My experience being married to a Vietnamese woman

cindy_ramos wrote:

try filipina woman, i assure you we are better than them 

Except when it comes to the food. 

Man can't live by sisig alone.

Hahaha
Maybe thats the only filipino dish you know...
anyways...lots of foreigners coming back to the philippines bcoz of our food 

wow!! what a sad story....almost half way.. i quiet reading it.. .. and skip to the end... but then i said.. no no.. i need to read it all..... i just dont understand... why why.. you let all of that happen...?  how can a person be so blind.. with love?  what was so good about her, that you let her control you, humiliated, use you like that?

Maybe she had a bad childhood... maybe she was abused.... maybe she was not right in the head
one thing is for sure, she will be treated the same or worst.

Good Luck

Wow! Your story is difficult for me to understand how someone can keep up with such weirdness! You're soooooooooooooo ................ mmmm....naive!

Anyway, it's such a long post so I think you probably got it all out and feel better now! I'll tell my man your story to warn him against marrying Vietnamese girl! Me thinx your story over a glass of red wine should be a perfect mix for our evening!

Take good care of yourself!

Was that fun?

Was any of that true?  Several parts definitely were not.  Like mailing an iPad.  The chance of that being true are absolutely zero.

These Cambodian girls...

I had a date with two Cambodian girls here in Vietnam and man.. Both of them something like profesionals. Actually they didn't ask me for money, but it was obvious. You know, normal girl would not dress in a style that EVERYONE is looking on her on the street, if she knows she has a date in a park.

It was also very easy to catch them lying. So many stupid stories, like that they had only 2 boyfriends in their life, that they don't like parties much (you know, typical party girls), they like to stay at home and cook. Blah blah blah. Once you know all these stories, it's very easy to realize if the girl is cheating. All of them have the same stories.

I am sure that your girl told you, that you are her number 3 boyfriend, right? :-D

One obvious sign of "half pro" girl is, that she doesn't have a job. She will have some serious story for you, but that's everything bullshit. If she has time every day whole day, it means she has money from men. Some of them have more boyfriends, all of them sending money. One thing can be, that she is one of these massage plus plus girls, they don't have to work every day I guess.

Everyone should first stay for few months (at least) in SE Asia and realize how does it work with women here. And then start looking for serious relationship. Some people are really poor here and some people are really not shy to lie about EVERYTHING.

Especially around foreigners, there are many many girls specliazed only in dating with foreigners. Good quality girls are here as well, but it's not that easy like with these "pros", of course.

Some of girls will date you only because they want you to pay lunch. Some of them will wait until you take them shopping and pay everything. If you don't, they will stop meeting you for "no reason." Some of them will act like they don't need anything and after few weeks of "relationship", she will start to tell stories about some bank loan she has to pay... Or that she has to make money for her brother and it's so hard...

I have to say, that here in Vietnam girls are better then girls in other countries. Many of them have normal job, they don't want you only because money, etc. Many of girls in Vietnam are looking for real relationship, I think. Of course, that foreigner is for them handsome (white) and has money.. Of course, that girl will like handsome guy with money and not ugly poor guy.

Anyway, in some cases, for some guys, I think it's worth the money.. If you see 70 years guy amost dieing how he is happy with 20 years old chick, his self-confidence is in the sky... Then it's propably worth spending iPads and money for her family, etc. Just make it clear. These girls want only money and that's all. They can like the guy, but the most important thing is that he is paying. You can have nice time with them, but you have to be really tough, I mean really tough. Otherwise they will eat your heard and suck your soul.

I am not saying that all girls are pros or that all girls are bad. There are good and bad people in every country.

I think that many of these girls have foreigners as "marketing target group," so for us it looks like there are more of them then in reality.

+1

Guess I've been a 'lucky one'.  Known 4 women seriously in Vietnam since 2004.  Not a one has been anywhere near what you were talking about.  Didn't marry the first one, but really should have.  The next two I lived with for 2 and for 3 years in an apartment.  The 4th, I've known since 2006 and now have finally married.  The paperwork for everything on the marriage took about 9 weeks total for the marriage certificate.  The 5 year visa took all of 11 days and $10.00 US.  Only one of the 4 has ever asked me for anything...surgery for her and funeral for her brother...outside of that nothing.  Told them off the bat that going back overseas was not going to happen...
Before moving to Vietnam I knew a young gal in Thailand that was like the one you described...learned quick about that after the first grand where that was headed.
Working now on a 'work permit' on my own to teach on my own...already somewhat approved through the department of education with only a visual on the room for the classes (no business though). 
She's even agreed to my saying, "no house until after at least a year"...and I've known her now for over 7 years.  Wish you all the luck in the future.

