My experience being married to a Vietnamese woman

the real lover will never asked for anything,just you is enough

not suprised at all, shit like that happens to foreigners all the time. its sad but true. i actually read the whole story and very disappointed on how generous you are. well if you're into vietnamese women, there are MANY of them. I've met quite a few really nice ones here in hcmc. some of them would always want to pay when we go out ( even though i never let them ) well good luck in life

???

cucda wrote:

Well, forgive me if i am wrong. Is it a true story or you just made it up in your boredom? (Well i know some people would do that) or are you very ugly? Or a disadvantages person? Otherwise yeah you might have a big heart (nice words) but have quite little brain.

I am sorry but i couldn't believe this. I guess now you have been telling yourself that you were stupid but please allow me to say it again, you're so silly.

Note to someone who said "most of vietnamese girls are like this": well how many vietnamese girls have you knew? As most of vietnamese girls that i know don't really care whether to date/marry a foreigner or vietnamese guy, they live a normal life, have a job, meet some nice guys (not stupid) ....

Again sorry to the OP.
A vietnamese girl

Great answer! It's been a while I didn't hear something that smart! Yes most of Vietnamese girls don't wish to marry a foreigner to get rich easily, no, they do their normal life, get married to the one they love, a Vietnamese guy of their age, and they are perfectly normal and honest, like all the other girls in the world. And I think the same way, I am not here to marry a woman half my age thinking that I will get all I want from her because she's so poor. But I may be a minority, I mean a minority over here as an expat. It's good from you to remind that to too many expat who are here to buy an easy wedding, and complain later that they get rob! Come on! Yes I do like Vietnamese woman and I hope one day I find true love, but it's far more difficult and it's ok this way, good things never come easily.

Thanks for your post.

I hope that the more Vietnamese women you meet, the more you understand us- Vietnamese girls.Thanks

Vietnamese Women Rule!!!

Rule?

so, there're anytime u think: u love herself or u love her beauty?

that's law on the world: pretty woman only love rich man.

why she only love ur money, dont love u? bc u only love her beauty, dont love her, that's fair, dont complain more.

Are u ready to sex and marry with a ugly woman but there're a beauty soul?

hanviet87 wrote:

so, there're anytime u think: u love herself or u love her beauty?

that's law on the world: pretty woman only love rich man.

why she only love ur money, dont love u? bc u only love her beauty, dont love her, that's fair, dont complain more.

Are u ready to sex and marry with a ugly woman but there're a beauty soul?

You have a point there, love for beauty only versus love for money only. That may seems fair, if it's understood by both parties, however, it look more like prostitution than marriage, don't you think?

I think that this kind of arrangement can only fail and end up in divorce. And who's gonna risk to loose a lot? the one who pays of course, because the other one have nothing to loose.

I wouldn't have a problem to marry a poor woman and provide for her, but not if it's the only thing she wants. It's better to be alone than be badly match.

You can test your girlfriend very easily, after a few weeks, ask her for a little help, create a fake problem and see if she's gonna help you or drop you, then you'll have a better idea of her devotion to you. 

if look by another way, yes, that's prostitution or a game.

So, instead complain about that, he should accept law of game. If he want a true love, he should give a true love, make her heart belive that: she's the most important thing in his life.

Anyway, a pretty - smart woman never love a man who only give money to her . Even, if she has money, she never give a chance to that man can touch her.

It's better to be alone than be badly match.
It's a good points of view. and it's what I have chosen.

Thien Ngan wrote:

It's better to be alone than be badly match.
It's a good points of view. and it's what I have chosen.

Me too I have chosen to stay alone until now, but loneliness is harsh and cold, specially when you are alone in a foreign country, that can push some to make bad choices or go too fast in a relation, I guess.

Exactly Wizzkiss.
Sometimes is good and other is difficult.
In Vietnam, some of girls accompany you to get ur money, some of them accompany you to work, expand experience...
To get a good girl is not difficult, just difference about culture, language....
Good luck to you.

My lesson: 1st time in VN 2002. Met a girl; met her family (including 'brother'); had a good week ... went home kept in touch. Sent a few small gifts (did enroll her in English school, but paid the school directly) ... sent a package. Then didn't hear from her for a bit ... sent 2 friends (have many Vietnamese friends in USA with family in VN) to her house to be sure she is ok .. mom and aunt say 'she not here .. go away' ... they went back later saw her young brother who told them "she not live here, she lives with her husband" and gave the address ... friends went to her real house/shop, she was working there, asked to help them, when they say 'we are friends of John' she turned white and rushed them out .. 'older brother' was husband and they had a 2 year old ... and she had asked me to marry her ... obviously that was the end .. she actually still tried to tell me she 'loved' me and would divorce him for me ... I wished her well, told her to care for her husband and son and hope she has a decent life ...

up to know do you still keep contact with her ? so sad to know that. and you had bad impression of Vietnamese girls. but at the present, after a long time here, do you still keep that thinking?

