorts of looks, some happy , some down right disgusting.
   Input from some VN's would be interesting.

"Holy cow she's FAT!"

danhask wrote:

Why do Americans stare when you have an Asian wife or gf in America?

Holy cow she's SKINNY!

Maybe this is one of the factor.

howtogetasiangirl.com/common-prejudices-about-white-guy-asian-girl-couples/

Oh whoops, I totally misread the title.  You're talking about a foreigner's wife who is Vietnamese.  I thought you meant a man's wife from their respective countries.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

danhask wrote:

Why do Americans stare when you have an Asian wife or gf in America?

Holy cow she's SKINNY!

"Uh! What does she see in him?Maybe he's just rich."

jimbream wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

danhask wrote:

Why do Americans stare when you have an Asian wife or gf in America?

Holy cow she's SKINNY!

"Uh! What does she see in him?Maybe he's just rich."

Yes I can see that applying in VN too.  Of course we are all rich to them though.

Confucius say:

In a land of chickens, seeing a a chicken hanging out with a chicken is no big deal.

But when a chicken hangs out with a duck, it's a scene worth starting at.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

Confucius say:

In a land of chickens, seeing a a chicken hanging out with a chicken is no big deal.

But when a chicken hangs out with a duck, it's a scene worth starting at.

THD,
2 female birds of different families hanging out would be no big deal.

Just a question, how Vietnam people know she is the Vietnam WIFE of the foreigner? I got the feeling that they stare at me and my man-foreign-colleague everytime I take one around the city when they visit the office - Yah, we are neither couple nor spouse

aibiet150204 wrote:

Just a question, how Vietnam people know she is the Vietnam WIFE of the foreigner? I got the feeling that they stare at me and my man-foreign-colleague everytime I take one around the city when they visit the office - Yah, we are neither couple nor spouse

I think they just assume they are a couple, a few times I've had Vn's actually ask my 15/16 yr old step daughter if I am her boyfriend or her husband.
   Now if I am with my Adult female students out of school, I tell them to expect to be asked questions like that.

bluenz wrote:

aibiet150204 wrote:

Just a question, how Vietnam people know she is the Vietnam WIFE of the foreigner? I got the feeling that they stare at me and my man-foreign-colleague everytime I take one around the city when they visit the office - Yah, we are neither couple nor spouse

I think they just assume they are a couple, a few times I've had Vn's actually ask my 15/16 yr old step daughter if I am her boyfriend or her husband.
   Now if I am with my Adult female students out of school, I tell them to expect to be asked questions like that.

Right, they can only assume. So, here what I think when I see a Vietnamese woman going together with a foreign man, "are they a couple?" or "is the girl just a "chicken" of the foreigner"!  I only - though just sometimes - stare at a very young woman when they go with a very old foreign guy and wonder if she is happy with a foreign guy!

bluenz wrote:

.. a few times I've had Vn's actually ask my 15/16 yr old step daughter if I am her boyfriend or her husband.
   ....

That's because you live out in the boonies.  Way out in the countryside, it's common for 15-16 year old girls to get married.  So it would be natural for people to think you're an old rich geezer from overseas coming to marry a Vietnamese virgin.

bluenz wrote:

What are VN's thinking when they stare at a Foreigners VN wife , ( or daughter, or any VN female accompanying them )? I get all sorts of looks, some happy , some down right disgusting.
   Input from some VN's would be interesting.

When it is the women staring I just assume they wish it was them I was with. With the men I also assume they wish they were with my girl.

bluenz wrote:

I think they just assume they are a couple, a few times I've had Vn's actually ask my 15/16 yr old step daughter if I am her boyfriend or her husband.

Lol I wonder if even us westerners are susceptible to that kind of curiosity/generalization/assumption? I saw this late fifties to 60-something looking (white) guy at a swimming pool here in HCMC with a young pretty Viet girl of maybe around 20ish and I though to myself: 'hmm, is that his young gf?' and then a woman who looked like she was in between the ages of the two entered the scene and then I thought: why did my mind automatically jump to that? I mean if she (the youngest one) were a white girl I would have just assumed she was his daughter or young niece or something like that.

Next I wondered if I have a daughter with a Vietnamese woman whether people be thinking the same thing about us 20 years from now lol.

ancientpathos wrote:

When it is the women staring I just assume they wish it was them I was with. With the men I also assume they wish they were with my girl.