I like your advice ... Many thanks for sharing ...

Your letter was very long but I didn't read it all because I hear similar stories all the time... small gifts are nice things to give but run like hell when substantial transfers of cash are demanded!

You are a lucky man

poor you!

Reading this really long posts caused me "I headache" *joking*

Honestly you must have been blind by love. A person who really loves you would not asked for money, ipad other stuff... really

But thats vietnam and those stories happen quite a lot to foreigners and viet kieus.

Sorry but tha'ts just foolish.

Once you're married you are dead. Those type of women take everything and dump you.

Of course there are decent and really cute girls in Vietnam ( like myself haha, ok joking again im German) but don't fall again for those scammers... find a decent girl who went to university, have a good family background and one who doesnt say I love you after a few days.

Wish you good luck man

You are right ... I almost dig my own grave ... The VN lady say love me but she still can hug other man ... She do to see if I can get angry ... Bull shit to her ... She hug man so can get money not made me angry ...

Millions of ladies avaliable  in Vietnam. Are you desperate.

So sorry my friend it's really traumatic story . Honestly this is one of few times I read entire long posting like that , however , it is really interesting story although hearing from one side but so sad story .
Whilst I was reading  I felt  in short time I'm in your place and truely I felt how is feels like .
What I gonna say , you  have got all my support and feel free to share whatever you have , we will get you back as soon as we can.
What I admire in you most, it's you don't mix up people you still love Vietnam and respect its people . Honestly everywhere there is bad and good and of course there are millions of honest and generous ladies in Vietnam and in rest of the world might be you would have chance to meet them in real soon , and I'm with you some  of them are more materialists due of poverty and need.
Cheer up my friend surely you will meet right one .

I am also married in Vietnam for many years (an honest hard working one) but sadly see this happen to others over and over. Even one of my nieces is a professional girlfriend and has multiple men sending her monthly checks. Vietnamese women are adorable but also easily corrupted by foreigners throwing so much easy money at them. I usually advise my friends that if you meet a woman in a tourist area that speaks understandable English.... RUN!! There are wonderful women everywhere in this country looking for a good husband.... even not rich, but most of them speak no English.

Owee wrote:

I am also married in Vietnam for many years (an honest hard working one) but sadly see this happen to others over and over. Even one of my nieces is a professional girlfriend and has multiple men sending her monthly checks. Vietnamese women are adorable but also easily corrupted by foreigners throwing so much easy money at them. I usually advise my friends that if you meet a woman in a tourist area that speaks understandable English.... RUN!! There are wonderful women everywhere in this country looking for a good husband.... even not rich, but most of them speak no English.

What about English students or locals who spend a decent time abroad?
That doesnt mean that local women who dont speak English are not touts or scammers.
I believe that you shouldnt be blinded by the beauty and kind words they say.
Hey, I'm a woman as well and I know how easy it is to manipulate u guys :p

If you meet a local, try to get to know her. Try to figure out what her family background is. Don't give money when she ask for it. Run away when she says I love you after a week or two.
There are great and hard working women who really wants to find a husband ( no boyfriend, our goal is to get married asap).

I read the whole story and have to say that "it is not a real love at all". When a woman falls in love with a man, especially Vietnamese girl, She will ask for nothing except the honest heart and real love of that man. A love with material things and money is not love in the end.

To be honest ... I m a very lucky guy that by chance joined this blog ... I had spend around 20k usd for the lady that I think she love me for three years times ... Each time she do wrong I tell myself is not her fault, she go disco hug man because her no good friend bring her ... After I joined this blog now I understand more with thanks for those share their experiences ... I thanks all if you !!!!

I only can say love is blind ... If you have ever have real love you will understand ...

Please post the divorce procedure for all of us to see.
This is a familiar story unfortunately I have heard similar several times. Some have ended in serious violence so I am happy you survived the abuse and you have taken the correct decision so now can get on with your life. only caveat I have is no need to give up on the good Vietnamese women - they are still out there.

Good and bad everywhere. Just gotta be less trusting unfortunately. I'm Australian and have been with my Vietnamese partner for 12 years. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She met me when I was a newly separated single father of two young boys and I had nothing. She has been the best mother my lads could ever hope for  and she's the only woman I've ever wanted to grow old with!  I love her to bits and I know her loyalty is beyond doubt.