Thien Ngan wrote:

up to know do you still keep contact with her ? so sad to know that. and you had bad impression of Vietnamese girls. but at the present, after a long time here, do you still keep that thinking?

Was not sure if this was for me or the original post ... anyway, no I never kept contact since she is married (albiet to a guy who was willing to pimp her out).

No bad impression of Vietnamese girls ... in fact I married a girl in 2005; although we did divorce in 2012, she is still a wonderful young lady, a great mother to our daughter and I still consider her a friend. I am moving to Vietnam with our daughter in July and she is helping me with all the papers I need to do that ... so no, no bad feelings towards Vietnamese.

wizzkiss wrote:

You can test your girlfriend very easily, after a few weeks, ask her for a little help, create a fake problem and see if she's gonna help you or drop you, then you'll have a better idea of her devotion to you. 

Actually, I think the best way to test a Vietnamese woman is when the topic of living together/marriage comes up, you should ask her if living in Vietnam is a possibility.  If she's absolutely devoted to living in your country, and doesn't want to go anywhere but there, that's a big red flag, because how can someone decide to want to live in a foreign land so badly when they've never even been there?.  And I agree, any time during the relationship if she asks for money, that's a big red flag also.

I think for expats who wish to marry a Vietnamese, its very important to visit her family, get a feel for them and see how your relationship is with them.  If she has her entire family living in your country, that could be a red flag because that's called a "pull factor" and it could mean she just wants to reunite with her family using you, but you should trust your gut on that.

When you do find that wonderful Vietnamese girl and marry her, it's wonderful.  I'm half Vietnamese, but I can't even begin to tell you how fulfilling it is to marry a Vietnamese.

Thien Ngan wrote:

Rule?

It means that Vietnamese women are #1 in my opinion.

after all,I 'm happy knowing that you still appreciate your Vietnamese wife after divorcing. I'm too young to understand why your wife and you still keep your friendship because it's not easy for Vietnamese husbands  to keep contact with their wives  . but personally, I hope Vietnamese men can behave well to their wives like the way you have acted.

I love my wife

Man and woman and love is the same everywhere in our world,  just different of the people play their own actions.

Not only Vietnamese girls but also any one on the earth.
Just follow a smart way.

Yeah, surely that's a 'smart' way 

Sarah Thuy wrote:

Just follow a smart way.

This happens to thousands of men every year in Viet Nam, and no matter how many it happens, there will be thousands more who will fall for it the next year. It's usually naïve men with no experience dealing with the opposite sex. They are so excited to get the attention from a pretty girl they'll do whatever the girl wants. Even if you tell them what's going on, they won't believe you. They just want it to be true so much they pay no attention to common sense. To be fair I've also seen a lot of VK on their first visit back fall for this too.

For the record, 90% of good girls will not get "serious" without months of convincing them you are wanting a serious relationship.

Adhome01 wrote:

For the record, 90% of good girls will not get "serious" without months of convincing them you are wanting a serious relationship.

Tell us more. *munches popcorn*

I'm just saying a good girl isn't going to commit herself until she knows there is a future. After 15 years and two wives (one VK and one a national) I have no trouble telling a good girl for a bad one (BTW both of my wives are good). My advice to anyone wanting a serious relationship is to have a trusted Viet introduce you so some.

I think this story is just trying to push down Vietnamese woman value, it is unbelievable story There are good and bad people every where but i dont think you dont have brain. Foreigners, there are many bad man who just want to come here for sex tour and some men transferred sick for  the woman and then run away. So do not only judge Vietnamese women, dont think that VN woman only like money. Love by heart but also use your brain on it, so if you were cheated truly, i think that is your problem, not her problem because you did not have a good brain, sorry to tell that.

Read more on this page and see:
http://thanhniennews.com/commentaries/e … 24817.html

hanviet87 wrote:

so, there're anytime u think: u love herself or u love her beauty?

that's law on the world: pretty woman only love rich man.

why she only love ur money, dont love u? bc u only love her beauty, dont love her, that's fair, dont complain more.

Are u ready to sex and marry with a ugly woman but there're a beauty soul?

I agree . A man must ask this question from himself and then start blaming girls for other things . Most of us are greedy and selfish inside  , whether it's loving a beautiful girl or a rich handsome man .

ameet4luan wrote:

I agree . A man must ask this question from himself and then start blaming girls for other things . Most of us are greedy and selfish inside  , whether it's loving a beautiful girl or a rich handsome man .