LOL. It must be really nice living in Your World. Pretty cozy in there huh?

bluenz wrote:

What are VN's thinking when they stare at a Foreigners VN wife , ( or daughter, or any VN female accompanying them )? I get all sorts of looks, some happy , some down right disgusting.
   Input from some VN's would be interesting.

I am Vietnamese, German, a little itsy bitsy French. Years ago, when I was younger,single and living in Los Angeles, CA. I had a guy friend who was Chinese-Vietnamese. He invited me to attend a Vietnamese Wedding Reception with him. It was my first time to one. The attire was formal not traditional Vietnamese so I  wore an elegant cocktail dress. I think there might have been over 150 guests. All kinds of awesome Vietnamese dishes and alcohol.


I was really enjoying myself with my good friend. As I looked around, I realized that besides myself, there was only one other white man at the ceremony. I'm assuming the rest were Vietnamese. Then I looked at the other women and men. What I observed was not very happy looking faces on the women as they were obviously staring at me and talking in Vietnamese. As we were leaving the dinner reception some men came up to my friend and patted him on his shoulders and said a couple of words in Vietnamese.

He later told me that his friends wanted to know how he found someone like me because they have no luck attracting attractive  western women. He said he told them we were good friends not lovers. They said that figures! Anyways, I told him about several women, especially the young ones around my age were staring me down. He said they were just jealous of my looks and that he didn't ask them as his date.

I think people are always going to look at mixed couples no matter what country in they are in. I've gotten used to being stared at and it really doesn't bother me. People were even staring at me in Vietnam when I was out with my uncle or male cousins eating.

MIA2013 wrote:

...People were even staring at me in Vietnam when I was out with my uncle or male cousins eating.

In the West, it may be rude to stare but it seems here, staring at other people is common....just like women picking their noses or guys taking a leak on the side of the road. 

So I've gotten used to it not being a respect/rude thing and stare right back.  Sometimes I would initiate it  ....especially at the good looking girls...until their boyfriend cut me off with a "I'm gonna knife you if you keep looking at my girl" look.

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

...People were even staring at me in Vietnam when I was out with my uncle or male cousins eating.

In the West, it may be rude to stare but it seems here, staring at other people is common....just like women picking their noses or guys taking a leak on the side of the road. 

So I've gotten used to it not being a respect/rude thing and stare right back.  Sometimes I would initiate it  ....especially at the good looking girls...until their boyfriend cut me off with a "I'm gonna knife you if you keep looking at my girl" look.

How about when they come right up to you, and stand and stare, I say hello, but some will still stand there speechless.  I just assume they are allowed out by themselves for the day????? ( especially when they are old, and wearing the old style pajama type suit ).

bluenz wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

...People were even staring at me in Vietnam when I was out with my uncle or male cousins eating.

In the West, it may be rude to stare but it seems here, staring at other people is common....just like women picking their noses or guys taking a leak on the side of the road. 

So I've gotten used to it not being a respect/rude thing and stare right back.  Sometimes I would initiate it  ....especially at the good looking girls...until their boyfriend cut me off with a "I'm gonna knife you if you keep looking at my girl" look.

How about when they come right up to you, and stand and stare, I say hello, but some will still stand there speechless.  I just assume they are allowed out by themselves for the day????? ( especially when they are old, and wearing the old style pajama type suit ).

You feel like you're a unicorn don't you?

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

bluenz wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

In the West, it may be rude to stare but it seems here, staring at other people is common....just like women picking their noses or guys taking a leak on the side of the road. 

So I've gotten used to it not being a respect/rude thing and stare right back.  Sometimes I would initiate it  ....especially at the good looking girls...until their boyfriend cut me off with a "I'm gonna knife you if you keep looking at my girl" look.

How about when they come right up to you, and stand and stare, I say hello, but some will still stand there speechless.  I just assume they are allowed out by themselves for the day????? ( especially when they are old, and wearing the old style pajama type suit ).

You feel like you're a unicorn don't you?

I am a magical unicorn. Did I ever mention my experience with Korean women. Since this is a Vietnam blog I won't be sharing.

MIA2013 wrote:

Did I ever mention my experience with Korean women. Since this is a Vietnam blog I won't be sharing.

What is the relation between the experience with Korean woman and the Vietnam blog that makes you wont be sharing?