Phew! My eyes are hurting after reading that. I have a couple of observations on your story and your subsequent posts.
1: I may be wrong but the way she treated you when family/friends were around suggests to me that the so called brother/cousin whatever, may have in fact been a boyfriend. If that sounds ridiculous then you need to know one thing, people, not only Vietnamese, will go to extraordinary lengths to fleece people, even making their girlfriends marry people or go to work in places like Singapore as prostitutes. I know from first hand experience that this happens. I have a friend who was basically forced into prostitution by her (so called) boyfriend. She moved away from her home and family to escape him.
2: Was the marriage legal? Did you go through all the normal government checks, ID, medical proof that you were single, sane and of good health etc before you signed any papers? If not you may find your not married at all and it was merely another scam to extract money from you.
Unfortunately yours is not an isolated case but it is one of the more extreme that I've heard. I hope you can find closure and move on to better things in your life. Don't be put off by one bad apple and by all means return to Vietnam and possible find true love. Whatever you decide I wish you lots of luck for the future. Once bitten twice shy as they say.

Hi!
Firstly, the topic's owner is obviously fool. Yet love is blind. So I'm not questioning how truthful this story is, I'm concerning how he gets away from trouble after her.

1. Don't be too rush getting rid of her! It can make her angry and come up with bad things (even another nice face that can drag you down again) preparing for you when you come back to VN. And you will come back, surely at least to get divorce. She may get you in trouble to revenge for running away from her.
2. Get more friends in Vietnam for cases you need help. And remember to get more friends but keep trustworthy friends only! ;-)
3. Don't ask for legal advice from UK lawyers, ask for local Vietnamese lawyers cause they're much more familiar with this stuff.
4. Stop trying to convince yourself that she's good and advocate for what she's doing. She's cheating on you.
5. Based on the story, I can figure out she lives in Vietnam but may be originated Cambodian. And no matter where someone comes from, there're bad and good people everywhere. Don't loose your faith in hope and goodness!
6. You mentioned that you love VN and want to come back. That's ok if you come back for vacation. If not, let's take it as a brand new start and look for jobs here (as well as good friends). Love will come in a right time.
7. Learn from your life's lessons. Don't listen to "bavard" guys around here. We are totally different from each others with very different lives.
8. Good luck! And I'm glad to help you anything I can, so contact me if you need and further information about legal, local life or stuffs.

P.S: I'm quite good at speaking/writing English, but it's because of my BA of Interpreter. Please distinguish understandable English speaker and well-educated English speaker before you get trouble with that. I poured a big glass of beer on to a foreigner because he was about saying he can get any Vietnamese girls to his bed with an Iphone. If you still think you can get a girl with money, then don't blame anyone for being cheated!
A good girl/man (everywhere in this world) don't sell their dignity for anything.
I have my job and earn the amount of money that many foreigners want to have in this time of economic crisis. I saw many foreigners (even from Europe) coming here looking for job. We are bosses of staffs who came from developed European countries. And I still love to get married to Vietnamese man comparing to foreigners because they can understand my poems.
Some of you are cheated, but many other of you cheat us, too.
Think twice before you judge anyone, or a group of people!

Hi, I married a Vietnamese lady a couple years ago. She was real sweet, but when I finally got her to the USA, she has turned into a real bitch, especially in the kitchen, which is her territory. Everything has to be totally clean, and if I make a mistake, she rants and raves for 1/2 hour to 2 hours sometimes. I really want to get out of this marriage, but I bought a small house for her in the country, and now she is pregnant. I am hoping she will mellow out in the kitchen. We have fun, and get along otherwise. It is not all that bad.  My suggestion is to you to forget your girlfriend, and find a nice lady in the UK or wherever you live.

Marriage, why do people feel compelled to do this. I understand it makes the visa easier, but that is not a good reason. If you feel pressured for mariage, that is a sure sign it is time to leave....

Well, you are damned if you don't and damned if you do......Sounds like your wife is territorial about her kitchen and how she likes to keep it (I am assuming that she likes to cook)? There are American men that complain that they can't even get their wives feet wet in the kitchen. My mom really hates when my dad makes sandwiches and leaves crumbs all over the counter without cleaning up. Are you the same? If so, then maybe you can make an effort to not do the things that set her off? If you aren't that kind of husband then maybe you should have a civilized discussion with your wife about her excessively long rants. In my observations, women live and react with their emotions and men with their egos. 