That's not being selfish, it's biology.  Women are programmed to seek men with status and access to resources, as that can help ensure their DNA gets passed along and survives until the age of reproduction.  Conversely, men are programmed to seek "beauty" which happens to coincide with the probability that their DNA will flourish by producing offspring in a virile/healthy woman.  Studies have shown that the odds that a woman becomes pregnant is proportional to the waist-to-hip ratio that men find most attractive.  In other words, men are programmed to be attracted to "sexy" women because those women are more likely to become pregnant and give birth to their offspring.  And women are attracted to men who can provide for them and protect them and their offspring.  It's a symbiotic relationship that ensures both parties' DNA survives.  Anybody interested in the opposite sex, thinking they're above these basic reproductive instincts should get a grip on reality.

Hi

I am really sad about that.
Although, I would react the same as you did if I were you but not to that extent. I would probably terminate it half the way.
Lovers are usually more tolerant because they use their emotions not brain when it comes to thinking.

Thanks for sharing your experience. What stroked me is how you start your story and how early the twist occurs:

I met her mid may, we seemed to hit it off. [...] Before I left I agreed to send her some money. Even though we had only known each other for a few days [...]

Question is how could you (as many others) agree to send money though you met for few days? Without being even involved (with or without sexual intercourses)? Because she was sweet and fun?  Because she sent messages like 'I love you', 'I miss you' etc.?

I won't blame anyone for being fools or stupid. IMHO things are a little more tricky. I suspect some people being confused about their feelings. They mix love sympathy compassion charity etc. In Western countries, some are educated so as to help others even if this will come at the expense of our own interests, time, finances... Others may feel they are committed, needed, irreplaceable.

And those features seem to be known and exploited by some unscrupulous girls.

That is my two ¢
P.

Take care of your words when you say about VietNam girls. Your words r not kind. When people read  those words. They will think that you are not a nice person not VietNam girls.

roseeden wrote:

Take care of your words when you say about VietNam girls. Your words r not kind. When people read  those words. They will think that you are not a nice person not VietNam girls.

I was only referring to

some unscrupulous girls

... the rest of my post was pointing at some of my dear fellow westerncountries men, including myself.

Sorry if my post suggested otherwise.

I was not talking about you.
It was about this Crazy guy 

crazybitch wrote:

hahahahha, I think she thinks ur a dog... thats why she barks at you...
joking aside.Never Marry a vietnamese girl,most of them are like this,, they just want iphone,go clubbing and shit like that..
BUt i find thaigirls from bangkok,"not the thai girls that old europeen men bring back""the dark skin middleage one"
Go to bangkok u find nicer women there....

Take care of your words when you say about VietNam girls. Your words r not kind. When people read  those words. They will think that you are not a nice person not VietNam girls.

let i guess!!
are you see her in a bar?? i sure maybe 80% man will have same problem like you.
i hope 1 day you will meet good women. who will love, respect, take care for you even when you poor or you rick.
and i hope any friend foreign who have same problem like you, please do not think any vietnam women like that.
please go around viet nam you will see many women work very hard take care  for they family, they husband, they children even they husband gambling, drunk, or had relation with another women.

i think you should believe that. i have a friend had same problem maybe worse more than his story. and i know many story same
my friend come from Australia. he 68 years old. he met 1 girl from bar then became his girl friend. they live together in 1 nice apartment. he said she alibaba him money( about 1000)
after that he met another women have more many experience. after 1 week he buy her house. when he go back to Australia he find out he have no money left. then he know she not buy only 1 house!!! and when he stay in the house she said to him police donot want he stay in that house. he have to go back his country no money,sleep in small car eat my husband food, drink my husband beer NOT PAID and still working earn money sent for her. She live like a queen no work ( even home work she rent some body do home work for her)
many Vietnamese tell me that women use tradition medicine make the man follow what they said and what they want.
i know any body have to eat. but any women choose that way for earn money please rethink,  do not sale your honor and do not sell Vietnam women honor. I m really very sad and have many argue with many man be deceived by Vietnam women. they said vietnam women very bad
a Vietnam women

People treat you the way you let them and you brought this all upon yourself. I couldn't bear to read all of your sob story as the gist of it was painfully clear, even to yourself, after just a few lines. You then ended your story by saying something like the warning sign is if she starts asking for money and gifts straight away. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking? Where are your balls? Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes and take a good look at yourself. Good luck.

Hi all,

Ok i think everything has been said here.
We close the topic.

Regards
Armand
Expat.com Team