MIA2013 wrote:

I am a magical unicorn. Did I ever mention my experience with Korean women. Since this is a Vietnam blog I won't be sharing.

Most likely get censored anyway. ( unfortunately )

Well this is outside my area but I will just note that we live in a country that has wedding-clothing or wedding-photography store on just about every block.

ChrisFox wrote:

Well this is outside my area but I will just note that we live in a country that has wedding-clothing or wedding-photography store on just about every block.

Its a very good business too be in, ( catering, table/seat etc hire, noisy sound systems, food/beer supplies etc, etc ), the going rate up here for an invitation is 300k, each guest would probably only consume 50k a head, plenty left over for expenses etc.

aibiet150204 wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

Did I ever mention my experience with Korean women. Since this is a Vietnam blog I won't be sharing.

What is the relation between the experience with Korean woman and the Vietnam blog that makes you wont be sharing?

Well I'll just say it wasn't anything I did, but rather what they did out of curiosity. End of story!

bluenz wrote:

Its a very good business too be in, ( catering, table/seat etc hire, noisy sound systems, food/beer supplies etc, etc ), the going rate up here for an invitation is 300k, each guest would probably only consume 50k a head, plenty left over for expenses etc.

Matchmaking is like the national sport. 

After a few dozen of those tiệc cưới it's all the same ... same half-raw chicken, same awful music chúc mừng the happy couple and get out before the smoke gets too thick.

ChrisFox wrote:

bluenz wrote:

Its a very good business too be in, ( catering, table/seat etc hire, noisy sound systems, food/beer supplies etc, etc ), the going rate up here for an invitation is 300k, each guest would probably only consume 50k a head, plenty left over for expenses etc.

Matchmaking is like the national sport. 

After a few dozen of those tiệc cưới it's all the same ... same half-raw chicken, same awful music chúc mừng the happy couple and get out before the smoke gets too thick.

Don't forget your ear plugs.
  Actually I thought the national sport was watching someone else working???????

bluenz wrote:

Don't forget your ear plugs.
  Actually I thought the national sport was watching someone else working???????

Glad to know I'm not the only one.  Some of the traditional music is beautiful but the pop here is the worst music I have ever heard anywhere.  I can't believe anyone can listen to anything so musical simple.  Never a change in tempo or key, not a single chromatic or even secondary dominant, like first week on the piano for five year olds. 

And Xmas is coming.  Thank heavens for iPods.  There is actually an Xmas song here that is, astonishingly, fantastically, worse than the stuff in the USA.  Mi So Do ... Mi So Do ... Jesus ...

̣Don't forget the Li Xi

bluenz wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

I am a magical unicorn. Did I ever mention my experience with Korean women. Since this is a Vietnam blog I won't be sharing.

Most likely get censored anyway. ( unfortunately )

A unicorn is a magical animal that is a horse with one horn on it's head.  It doesn't exist in real life.  So if you are a unicorn, then everyone would stare at you, come up and rub your belly (like in the case with ancientpathos), make you otherwise feel like you're unique/special/weird.

You REALLY need to read Charles Stross' new novella, "Equoid."  Like, immediately.

ChrisFox wrote:

bluenz wrote:

Its a very good business too be in, ( catering, table/seat etc hire, noisy sound systems, food/beer supplies etc, etc ), the going rate up here for an invitation is 300k, each guest would probably only consume 50k a head, plenty left over for expenses etc.

Matchmaking is like the national sport. 

After a few dozen of those tiệc cưới it's all the same ... same half-raw chicken, same awful music chúc mừng the happy couple and get out before the smoke gets too thick.

Haha, somehow I relate to that.  Because I don't drink alcohol, I have a hard time at the tiệc cưới (wedding parties).  I like to sit at the women's table because they drink soda pop but sooner or later I get shown the men's table.  So I sit there getting peer pressured into drinking.  I do the 1,2,3 Dzô thing then act like I'm drinking it.  Half the time they're too drunk to realize I haven't drank any amount.  It gets to be same ol same ol and seems to me the wedding party isn't about the bride and groom but about getting all the men totally plastered.

The women eat quickly and scurry home before the afternoon sun fries them.

What really bothers me is the wasted food.  At one wedding party the reality dawned on me that Việt Nam is still a poor country when during the down part of the party where most guest have left minus the drunken guys, a strange man did a blitz through the tent emptying all the noodles and rice into a bag.  He was stealing food!  The mother of the groom actually was chasing after him. 