Hi Mia, She is a wonderful cook. We eat delicious home-made Viet food that is. Much better by a long shot than Viet food in a restaurant, because no MSG, reduced salt, sugar, and fat. I will live at least 10 years longer, but I will just have to put up with her tantrums. All people have their pressure points, I guess my wife's is neatness in the kitchen. We cook alot in the kitchen together, and have alot of fun. I just have to watch myself. She has eyes in the back of her head to coin the phrase. I am reasonable neat in the kitchen. I think my wife is very obsessive about it though. I heard from someone once that Viet ladies are like this.

I don't get it.  Just stay out of the kitchen.  Problem solved.

My wife and I have a lot of fun cooking together in the kitchen as well. I'll never forget, not long after we met, I cooked her some spaghetti and asked her if she liked it....she hesitated and said no. I knew she was lying and had to tell her that it's OK  that we can both cook good. I knew she felt threatened and was ....yes.....jealous of my cooking abilities!!! I get a good chuckle every now and then about it.

Hello,

First, whatever your story is true or false, I can see some things same in my story...
I like how detached people can easily say : ho, are you stupid ? blind ? Crazy ?...
To those people I will ask : have you ever been in love ? Can you really have a relationship and begin to doubt about everything ? So how can you live if everything your partner does you need to doubt it ?
You don't know what a man (woman) can do for love and how heart/brain can make you blind to everything because you love and want to believe. I was blind, I learned for that, but I will be blind again.
I was in a relationship with a girl in Nha Trang, I went there and had wonderful time. I was really in love and blind/not blind. I mean I was thinking I could change her. She played with me but was very good at that. She didn't involved her friends and family.
She was not bad with me, she was really sweet, caring, loving and I really had great moment. I went into her family, met her mother, her daughter. Then I went a second time and lived at her home with her and her mother, daughter. It was a nice moment too. I participated to her family life. then she cheated and played with me... But I was the only one to have met her real friends and family. I forgave her some times, but finally ended up the relation.
Of course she was asking money to have a better life. Somehow it was part of the deal you accept or not... I bought a network around her and could cross check information. I didn't asked for it, I let it come back. When people are lying, there is always a time where information will come to you while talking with their friends,... And I am gifted at use vn with help of translation...
I know how much she pays for the home, I know how are the bills,... so I know when she asks for money how much everything is.. Of course she asks more to buy her clothes,... What I didn't want was that she played with foreigners... I know those going to club (yes guys sailing club is really bad place, full of taxi girls and full of stupid foreigners looking for a good (Moderated: Inappropriate posting) and ready to lie about everything... Don't forget, if we get screwed, others screw nice girls too. That is a just return of things...
Anyway at a certain time and after I heard the visa was refused, I broke up with her and she was very shocked... I was the first to do that and dump her. I was really harsh with her, I wanted to shake her so that she thinks about all this... I made publicity among her friends, those not knowing she was playing around. They thought I was crazy, but I didn't care, I wanted they see her like she was and they talk to her and made her see things...
I am not blind or stupid, I chose to not see things by calculation. When you love someone, you are willing to accepts things thinking this can change in the future.
Then I was with one of her friends... Bad idea for me, she was asking more and was always nearly dying (I heard that so much from my vn friends that now I begin to understand that they die everyday, but are still there the next morning... :p ). Finally another one opened my eyes about everything... The funny about that is that person told me about the trick, but she does the same with a very rich guy, but in her case, that rich guy is a liar and has other girls, so they are in a kind of agreement... She has good time with him, good money and the guy has same in return... I know some people will go mad hearing that... It is just living. A choice, they are adult. As long as they are good with that, that is their problem...
I never lost contact with my ex and after talks, and her some desillusions, I came back to see her. I was planning to see the other one and finally saw that my ex had really changed. She made me love her family, daughter,... not only her and I was still in love. But this time cheating is done and she is totally different. So now we are back together and planning the future. This is not easy because my fucking country (Belgium) doesn't want poor people so they kick every visa asked even tourism and even if I cover everything... Anyway, she chose me and me her... I also discussed a lot with her friends, they saw me and they also said to her that I was a good guy, they also came into play...
All this is not a matter of being smart, stupid,... this is on another level. And yes there are a lot of true people,... but you know it is not like a dog market, you just don't chose a woman like a pet and say, bah if she is bad, I will return her to the store and take another one... Maybe you are still thinking that you can love anyone and have a good life with a lot of people. That is partly true, but you have some relations, connections, feelings that are unique. Those make the relation different. Because in all other relations, you make a lot of concession to live together. The perfect love couple, you make no concessions. Everything is natural, even the defect of your partner are not defect for you, but things you like... That only exist with one person, your true twin soul...
At one point, you decide to commit yourself into a relation. Once you do that you are taking risks...
You know, I was married 14 years with a woman that left me for another one. This happens everywhere with every one...
So I know that maybe I will be duped again. I will see. Anyway, I have really good time with her, and I see her every day on camera, on phone,... difficult for her to have a second life...
And if in the end, I get screwed, then it will be the price of my experience and evolution. I look large. Ok I will have lost money, time,... but anyway, I am not available for other one. I could not give myself now...
I am older than her. I was young and when I was young I did stupid things. I understand that people make mistakes and learn from that. I also understand that people are struggling to live and so do what they can to survive. I can accept my gf was not honest in the past as long as she changes in the present and future. Every one evolves and make choice. You need to give them a change to do things right.
Now, some will say I am crazy. Maybe, but I know what I have not what I can have. It is all matter to accept and put limits. I put limits now... I am not stupid, I am very smart it is why I accept others flaw and believe in people. These are my choices. Karma always come on table...
I can accept that a girl/man cheat, that is part of life, but what I find really nasty is all those people living with people doing that and closing the eyes on that.. That is very nasty. When you accept that from your so called friends, you also are part of the scam. So don't blame the other to be stupid, you also are stupid accepting that from your friend...
I really cannot accept all those foreigners coming to find a girl to (Moderated: Inappropriate posting) and promising the heaven. They are bastards and because of them we (good guys) have difficulties because we are seen like them.
So women, if you don't want to be taken like a low cheating girl, don't let them scam people so nobody will see you like them... If I can kick the ass of a jerk foreigner, I do it with pleasure.
Anyway, I love vietnam, people, food, tradition,... and I will live with a vn woman in the end. I hope this time will be the good one, if not, I will find another one that deserves my care and love... I must say, vn women are special and I cannot think about someone else in my life...
Have all a nice day/night... ^^