I had asked someone why there is so much food ordered for a wedding party when only half of it gets eaten.  The answer was that there needs to be an appearance of plenty for the guests to gorge themselves because it's more embarrassing to not have enough food. 

I lost my appetite after that and lost my desire for wedding parties.  I also "vowed" that for my wedding party, I'm only going to offer the guest 3 courses (or whatever is just "enough") instead of the 7 (they usually get full after 3 courses anyhow - the rest are full of beer and don't eat much).  The money I save from not buying too much food will go to feed my babies at the orphanage.  I don't give a crap if guests say I'm a cheap bastard.

As for the resentful and "I hate your guts" stares, you have to put yourself in the place of the stater, Why should any Vietnanmese resent or despise foreigners going out with 'their' women?

Hmm, Foreigners are over-sexed, overly wealthy, and over here (in Vietnam). That sentiment spawned riots between the Americans and their hosts in London and Brisbane in WWII, when we were allies. It also caused shootouts between U.S. and Vietnamese GIs in read areas during the war. Quiet looks of hatred or disgust in today's Vietnam are quite polite by comparison.

Now, if you are in the young lady's neighborhood or small home town, there may be some baggage reason someone will throw you, her, or both dirty looks. Ex-boyfriend of wannabe boyfriend, or spouse or ex-spouse. The best thing you can do is ignore them too. Vietnamese don't appreciate a 'scene' with loud voices and shoving, even when you are in the 'right'.

It's not just Vietnam. My wife and I drew occasional rude stares and comments in Taipei, Beijing, and Korea. The fact is that resentment over 'our women/men' is one of the oldest in the world. It exists everywhere there are appreciable divisions between people, whether ethnic, cultural, linguistic, economic, or class driven.

lirelou wrote:

As for the resentful and "I hate your guts" stares, you have to put yourself in the place of the stater, Why should any Vietnanmese resent or despise foreigners going out with 'their' women?

Hmm, Foreigners are over-sexed, overly wealthy, and over here (in Vietnam). That sentiment spawned riots between the Americans and their hosts in London and Brisbane in WWII, when we were allies. It also caused shootouts between U.S. and Vietnamese GIs in read areas during the war. Quiet looks of hatred or disgust in today's Vietnam are quite polite by comparison.

Now, if you are in the young lady's neighborhood or small home town, there may be some baggage reason someone will throw you, her, or both dirty looks. Ex-boyfriend of wannabe boyfriend, or spouse or ex-spouse. The best thing you can do is ignore them too. Vietnamese don't appreciate a 'scene' with loud voices and shoving, even when you are in the 'right'.

It's not just Vietnam. My wife and I drew occasional rude stares and comments in Taipei, Beijing, and Korea. The fact is that resentment over 'our women/men' is one of the oldest in the world. It exists everywhere there are appreciable divisions between people, whether ethnic, cultural, linguistic, economic, or class driven.

So...passive interracial discrimination?

It can be passive or active, and is resentment rather than discrimination. As you probably know, Vietnamese are quite capable of discrimination. But if a minority wears Vietnamese style clothing, speaks Vietnamese in public, and generally lives as a Vietnamese, there is little discrimination and indeed, the government provides scholarships for minorities. The goal is assimilation, not racial purity (as exists in another Asian "star" that touts itself as Asia's most 'homogenous' i.e. pure blooded, nation)

My impression is not that women who go with foreigners are seen as betraying the nation, but rather the suspicion that they are using their beauty and sex to reach a higher station in life than would otherwise (i.e., fairly) go to their social betters. But, of course, Vietnam does have its share, a minority in my view, of outright racists, as any other country.

There seems to be this view that white foreigners should get the wealthy Vietnamese girls while the village girls should get the Koreans and Filipinos.

ChrisFox wrote:

There seems to be this view that white foreigners should get the wealthy Vietnamese girls while the village girls should get the Koreans and Filipinos.

How can you tell if a Vietnamese girl is wealthy or not? Look at her motorbike? And if she is wealthy, how would you know if that wealth originated from her and her family, or from her boyfriend/husband? I don't know about that. But what I have observed is, the Asian expats (Korean, Taiwanese, etc.) seem to get the better-looking Vietnamese girls. My observations have taken place mostly in Phu My Hung, (I live there) where there are a lot of Korean ex-pats...with their very attractive Vietnamese girlfriends/wives.