Hi Belsteak ... I agreed in what you had written... Real love can accept all the nasty thing she had done ... Yet we still love her ... I hope the lady you love will change to be a good wife to you ... I do wish my lady will change too ...  Just hoping that day will come but I will respect her decision ...my life still need to move on ... Only she can know my love to her is alway in my heart ... Thanks Bro to share your view ...

cronolegs wrote:

^^
Get information on prices from external sources and make sure she isn't taking commission on sales that she is making you buy.
My girlfriend does that for me alot. She goes back to the shop to take her "commission" then gives me the money straight back. It is a successful way to go shopping as a foreigner and get the right prices!

P,S for any guys questioning their own relationships. Your girl should be giving you money back when you go shopping in markets and things.
It is normal Vietnamese procedure for sellers to arrange commission with the accompanying girl to the foreigner.
A nice easy way to see the status of your relationship! MONEY OR LOVE

What the heo are you talking about dude? Why wouldn't she just make sure the merchant is charging a fair price to begin with and walk away if they are not?

Ah what the hell I'm going to give this a try. I'll send the gf back to the market and she'll be all: "hey you remember that fish we bought the other day? I believe you owe me some money...". Lmao.

The way I do it is A: Go to shops where the prices are clearly labelled then try to get a bit off. Doesn't work in the big chain type stores. B: See something I want then tell the girlfriend where I saw it and how much they wanted to charge me then let her go into the shop and buy it at almost half the price I was quoted. The Vietnamese like a good haggle and they won't let you go until they've offered their lowest possible price.

Was she from Hanoi ?

I believe that the story is true. So so sorry for that Vietnamese girl's behaviors.
I read most post replies, I would recommend that forgein men can easily realize "a bad girl" when she always mentions about finance.

However, I feel sad when someone said that all the less developed-countries' girls like that. Please respect us, any countries have a specific problems, but still have nice ppl who stay for hungry of true love and happy families!

Wow amazing read....it's like those Nigerian Prince scams you hear about and wonder how people fall for them, but then those scams only work because of people like the OP.

After several years in Vietnam I have been asked for money numerous times by GF’s and it usually means an end to the relationship, as I never give anything and all of a sudden she is too busy and we can’t meet anymore. Why waste time on a guy that won’t pay up when there are plenty of suckers that will!

I was seeing one girl a few years back and she took me and a few others out for dinner, when it came time for the bill she handed over a Visa card from a US bank in her name and shouted us all dinner. As it happens the card was provided to her by her other "boyfriend" who lived in the US and was happily funding her lifestyle here!

i'm sorry for you. 100% she love your money only, not you. Why dont you see this in her action?